Think you have better things to do than watch 12 varyingly famous jesters expose themselves in a gold-leafed torture facility near Borehamwood? Fair enough. Celebrity Big Brother isn't for everyone. And yet, thanks to a cleverly cast lineup, including columnist Liz Jones, boyband star Lee Ryan and comedian Jim Davidson, Channel 5's flagship show has thrown up more bizarre moments and talking points in three days than most soaps manage in a month. Already, the blinging bungalow throbs with uncomfortable controversy and mild peril. Here are the weirdest moments so far:
Hollywood starlet/waitress/alleged serial dater of celebrities Jasmine Waltz made her presence felt on the first night as she absorbed every alcoholic drink in the place and proceeded to loudly discuss "finger banging" in front of beloved ageing baton-twirler Lionel Blair. He was saddened, sickened and took himself off to have a think. She is the kind of contestant who shouts the loudest and says the least and who will soon become easy to ignore.
Boxing legend Evander Holyfield (who most housemates greeted with: "Didn't Mike Tyson bite your ear off?") was a much-needed still point in the opening episode, while everyone else was hand-flapping and trying to make an impression. Then he told a fellow housemate that homosexuals can be "fixed" because they're "not normal" and a nation recoiled in horror. Ofcom have received complaints.
The initially fun Dappy from N-Dubz (he did a zinging stint on Buzzcocks) has been quickly reduced to a priapic muppet by the presence of beautiful, drunk young women all over the shop. He is feebly led around the house by his member, ever urging him towards the nearest ovary. The fun really stopped when he homed in on a legless Jasmine and fired lewd questions at her while narrowing his eyes in a way he imagines is irresistible. Let's hope he calms down soon.
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