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All the Things I Learned Watching SmartLess: On the Road

Photo: Max

The immensely popular celebrity podcast SmartLess — a chitchat pseudo-interview show hosted by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett — was recently released in tour docuseries form. The Max series is six episodes of onstage podcast-taping footage and behind-the-scenes tour banter; because there’s no plot or real source of tension, it’s mostly six episodes spent learning small things about Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett. An illuminating version of this might include conversations about public versus private selves, or perhaps the desire for attention and the cost of that desire. It might be a portrait of the humanity underneath fame’s dehumanizing pressures. But SmartLess is most interested in a different angle of inquiry: salads. What’s in them? And do they have any on this private jet?

1.

Private air travel comes with inconveniences.

Lots of things can go wrong on a private plane! The first episode contains a lengthy scene where a small internal door on the plane does not fully shut, and Will Arnett has to call the pilot for assistance. I know, I could not believe it either. But quite a bit of SmartLess takes place on this private jet, so the realities of that setting become ever more clear with each new tour stop. Not all of the seats recline! My god.

2.

Jason Bateman talks about food all the time (not in a fun way).

SmartLess is mostly a document of Jason Bateman obsessing about what he will and will not eat, what other people are eating, how much they’re eating, why some foods should not be eaten, and the frustration of hotels that do not have “entrée-level salads” on their room-service menus. By episode five, Will Arnett brings up how intense it is to be around someone who’s constantly talking about what’s not okay to eat. Like much of SmartLess, though, this quickly becomes a laugh line, because the default mode of interaction is Will Arnett and Jason Bateman sniping at one another for funsies.

This part of being a celebrity does seem like it honestly sucks a lot! Obsessive focus on food is certainly not a celeb-specific phenomenon, but this is a docuseries aiming for “relaxed hangout celebrity tour vibes.” Because so much time is devoted to Bateman’s food obsession, though, it (unintentionally?) lands closer to “the anxiety of being perceived as imperfect, which began in childhood, has completely warped this man’s sense of self-worth and as a result he cannot stop thinking about his own health and physical appearance. His friends play along, to their occasional distress.”

3.

SmartLess fans demand celebrity guests.

The primary drama of the six episodes comes from one bad Boston show, where Jason Bateman’s guest is physicist Max Tegmark. There is very little footage of this bad show, but much discussion afterward about unruly Twitter discourse and unhappy fans. The series never depicts the exact complaints, although it suggests fans were furious to be sitting through a chill conversation about cosmology and machine-learning rather than listening to Mark Cuban’s description of where he was when he learned he was a billionaire. But fear not, the crisis is swiftly addressed, and for the rest of the tour, the guest lineup is familiar names only: Matt Damon, David Letterman, Andy Richter, Kevin Hart. Also a woman! (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, although halfway through her episode, Bradley Cooper also shows up.)

4.

Sean Hayes can play “Rhapsody in Blue” on the piano, from memory.

It’s impressive.

5.

Jason Bateman showers after pooping, Sean Hayes pees sitting down, Will Arnett used to have a job where he planted 3,000 trees a day.

I would like to know more about the trees.

6.

Sometimes, very occasionally, they have legitimately compelling conversations.

After three episodes filled with Jason Bateman insulting his friends about their food orders, the trio’s observations about how nice their hotel suites are, footage of them working out in hotel gyms, and more scenes about Jason Bateman needing Gas-X because he ate a lot of kale, episode four has a scene that appears basically out of nowhere. Back on the private plane (of course) after shows in Boston and New York, the three podcast hosts have a very illuminating, sincere conversation about their childhoods: how they were raised, how they got into entertainment, what values they did and did not learn from their parents. Bateman talks about the immense pressure of needing to get good grades so he could continue to get certified for work on Little House on the Prairie, which was his family’s main source of income. Hayes describes not always having enough food to eat as a kid. If the rest of the show were like this, it might be worth watching. But then it goes back to menu ordering and superficial interviews with the podcast’s celebrity guests.

7.

Will Arnett sees his kids more than once while on tour, calls them all the time, and in one episode, wakes up early to spend time with his toddler. Hayes and Bateman are very impressed with his parenting skills.

Will Arnett appears to enjoy spending time with his sons!

8.

Maybe it’s not okay for two of the three podcast hosts to wear white-soled tennis shoes onstage at the same time?

What if both Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman are wearing black shoes with white soles? Is that too much? Or maybe it’s fine? This issue is brought up, freaked out over, and never addressed again. What happened! What was the decision! But this is SmartLess’s way. It presents these quandaries and then leaves us rudderless and uncertain, and maybe a little less smart.

All the Things I Learned Watching SmartLess: On the Road