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SO, we’re off! The Prime Minister has called a General Election which he thinks he can win.
For the next six weeks, incredibly annoying men in ties will be haranguing you about stuff.
Not to mention the boring women.
Your front door mat will play host to a whole almanac of lies and bs from the competing parties.
And every night, balding polling experts who don’t get out much will be telling you about the likelihood that Labour will take Whippetstrangler Central from the Tories on a 4.5 per cent swing.
Yay, bring it on. Can’t wait.
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It must have seemed a no-brainer to Rishi Sunak.
The Tories traditionally do well in summer elections.
And pulled off a shock win in 1970.
The inflation rate is dropping sharply, incomes are rising and mortgage interest rates look far more amenable than they did a year ago.
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People are beginning to feel the benefits, perhaps.
Immigration has reduced a little, too.
And Sunak can proclaim, with some justification, that the Rwanda policy really does seem to work as a deterrent.
Add into the mix a Labour Party at war with itself over Gaza, and with a deputy leader who is still under criminal investigation.
Plus the possibility that England might still win the Euros (yes, yes, ha-ha-ha) giving us all a feelgood factor.
And the students will be on their holidays, irritating the locals from Vietnam to Ecuador — well you can understand why he’s done it.
But Rishi is still 20 points behind in the polls, even if they are narrowing a little.
Most of the experts predict a Labour landslide of 200 or so seats.
And while Sir Keir Starmer has done a good job making Labour electable, most of that is down to the arrogance and incompetence of the Tories.
Wide berth
Not just that, but also their failure to control immigration.
And their stunning uselessness on the culture wars.
It was under the Tories, remember, that we allowed kids to be the subject of dangerous medical experiments at the Tavistock gender clinic.
But what of Labour? The problem with Sir Keir is that you can’t believe a thing the bloke says.
One minute he is in favour of nationalising our railways (the right policy, I think).
The next, he’s against.
Then suddenly he is for it.
He has changed his position on almost every possible issue.
Sometimes within the course of a single day.
And I’m still not sure he knows what a woman is.
This is the problem with our system.
We are left with a choice between two parties who the average voter doesn’t really like.
There are other parties out there — Reform, the Greens, my lot the Social Democrats — but it is almost impossible to break through in a first-past-the-post system.
I wouldn’t be so arrogant as to tell you how to vote.
That’s your call.
Although I’d be tempted to suggest you give the major parties a wide berth.
What I think WILL happen is people will vote for “change”.
And then, two years into a Labour government, with David Lammy as foreign secretary, they will wake up one morning thinking: “God help us.
Why did I do that?”
And I have the feeling Rishi Sunak will be saying exactly the same thing on July 5.
Why is Rishi Sunak calling a general election now?
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By Kate Ferguson, Sun on Sunday Political Editor
So, why has the PM suddenly decided to roll the dice and call a summer election?
The first thing to point out is that No10 was not united on the decision.
One camp, led by the Tory Party’s chief strategist Isaac Levido, had urged the PM to “go long” and wait until October or November to hold an election.
This would give them more time to show the economy is improving and let the Bank of England cut interest rates, they argued.
This in turn would let banks cut mortgage rates, which are currently crippling family budgets.
Only then would people start to feel financially better off.
But another team, led by the PM’s Political Secretary James Forsyth, have been pushing for a summer election.
Now, it is important to note that James is Rishi’s best mate.
They have known each other since school, are godparents to each other's kids, and Rishi was best man at James’ wedding.
They are more than just political colleagues. They are besties.
Anyway, James’ camp reckons Rishi can now finally show he is achieving all five of the priorities he set out when he became PM.
These are - halve inflation, get the economy growing, get debt falling, cut NHS waiting lists and pass new laws to stop the boats.
On the economy, the PM will point out that growth is up, wages are rising and inflation is down to 2.3 per cent - almost bang on target.
NHS waiting lists also dropped for the fourth month in a row, according to official figures out last month.
And on stopping the boats, the PM has managed to pass laws enacting his flagship Rwanda deportation plan.
The thinking is - strike while the iron is hot and you can put five big ticks by your promises.
