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Holding It Together: How Women Became America's Safety Net
Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women. Holding It Together chronicles the causes and dire consequences.
America runs on women—women who are tasked with holding society together at the seams and fixing it when things fall apart. In this tour de force , acclaimed Sociologist Jessica Calarco lays bare the devastating consequences of our status quo.
Holding It Together draws on five years of research in which Calarco surveyed over 4000 parents and conducted more than 400 hours of interviews with women who bear the brunt of our broken system. A widowed single mother struggles to patch together meager public benefits while working three jobs; an aunt is pushed into caring for her niece and nephew at age fifteen once their family is shattered by the opioid epidemic; a daughter becomes the backstop caregiver for her mother, her husband, and her child because of the perceived flexibility of her job; a well-to-do couple grapples with the moral dilemma of leaning on overworked, underpaid childcare providers to achieve their egalitarian ideals. Stories of grief and guilt abound. Yet, they are more than individual tragedies.
Tracing present-day policies back to their roots, Calarco reveals a systematic agreement to dismantle our country’s social safety net and persuade citizens to accept precarity while women bear the brunt. She leads us to see women's labor as the reason we've gone so long without the support systems that our peer nations take for granted, and how women’s work maintains the illusion that we don't need a net.
Weaving eye-opening original research with revelatory sociological narrative, Holding It Together is a bold call to demand the institutional change that each of us deserves, and a warning about the perils of living without it.
America runs on women—women who are tasked with holding society together at the seams and fixing it when things fall apart. In this tour de force , acclaimed Sociologist Jessica Calarco lays bare the devastating consequences of our status quo.
Holding It Together draws on five years of research in which Calarco surveyed over 4000 parents and conducted more than 400 hours of interviews with women who bear the brunt of our broken system. A widowed single mother struggles to patch together meager public benefits while working three jobs; an aunt is pushed into caring for her niece and nephew at age fifteen once their family is shattered by the opioid epidemic; a daughter becomes the backstop caregiver for her mother, her husband, and her child because of the perceived flexibility of her job; a well-to-do couple grapples with the moral dilemma of leaning on overworked, underpaid childcare providers to achieve their egalitarian ideals. Stories of grief and guilt abound. Yet, they are more than individual tragedies.
Tracing present-day policies back to their roots, Calarco reveals a systematic agreement to dismantle our country’s social safety net and persuade citizens to accept precarity while women bear the brunt. She leads us to see women's labor as the reason we've gone so long without the support systems that our peer nations take for granted, and how women’s work maintains the illusion that we don't need a net.
Weaving eye-opening original research with revelatory sociological narrative, Holding It Together is a bold call to demand the institutional change that each of us deserves, and a warning about the perils of living without it.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published June 4, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
June 12, 2024
If you can get past the (near constant) use of academic terms like, "DIY society", "Engineers", "Profiteers", this book will hit you a lot more powerfully. I am guessing this is a dissertation that was converted into a book- to which I say, congrats to the author! That's hard to do, after approaching your work from a solely "publish for academia/policy" kind of place.
That being said, as a former instructor, this would be a *great* addition to a college course related to the topics of gender, sociology, economics, public policy, reproductive rights, etc. in compliment to academic texts.
My favorite contributions included the beautiful (if sometimes dense and repetitive) side by side analyses of policies, systemic structures, and cultural trends that have contributed to the reasons women in the US seem structurally "stuck" in many ways, like they were in the 50's or 60's, despite the fact that many of our (and our male counterparts') mindsets have changes eons ago.
This book serves as a wise reminder that although cultural perspectives and opinions can change in an instant- the policies and systems we have in place as a country, religious system, family generational expectation, etc.- takes so much longer to catch up.
I also enjoyed references to Ben Franklin (as I would!), but not in the context I would have expected. She points out, that despite rags to riches experiences of many who have paved the way (or not...) for women's rights over the years, tend to buy into the very cultural opinions that tried to hold them back (once they "make it").
Last comment: I feel this was a bit unfair to the rising demographic of men, for instance, who would gladly be caregivers, or stay at home, if the current dynamic for pay/salary, expectations, etc. weren't what they were. In many cases, guys seem to get "slammed" because they feel the perks of a masculine run society. I don't feel many men under the age of 40 or so, default feel this way anymore, but that could be me...
Not an enjoyable, cozy, or vacation read. Important? You Betcha. For men, women, kids, anyone who generally benefits from, or lives in, a society with women in it.
