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My Mother, the Psychopath: Growing Up In The Shadow Of A Monster
The true story of a psychopathic mother by the daughter who survived the terror. What do you do when the person you're meant to trust the most in the world is the one trying to destroy you?
When people met her they thought how lovely she was, this attractive woman with a beautiful laugh. But she was one person in public and another behind closed doors. Who would she be today? The loving mother? The trusted teacher? The monster destroying my life?'
Olivia has been afraid ever since she can remember. Out of sight, she was subjected to cruelty and humiliation at the hands of her mother, Josephine. Olivia grew up feeling scared, worthless and exploited. Even when she found the courage to cut ties, her mother found new ways to manipulate and deceive, attempting to destroy her life with a vicious campaign of abuse.
Now Olivia has come to terms with her past and gives a fascinating, harrowing and deeply unsettling insight into what it's like growing up with a psychopathic parent.
When people met her they thought how lovely she was, this attractive woman with a beautiful laugh. But she was one person in public and another behind closed doors. Who would she be today? The loving mother? The trusted teacher? The monster destroying my life?'
Olivia has been afraid ever since she can remember. Out of sight, she was subjected to cruelty and humiliation at the hands of her mother, Josephine. Olivia grew up feeling scared, worthless and exploited. Even when she found the courage to cut ties, her mother found new ways to manipulate and deceive, attempting to destroy her life with a vicious campaign of abuse.
Now Olivia has come to terms with her past and gives a fascinating, harrowing and deeply unsettling insight into what it's like growing up with a psychopathic parent.
248 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 24, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 166 reviews
April 12, 2020
I really didn't enjoy this book and got so exasperated with the author's constant whining and 'poor me ' attitude. It wasn't that she didn't have a good story to tell, and she is a competent writer but this felt like a celebration of victimhood and I did not enjoy that at all.
At first there was a point of idenfication, her mother switching from nice, indulgent even to uncaring and punishing. The author never knew why she couldn't please her mother and tried so hard to stay on her good side. I had that too. My mother may have been a narcissist or perhaps she was perfectly normal just didn't love me, but she wasn't a psychopath.
Her mother and mine were physically, emotionally and mentally cruel to us. Her father was weak and didn't stand up to his wife. My father was a big, strong man who... beat me and berated me and whatever else my mother wanted. Both of us had grandparents who knew our mothers didn't love us and were cruel but that's where the similarities and identification ends.
My mother was a normal, functioning, charitable member of society. The author's was a thieving, lying, deeply ugly personality wrapped up in a sophisticated, pretty exterior that fooled almost all the people, most of the time. The author had structured the book by entitling each chapter with a typical behaviour of psychopaths. . And then illustrates it with examples of how her mother treated her.
It kind of worked, but it was all so polarised. The mother was all evil. The father was totally weak. The grandparents were completely impotent. And the author was the total victim. The lack of nuance was wearing.
I don't think it was a bad book, but it's the sort of book where you have to really like the author and be there with her, and I couldn't, she was too annoying and I didn't enjoy it. So I put it to one side and moved on.
Review 11/2020
At first there was a point of idenfication, her mother switching from nice, indulgent even to uncaring and punishing. The author never knew why she couldn't please her mother and tried so hard to stay on her good side. I had that too. My mother may have been a narcissist or perhaps she was perfectly normal just didn't love me, but she wasn't a psychopath.
Her mother and mine were physically, emotionally and mentally cruel to us. Her father was weak and didn't stand up to his wife. My father was a big, strong man who... beat me and berated me and whatever else my mother wanted. Both of us had grandparents who knew our mothers didn't love us and were cruel but that's where the similarities and identification ends.
My mother was a normal, functioning, charitable member of society. The author's was a thieving, lying, deeply ugly personality wrapped up in a sophisticated, pretty exterior that fooled almost all the people, most of the time. The author had structured the book by entitling each chapter with a typical behaviour of psychopaths. . And then illustrates it with examples of how her mother treated her.
It kind of worked, but it was all so polarised. The mother was all evil. The father was totally weak. The grandparents were completely impotent. And the author was the total victim. The lack of nuance was wearing.
I don't think it was a bad book, but it's the sort of book where you have to really like the author and be there with her, and I couldn't, she was too annoying and I didn't enjoy it. So I put it to one side and moved on.
Review 11/2020
February 23, 2019
I'll prefix this by saying that I have a close family member who is without a shadow of a doubt a sociopath and possibly a psychopath too. This person made my life a misery when I was younger and still tries to now. Now that I have a thicker skin I react in the way I know makes this person angry - by laughing at his insults and abuse then walking away. I also made the promise to myself many moons ago that I would make absolutely sure I never grew up to be like him. The total lack of empathy for others, the malicious intent, anger and that facade which makes the individual seem normal to the outside world are not traits I have thankfully. He's racist, homophobic and an all-around nasty piece of work; I am an equality campaigner who loves everybody, and friends and family would probably go so far as to say I am overly empathetic, but I am super-duper fine with that. I have some horrific memories, but I am all the stronger for them; living with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath is not a pleasant experience, and there's a reason they're known as hoovers - they try to suck the life out of those around them in order to boost their own self-esteem.
As the traits of sociopaths and psychopaths somewhat overlap I recognise many of the behaviours Olivia experienced at the hands of her mother, and because of that this was a dark, disturbing and emotionally challenging read for me but it also gives us reason to be hopeful and tips on how to counteract the abuse. The description of being one thing in public and another in private I certainly recognised - the person in my life runs up the backsides of non-family but treats those who should come first like dirt. Make no mistake this is a hard-hitting emotive read; I think it hit me much harder because I could relate to Olivia and many of her experiences, unfortunately.
