Surprise TV Bully Encounter Enlightens Livingston Mom, Daughter

LIVINGSTON, NJ — If you saw a bully picking on another person, what would you do? Would you get involved and help? Or would you look the other way?

Sure, it’s easy to take the moral high road… in theory. But according to Stacy Sherman of Livingston, it’s an entirely different situation when bullying catches you by surprise.

In 2015, Sherman and her daughter, Lindsey – who was 13 at the time – appeared on a Dateline NBC special ostensibly about teens and social media. Little did they know that they were about to become part of an undercover social experiment called “My Kid Would Never Do That: Bullying.”

The lessons they learned that day still stick with them years later, Sherman told Patch. (Watch the video)

Here’s what happened, she recalled on a recent blog post:

“I was asked to visit the studio too, yet was unsure why at the time. I thought maybe I was going to be on a panel with other moms discussing a similar topic from a parent’s perspective. That was not the case! We were each set up with hidden cameras to monitor how we would each handle a ‘mean girl’ situation.”

The show’s producers hired three teenage actors to pose as “bullies” and their “victim.” Lindsey and a fellow teen – unaware of the setup – then listened to the bullies berate their victim and make fun of her appearance, with one mean girl saying “you definitely don’t look at YouTube beauty tutorials.”

As Stacy Sherman and the other mother listened and watched the scene unfold in a separate room, host Natalie Morales and author Rosalind Wiseman quizzed them about their daughters’ responses to the bullying.

When the bullying migrates online with a mean Twitter post, the stakes are raised. But the girls seem to be at a loss. While they don’t participate in the teasing, they also don’t stop it.

Eventually, Morales lets the girls in on the secret. And that’s when they reveal a secret of their own: they were covertly texting each other the whole time about the incident.

“Seriously?” Lindsey wrote to her peer, adding the hashtag #bullies.

“I didn’t know what to say,” she later commented to Morales, explaining why she didn’t speak up.

• See related article: West Orange Man Remembers Day He Stood Up To Racist Bully

Since their 2015 television appearance, Sherman and her daughter have had time to reflect on the “everlasting impact” the incident has had on the way they view bullying.

According to Sherman, here are some of the takeaways they’ve come up with:

• “There is A FINE LINE between rudeness and bullying.”
• “The younger generation quickly identifies with the term ‘bullying’ more than parents and older generations.”
• “Time and place affect decision making.”
• “People respond differently if they know the mean person involved versus a stranger, and if they’re with a friend or alone.”
• “It’s harder to identify mental pain vs physical. Pay attention to body language. It reveals a lot.”
• “Social media complicates matters. Stop hurtful conversations when you see them. If you choose not to, certainly don’t contribute to them.”

“We are both more sensitive to the topic of bullying and lack of kindness in general,” Sherman recently told Patch, speaking about how the episode changed their lives.

“Our eyes are wide open to see situations more clearly,” Sherman continued. “'See Something, Say Something' is not just a saying, but rather an action that we take seriously.”

Sherman said that while it wasn’t directly related to bullying, her daughter’s friend recently committed suicide. It’s a stark reminder that many people take their own life or go through a deep depression because they feel unworthy, misunderstood and alone.

“Bullying contributes to these feelings,” Sherman asserted. “We have no tolerance for it. We trust our instincts and speak up when appropriate.”

>> Bullying Prevention Month: Do You Have A Story In Livingston?

THE MENACE OF BULLIES: PATCH ADVOCACY REPORTING PROJECT

As part of a national reporting project, Patch has been looking at society's roles and responsibilities in bullying.

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