That being said, as a former instructor, this would be a *great* addition to a college course related to the topics of gender, sociology, economics, public policy, reproductive rights, etc. in compliment to academic texts.
My favorite contributions included the beautiful (if sometimes dense and repetitive) side by side analyses of policies, systemic structures, and cultural trends that have contributed to the reasons women in the US seem structurally "stuck" in many ways, like they were in the 50's or 60's, despite the fact that many of our (and our male counterparts') mindsets have changes eons ago.
This book serves as a wise reminder that although cultural perspectives and opinions can change in an instant- the policies and systems we have in place as a country, religious system, family generational expectation, etc.- takes so much longer to catch up.
I also enjoyed references to Ben Franklin (as I would!), but not in the context I would have expected. She points out, that despite rags to riches experiences of many who have paved the way (or not...) for women's rights over the years, tend to buy into the very cultural opinions that tried to hold them back (once they "make it").
Last comment: I feel this was a bit unfair to the rising demographic of men, for instance, who would gladly be caregivers, or stay at home, if the current dynamic for pay/salary, expectations, etc. weren't what they were. In many cases, guys seem to get "slammed" because they feel the perks of a masculine run society. I don't feel many men under the age of 40 or so, default feel this way anymore, but that could be me...
Not an enjoyable, cozy, or vacation read. Important? You Betcha. For men, women, kids, anyone who generally benefits from, or lives in, a society with women in it.
June 14, 2024
This is a pretty searing indictment of how the US lets women and families down, leaving us to do all the hard work of care with no money or support. The basic outline was familiar to me, having read a lot on the subject (there's only so many ways to say that we dump everything on women because we don't want to pay, we want to penalize women for "doing it wrong," and we don't value care work), but the details and data are great. Men get hit hard and justifiably so: either the husbands and partners profiled explicitly gender caring roles, or profess to believe in equality in theory while justifying arrangements that dump everything on mothers, even when those mothers out-earn them. Women are further penalized in the workplace for having caring responsibilities they can't forgo, and government fails to help because of a pervasive social belief that if we all made the right choices we wouldn't need it.
My one biggest criticism comes towards the end, when she blames political failure to change things on votes being bought. Maybe that's true for Joe Manchin, but even for him I don't think so, and it's definitely not true for the Republican Party, and it goes against all the evidence she's presented. They genuinely believe in this state of affairs, because they want women to be staying home and doing domestic work, regardless of the consequences. They believe that changes that would be positive for women would be negative for men, or at the very least require them to change, and they don't want to. It's become a too-easy accusation on the left to say that when politicians don't want to do the right thing, they've been bought. It feels true, in a world where money talks. But it's wrong. They accept money from big business that doesn't want labor protections and women's rights because it's what they already believe. Money alone doesn't create misogynistic policy.
My one biggest criticism comes towards the end, when she blames political failure to change things on votes being bought. Maybe that's true for Joe Manchin, but even for him I don't think so, and it's definitely not true for the Republican Party, and it goes against all the evidence she's presented. They genuinely believe in this state of affairs, because they want women to be staying home and doing domestic work, regardless of the consequences. They believe that changes that would be positive for women would be negative for men, or at the very least require them to change, and they don't want to. It's become a too-easy accusation on the left to say that when politicians don't want to do the right thing, they've been bought. It feels true, in a world where money talks. But it's wrong. They accept money from big business that doesn't want labor protections and women's rights because it's what they already believe. Money alone doesn't create misogynistic policy.
July 27, 2024
A solid collection of case studies and ethnographic research, although aimed at a popular audience, arguing that the US does not have the social safety nets of other Western nations because the entire social and labor structure of the country is designed to shift that burden onto women doing underpaid labor. The lack of funding or support for education, healthcare, elder care, childcare, living wages, and abortion access results in almost entirely women (educators, nurses, caretakers, servers, daycare providers, stay-at-home moms, etc.) doing the underpaid work that would otherwise be provided by such societal safety nets. Even if women can manage to rise from this trap into the middle class, they must necessarily do so on the backs of other women, often immigrants and minorities. And so the burden is ever-present and always shifted to women. In "holding it (the nation) together," women are finding it impossible to hold it together in their personal, professional, and social lives.