But there is also grim news for No10 that has nudged them into calling a summer election.
Their flagship Rwanda Bill has passed parliament and is now law. But hopes they will get a flight off the ground this year are fading fast.
Northern Ireland's HIgh Court ruled that the plan breached human rights laws and therefore should not apply in NI.
This paved the way for English laws to also reject it.
Meanwhile, small boat crossings are going up again.
A whole summer of damaging headlines showing boats on the shores of Dover will only feed a sense that No10 does not have a grip.
Rishi is famously straight laced.
He doesn't drink, he has never taken drugs, and he is not a gambler.
But he has staked it all on a July 4 election.
Will he come up trumps? Or will he lose it all?
The key issues set to define the general election
By Jack Elsom, Chief Political Correspondent
Economy
Both Tories and Labour will want to stake a claim as the party of economic stability and prosperity.
Previous elections show that voters tend to reward the incumbent government if they feel better off - and punish them if they do not.
Sunak - an unashamed numbers bod - is most comfortable when defending his economic record and has a flurry of recent victories to sell.
Inflation has been sharply reduced to within touching distance of the 2 per cent target, Britain has exited recession, and the IMF has projected strong growth.
He will also point to a recent spate of tax cuts - and almost certainly promise some more if he were to win.
Labour will aim to trash that record and ask voters whether they really feel better than they did 14 years ago when the Tories first got to power.
Expect Starmer and his shadow chancellor Rachel Reeves to remind the public of Liz Truss’ disastrous mini-Budget.
But having backed most of the government’s future tax and spend plans, their challenge will be to prove they would do things any differently.
Immigration
Tackling immigration is shaping up to be the central election dividing line between the Tories and Labour.
Sunak has staked his political life on getting flights off to Rwanda, while Starmer has vowed to axe them altogether.
Were the PM to get a plane to Kigali before polling day, the pressure would be on Labour to justify scrapping a visible possible deterrent.
Labour has struggled to explain its policy to curb Channel crossings in a way that cuts through clearly with voters.
The Tories have dismissed their “Small Boats Command” as a rip-off of an existing anti-gangs taskforce.
But the numbers are currently not in Sunak’s favour, with illegal migration running at a higher rate than any year on record.
And legal migration is still stubbornly high and miles off Boris Johnson’s 2019 pledge of 250,000.
Crime
In recent months both Sunak and Starmer have made big pitches as being tough on law and order.
Realising voters are fed up with crime going unanswered and unsolved, expect them to talk in the strongest terms about cracking down on theft, shoplifting and antisocial behaviour.
Crime has traditionally been comfortable Tory territory and Sunak will likely make pledges about giving police more powers to blitz yobs.
But Starmer has spied an opportunity to park Labour tanks on his lawn and has been hamming up his previous career as a top prosecutor.
War
The world is becoming more dangerous and the public is looking at Sunak and Starmer to keep them safe.
Sunak will point to his recent pledge to ramp up defence spending to 2.5 per cent of GDP by 2030 - and seize on Starmer’s refusal to match that.
Labour has outlined an “ambition” to hit that target but is yet to spell out a pathway to fund it, accusing ministers of cooking the books.
And expect Tory MPs to dredge up Starmer’s years-long support for Jeremy Corbyn.
Middle East
A knock-on effect of global unrest is the domestic reaction to the war in Gaza, which has the possibility to seriously hurt Labour.
Many of the party’s once-solid Muslim support base are furious with Starmer’s support for Israel, and previous suggestion it had a right to cut the water and electricity supply.
The conflict cost Labour in several councils at this month’s local elections at the expense of pro-Gaza Green and independent candidates.
As the campaign develops and the Gaza bombardment continues, Starmer will be forced to walk a tightrope over placating his Muslim supporters without being too hard on Israel.
NHS
Cutting NHS waiting lists is the single pledge Sunak has openly admitted he is failing to hit.
He has blamed the lack of progress on endless strikes, but now rarely talks about it as an issue compared to the economy and immigration.
Labour on the other hand see it as home turf and will be hammering the government’s handling of the health service.
