You’re not supposed to be depressed in summer. What’s not to love? Long twilights, endless weddings, fresh strawberries, truly enormous hats. For most people, this is the high point of their year, a moment of breezy freedom, when they look at the world through rosé-tinted glasses. But not me. When the sun hits, so does my anxiety, and I become a hot mess of self-loathing—Lana del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” personified.
At first glance, this doesn’t make a lot of sense. More sunlight means more vitamin D, which helps to boost our mood. That’s one of several reasons so many people battle Seasonal Affective Disorder—often shortened to the slightly tactless acronym SAD—in the winter, a recurrent form of depression that comes on during the colder, darker months. It’s thought to be linked to reduced exposure to sunlight, which affects the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that helps to produce melatonin and serotonin.
So why does my depression flare up in the run-up to the summer solstice? Well, it turns out that the “seasonal” element of SAD doesn’t solely refer to winter. You can actually experience SAD in the summer, too, when you’re meant to be capital letters HAPPY. This is sometimes referred to as “Reverse SAD” and is thought to make up about a tenth of total SAD cases. Data suggests it can have tragic consequences; suicide rates actually peak in spring and summer, not autumn and winter.
The science behind seasons’ effect on our mood is still hazy, but it’s believed that higher temperatures can lead to our neurotransmitters going haywire. Pollen might also play a part, leading to inflammation among those with allergies. What’s much clearer, though, is how our lifestyles contribute to summer blues. Many of us eat poorly, drink excessively, and miss out on sleep between June and August, leaving us more frazzled than usual. (Insider tip: waking up with hangxiety and five quid in your bank account every Monday for three months on end can leave you feeling less than 100%.)
And, for me, summer also brings—no judgment if you cringe here—FOMO, which is much more intense than usual when everyone around you is seemingly having the time of their lives. Some of my most crushing SAD episodes have seen me festering in bed after flaking on a festival, feeling like I was enduring the collective comedown of an entire field of ravers while my friends had fun outside. “Especially if I’m having a low day, sunny weather makes me angry, and then I feel pathetic for feeling like this when no one else understands,” Lucie, a fellow Reverse SAD sufferer, tells me. “I feel guilty for wasting the nice weather, and don’t want to bring other people’s mood down.”
Admittedly, I’ve always been particularly pathetic in the heat, retreating to the shade every 15 minutes like a vampire to avoid heatstroke. It also didn’t help that I was on SSRIs for the best part of a decade, which can reduce your tolerance for high temperatures and make you more prone to exhaustion. Plus, literal cold take: I actually don’t mind winter. I totally get that sleet, flu, and seemingly eternal darkness isn’t for everyone, especially those with typical SAD, but wearing multiple layers, eating comfort food, and hiding away in bed makes me feel much warmer inside. I’m secretly a little happy that the solstice is here, meaning that we’re already spinning our way towards colder climes.
Maybe, for those of us with midsummer melancholia, the best solution is to simply ignore what other people get up to when the mercury rises. Enjoy what you can of the weather, when you can, without giving into the pressure to have “the best summer ever.” With this in mind, hopefully I can sit back, relax, and enjoy the sun come August. From a distance, in the sanctity of the shade, that is.