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140 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 6, 2017
2018 Hugo Awards Finalists
MISANDRY COSMETICS
Destroy the Patriarchy with your pretty, pretty face
Crafty Concealer: Light-refracting all-day coverage with a creamy formula that conceals imperfections and the bags under your eyes that come from doing 80% of the housework, meal planning and childcare, all while still holding a full-time job! Part of a daily routine that only takes a half hour to apply -- because what do we have if not loads of free time??
Vagina Dentata Volumizer: Your hair needs to look like it can eat a man alive. Spray on and work into your limp tresses with your bloody, taloned fingers for a truly manageable, man-killing coiffure.
Lipstick of Lies: Red like the bleeding wounds of the dying men at your feet, this luminous shade highlights your mouth as you screech a scream of invective in the faces of innocent men who only want to explain femininity to you. Pair with Labia Lipliner for fuller, fiercer and more furiously feminist engorgement.
Evil Eyeliner: Sweep on this luxe liner for dramatic, smoky, playful eyes that hide your secret agenda, and make you look like a cat. IS IT WEIRD THAT YOU SHOULD LOOK LIKE A CAT?! NO! Because everyone knows that cats are girls and dogs are boys and dogs are nice and honest and friendly and cats are mean and manipulative and HOT LIKE FIRE. Just like you, Princess.
Poisonous Polish: Princess Kitty has CLAWS! Rend the flesh of your enemies with shiny lacquered talons that have chip-proof, crack-proof, long-lasting color. Use them to tear your way out of your box! Or shit in it! I don't know! I'm a cat! MEOW!
Male Tears Moisturizer: Keep your skin soft and supple with this non-comodogenic combination of baby foreskins and the tears of a thousand men relegated to the Friend Zone. Turns out dude-tears are so turgid they block out the light of the sun: SPF180!