It’s a compelling argument, although I’m not sure the final chapter on the potential solutions, including a “union of care,” was fully fleshed out. While the idea of a care-centered society – one that replaces achievement with care as the primary goal or virtue of citizens – is a wonderful concept, it also sounds a bit too much like a utopian dream (reminiscent of the one in Gilman’s classic Herland , which I would recommend reading alongside this book) more than an achievable possibility. Still, this is recommended for a unique perspective on the fact that the US’s lack of a social safety net is not a bug, but a feature.
It’s a compelling argument, although I’m not sure the final chapter on the potential solutions, including a “union of care,” was fully fleshed out. While the idea of a care-centered society – one that replaces achievement with care as the primary goal or virtue of citizens – is a wonderful concept, it also sounds a bit too much like a utopian dream (reminiscent of the one in Gilman’s classic Herland , which I would recommend reading alongside this book) more than an achievable possibility. Still, this is recommended for a unique perspective on the fact that the US’s lack of a social safety net is not a bug, but a feature.
July 29, 2024
A must-read for any American. If you are already anticapitalist/socialist, a mother, or a default caregiver, it will be both validating and infuriating.
July 12, 2024
Me, listening to the chapter about women rearranging their work schedules to make up for the gap caused by the lack of affordable childcare, as I drive to my job, where I work every weekend because of the lack of affordable childcare: 👁️👄👁️
July 25, 2024
I really wanted to like this because I loved her initial viral interview with Anne Helen Petersen, but ironically the book irritated me in the same way a lot of AHP’s current work does. There were several very obvious factual errors which made me skeptical of the quality of her research, and the solutions she throws out in the very last chapter with little explication of how they would actually be attainable made me want to roll my eyes (shades of AHP). Ultimately I think I would have liked this a million times better if it was from an academic press, because the qualitative research she did on the lives of mothers sounded impressive and very valuable.
June 8, 2024
You probably want to read about a well-reasoned explanation of how women in America became the social safety net. In your mind, a safety net has a meaning. It is what stops a thing from crashing when all other well-laid plans have failed. But this is not what you will find in this book. When you finish this book, you might think that women do almost everything in American society. They are the only ones exploited, underpaid (the zombie wage gap statistics lumbers forward in this one), and performing thankless jobs. Why? Because if you do not pay careful attention, you might not notice when the argument shifts. From the stated aim, the book is supposed to be an ode to the women who do the work of holding it together and an effort to show how their underpaid but essential labor keeps our society—and our economy—from falling apart. . But when you put it this way, it becomes an almost meaningless proposition. Because men and women are essential in keeping society from falling apart.
But my problem is not that the book fails in this. It is that it ends up making a different point. This book is about another problem, about women who, through different life circumstances, found themselves in positions of financial precarity.
By rating this book low, I do not intend to signal that I do not sympathize with these women. I do. My low rating merely signals the fact that this book does not fulfill its aim.
In the end, what you will notice with this book is that it is not an argument or an explanation of how women became the social safety net, but how PARTICULAR WOMEN are in need of a social safety net. It’s not about how women are holding society together but about how some women are barely holding it (their finances) together.
A well-written book about how women are America’s safety net would explore how women provide the invisible work that keeps the visible economy humming. In such a book we will see that both men and women are holding the economy together but that the ECONOMICALLY INVISIBLE aspects are mostly provided by women. Such a book, if well-argued, would be true whether the women are wealthy or poor. It would be true both for those who are forced into being stay at home mothers and those who eagerly choose it because they are wealthy enough to afford it. And most importantly, it would be true not just for mothers but for grandmothers and aunts. In other words, it would be true regardless of financial precariousness.
But such a book should not just be filled with stories of women suffering under the heavy financial burden caused by low minimum wage and insufficient welfare. Poverty is an equal opportunity problem. In fact, I bet that if you ask many of the women represented in this book what their problem is they won’t say it is the invisible work they do; they will most probably say it is low wage. They will most probably ask for more safety net rather than ask to have their safety net status removed. If this book were about poverty and low wages, and the author’s suggestion for ameliorating it, it would have been true to its aim. But this is most assuredly not a book about how women (in particular) are America's safety net.
But my problem is not that the book fails in this. It is that it ends up making a different point. This book is about another problem, about women who, through different life circumstances, found themselves in positions of financial precarity.
By rating this book low, I do not intend to signal that I do not sympathize with these women. I do. My low rating merely signals the fact that this book does not fulfill its aim.
In the end, what you will notice with this book is that it is not an argument or an explanation of how women became the social safety net, but how PARTICULAR WOMEN are in need of a social safety net. It’s not about how women are holding society together but about how some women are barely holding it (their finances) together.
