Counselling Quotes

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy

“For far too long, the female gender has been plagued with stereotypes, typecasting, as well as, subtle and blatant discrimination.”
― Asa Don Brown

“For example, in order to identify these schemas or clarify faulty relational expectations, therapists working from an object relations, attachment, or cognitive behavioral framework often ask themselves (and their clients) questions like these: 1. What does the client tend to want from me or others? (For example, clients who repeatedly were ignored, dismissed, or even rejected might wish to be responded to emotionally, reached out to when they have a problem, or to be taken seriously when they express a concern.) 2. What does the client usually expect from others? (Different clients might expect others to diminish or compete with them, to take advantage and try to exploit them, or to admire and idealize them as special.) 3. What is the client’s experience of self in relationship to others? (For example, they might think of themselves as being unimportant or unwanted, burdensome to others, or responsible for handling everything.) 4. What are the emotional reactions that keep recurring? (In relationships, the client may repeatedly find himself feeling insecure or worried, self-conscious or ashamed, or—for those who have enjoyed better developmental experiences—perhaps confident and appreciated.) 5. As a result of these core beliefs, what are the client’s interpersonal strategies for coping with his relational problems? (Common strategies include seeking approval or trying to please others, complying and going along with what others want them to do, emotionally disengaging or physically withdrawing from others, or trying to dominate others through intimidation or control others via criticism and disapproval.) 6. Finally, what kind of reactions do these interpersonal styles tend to elicit from the therapist and others? (For example, when interacting together, others often may feel boredom, disinterest, or irritation; a press to rescue or take care of them in some way; or a helpless feeling that no matter how hard we try, whatever we do to help disappoints them and fails to meet their need.)”
― Edward Teyber, Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

“Suffering is a form of knowledge. It tells us what is wrong with our world.”
― David Smail, Implausible Professions : Arguments for Pluralism and Autonomy in Psychotherapy and Counselling

“Wise people advice from experience. Wiser people, from experience, do not advice.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“Some people spend years in counselling trying to cope with being fucked up. I just move on. The fucked-upness always goes. The conventional wisdom is that you're running away, you should learn to cope with being fucked-up. I don't hold with that. Life is a dynamic rather than a static process, and when we don't change it kills us. It's not running away, it's moving on.”
― Irvine Welsh, Glue

“Behavior is basically the goal-directed attempt of the organism to satisfy its needs as experienced, in the field as perceived.”
― Carl R. Rogers, Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory

“An openness to being changed by the client is required of the person-centred therapist. A person-centred therapist who is closed off from being changed implicitly denies the full humanity of the client.”
― David Murphy, Relational Depth: New Perspectives and Developments

“As long as you carry a functional brain inside your head, you are susceptible to depression and eventually – to suicidal thoughts. The brain will malfunction if the wiring is triggered the wrong way and that is an inescapable reality for all of us.
The only advice I can give is – if the wiring does go wrong, seek help. Talk to someone and trust me, someone will listen to you. You need not be ashamed, just take that first step and reach out to someone.”
― Thabo Katlholo, Blame Less: A Grim Journey Into the Life of a Chronic Blamer

“It is extremely rare for most people to give you advice without thinking they are better or smarter than you.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Learning from an experience is more convincing than learning from an advice.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“Along with your advice also offer your assistance, if your advice fail them, your assistance may save them.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“He who understands you is greater kin to you than your own brother. For even your own kindred may neither understand you nor know your true worth.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Wisdom of Gibran: Aphorisms and Maxims

“One person’s words can be a healing balm. The same words from another can be sweet poison. Harsh words from one person can be malice. The same words from another can save a life.”
― Donna Goddard, The Love of Devotion

“One who pans for gold can't expect to dip up only gold, or even attempt to. He must blindly scoop the sand from the river bottom. He doesn't have the privilege of finding out in advance whether he will succeed. Maybe there's no gold in it, but maybe there is. Yet the one thing certain is that the person who doesn't pan for gold never gets any richer.”
― Yukio Mishima, Thirst for Love

“The aim of therapy is not to help people transition through a sex change, and nor is it to try to persuade them against having a sex change. Neither of these aims is appropriate as they would indicate an overt or hidden agenda on the part of the therapist, who would not be in a position to help the patient, as their own political, moral or religious ideals would interfere with their ability to adopt an essentially impartial position.”
― Az Hakeem, TRANS: Exploring Gender Identity and Gender Dysphoria

“To lovers out there...