I have never heard this person apologise for what he's done even when it was 100% him in the wrong, and he has no interest in what is happening with anyone else, just himself. He's selfish through and through and one of the coldest people you'll ever meet. It's crazy that he worries more about how outsiders perceive him than he does about what his closest family think. One thing I think is very important to mention if you are living a nightmare with one of these types - do not show them that they have upset you. Why? Because in my experience they love that; they get a kick out of it; they feed off what they see as weakness. They spend a lot of time working out the best way to upset you e.g. if you've confided to family that you have a self-image issue they'll likely use that to hurt you.
It's normal to think that you are the only one living with such a monster, but in reality, there are more of them around than you think. This is a truly heartbreaking, eye-opening memoir, and although it is truly terrifying it is written in an eminently readable style. I now spend time campaigning to lessen the stigma of mental health as I realise that the mental abuse I suffered every day is happening to others. I have deep admiration for Ms Rayne for sharing her story and being a strong, courageous fighter against the manipulative evil she grew up with. I'm sad to say I connected with this so much that I found myself tearful as I relived some of the memories the book brought to the forefront of my mind. Oh, and the information about cutting ties with such people is absolutely sound - there is no hope of reconciliation so run as far away from these people as possible - for your own sanity. Like Olivia, I am a survivor and not a victim.
NB. This is my most personal review to date by a long shot, but I want to add that it wasn't written for sympathy, as I know some people love to play the victim, and I feel more than a little exposed by sharing this information, but I feel that it's another step in the right direction for me in coming to terms with everything. I usually keep these sort of things to myself, and as I'm pretty introverted I try to keep the glare of the spotlight away from myself at all times. I don't understand those who crave attention. I'm the girl who is quiet as a mouse unless I need to defend myself; it's then when I turn into a tigress.
Many thanks to Ebury Press for an ARC.
As the traits of sociopaths and psychopaths somewhat overlap I recognise many of the behaviours Olivia experienced at the hands of her mother, and because of that this was a dark, disturbing and emotionally challenging read for me but it also gives us reason to be hopeful and tips on how to counteract the abuse. The description of being one thing in public and another in private I certainly recognised - the person in my life runs up the backsides of non-family but treats those who should come first like dirt. Make no mistake this is a hard-hitting emotive read; I think it hit me much harder because I could relate to Olivia and many of her experiences, unfortunately.
I have never heard this person apologise for what he's done even when it was 100% him in the wrong, and he has no interest in what is happening with anyone else, just himself. He's selfish through and through and one of the coldest people you'll ever meet. It's crazy that he worries more about how outsiders perceive him than he does about what his closest family think. One thing I think is very important to mention if you are living a nightmare with one of these types - do not show them that they have upset you. Why? Because in my experience they love that; they get a kick out of it; they feed off what they see as weakness. They spend a lot of time working out the best way to upset you e.g. if you've confided to family that you have a self-image issue they'll likely use that to hurt you.
It's normal to think that you are the only one living with such a monster, but in reality, there are more of them around than you think. This is a truly heartbreaking, eye-opening memoir, and although it is truly terrifying it is written in an eminently readable style. I now spend time campaigning to lessen the stigma of mental health as I realise that the mental abuse I suffered every day is happening to others. I have deep admiration for Ms Rayne for sharing her story and being a strong, courageous fighter against the manipulative evil she grew up with. I'm sad to say I connected with this so much that I found myself tearful as I relived some of the memories the book brought to the forefront of my mind. Oh, and the information about cutting ties with such people is absolutely sound - there is no hope of reconciliation so run as far away from these people as possible - for your own sanity. Like Olivia, I am a survivor and not a victim.
NB. This is my most personal review to date by a long shot, but I want to add that it wasn't written for sympathy, as I know some people love to play the victim, and I feel more than a little exposed by sharing this information, but I feel that it's another step in the right direction for me in coming to terms with everything. I usually keep these sort of things to myself, and as I'm pretty introverted I try to keep the glare of the spotlight away from myself at all times. I don't understand those who crave attention. I'm the girl who is quiet as a mouse unless I need to defend myself; it's then when I turn into a tigress.
Many thanks to Ebury Press for an ARC.
August 28, 2020
"You cannot redeem the unredeemable."
I was surprised by the elegance in which she relayed her memories.
Her honesty with spotty bits in her recollections and her confusion of feelings (in and out of her memories) creates a comfortable companion.
The flaws are there and they make the story more sapid.
I was surprised by the elegance in which she relayed her memories.
Her honesty with spotty bits in her recollections and her confusion of feelings (in and out of her memories) creates a comfortable companion.
The flaws are there and they make the story more sapid.
December 20, 2018
They say “truth is stranger than fiction” and boy, oh, boy reading this incredibly raw and brutal account of Olivia’s relationship with her psychopathic mother made my skin crawl and my blood boil.
This is Olivia Rayne’s TRUE story of living with a psychopathic parent. The only daughter of a French mother and British father, Olivia grew up under the cruel and often humiliating control of her Mother (Maman), whilst her weak and, in my opinion, spineless father just looked on helplessly. This book doesn’t read like a memoir, it reads like one of the worst psychological thrillers/domestic noir books I’ve read and the fact that it is all true makes it so much more moving and sad.