A well-written book about how women are America’s safety net would explore how women provide the invisible work that keeps the visible economy humming. In such a book we will see that both men and women are holding the economy together but that the ECONOMICALLY INVISIBLE aspects are mostly provided by women. Such a book, if well-argued, would be true whether the women are wealthy or poor. It would be true both for those who are forced into being stay at home mothers and those who eagerly choose it because they are wealthy enough to afford it. And most importantly, it would be true not just for mothers but for grandmothers and aunts. In other words, it would be true regardless of financial precariousness.
But such a book should not just be filled with stories of women suffering under the heavy financial burden caused by low minimum wage and insufficient welfare. Poverty is an equal opportunity problem. In fact, I bet that if you ask many of the women represented in this book what their problem is they won’t say it is the invisible work they do; they will most probably say it is low wage. They will most probably ask for more safety net rather than ask to have their safety net status removed. If this book were about poverty and low wages, and the author’s suggestion for ameliorating it, it would have been true to its aim. But this is most assuredly not a book about how women (in particular) are America's safety net.
June 9, 2024
Fantastic book that should be required reading in the US. Full of facts intertwined with individual stories giving a face to the data. A masterpiece.
July 23, 2024
Audio. Must read for all women and also our policy makers. Underlying this book is poverty and how our public policy strives to keep women in poverty. Marriage shouldn’t be a public policy solution.
August 17, 2024
In "Holding It Together: How Women Became America's Safety Net," Jessica Calarco delves into the harrowing reality faced by millions of women in the United States. Through powerful stories and a critical examination of systemic issues, she highlights the exhausting cycles that trap women in roles that demand them to balance work, family, and financial strain with little to no support from society. Despite living in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, these women find themselves struggling to make ends meet, burdened by insufficient pay, and mounting debt. The book raises a vital question: why are so many women in the U.S. facing such overwhelming challenges in a nation that boasts immense wealth?
Calarco’s research unveils a grim picture of the lack of a societal safety net in America. Women like Akari, a single mother of two, work multiple jobs, clocking in over 50 hours a week yet still falling short of a living wage. Akari’s story is a microcosm of the broader issue: despite their relentless efforts, women are forced to shoulder the weight of economic insecurity, debt, and the guilt of not being present for their children. The U.S. has failed to invest in essential services like childcare and positive social policies, leaving women to bear the brunt of the country's economic shortcomings. The stagnation of the federal minimum wage and the erosion of workers' rights further exacerbate the situation, leading to a society where women are the invisible glue holding everything together, despite the overwhelming unfairness and unsustainability of this reality.
From an early age, girls in the U.S. are conditioned to see themselves as caregivers, often leading them into roles that society deems natural for them. The high rates of unplanned pregnancies and the lack of access to reproductive health services, worsened by the tightening of abortion rights, push many women into motherhood, whether they desire it or not. For instance, Brooke, a woman raised in a conservative Christian family, found herself pregnant in college and felt compelled to keep the baby due to societal and familial pressures. She dropped out of school and took on low-paying jobs to support herself and her child, sacrificing her personal aspirations in the process. Similarly, Sylvia took on the responsibility of caring for her nieces and nephews when her brother's girlfriend struggled with postpartum issues and addiction, a role that forced her to abandon her college plans and remain in a low-income job she despised.
These stories underscore how women are often trapped in caregiving roles, with little to no support from society. When they struggle, they are often blamed for their circumstances, as if their personal choices alone are responsible for their hardships. Even those who make the "right" choices, such as pursuing higher education or marrying, are not guaranteed security, as they often end up in precarious, low-paying jobs with significant debt. The promise of stability through education and marriage is increasingly unreliable, yet society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals rather than addressing the systemic issues at play.
Calarco explores the deeply ingrained belief in meritocracy in American society—the idea that hard work and personal effort will inevitably lead to success. This belief, rooted in centuries-old philosophies like those of Benjamin Franklin and later the New Thought Movement, perpetuates the notion that individuals are solely responsible for their circumstances. Even those who are struggling financially may resist government assistance, convinced that they should be able to succeed on their own. This mindset is reinforced by self-help philosophies that suggest personal happiness and success are entirely within one's control. As a result, society harshly judges those who fail to thrive, particularly low-income women, while the wealthy continue to benefit from the status quo.
