This story mentions domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), visiting www.thehotline.org or texting LOVEIS to 22522. The No More Global Directory also offers additional resources.
This story mentions sexual violence. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
When Athena Raymond went to see “It Ends with Us,” she knew she’d witness some “dark scenes,” she says. She read the Colleen Hoover book, and as a domestic violence survivor, she felt the novel showed an accurate and unvarnished side of abuse and hoped the film would do the same. Raymond believes it did in some ways, but some aspects of the movie and its marketing seemed a little off to her, she tells TODAY.com.
“I was definitely shocked that at the very minimum (there wasn’t) some sort of (trigger) warning,” the 23-year-old from New Jersey explains. “The way the movie is marketed is so not (showing it) in an abusive, violent light.”
Some assets for the film, especially the first and second trailers, prominently display domestic violence imagery, but some survivors have shared that other promotional content they saw online seemed to paint the film in a lighthearted way.
Raymond is one of dozens of self-described survivors of domestic violence sharing their experiences and reactions to “It Ends with Us” on social media. Some of their other criticisms include a lack of trigger warning and failure to prominently share resources for survivors.
Sony Pictures Entertainment, the film’s distributor, declined to comment to TODAY.com on criticisms of how the film was marketed and the lack of content warning, referring TODAY.com to No More, a domestic violence prevention organization involved in making the film.
No More offered guidance on portraying domestic violence and compiled online resources for survivors tied to the film. However, the resources did not appear on the screen before showings of the movie nor immediately after it ended. (They appear later in the credits, but Sony did not confirm when.) A spokesperson for No More declined to comment on the lack of content warning and said the group was not involved in marketing the film.
“If I had not read the book and I walked into that theater, I would have probably had to leave nauseous,” Raymond says. “It shocked me beyond belief because it’s a rough watch.”
No content warning
The movie follows Lily Bloom, played by Blake Lively, and her relationship with Ryle, played by Justin Baldoni, who also directed. As a child, Lily witnessed her father abusing her mother and eventually realizes she, too, is in an abusive relationship with Ryle.
Some survivors of domestic violence feel that Hoover’s novel captured the reality they faced.
“I’ve never read a more accurate story about domestic violence,” Mikayla Zazon, 28, of Columbus, Ohio, who shared her reaction to the movie on TikTok, tells TODAY.com. “After reading it, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, so what I went through really does make sense.’”
Reading about the gaslighting and manipulation that Lily experienced helped Zazon realize that other people experience the same self-doubt that she did — though, it was a tough read.
“It was resurfacing memories that caused a lot of nightmares after I finished the book,” she says. “I’ve been out of this abusive relationship for years and years now, and I feel like every day I discover something new about myself. It’s not like you’re broken up, and you never deal with it again. It’s a forever thing.”
Still, she thought she would appreciate the movie and went on opening night to see it. As a content creator, she often addresses domestic violence in her TikToks and thought she would do so after seeing the movie.
“I was really disappointed when there wasn’t any disclaimer at all,” she says. She adds that she was upset that she didn't see any resources for domestic violence survivors before or immediately after the movie ended.
Text that reads, "If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Visit www.nomore.org for more information and support," appears in the credits of the film, but not immediately after the movie ends.
Zazon, who entered her abusive relationship as a teen, says she believes younger people could really benefit from knowing there’s help available.
“There weren’t any resources for girls my age who were possibly in a relationship like me,” Zazon says. “They didn’t get the affirmation that it is OK to leave. It is OK to reach out for help or tell someone the situation you’re going through.”
Is it a rom-com?
Raymond felt confused by the marketing of the movie because, even though she'd read the book, she still thought it seemed to frame the story as a romantic comedy.
“You go see this movie and, in Blake’s words, you 'grab your florals, grab your friends,'” she says. “So that’s exactly what you do, and you watch a 10-minute rape scene with no warning.”
Jjanja Weir, a domestic violence survivor, was not familiar with “It Ends With Us,” when she started seeing promotion for the film. She felt surprised to learn it focused on domestic violence.
