Fart Quotes

“My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.”
― James Joyce, Selected Letters of James Joyce

“Purple light passed over the paper, but nothing happened.
"Next!" Amy said. She was sure the man in black was going to burst in on them any second.
"Whoa!" Dan said.
Amy gripped his arm. "You found it?"
"No, but look! This whole essay - 'To the Royal Academy.' He wrote a whole essay on farts!" Dan grinned with delight. "He's proposing a scientific study on different fart smells. You're right, Amy. This guy was a genius!”
― Rick Riordan, The Maze of Bones

“O woman,
father says natural is beautiful
so why do you redden your cheeks
and blacken your eyes?
Why do you remove the hair on your legs
and draw them into your brows?
Why do you hold your breath
lest your stomach show
and hold your fart
lest they know
that you’re a human? O woman,
father says natural is beautiful
so why do you straighten your hair
to curl it next
and pretend to orgasm
so they think you enjoyed the sex?
Why do you dumb yourself down
and push your breasts up?
Why do you smile when you’re told to
and love when you don’t want to?
When? When
will you stop, woman?
Father says natural is beautiful
but that is doubtful
for what does father know
he’s only a fellow.”
― Kamand Kojouri

“I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.
“Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.”
― James Patterson, The Final Warning

“Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.”
― Mark Twain, On Masturbation

“My sweet naughty girl I got your hot letter tonight and have been trying to picture you frigging your cunt in the closet. How do you do it? Do you stand against the wall with your hand tickling up under your clothes or do you squat down on the hole with your skirts up and your hand hard at work in through the slit of your drawers? Does it give you the horn now to shit? I wonder how you can do it. Do you come in the act of shitting or do you frig yourself off first and then shit? It must be a fearfully lecherous thing to see a girl with her clothes up frigging furiously at her cunt, to see her pretty white drawers pulled open behind and her bum sticking out and a fat brown thing stuck half-way out of her hole. You say you will shit your drawers, dear, and let me fuck you then. I would like to hear you shit them, dear, first and then fuck you. Some night when we are somewhere in the dark and talking dirty and you feel your shite ready to fall put your arms round my neck in shame and shit it down softly. The sound will madden me and when I pull up your dress.”
― James Joyce

“Some well-meaning folks think if we stop talking about racism, it’ll magically disappear, like the smell of an errant fart. But like a fart, people might try to be polite and ignore it, but everyone knows it’s there. Avoidance has never been a great tactic in solving any problem. For most situations in life, not addressing what's going wrong only makes matters worse. It’s like someone breaks your arm, and the person who slammed the baseball bat into it is saying, 'The only reason it won’t heal is because you keep complaining that it hurts.' How about you get me a cast so the bone can set straight again? America does not want to put the effort into providing this cast. This is why we must talk about race, and we must do it openly.”
― Luvvie Ajayi, I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual

“The notion of "cause and effect" is sometimes useful in real life, and it can even be interesting in art, but I'm more interested in "cause and cause" or "effect and effect" or "and and and".”
― kevin mcpherson eckhoff

“Listening to her spooling out impractical and transcendental picture-concepts like a hyperventilating tickertape he felt the weight lift from him, floating in a sweet and putrid lager fart to dissipate beneath the starry, vast obsidian pudding bowl of closing time, inverted and set down upon the Burroughs as though keeping flies away.”
― Alan Moore, Jerusalem

“Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Well, it was so quiet you could have heard a molecule fart three states away.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“... learning the knack of disconnecting her sense of smell, until she could switch it off like a radio and in the bland silence of its absence could drown in the sound of Nazarébaddoor’s hypnotic voice without having her reverie interrupted by the scent of sheep shit or Nazarébaddoor’s own frequent and extraordinary buffalo farts.”
― Salman Rushdie, Shalimar the Clown

“Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!”
― Pawan Mishra, Coinman: An Untold Conspiracy

“I don't know the ultimate fate of a suppressed fart.”
― Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

“The greatest fart ive herd of all time came from a man called big al bundy. As we were leaving work, he was in full momentum walking with great pace and a spring in his step telling every one a story. And then came straight outa crapton, RUMPA, PUMP, THUMP!.

In a 3 part fart it hesitated to exit big al on first and second attempt, but on the 3rd and final push he flexed his right leg giving more rev than a Ferrari. He let off an atomic bomb, it could have welded the titanic back together.

Best part about it, bundy just kept on bobbing along outa work with his spade in hand and wife beater tucked into levies.”
― Andrew Fairnie

“To fart or not to fart, that is the question.”
― Steven Magee

“I have always been proud to produce a fart so foul that it would clear a room. However, when I developed gastrointestinal disease, the farts were so pungent that even I had to leave the room!”
― Steven Magee

“When you are with any of the vast majority of sane people who can talk, silence is usually as infrequent—and definitely as brief—as the sound of a fart.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Friendship: A Satirical Essay

“No adult is ever too far from a fart.”
― VKBoy, Shambala Sect

“With his arms swinging he stretches twice. Spade work has bent his stocky frame. At the end of the second stretch, he farts. It's his ritual.”
― Jean Giono, Colline

“An embarrassed mind thinks their fart echoed across the mountains.”
― Lirzod Basha, Shambala Sect

“I am something incorrect: a hair in the cottage cheese. Something uncouth: a fart in the elevator.”
― Lorrie Moore

“Love is like a fart...If you have to force it … its probably shit...”
― Bhushan Mahadani

“It is not an easy thing for certain men and women to remain hidden. However, they accomplish this in a variety of ways. Remember the story of the Sufi Master who deliberately passed wind to rid himself of students who were not there out of a love of Essence? Many stories such as this have been told.”
― Laurence Galian, The Sun at Midnight: The Revealed Mysteries of the Ahlul Bayt Sufis

“Wah!!! Wah!!! Wah!!! Fart!!! Vomit!!! Smile! Naptime!”
― Steven Magee

“Women slagging off other women for perceived physical imperfection is like farting in a spaceship: everyone on board suffers, including she who dealt it.”
― Caitlin Moran, More Than a Woman

“The night was eerily silent, save for the crackle of the fire and some farts of fear from the tent that Rip affectionately called “fear-ts.”
― GLEN NESBITT, Joe the Alien

“I prefer the wit of Shakespeare or Mark Twain. But, truth be told, to get a laugh, a cheap laugh, all you have to do is..." Rip interrupted with another well-timed fart.”
― GLEN NESBITT, Joe the Alien

“fart with lust”
― James Joyce, Selected Letters of James Joyce

“Griselda, satisfied she’d solved the riddle, and the pressure relieved, farted. She prescribed a bowl of tansy, good for killing worms and cleansing the bowels.”
― Fusty Luggs, Heaven Won't Wait