The COVID-19 pandemic briefly offered a glimpse of what a social safety net could look like in the U.S. Government intervention during the crisis provided temporary relief to struggling families, extending their resilience and helping them maintain their standard of living for a longer period. However, once the immediate crisis subsided, the government quickly rolled back these relief efforts, leaving many families to fend for themselves once again. The reluctance to establish a permanent safety net is rooted in political resistance and the influence of wealthy individuals and corporations who benefit from maintaining the current system. Without a collective will to create meaningful change, the rich remain rich while the poor continue to suffer, with women disproportionately bearing the burden.
Calarco argues that real change must come from collective action rather than individual efforts. She proposes the formation of "unions of care," large-scale unions that connect care workers—both paid and unpaid—and the recipients of care. These unions would foster a sense of collective responsibility and push for systemic change, elevating the societal value of care work. By shifting the focus from individual achievement to the collective value of care, society could begin to recognize and fairly compensate the contributions of those who provide care for others. This shift would benefit everyone, as a society that values and supports care work is stronger and more equitable.
Ultimately, "Holding It Together" calls for a societal reckoning with the reality that women in the U.S. are struggling under an immense burden with little support. The myth of meritocracy has perpetuated a system that leaves women to navigate motherhood, multiple jobs, and caregiving roles with minimal help. To create lasting change, society must acknowledge our interconnectedness and work together to build a safety net that values care and supports those who provide it. By doing so, we can create a fairer, more just society that benefits everyone, not just the wealthy few.
Calarco’s research unveils a grim picture of the lack of a societal safety net in America. Women like Akari, a single mother of two, work multiple jobs, clocking in over 50 hours a week yet still falling short of a living wage. Akari’s story is a microcosm of the broader issue: despite their relentless efforts, women are forced to shoulder the weight of economic insecurity, debt, and the guilt of not being present for their children. The U.S. has failed to invest in essential services like childcare and positive social policies, leaving women to bear the brunt of the country's economic shortcomings. The stagnation of the federal minimum wage and the erosion of workers' rights further exacerbate the situation, leading to a society where women are the invisible glue holding everything together, despite the overwhelming unfairness and unsustainability of this reality.
From an early age, girls in the U.S. are conditioned to see themselves as caregivers, often leading them into roles that society deems natural for them. The high rates of unplanned pregnancies and the lack of access to reproductive health services, worsened by the tightening of abortion rights, push many women into motherhood, whether they desire it or not. For instance, Brooke, a woman raised in a conservative Christian family, found herself pregnant in college and felt compelled to keep the baby due to societal and familial pressures. She dropped out of school and took on low-paying jobs to support herself and her child, sacrificing her personal aspirations in the process. Similarly, Sylvia took on the responsibility of caring for her nieces and nephews when her brother's girlfriend struggled with postpartum issues and addiction, a role that forced her to abandon her college plans and remain in a low-income job she despised.
These stories underscore how women are often trapped in caregiving roles, with little to no support from society. When they struggle, they are often blamed for their circumstances, as if their personal choices alone are responsible for their hardships. Even those who make the "right" choices, such as pursuing higher education or marrying, are not guaranteed security, as they often end up in precarious, low-paying jobs with significant debt. The promise of stability through education and marriage is increasingly unreliable, yet society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals rather than addressing the systemic issues at play.
Calarco explores the deeply ingrained belief in meritocracy in American society—the idea that hard work and personal effort will inevitably lead to success. This belief, rooted in centuries-old philosophies like those of Benjamin Franklin and later the New Thought Movement, perpetuates the notion that individuals are solely responsible for their circumstances. Even those who are struggling financially may resist government assistance, convinced that they should be able to succeed on their own. This mindset is reinforced by self-help philosophies that suggest personal happiness and success are entirely within one's control. As a result, society harshly judges those who fail to thrive, particularly low-income women, while the wealthy continue to benefit from the status quo.
The COVID-19 pandemic briefly offered a glimpse of what a social safety net could look like in the U.S. Government intervention during the crisis provided temporary relief to struggling families, extending their resilience and helping them maintain their standard of living for a longer period. However, once the immediate crisis subsided, the government quickly rolled back these relief efforts, leaving many families to fend for themselves once again. The reluctance to establish a permanent safety net is rooted in political resistance and the influence of wealthy individuals and corporations who benefit from maintaining the current system. Without a collective will to create meaningful change, the rich remain rich while the poor continue to suffer, with women disproportionately bearing the burden.