Polls consistently put the NHS as one of the public’s top priorities and Starmer will look to weaponise the groaning backlog.
But he will be forced to defend the Welsh Labour administration’s record which is arguably worse than the Tories’.
Stability or change?
Do voters want to stick with what they know, or is there an appetite for change?
The question cuts to the heart of the election, with both leaders sensing mileage in the other.
After being dealt a bad hand, Sunak has insisted he has turned things around and put the country on course for a “brighter future”.
He says Starmer would “take us back to square one.”
For his part, Starmer insists that “stability is change” and a switching of the guard is desperately needed.
Time will tell which way the voters fall.
Spare me all the lardy-dah, tell fat from fiction
THE worldwide rate of obesity has doubled in the past 20 years.
That’s according to a new report in medical journal The Lancet.
It’s something which affects only the more well-off countries, of course.
In Africa, they’re still starving.
An awful lot of the problems which bother us are the result of affluence.
Such as our mental health crisis, as it is called.
Anyway, loads of us are lard buckets.
I wonder if we help the problem by telling people it’s not their fault when they are fat?
That it’s an illness?
Rather than just telling them to stop eating so much crap?
It's one rule for City...
CONGRATULATIONS to Manchester City for winning the Premier League title again.
Well done.
Now shove them in the National League for a few seasons, since the club is facing 115 charges of breaking the fair-play rules.
Some of the charges go back 15 years.
Other clubs get clobbered, take a points deduction and carry on with life.
This charade with City – they deny all the charges against them – has been going on for far too long.
The Premier League needs to show it has the muscle to back up the threats.
And to demonstrate to the likes of Everton and Nottingham Forest – who have had points deducted – that the rules apply even to the champions.
Woke lawyers try snare Ben
THE International Criminal Court has issued an arrest warrant for Israel’s leader, Benjamin Netanyahu.
This convocation of leftie lawyers sees an equivalence between the terrorist murderers of Hamas and democratically elected politicians of Israel.
All their actions have done is to convince the US and UK – that the ICC is an organisation which is of no importance or credibility whatsoever.
And if anything, strengthened the West’s support for Israel.
Sodden misery
EVER thought of moving to the far north of England?
OK, here’s what it’s like.
May 19. The sun is out.
There are swallows flying around.
The temperature has crept above 15 centigrade.
We turn the heating off after eight months – summer’s here!
We buy a box of Nuii ice-cream sticks.
May 22. Freezing cold.
Torrential rain.
The swallows have naffed off.
That was our summer. It’s over.
Central heating back on.
Nobody has eaten the ice cream.
Job ad class idiocy
FANCY a job running a theatre?
The post of Director of Camden People’s Theatre is up for grabs.
And it would help if you were a criminal.
Yes, the people who run the place say they are looking for someone with no formal qualifications and from the “working-class, benefit class, criminal class and/or underclass”.
They also would quite like it if you were neurodiverse.
Which is the new word for not being quite right in the head.
Stupid, patronising, middle-class, metro-politan hipster t***ers, lumping criminal and underclass in with “working class”.
They’ve probably never met people from any of those groups.
I hope a proper crim turns up and robs them blind – money from the safe, lead off the roof, ties them all up by their bloody man-buns.
Plane crazy
I HAVE to say, I’m fairly glad I wasn’t on that Singapore Airlines flight.
I’d have been howling like a demented banshee.
They always tell you turbulence isn’t very dangerous, but I don’t think any of us actually believe them.
And however bad the weather outside, did the plane really need to drop 7,000ft so rapidly?
And there will be quite a few more questions for the world’s best-rated airline to answer.
Beeb is friend to foe
MUST admit, I haven’t lost a lot of sleep over the death of Iranian president Ebrahim Raisi.
Nor have the Iranians, by the look of things.
The man was a vicious thug and a despot.
He presided over one of the two most wicked regimes in the world today.
How, though, did the BBC rate him? They said he left behind a “mixed legacy”.
What, like Chairman Mao? Millions dead but did a good job saving pandas?
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Or Hitler? Bloody good road network, shame about the Holocaust etc?
The BBC exists in a place beyond satire.