It’s a difficult book to review because I found it utterly compulsive reading, gripping, tense and at times painful to read, but the fact that this is someone’s actual LIFE that I am reading made my “enjoyment” tainted. I’m not naive enough to think everyone has a rosy childhood full of love, compassion and support, however I hope that now Olivia has finally written her story and shared her traumatic past, she finds unconditional love and happiness.
This is Olivia Rayne’s TRUE story of living with a psychopathic parent. The only daughter of a French mother and British father, Olivia grew up under the cruel and often humiliating control of her Mother (Maman), whilst her weak and, in my opinion, spineless father just looked on helplessly. This book doesn’t read like a memoir, it reads like one of the worst psychological thrillers/domestic noir books I’ve read and the fact that it is all true makes it so much more moving and sad.
It’s a difficult book to review because I found it utterly compulsive reading, gripping, tense and at times painful to read, but the fact that this is someone’s actual LIFE that I am reading made my “enjoyment” tainted. I’m not naive enough to think everyone has a rosy childhood full of love, compassion and support, however I hope that now Olivia has finally written her story and shared her traumatic past, she finds unconditional love and happiness.
December 14, 2021
Sooo ok I wrote an awesome review for this book, but I touched the wrong place on my iPad frame and it disappeared it. So to make an amazing story short (because you know I always like to try to make my reviews personal) I’ll just say I had a good friend, she was a totally narcissistic, manipulative bitch and we no longer are on speaking terms. And I could write a book about her and then these two books could be best friends.
June 25, 2023
Olivia Rayne’s mother, Josephine, is a schoolteacher. She tells us straight away that if we met Josephine we would like her. Is this a book really about a naughty child then? Was Olivia just a tad on the difficult side making her mother’s life a misery? Olivia lays it out that this was not the case.
Indeed, it wasn’t. As Olivia goes over a psychopath’s traits, she shows how her mother fits neatly into all of them. The incidents progress and as Olivia gets older she realises that her mother’s moods were not the kind of bad or good moods that we have but were all about control. She says, ‘But as I grew older, I realised they weren’t moods and her behaviour towards me was premeditated and controlled.’
It was the controlling behaviour and the constant put-downs that would grind anyone down. How Olivia kept going under this bombardment is testament to her mentality I’d say. An example is her mother would basically set her up with boyfriends and then once Olivia would start falling in love with them her mother would rip the relationship apart.
Olivia makes bad choices with men. Not surprising really as she must have been screwed up. A very intelligent girl that gets a first in her degree at university but the nature of her upbringing hangs over her. The behaviour of her mother by the end is like nothing I have ever seen. Oh my word. Poor Olivia.
An interesting book showing a psychopath not as a wielding axe murderer but a manipulative controller that takes delight from stomping on people mentally and emotionally.
Indeed, it wasn’t. As Olivia goes over a psychopath’s traits, she shows how her mother fits neatly into all of them. The incidents progress and as Olivia gets older she realises that her mother’s moods were not the kind of bad or good moods that we have but were all about control. She says, ‘But as I grew older, I realised they weren’t moods and her behaviour towards me was premeditated and controlled.’
It was the controlling behaviour and the constant put-downs that would grind anyone down. How Olivia kept going under this bombardment is testament to her mentality I’d say. An example is her mother would basically set her up with boyfriends and then once Olivia would start falling in love with them her mother would rip the relationship apart.
Olivia makes bad choices with men. Not surprising really as she must have been screwed up. A very intelligent girl that gets a first in her degree at university but the nature of her upbringing hangs over her. The behaviour of her mother by the end is like nothing I have ever seen. Oh my word. Poor Olivia.
An interesting book showing a psychopath not as a wielding axe murderer but a manipulative controller that takes delight from stomping on people mentally and emotionally.
June 2, 2024
"My Mother, the Psychopath: Growing Up In The Shadow Of A Monster" by Olivia Rayne is a powerful and eye-opening memoir that takes readers into the heart of a deeply troubling childhood. Rayne bravely shares her true story of growing up with a psychopathic mother, making for a gripping, tense, and often painful read.
From the beginning, it's clear that this memoir is not for the faint of heart. The book contains graphic and frequent descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, including domestic and animal abuse. Each chapter begins with a description of a specific psychopathic trait, which Rayne then illustrates with examples from her own life. This structure not only engages the reader but also helps to provide a clearer understanding of her mother's disturbing behavior.
Rayne’s writing is both brilliant and straightforward, making it easy to follow yet hard to digest due to the shocking nature of her experiences. It’s almost unfathomable that this is a true story; if it were fiction, it would likely be considered too unbelievable. The raw and brutal honesty with which Rayne recounts her childhood is both horrifying and compelling.
One of the most striking aspects of the memoir is Olivia's resilience. Despite enduring unimaginable pain and manipulation, she emerges as a strong-willed and resilient woman. Her journey through the darkness of her upbringing to a place of strength and independence is truly inspiring.
Reading "My Mother, the Psychopath" was an intense experience. It wasn’t what I initially expected, but it surpassed my expectations in its depth and honesty. The book tackles incredibly difficult topics but does so in a way that keeps you engaged and invested in Olivia's story. This memoir is a testament to the incredible strength of the human spirit and a powerful reminder of the impact of resilience and courage.
From the beginning, it's clear that this memoir is not for the faint of heart. The book contains graphic and frequent descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, including domestic and animal abuse. Each chapter begins with a description of a specific psychopathic trait, which Rayne then illustrates with examples from her own life. This structure not only engages the reader but also helps to provide a clearer understanding of her mother's disturbing behavior.
