The Cost of Not Having Help

A lot of people talk about the cost of having a loved one at a senior community. I understand budgets. I have one myself. But the cost of keeping a parent or spouse at home is expensive too – and I am not talking about money. I am talking about the cost of exhaustion and how that affects relationships. How it can affect your work, your commitments at church and with your friends.

There is a cost physically as many people give up time spent exercising or going to the gym. I’ve seen people give up healthy meals because of lost time that was used for grocery shopping and cooking. Many dedicated spouses and adult children have given up sleep and peace of mind. There is always a cost with any decision we make. A decision to keep a loved one at home can cost us our healthy relationship with them. We can become short-tempered and begin reacting to stresses in a way that can damage our relationships with people we love and need in our lives.

If you can afford to have help caring for your loved one, I encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity. A healthy life is a balanced life. If someone else is handling medication management, meals, housekeeping, laundry and assistance with bathing – you can focus on the person you love instead of the task. It’s a gift for both of you.

What about thinking about “getting to” instead of having to? As in – we get to have Dad live with a trained group of loving people that will make sure he is well taken care of. We get to have mom live in a community that has a lot of fun activities and she can be with other people with similar life experiences. She can heal from the loss of her husband with other ladies who have walked that path. We get to have grandma at a community that takes her shopping and out to eat, that encourages her to exercise, to sing, to play and to enjoy life. Once you have had a loved one live at a loving community – you change your words to “get to.” I promise.

- Alison Arnett, CRD for Ivy Springs Manor in Buford