Grammar Humor Quotes

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“I might not use capital letters. But I would definitely use an apostrophe…and probably a period. I’m a huge fan of punctuation.”
― Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

“And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Frankly, I wonder who Frank was, and why he has an adverb all to himself.”
― Jodi Picoult, House Rules

“Thurber was asked by a correspondent: "Why did you have a comma in the sentence, 'After dinner, the men went into the living-room'?" And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. "This particular comma," Thurber explained, "was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up.”
― Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

“Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.”
― Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet.”
― Russell Brand, My Booky Wook

“I really do not know that anything has ever been more exciting than diagramming sentences.”
― Gertrude Stein, Lectures in America

“There's a fine line between funny and annoying – and it's exactly the width of a quotation mark.”
― Martha Brockenbrough

“Whom" may indeed be on the way out, but so is Venice, and we still like to go there.”
― Mary Norris, Between You & Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen

“Once I start thinking about splitting the skin apart, I literally cannot not do it. I apologize for the double negative, but it’s a real double negative of a situation, a bind from which negating the negation is truly the only escape.”
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

“I fail to see why you did not understand that groceryman, he did not call it 'ground ground nuts,' he called it ground ground-nuts which is the only really SENSible thing to call it. Peanuts grow in the GROUND and are therefore GROUND-nuts, and after you take them out of the ground you grind them up and you have ground ground-nuts, which is a much more accurate name than peanut butter, you just don't understand English.”
― Helene Hanff, 84, Charing Cross Road

“I am nothing if not misanthropic," declared Sebastian.
"I think you mean philanthropic," said Henry.
"God, you are so perdantic."
"That would be pedantic."
"See! You're even perdantic about the word perdantic.”
― Kevin Ansbro, The Fish That Climbed a Tree

“Some writers write to forget. Some forget to write.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“It is high time we turned to Grammar now," said Doctor Cornelius, in a loud voice. "Will your Royal Highness be pleased to open Pulverulentus Siccus at the fourth page of his 'Grammatical Garden or the Arbour of Accidence pleasantlie open'd to Tender Wits?”
― C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian

“Even though being a good speller has lost its ranking in school, we can hope there is one group of artisans that still finds spelling important…the tattoo artist”
― Nanette L. Avery

“No es lo mismo estar dormido que estar durmiendo, de la misma manera que no es lo mismo estar jodido que estar jodiendo.
-- En respuesta al senador y mosén Lluis María Xirinacs que le recriminaba estar dormido en su escaño del senado. --”
― Camilo José Cela

“Yes yes yes, we'll get the grammar police onto her first thing. Do they have actual powers of arrest, do you think? Or will they just hang her from the nearest participle?”
― Mick Herron, London Rules

“Anyone who uses that phrase [between you and I] lives in a grammarless cavern.”
― Henry Watson Fowler

“Punctuation marks are like road signs; without them we just may get lost...”
― Nanette L. Avery

“Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example," explained Lady Cavendish. "You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots

“I’ve been too fucking busy, and vice versa.”
― Mark Forsyth, The Elements of Eloquence: How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase

“Use exclamation points sparingly, you don’t want to give someone a heart attack!”
― Nanette L. Avery

“All right." Kitty took a breath. "To whoever--"
"You mean whomever."
Kitty's eyes narrowed. "Whatever.”
― Allie Ray, Suffering Fools

“Among the honeysuckles
Sits the dandelion
Sticking out like
A semicolon
In a poem”
― Nanette L. Avery

“Maintain consistency, achieve success...even with expletives.”
― Erika M. Weinert

“Than is both a conjunction and a preposition; it’s a floor wax and a dessert topping.”
― Dennis Baron

“Entrepreneurs are, by definition, active types, so how is it that so much business writing sags with the passive voice?

...If you are using the passive voice to evade responsibility, start owning up. If you are using it out of habit or laziness, or because you just didn’t think about it, start thinking about it.”
― Constance Hale, Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wicked Good Prose

“A day without adverbs is a day without tomorrow….”
― Nanette L. Avery

“I cannot take advice from anyone who does not know how to use the words, know and no correctly.”
― Niedria Dionne Kenny