Rayne’s writing is both brilliant and straightforward, making it easy to follow yet hard to digest due to the shocking nature of her experiences. It’s almost unfathomable that this is a true story; if it were fiction, it would likely be considered too unbelievable. The raw and brutal honesty with which Rayne recounts her childhood is both horrifying and compelling.
One of the most striking aspects of the memoir is Olivia's resilience. Despite enduring unimaginable pain and manipulation, she emerges as a strong-willed and resilient woman. Her journey through the darkness of her upbringing to a place of strength and independence is truly inspiring.
Reading "My Mother, the Psychopath" was an intense experience. It wasn’t what I initially expected, but it surpassed my expectations in its depth and honesty. The book tackles incredibly difficult topics but does so in a way that keeps you engaged and invested in Olivia's story. This memoir is a testament to the incredible strength of the human spirit and a powerful reminder of the impact of resilience and courage.
January 30, 2019
This book tells the story of Olivia's childhood and adolescence, it's a memoir but it reads more like a thriller or a crime novel, and at times I forgot it was a real story and actually happened to somebody. It's really descriptive and I could imagine all the characters really well, sometimes too well! Josephine, the mother, is a sociopath and its scary reading how she manipulates everyone around her, especially Olivia's father, who is totally under her control.
This book was such a suprise to me. I don't usually read memoirs but this one had me hooked. It's hard to say this is a "good" book because the subject matter is so disturbing and the story is so sad, but reading this book really opened my mind!
There are moments in the book that are unbelievable and made me livid, particularly as Olivia got older and her mother started interfering more. It made my blood boil the things that Olivia was put through, especially by her mother who was meant to be the one person she could rely on. This book is shocking and packs a punch you won't forget in a hurry, but it's also a beautiful book and the story is told with heart.
Olivia - you are an amazing woman and you didn't deserve to be treated how you were by any of the people who treated you so badly. I hope your mother never comes into your life again and I'm so happy to read that you're in a good place with great friends and a caring boyfriend! You deserve it.
This book was such a suprise to me. I don't usually read memoirs but this one had me hooked. It's hard to say this is a "good" book because the subject matter is so disturbing and the story is so sad, but reading this book really opened my mind!
There are moments in the book that are unbelievable and made me livid, particularly as Olivia got older and her mother started interfering more. It made my blood boil the things that Olivia was put through, especially by her mother who was meant to be the one person she could rely on. This book is shocking and packs a punch you won't forget in a hurry, but it's also a beautiful book and the story is told with heart.
Olivia - you are an amazing woman and you didn't deserve to be treated how you were by any of the people who treated you so badly. I hope your mother never comes into your life again and I'm so happy to read that you're in a good place with great friends and a caring boyfriend! You deserve it.
June 25, 2019
It’s hard to rate books like this as I felt really sorry for Olivia all throughout the book for what she went through. I admire her honesty and her strength in all she’s been through and I wish her nothing but the best for her future. A great, well written book.
September 19, 2020
Wow! Just wow! This is one of the most deeply unsettling and disturbing books I've ever read.
If this was a fiction book there would be reviews saying it wasn't very realistic. It's too unbelievable.
The fact that this book is non fiction makes it such a horrific read and even more unsettling.
I don't think my mind can even comprehend what Olivia went through. I've never read a book that has given me such chills while reading before.
I really liked how this book was structured. By basing each paragraph on each psychopathic trait really demonstrated how evil her mother really was.
This book was fascinating and I can't imagine the pain it must have caused to relieve these memories in the process of writing this book.
This book is definitely not for everyone but if you can handle it please pick it up as it really does highlight the true nature of psychopaths among us
TW: graphic and frequent descriptions of emotional and physical abuse. Domestic abuse, animal abuse and abortion are also mentioned
If this was a fiction book there would be reviews saying it wasn't very realistic. It's too unbelievable.
The fact that this book is non fiction makes it such a horrific read and even more unsettling.
I don't think my mind can even comprehend what Olivia went through. I've never read a book that has given me such chills while reading before.
I really liked how this book was structured. By basing each paragraph on each psychopathic trait really demonstrated how evil her mother really was.
This book was fascinating and I can't imagine the pain it must have caused to relieve these memories in the process of writing this book.
This book is definitely not for everyone but if you can handle it please pick it up as it really does highlight the true nature of psychopaths among us
TW: graphic and frequent descriptions of emotional and physical abuse. Domestic abuse, animal abuse and abortion are also mentioned
November 9, 2019
I don’t usually read books like this... by that, I mean memoirs of childhood where there was trauma and abuse. However, this book caught my eye in the library and wasn’t in that section of the library, the “real life” section. It was in the social services part instead. Anyway, I digress... it caught my eye and I picked it up, albeit hesitantly.
From the moment I started to read it, I was hooked. I’m surprised to see it actually took me 4 days to read as I read it in 3 chunks, unable to put it down. It’s a fantastic read that is unbelievable, upsetting, distressing and fascinating all at the same time. Olivia takes us through her life with her Maman and Father and some of the stories she recalls are just horrific. There are no holds barred here, and it made me cry in places. There is no attempt to explain why her Maman was the way she was, which would have also interested me, but she had weaves so many falsities that who knows what was true and what was false about her life. Olivia is an amazingly brave woman to write her story and to tell it. It’s well worth a read. I can’t say I “enjoyed” it, but I couldn’t put it down.
