(Recorded on September 7, 2024) No Season Two is back from our mid-season break and we’re talking about episode nine of Firefly, “Ariel.” The Serenity crew is heading to the allied world Ariel, so Inara can get her government mandated physical exam to renew her companion license (the future sounds awful! but also familiar, womp womp). Before they can touch down on Ariel, River slashes Jayne across the chest with a butcher’s knife (you go girl!) and Jayne does not take it well! Mal realizes River is getting worse and has her confined to her quarters. The next day while the gang is playing a game of horseshoe and bemoaning their lack of money-making endeavors, Simon waltzes in with a proposition for them: get him into the hospital in Ariel City so he can find out what’s wrong with his sister (diagnosis: A LOT) and they will have access to all the pharmaceuticals they want to resell on the black market. Ladies and germs, we have a heist! And not the sad heist that was in “The Train Job.” This a bonafide heist with an Ocean’s 11 montage. Things go perfectly at first—Simon finds out that the alliance turned River’s amygdala into mush, and Zoe and Mal are able to snag all the drugs. Unfortunately for everyone, Jayne is a part of their crew and he called the feds to turn in Simon and River for some reward money. Of course Jayne didn’t think (big obviously here) that this plan would backfire, but it does spectacularly. The blue glove guys show up turning people's brains into pools of blood, but before they can get to Simon and River, Mal and Zoe come to the rescue. Back on the ship Mal pulls a “you did it to me!” with Jayne while threatening to have him sucked out into space. But does he do it? No. But it’s fun to watch Jayne think he’s a goner.

Also, George shares one his favorite summer past times; Meaghan won’t shut up about the tv show OZ (trust us, it will make sense); and we both try to figure out what is going on with the hospitals in the 26th century (Seinfeld voice). (Original network air date November 15, 2002)

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