Calarco argues that real change must come from collective action rather than individual efforts. She proposes the formation of "unions of care," large-scale unions that connect care workers—both paid and unpaid—and the recipients of care. These unions would foster a sense of collective responsibility and push for systemic change, elevating the societal value of care work. By shifting the focus from individual achievement to the collective value of care, society could begin to recognize and fairly compensate the contributions of those who provide care for others. This shift would benefit everyone, as a society that values and supports care work is stronger and more equitable.
Ultimately, "Holding It Together" calls for a societal reckoning with the reality that women in the U.S. are struggling under an immense burden with little support. The myth of meritocracy has perpetuated a system that leaves women to navigate motherhood, multiple jobs, and caregiving roles with minimal help. To create lasting change, society must acknowledge our interconnectedness and work together to build a safety net that values care and supports those who provide it. By doing so, we can create a fairer, more just society that benefits everyone, not just the wealthy few.
June 7, 2024
This is an insightful and beautifully written book that makes explicit all of the implicit frustrations and experiences women - esp moms - feel and live every day. It contextualizes all of it with individual stories, historical moments, political and policy perspectives and incredibly accessible language that paints a vivid picture.
Highly recommend. As Gloria Steinem says: the truth shall set you free. But first it will piss you off.
Highly recommend. As Gloria Steinem says: the truth shall set you free. But first it will piss you off.
Currently reading
August 16, 2024WIP
This book raises a crucial question: Why, in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, are so many people struggling so much? Despite obvious systemic issues, US society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals.
Notes:
- The core issue lies in the lack of a societal safety net. Instead of investing in essential services like childcare and creating positive social policies, the US has done the opposite. For decades, the federal minimum wage has stagnated at $7.25 an hour. Additionally, attacks on unions have made it nearly impossible for workers to secure basic rights like paid sick leave and fair working conditions.
- The US experiences higher levels of depression and poverty compared to other high-income countries, alongside greater political unrest.
- From an early age, girls in the US are taught to see themselves as "mothers-in-waiting.” They’re groomed to believe that caring for others is their natural calling. This deep-seated belief permeates all aspects of life, and sets the stage for many women's futures.
- About half of all pregnancies are unplanned, with a significant number of new mothers being in their teens.
- The book illustrates how women find themselves stuck in caregiving roles, whether through personal motherhood or by supporting other family members. When they inevitably begin to struggle, society places the blame squarely on them. Common refrains include, “If you’d gotten married…” or “If you’d gone to college…” – as if personal choices are solely to blame for their hardships.
- Women who achieve higher education often incur significant debt, and end up in precarious, low-paying jobs. The promise of stability through education isn’t as reliable as it once was.
- In 1766, Benjamin Franklin wrote that the best way to help the poor wasn’t by making their lives easier, but by “leading or driving them” out of poverty. Today, there’s still an aversion to providing support.
- The belief that individuals hold ultimate control over their lives has troubling implications. One could take from this line of thinking that if you’re an exhausted single mother working three jobs, that’s your fault.
- President Biden proposed a billionaire tax that could have generated $250 billion annually. But the bill wasn’t passed. This was largely due to opposition from a Democratic senator, Joe Manchin. Manchin argued that instead of “targeting” billionaires, everyone should just "pull together and row."
- Until people unite and acknowledge that a fairer society is in everyone’s best interest, the rich will remain rich and the poor will be forced to hold it together without support.
- In 1975, women across Iceland protested for their rights. In the years that followed, policy changes were made, and life improved significantly – particularly for women and children. By 2023, Iceland was ranked the best country in the world for women, while the US languished at forty-third. This shocking contrast highlights the potential for change when society collectively demands it.
Quotes:
- add later
This book raises a crucial question: Why, in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, are so many people struggling so much? Despite obvious systemic issues, US society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals.
Notes:
- The core issue lies in the lack of a societal safety net. Instead of investing in essential services like childcare and creating positive social policies, the US has done the opposite. For decades, the federal minimum wage has stagnated at $7.25 an hour. Additionally, attacks on unions have made it nearly impossible for workers to secure basic rights like paid sick leave and fair working conditions.
- The US experiences higher levels of depression and poverty compared to other high-income countries, alongside greater political unrest.
- From an early age, girls in the US are taught to see themselves as "mothers-in-waiting.” They’re groomed to believe that caring for others is their natural calling. This deep-seated belief permeates all aspects of life, and sets the stage for many women's futures.
- About half of all pregnancies are unplanned, with a significant number of new mothers being in their teens.