From the moment I started to read it, I was hooked. I’m surprised to see it actually took me 4 days to read as I read it in 3 chunks, unable to put it down. It’s a fantastic read that is unbelievable, upsetting, distressing and fascinating all at the same time. Olivia takes us through her life with her Maman and Father and some of the stories she recalls are just horrific. There are no holds barred here, and it made me cry in places. There is no attempt to explain why her Maman was the way she was, which would have also interested me, but she had weaves so many falsities that who knows what was true and what was false about her life. Olivia is an amazingly brave woman to write her story and to tell it. It’s well worth a read. I can’t say I “enjoyed” it, but I couldn’t put it down.
February 25, 2019
I'm still trying to process this unbelievable story. I found it hard to imagine anyone going through this abuse from their mother. It felt like fiction but it was based on true events. I wanted to hug Olivia and never let her go. I admire the strength and courage to deal with a psychopath mother. Probably the most hateful character I've read about; and I've read about a lot of psycho's.
I have to give this book 5 stars because of the way it grabbed my attention and made me feel so much emotion. I pray she never bothers Olivia again.
I have to give this book 5 stars because of the way it grabbed my attention and made me feel so much emotion. I pray she never bothers Olivia again.
May 19, 2020
interesting and disturbing story of the authors life in the shadow of her controlling and abusive mother through different channels emotional psychological and financial
February 17, 2019
I don’t typically go for the ‘misery memoir’ genre of reading because quite frankly I find much of the books that proliferated at the peak of its popularity grim, unrelenting and almost voyeuristic. However when the contents move away from a catalogue of actions to something more thoughtful, an exploration of a person, well I find that fascinating.
Olivia Rayne always knew as she was growing up that other mothers didn’t behave like hers but it was probably more of a slow realisation to making the leap to giving her the diagnosis of a psychopath. This term is thrown about with a fair degree of abandon these days, thanks in part to the popularity of Jon Ronson’s The Psychopath Test which educated the population that not all psychopaths are serial killers, in fact the vast majority move among us.
Mothering though is generally accepted to require all the good skills, protecting, nurturing, and caring which don’t square with what comes naturally to the psychopath. This of course means any child born to such a parent, and you could argue particularly if it is the mother who is wired in this way, is going to suffer to some degree. Coupled as these people often are to weak and ineffectual partners and the result is disaster.
Rayne heads up each chapter to her memoir with a description of one of the 20 accepted psychopathic traits and then follows it with an example of her life with her mother. Some of these events took place when Olivia was a small child, some more recently but many show that the face presented to the world was far from that which she used to scare and humiliate her daughter away from the public gaze. Of course this methodology also allows the reader to make a judgement on the truth of what we are being told in a way that a list of awful events is less likely to have the same impact on the reader.
The book is also testament to that movement that I am desperately hoping will gather pace. Olivia isn’t using what happened to her in childhood as a reason for behaving like a victim. She’s hidden her identity in part so that she can continue working amongst her peers without the prurient details defining her for ever more. Most fascinating of all was the discovery that Olivia had broken ranks on the silence of her childhood a couple of years ago when she submitted an article about her mother to an online paper. The reaction was in line with that which had occurred when she initially broke off contact, a ceaseless barrage of emails in turns abusive and appealing, not just to Olivia herself but to her boss, colleagues and friends.
With a definite feeling that this book is both putting the past behind her and reaching out to others who are in this little studied relationship and giving a feeling of hope for a different type of life. For that you can only applaud this brave author.
Olivia Rayne always knew as she was growing up that other mothers didn’t behave like hers but it was probably more of a slow realisation to making the leap to giving her the diagnosis of a psychopath. This term is thrown about with a fair degree of abandon these days, thanks in part to the popularity of Jon Ronson’s The Psychopath Test which educated the population that not all psychopaths are serial killers, in fact the vast majority move among us.
Mothering though is generally accepted to require all the good skills, protecting, nurturing, and caring which don’t square with what comes naturally to the psychopath. This of course means any child born to such a parent, and you could argue particularly if it is the mother who is wired in this way, is going to suffer to some degree. Coupled as these people often are to weak and ineffectual partners and the result is disaster.
Rayne heads up each chapter to her memoir with a description of one of the 20 accepted psychopathic traits and then follows it with an example of her life with her mother. Some of these events took place when Olivia was a small child, some more recently but many show that the face presented to the world was far from that which she used to scare and humiliate her daughter away from the public gaze. Of course this methodology also allows the reader to make a judgement on the truth of what we are being told in a way that a list of awful events is less likely to have the same impact on the reader.
The book is also testament to that movement that I am desperately hoping will gather pace. Olivia isn’t using what happened to her in childhood as a reason for behaving like a victim. She’s hidden her identity in part so that she can continue working amongst her peers without the prurient details defining her for ever more. Most fascinating of all was the discovery that Olivia had broken ranks on the silence of her childhood a couple of years ago when she submitted an article about her mother to an online paper. The reaction was in line with that which had occurred when she initially broke off contact, a ceaseless barrage of emails in turns abusive and appealing, not just to Olivia herself but to her boss, colleagues and friends.
With a definite feeling that this book is both putting the past behind her and reaching out to others who are in this little studied relationship and giving a feeling of hope for a different type of life. For that you can only applaud this brave author.
February 6, 2019
Its scary how much of this book I could have written myself. At 32 I'm still too forgiving of my mother and let her back into my life. She isn't as bad as Olivias that I know of but she def has different masks for different people except for me.
We are all better off without people like this in our lives.
We are all better off without people like this in our lives.
