We were patching things up – then my husband’s lover announced she was pregnant
DEAR DEIDRE: I DIDN'T think things could get worse when I found out my husband was cheating on me, but then his lover announced she was pregnant with his child.
Now the life we built together is in ruins and I have no clue where to go from here.
I’m 42, my husband is 46 and we’ve been married for 15 years. We have a seven-year-old daughter and a twelve-year-old son together.
Throughout our marriage, he’d never given me a reason not to trust him. So, when he started working late and going on more frequent business trips, I didn’t bat an eyelid.
Then one day I received a phone call from one of my best friends after she’d seen him in a pub with another woman.
I didn’t want to believe it but when I confronted him about it he went silent. I knew instantly from the look in his eyes that it was true.
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Eventually, he admitted that he had fallen for a new woman at the office and things had spiralled out of control.
After hours of begging for my forgiveness, I decided to give him a second chance.
We spent months working on our relationship and were finally getting back on track, until one day we got a knock on the door.
It was her, and she was visibly pregnant. My heart sank because I knew exactly what this meant.
Now I don’t know what to do. I love my husband dearly, but the idea of him having a child with this woman is tearing me apart.
I feel so lost.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband has hurt and betrayed you, and now his actions will alter your life forever.
Working through your new reality will take careful consideration.
You and your husband need to have an open and honest conversation to work through your issues.
Together you were repairing your relationship and addressing what was missing between you.
Now you need to decide whether you can continue to overcome this news or decide this negates all of that progress.
Does he want to be involved in the child’s life and can you accept it if he does? Could you welcome an innocent child’s involvement in your family?
These are huge thorny issues that you would find helpful to work through with a relationship counsellor.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960).
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, will help you way up your decision.