- The book illustrates how women find themselves stuck in caregiving roles, whether through personal motherhood or by supporting other family members. When they inevitably begin to struggle, society places the blame squarely on them. Common refrains include, “If you’d gotten married…” or “If you’d gone to college…” – as if personal choices are solely to blame for their hardships.
- Women who achieve higher education often incur significant debt, and end up in precarious, low-paying jobs. The promise of stability through education isn’t as reliable as it once was.
- In 1766, Benjamin Franklin wrote that the best way to help the poor wasn’t by making their lives easier, but by “leading or driving them” out of poverty. Today, there’s still an aversion to providing support.
- The belief that individuals hold ultimate control over their lives has troubling implications. One could take from this line of thinking that if you’re an exhausted single mother working three jobs, that’s your fault.
- President Biden proposed a billionaire tax that could have generated $250 billion annually. But the bill wasn’t passed. This was largely due to opposition from a Democratic senator, Joe Manchin. Manchin argued that instead of “targeting” billionaires, everyone should just "pull together and row."
- Until people unite and acknowledge that a fairer society is in everyone’s best interest, the rich will remain rich and the poor will be forced to hold it together without support.
- In 1975, women across Iceland protested for their rights. In the years that followed, policy changes were made, and life improved significantly – particularly for women and children. By 2023, Iceland was ranked the best country in the world for women, while the US languished at forty-third. This shocking contrast highlights the potential for change when society collectively demands it.
Quotes:
- add later
August 17, 2024
“Ultimately, societal change requires acknowledging our interconnectedness. A society that better compensates care work and recognizes the contributions of women benefits us all.”
Women are doing the damn thing.
I know I am.
My colleagues are. Our future President is.
“Women in the US are buckling under a system that has no social safety net. Many have little choice but to balance motherhood with multiple jobs. They end up trapped in caregiving roles, and despite working tirelessly, they’re barely making ends meet.
To make matters worse, American society blames individual women themselves for their struggles, which perpetuates the myth of meritocracy. In the US, there’s a widespread belief that individual effort alone dictates success. This means there’s little incentive to provide support on a large scale.
Relief programs during the COVID-19 pandemic briefly demonstrated the positive impact of a social safety net. However, political resistance has hindered efforts to enact lasting change. Women continue to endure long-term hardships as they’re expected to fill the roles of caregivers and low-income workers.”
Women are doing the damn thing.
I know I am.
My colleagues are. Our future President is.
“Women in the US are buckling under a system that has no social safety net. Many have little choice but to balance motherhood with multiple jobs. They end up trapped in caregiving roles, and despite working tirelessly, they’re barely making ends meet.
To make matters worse, American society blames individual women themselves for their struggles, which perpetuates the myth of meritocracy. In the US, there’s a widespread belief that individual effort alone dictates success. This means there’s little incentive to provide support on a large scale.
Relief programs during the COVID-19 pandemic briefly demonstrated the positive impact of a social safety net. However, political resistance has hindered efforts to enact lasting change. Women continue to endure long-term hardships as they’re expected to fill the roles of caregivers and low-income workers.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 14, 2024
I wanted to like this book more than I did. First off, I listened to it as an audiobook. The narrator read it quite fast (I kept looking at my settings to see if I had it playing at the normal speed) and her voice made me think that it must be the author reading, not a professional. It was one of the more unpleasant experiences that I have had with a nonfiction audiobook narrator. I applaud that this book is based on the author's research but because of that, the book often felt like it was more about poverty and women/families finding themselves in bad financial situations. Although women in those situations are absolutely a safety net for their families, I feel like all women, regardless of financial circumstances are a safety net. It took most of the book to get to the few examples of women who have stable careers and finances. I was hoping for a stronger message from this book about how to stop relying on women. Instead, my takeaway was how messed up our social welfare system has become, which I already knew.
August 17, 2024
Summary:
Women in the US are buckling under a system that has no social safety net. Many have little choice but to balance motherhood with multiple jobs. They end up trapped in caregiving roles, and despite working tirelessly, they’re barely making ends meet.
To make matters worse, American society blames individual women themselves for their struggles, which perpetuates the myth of meritocracy. In the US, there’s a widespread belief that individual effort alone dictates success. This means there’s little incentive to provide support on a large scale.
Relief programs during the COVID-19 pandemic briefly demonstrated the positive impact of a social safety net. However, political resistance has hindered efforts to enact lasting change. Women continue to endure long-term hardships as they’re expected to fill the roles of caregivers and low-income workers.