Don’t hate your partner to ignore the things that matter to you. Teach them what matters to you , so that it can matter to them too. Don't think they don’t care about you, because of something that matters to you it doesn’t matter to them.”
― De philosopher DJ Kyos

“For me the very essence of the Person-Centred Approach is about individuality, which leads to a community of acceptance characterised by difference.”
― Terry Daly, Idiosyncratic Person-Centred Therapy: From the Personal to the Universal

“When therapy becomes something so structured in its formulation that it's the same, whoever does it, then the humanity of it will have been lost and artificial artificial intelligence may well be the logical replacement for our therapeutic disciplines.”
― Penny Lenihan, Counselling Skills for Working with Gender Diversity and Identity

“In our material world, love can be contaminated and distorted and associated with control, dependency, possession, lust, rejection, jealousy, hurt, abandonment and abuse. This has been the past experience of 'love' for many... Thus, to provide a different model of love is, in itself, therapeutic and healing.”
― Sue Hawkins, Relational Depth: New Perspectives and Developments

“The therapist seeking to offer a relationship at depth does not use the relationship as a means to treat, cure or change the client's problem. The clients problem is accepted and respected as a expression of their self-experience, but it does not define the person: the therapist remains oriented towards the whole person - not towards the client's specific symptoms or difficulties.”
― Elke Lambers

“Psychotherapy is not a method of repairing problems or fostering personal happiness. That is psychotechnique. On the contrary ... it is fundamentally an ethical and a political task.”
― Peter F. Schmid, Relational Depth: New Perspectives and Developments

“The commitment within the person-centred approach [is] to dismantling the structural distribution of power within society.”
― David Murphy, Relational Depth: New Perspectives and Developments

“In a counselling context, theory should be held lightly. It is always inadequate in that it reduces complexity to a series of simple statements.”
― Tony Merry, Idiosyncratic Person-Centred Therapy: From the Personal to the Universal

“We need to enter into the counselling relationship not as curious and objective observers, but as involved and active participants.”
― Tony Merry, Idiosyncratic Person-Centred Therapy: From the Personal to the Universal

“If we concentrate exclusively on the 'individual-as-presented', we are much more likely to see their present emotional difficulties as deriving from internal adaptations - but without reference to what necessitated those adaptations in the first place. Since adaptations are essentially ways of protecting ourselves, we need to be aware of what external threats the individual may be protecting themself against.”
― Anne Kearney, Counselling, Class and Politics: Undeclared Influences in Therapy

“I think sometimes I feel like I have to run in with the fire hose and the helmet on and save these people. But sometimes the lesson really is: That person can walk down the stairs and out the door themselves.

Do I really need to put myself through that emotional experience? Is this of service? Or is this just my ego finding and deriving self-esteem by rescuing somebody?”
― Sabrina Tully

“Working with graduate students laid the foundation for my approach to clinical supervision. My commitment was to initiate the students into the counselling profession, to help them to develop the required theoretical and practical skills, to grow in self-awareness, to develop the relational skills that provided a sense of safety and security for those seeking help, and to gain confidence as an effective helper. It became clear to me that providing clinical supervision did not follow a linear path but rather had many twists and turns.”
― Augustine Meier, Practical Clinical Supervision for Psychotherapists: A Self and Relational Approach

“There is great sorrow in my heart today.
Then tell us why you are sad.
How will telling help?
My son, one who is sad can find relief by talking about his sorrow to a friend.”
― A.N.D. Haksar, Simhasana Dvatrimsika: Thirty-Two Tales of the Throne of Vikramaditya

“If saying a different pronoun is that difficult for us due to the cultural programming we've had around gender, we can start to get a picture of the power of the structures trapping our [trans] clients.”
― Sam Hope, Person-Centred Counselling for Trans and Gender Diverse People: A Practical Guide