December 6, 2018
Olivia is the only child to Clive and Josephine. Josephine is a French woman to whom appearances are very important. She settles the family in one place and when they are finally comfortably she whips them off across the world and technically reinvents herself as the most wonderful mother and wife and proceeds to mentally abuse her daughter and treat her appallingly. This book broke my heart as it wasn’t a case that Josephine beat her daughter but the mental abuse was disturbing and in this day and age how she could get away with it bewilders me. Thankfully Olivia is a resilient and strong willed lady who overcome the most horrific pain a mother could put her child through. I applaud you for sharing your story and coming out the better person.
Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for this arc in exchange for my honest review.
Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for this arc in exchange for my honest review.
March 21, 2019
This was a brilliantly written and straight forward piece of writing.
It has taken what is a horrific upbringing and wrote it with heart and sense.
I loved that the ‘writing duo’ were friends and both experienced some of of the dreadful actions.
This was a great book about a wonderfully resilient woman.
It has taken what is a horrific upbringing and wrote it with heart and sense.
I loved that the ‘writing duo’ were friends and both experienced some of of the dreadful actions.
This was a great book about a wonderfully resilient woman.
January 24, 2019
Firstly, thanks to Penguin Random House for the advance review copy.
I've read a lot of books about psychopaths and sociopaths recently, and I've also watched a lot on Netflix on this topic, so when 'My Mother, the Psychopath' arrived I did wonder if I was starting to get a bit jaded. But pretty much as soon as I opened the book I realised this wasn't the case.
This book is in a league of its own, both in the way the story unfolds and the writing itself, which is sometimes poignant and poetic, and sometimes relentlessly brutal...as I suppose the experience was in real life. There's definitely no sugar coating here. The story is written by Olivia with SM Nelson (who I believe is her friend Sofia in the book) and it works seamlessly...you never get that weird sense of two distinct voices, as I've experienced in other books with more than one author. It just works, and works really well. Each chapter is separated by a symptom of psychopathy, a fascinating touch that perfectly lead into the next chapter.
I don't want to give too much away in terms of what happens, but the book begins when Olivia is small and tells of her childhood growing up with a psychopathic mother. Josephine is a fascinating character. I absolutely despised her, but I also found her so interesting. Clive, Olivia's father, is much kinder but I found myself getting more angry at him than Josephine, because he just let all this stuff happen to his baby girl. That was one of the things I found hardest to understand. Josephine is a psychopath but Clive isn't, so why he felt it was OK to let his wife treat their daughter like this is crazy. There were a few moments where he stood up for Olivia, but they were few and far between. Josephine is terrible, but I couldn't help agree with her when she was calling her husband pathetic. He really is!
The story goes from England to the Caribbean to Berlin to Monaco and then back to England again, and I really liked the different settings for different periods of Olivia's life. There are no spoilers in this review, but I will highlight a few parts of the book that stood out for me:
– The pond/fish scene. Broke my heart. I could see it so well, and feel Olivia's horror and pain. Just awful.
- The chapter where Olivia goes berry picking. WTF! Really hard to read at times, especially towards the end, but so beautifully written you can't stop.
– Cher! I'm a massive Cher fan so I loved reading how her songs helped Olivia. I loved the part where she was saying the lyrics in her head to Josephine. But that part of the book is very upsetting too, and when Olivia is lying on her bed at the end of the chapter I actually sobbed #NoShame
- The last few chapters. Holy hell, just when you think Olivia's story can't get crazier, she manages to find the male version of her mother to go out with. Sean is a terrible person, and treated Olivia awfully, but this part is written in an almost nonchalant way, which I found disturbing but very effective, because it brings it home how much Olivia has normalised people treating her like dirt.
I won't spoil the ending, but I think it's important to note (because this book definitely is a hard read at times) that it's more inspirational and uplifting than sad.
All in all, I enjoyed 'My Mother The Psychopath' immensely. It wasn't what I thought it would be, but that's fine because it was much better. I could see this being a really powerful film, and towards the end I was even thinking about who should play the different characters. (For some reason I kept imagining Kate Winslet as Josephine!).
It's a dark and at times desperate book, but it's gripping, powerful, controlled and written with such elegance. Olivia, (if you're reading this!) I'm so sorry for what you went through, but thank you for having the courage to share your ordeal. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I've read a lot of books about psychopaths and sociopaths recently, and I've also watched a lot on Netflix on this topic, so when 'My Mother, the Psychopath' arrived I did wonder if I was starting to get a bit jaded. But pretty much as soon as I opened the book I realised this wasn't the case.
This book is in a league of its own, both in the way the story unfolds and the writing itself, which is sometimes poignant and poetic, and sometimes relentlessly brutal...as I suppose the experience was in real life. There's definitely no sugar coating here. The story is written by Olivia with SM Nelson (who I believe is her friend Sofia in the book) and it works seamlessly...you never get that weird sense of two distinct voices, as I've experienced in other books with more than one author. It just works, and works really well. Each chapter is separated by a symptom of psychopathy, a fascinating touch that perfectly lead into the next chapter.
I don't want to give too much away in terms of what happens, but the book begins when Olivia is small and tells of her childhood growing up with a psychopathic mother. Josephine is a fascinating character. I absolutely despised her, but I also found her so interesting. Clive, Olivia's father, is much kinder but I found myself getting more angry at him than Josephine, because he just let all this stuff happen to his baby girl. That was one of the things I found hardest to understand. Josephine is a psychopath but Clive isn't, so why he felt it was OK to let his wife treat their daughter like this is crazy. There were a few moments where he stood up for Olivia, but they were few and far between. Josephine is terrible, but I couldn't help agree with her when she was calling her husband pathetic. He really is!