Ultimately, societal change requires acknowledging our interconnectedness. A society that better compensates care work and recognizes the contributions of women benefits us all.
Women in the US are buckling under a system that has no social safety net. Many have little choice but to balance motherhood with multiple jobs. They end up trapped in caregiving roles, and despite working tirelessly, they’re barely making ends meet.
To make matters worse, American society blames individual women themselves for their struggles, which perpetuates the myth of meritocracy. In the US, there’s a widespread belief that individual effort alone dictates success. This means there’s little incentive to provide support on a large scale.
Relief programs during the COVID-19 pandemic briefly demonstrated the positive impact of a social safety net. However, political resistance has hindered efforts to enact lasting change. Women continue to endure long-term hardships as they’re expected to fill the roles of caregivers and low-income workers.
Ultimately, societal change requires acknowledging our interconnectedness. A society that better compensates care work and recognizes the contributions of women benefits us all.
June 5, 2024
Honestly my first review I’ve ever written! Tbh I was SO excited for this book!! I preordered in January I was so sure it’d be 5 stars but I feel like this book was marketed as though it would be about the entire social safety net but it is almost exclusively about moms with young children, so would only be accurate if the social safety net was JUST daycare lol. It’s a fine book but if we’re talking about the social safety net we have completely and totally left out community building, taking care of elderly family members and healthcare and educational roles. Mothers with young children of course have difficult lives, but the entire social safety net they are absolutely not.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 26, 2024
I wish I could have read this book 30 years ago. At that time, the concept of a social safety net was completely foreign to me. Now after many years of seeing how unfair our current system is, my eyes are wide open. Every woman and every caregiver should read this book. It’s enlightening, infuriating, and demoralizing. I honestly just felt so helpless throughout… like things will never get better. It’s amazing to me that most US citizens hold our country in such high esteem when it does not feel the same way about its people. I fear for how much worse it will become in if Donald Trump is elected as president again.
July 12, 2024
While I greatly appreciate the context of this book and agree with much of the authors perspectives, I feel that she overstated and cherry-picked some of her statistics in a way that wasn't necessary. The book was well researched and includes detailed footnotes and notes lists, am amazed at the qualitative interview data she and her team gathered and used but I strongly think her quantitative source work could have bolstered support for her conclusions that could go a long way in answering critics.
August 17, 2024
A good read, it's nice to have a serious analysis of the role of women in today's society and their hardships without diabolising gouvernemental help to show that another future is possible for all financially struggling American. Busts a lot of myths commonly held and offers an intelligent discussion on feminism, society, American system and poverty.
August 27, 2024
Exceptionly well-researched and surprisingly even-handed. While the author clearly has an agenda, she is open and forthright with it, giving clear research and sharing anecdotes without misrepresenting her subject matters. I also appreciate her inclusiveness, which, while limited in the fieldwork Calarco and her team conducted, was expanded through nationwide studies.
August 13, 2024
if there is one thing i think this book is missing, it would be the demographics. while this is addressed in the introduction, some more information about immigrant and indigenous community women would give this a more holistic view--though i can also recognise that could be it's own book entirely.
August 17, 2024
Read on 81inklist.
This is an incredibly interesting book that deals with an extremely important topic. It is not only in the USA that women are the people who have to look after children and parents.
This definitely needs more attention in our society and, above all, solutions.
This is an incredibly interesting book that deals with an extremely important topic. It is not only in the USA that women are the people who have to look after children and parents.
This definitely needs more attention in our society and, above all, solutions.
August 25, 2024
Really interesting work - pairs well with Getting Me Cheap, which covers similar topics with a more targeted emphasis on low income women. However, this book has some additional useful analysis on false choice and the experiences of more privileged women.
June 13, 2024
This book is awesome. I was so excited about it and lived up to all of my expectations.
Want to read
June 15, 2024Discussed in this article: https://www.theatlantic.com/books/arc...
June 18, 2024
Allow me to imagine what this book proposes - a strong social safety net, a union of care, solidarity.
June 27, 2024
One of the smartest books I’ve read in awhile. I loved the personal anecdotes in particular.
July 4, 2024
Absolutely fantastic, highly recommend.
July 4, 2024
Calarco writes beautifully about a difficult, uncomfortable topic (gender inequality and care work), and this book is a must read. Her research is well done and important. Highly recommend.
July 8, 2024
For breeders and non-breeders. Such an important read. I hope one day we are able to realize a nation that values caregiving and has a robust safety net.
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