“I genuinely thought it was a rom-com,” the 32-year-old from San Diego tells TODAY.com. “Even from the poster, it doesn’t look like it would have anything to portray not only sexual assault but also DV. There’s nothing indicating that.”
Weir also says she felt that Lively’s comment during an interview with the BBC that Lily is a survivor and a victim, but “these are not her identity” came off as insensitive.
“That was so wrong on so many levels,” Weir says. “The first part of healing is admitting … that you became a victim.”
Reps for Lively have not responded to TODAY.com's request for comment on backlash to some of the interviews she's given when promoting "It Ends With Us."
Zazon agrees that the comment showed a lack of awareness.
“I remember feeling this awful pit in my stomach because as a survivor, I am very proud of it, and it is a huge part of me. The strength that I had to leave is a massive part of my story and who I am today and who all survivors are,” she says. “I think what was missing in the marketing was giving survivors a voice.”
That said, Zazon did find moments in the movie that, to her, seemed like accurate portrayals of how abusers work, such as showing Ryle as loving and caring toward Lily at first.
“Abusers are romantic. They are manipulative. They are loving,” she says. “He’s good-looking. He’s doing good things, and he is an abuser. And that is very true to my situation.”
A particularly challenging scene
At the end of the film (spoiler), Lily confronts Ryle, asking for divorce as he holds their newborn daughter, and it goes peacefully. This is also how the book ends.
Weir saw a clip of this moment circulating on TikTok, and she knew she couldn’t watch the entire movie because the scene felt so unrealistic and dangerous to her.
Asked about criticism of the film's ending, No More, who worked with Wayfarer Studios on portraying the domestic violence, said in part: "In 'It Ends With Us,' as in most films, there’s a lot that’s not addressed (can’t be addressed in 2-ish hours) and is left for the audience to consider. As a viewer of the film, we don’t know everything that happens after Lily asks for a divorce. We only see Lily twice later as her healing journey is in progress, but of course it is likely that there would be many ups and downs in that process."
Weir says she attempted to leave her abuser multiple times, and the last time, which was successful, ended violently.
“It scares me because I know that somewhere out there, there is a woman who is experiencing abuse and trying to leave, and for them to see a scene like that and (think), 'Maybe that’s how I confront him. Maybe if I put this in context, he’ll understand' — that could end with them being in physical harm or worse," she says.
Weir volunteered at domestic violence shelters talking to victims and providing support, and many of their stories match hers, where, when escaping from an abuser, they feared for their safety.
Zazon agrees, adding that the scene was “one of the main things I’m more disappointed in.”
“Any survivor will tell you that leaving was the most terrifying moment of their life, and that was the same for me,” she says. “I don’t think that an amicable divorce or breakup when you are enduring abuse … is a good representation of how it ends.”
Raymond also wished the ending showed more nuance about what it feels like after surviving domestic violence.
“I just hope that women watching it don’t feel discouraged that just because they divorce their abuser doesn’t mean that they’re going to immediately meet their Atlas and fall madly in love and live happily ever after because it doesn’t look like that,” Raymond says. “(Recovery) is not going to be linear because you reconnect with an old flame. You’re still going to hurt, and you eventually heal. But that aftermath is also as important and that wasn’t covered.”
Reaching others
The women agree that the movie created a dialogue about domestic violence online that they think is helping others. All three have received messages from others thanking them for sharing their stories.
“The most important thing is that people are talking about the movie … which is about domestic violence,” Raymond says. “It is helpful probably to a lot of women.”
But it can sometimes be overwhelming.
“It’s such an emotional experience as a survivor because you never know how much is going to trigger you and even getting a DM can re-trigger emotions,” Zazon says. “Nonetheless I’m so incredibly grateful for a platform that allows me to speak on things that are not talked about enough.”
For those hoping to do something tangible for domestic violence survivors, Weir has a suggestion. When she receives product samples that she can’t use or has household items she no longer needs, she donates them to her local domestic violence shelters. She encourages other creators and people to consider donating their unused and gently-used makeup, hair care products, clothes and feminine hygiene products to shelters, too.
“I used to be a person who could use those things from someone else and that got me through and made me feel like a normal human being,” she says. “I know how much those little, small things can mean to others.”