The story goes from England to the Caribbean to Berlin to Monaco and then back to England again, and I really liked the different settings for different periods of Olivia's life. There are no spoilers in this review, but I will highlight a few parts of the book that stood out for me:
– The pond/fish scene. Broke my heart. I could see it so well, and feel Olivia's horror and pain. Just awful.
- The chapter where Olivia goes berry picking. WTF! Really hard to read at times, especially towards the end, but so beautifully written you can't stop.
– Cher! I'm a massive Cher fan so I loved reading how her songs helped Olivia. I loved the part where she was saying the lyrics in her head to Josephine. But that part of the book is very upsetting too, and when Olivia is lying on her bed at the end of the chapter I actually sobbed #NoShame
- The last few chapters. Holy hell, just when you think Olivia's story can't get crazier, she manages to find the male version of her mother to go out with. Sean is a terrible person, and treated Olivia awfully, but this part is written in an almost nonchalant way, which I found disturbing but very effective, because it brings it home how much Olivia has normalised people treating her like dirt.
I won't spoil the ending, but I think it's important to note (because this book definitely is a hard read at times) that it's more inspirational and uplifting than sad.
All in all, I enjoyed 'My Mother The Psychopath' immensely. It wasn't what I thought it would be, but that's fine because it was much better. I could see this being a really powerful film, and towards the end I was even thinking about who should play the different characters. (For some reason I kept imagining Kate Winslet as Josephine!).
It's a dark and at times desperate book, but it's gripping, powerful, controlled and written with such elegance. Olivia, (if you're reading this!) I'm so sorry for what you went through, but thank you for having the courage to share your ordeal. I wish you all the luck in the world.
January 20, 2019
I read this a while ago. Don’t know what happened to my progress notes. Will add comments again soon with fuller review to come.
Originally read 7th December 2018
Out in January 2019 My Mother the Psychopath, Olivia Rayne is captivating and compelling, a wonderfully well written candid and unsettling memoir which reads like the best psychological thrillers out there.
Absolutely recommended. Review to come
Originally read 7th December 2018
Out in January 2019 My Mother the Psychopath, Olivia Rayne is captivating and compelling, a wonderfully well written candid and unsettling memoir which reads like the best psychological thrillers out there.
Absolutely recommended. Review to come
December 7, 2018
Captivating and compelling, a wonderfully well written candid and unsettling memoir which read like the best psychological thrillers out there.
Absolutely recommended.
Review to come.
Absolutely recommended.
Review to come.
May 21, 2024
If someone is hurting you and manipulating you and causing you fear, get rid of them. Know that it's not your fault, and never let someone without conscience convince you that you're not of value.
This is very tough to review. Was heartbreaking and inspiring.
And it's amazing how people are rating this based off their own experiences, their past dealings on psychopaths or uncaring parents (whether on the weak or strong side) or abuse. Each experience is someone's own. No one else can know anything about it personally. This is a true story about someone's true life experience. To say someone was too this or too that, or that their parent, friend, grandparent, partner, etc. was one way or the other; therefore, the author shouldn't've reacted or felt a certain way... It's condescending, assuming, impossible. Everyone deals with everything differently. There are nuances to - not only how each person acts regardless of their personality, but how it affects the individual, especially depending on what age it happened to said recipient and who that person was.
It's human nature (sadly) to compare and judge and it's easy to think/say things like "they should have done this or that" or "I wouldn't have allowed that to happen to me" or "I would have stopped it sooner" but you can't know. Conditioning is real. Judgement is easy.
This is the story of someone who grew up with a mother who was supposed to love them unconditionally but, instead, controlled every aspect of their life. There is no denying this. And, even if you want to call the author a liar, there are still people who experience things like this who can still be completely validated, can gain knowledge, can gain strength from this story. Who can relate to even the smallest part of this and go forward; make a change in their own life from this.
There is a lot of misdirection and miscommunication around what a psychopath's definition is. Mostly it's categorized as being a serial killer. Anything otherwise is just someone being dramatic or trying to label someone something to make someone else look bad. The definitions of certain characteristics of a psychopath before each chapter is a good addition for this reason, especially because it lays the grounds of said chapter. It also feels like it was the author's way of breaking it down in her mind as coming to terms that her mother is the very definition of a psychopath.
And that... Takes forever. But is completely understandable, especially as the story is broken down and we get the author's day-by-day life with her mother from childhood. This is inspiring in a way that the author was able to break away from her mother. She was able to reconnect with her grandmother (and she sounds like an amazing woman), able to regain-- no. Able to build her life for the first time without untoward feelings or guilt directed at her, without manipulation. I loved how her first job took her word and her behavior (while at the company) to heart instead of believing the words of her mother when she tried to destroy the author's career. That is beyond fantastic.
That wasn't an amazing book overall but was written well, easy read (as far as writing style) and valuable, especially for those going through traumatic experiences with others. At times, very tough to read.
TW: Read warnings (definitely more than just mine)! On my dubcon-noncon shelf because
April 1, 2019
4.5 stars.
Thank you to the publisher for sending me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
“In her eyes, I wasn’t my own person, separate from her. I was an extension of herself, like an extra arm or leg. I belonged to her. I was hers, yet she wasn’t mine.”
It’s very hard for me to review this book simply because of how heartbreaking and upsetting it was. I don’t want to say I “enjoyed” reading it as there was nothing enjoyable about Olivia’s experience. The book flowed nicely and read like fiction despite it being a memoir. I liked how some of the chapters were preceded by a description of the main psychopathy symptoms, which were later followed by real life accounts from Olivia’s life. I also have to add that up until half of the book, I was a little sceptical about the whole story. Surely a 6 year old child can’t remember that many details about how their parents behaved, what they said and did? I looked back on my childhood and could not remember most day to day events and how my mother or father acted. But later on in the story, when Olivia becomes a teenager, it becomes apparent that her story is true and that she has been through hell. I felt very upset reading some of the parts of how Olivia was treated by her own mother. No child should have to endure being treated like she did, go through all this trauma and not have anyone’s support. I’m also mad at her father for never stepping in. I hope he realises how big of a mistake that was.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wishes to gain a deeper insight into psychopathy. I am fascinated with the psychology of psychopaths, but still found the story to be rather disturbing. Please mind there are triggers of violence, physical and mental abuse and mental health issues.
Thank you to the publisher for sending me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
“In her eyes, I wasn’t my own person, separate from her. I was an extension of herself, like an extra arm or leg. I belonged to her. I was hers, yet she wasn’t mine.”
It’s very hard for me to review this book simply because of how heartbreaking and upsetting it was. I don’t want to say I “enjoyed” reading it as there was nothing enjoyable about Olivia’s experience. The book flowed nicely and read like fiction despite it being a memoir. I liked how some of the chapters were preceded by a description of the main psychopathy symptoms, which were later followed by real life accounts from Olivia’s life. I also have to add that up until half of the book, I was a little sceptical about the whole story. Surely a 6 year old child can’t remember that many details about how their parents behaved, what they said and did? I looked back on my childhood and could not remember most day to day events and how my mother or father acted. But later on in the story, when Olivia becomes a teenager, it becomes apparent that her story is true and that she has been through hell. I felt very upset reading some of the parts of how Olivia was treated by her own mother. No child should have to endure being treated like she did, go through all this trauma and not have anyone’s support. I’m also mad at her father for never stepping in. I hope he realises how big of a mistake that was.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wishes to gain a deeper insight into psychopathy. I am fascinated with the psychology of psychopaths, but still found the story to be rather disturbing. Please mind there are triggers of violence, physical and mental abuse and mental health issues.
February 11, 2019
Stories like Olivia Rayne’s are heartbreaking but sadly, not isolated instances. Everyone knows there are horrible parents around the world, but we rarely get an insight into just how awful living with a manipulative parent can be.
Olivia Rayne’s story is gutwrenching and terrifying. Growing up with a mother who is cold and distant sounds hard enough, but dealing with a mother who constantly reels you back in only to knock your self-esteem once again is torturous.
My mother, the Psychopath is a brilliant read. I found myself not wanting to put this book down!. The writing style is easy to read and I personally loved the inclusion of psychopathic symptoms at each chapter. It really shaped the direction of the novel and highlighted the traits Olivia Rayne’s mother showed in each section.
I’d recommend this to anyone who can stomach reading difficult stories. I think books like this are important as it reminds us that people like Olivia Rayne are more than just case studies, she represents the voice that so many suffering children do not have. As someone aiming to become a social worker, I only hope that one day I can prevent children from suffering at the hands of people like Olivia’s mother.
I’d like to thank the author and Netgalley for the eARC copy in exchange for an honest review.
Olivia Rayne’s story is gutwrenching and terrifying. Growing up with a mother who is cold and distant sounds hard enough, but dealing with a mother who constantly reels you back in only to knock your self-esteem once again is torturous.
My mother, the Psychopath is a brilliant read. I found myself not wanting to put this book down!. The writing style is easy to read and I personally loved the inclusion of psychopathic symptoms at each chapter. It really shaped the direction of the novel and highlighted the traits Olivia Rayne’s mother showed in each section.
I’d recommend this to anyone who can stomach reading difficult stories. I think books like this are important as it reminds us that people like Olivia Rayne are more than just case studies, she represents the voice that so many suffering children do not have. As someone aiming to become a social worker, I only hope that one day I can prevent children from suffering at the hands of people like Olivia’s mother.
I’d like to thank the author and Netgalley for the eARC copy in exchange for an honest review.
February 6, 2019
This is one of the most gripping and fascinating books I have ever read! Even though the book is recounting real events it feels like a story as it's so well written. Such interesting insights into what it would be like having a psychopath mother, and I felt so angry at points and couldn't believe what I was reading! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
March 18, 2019
No doubt her mother will come across this book and know its her. And then being a psycho she will appear on the review pages , probably post one of her own gaslighting , victimised, narcistic post. I hope she reads this one.....your a complete bitch. I hope karma catches you fast.
January 12, 2020
±3.75 stars
Quite a chilling story! At times scary, often frustrating, but intriguing throughout. I learned a bit more about psychopathy, as well, which was interesting. I don't have much more to say, but I liked it.
Quite a chilling story! At times scary, often frustrating, but intriguing throughout. I learned a bit more about psychopathy, as well, which was interesting. I don't have much more to say, but I liked it.
December 10, 2018
I found this book really fascinating, heartbreaking and an eye opener. Really well written had me hooked.
February 1, 2019
Reminded me one someone I used to work with
February 6, 2019
Too real...
November 3, 2019
Have you ever read a book that you'd pooh-pooh for being too farfetched if it was fiction? Except this isn't fiction. This is that book! Shocking, heartbreaking and utterly gripping.
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