Humorous Quotes Quotes
Quotes tagged as "humorous-quotes"
Showing 1-30 of 1,464
![Owen Wister](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1253089916i/98909._UX200_CR0,27,200,200_.jpg)
“Forgive my asking you to use your mind. It is a thing which no novelist should expect of his reader...”
― The Virginian
― The Virginian
![Rick Riordan](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1679846356i/15872._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“Otis," I said.
"Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis."
"I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."
Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.”
― The Hammer of Thor
"Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis."
"I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."
Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.”
― The Hammer of Thor
![Soman Chainani](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1483891427i/780120._UX200_CR0,30,200,200_.jpg)
“You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!
To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found it thoughtful.”
― The School for Good and Evil
To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found it thoughtful.”
― The School for Good and Evil
![Neil Gaiman](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1234150163i/1221698._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with me, I shall give you no aid of any kind, nor shall I assist you, and I shall do whatever is in my power to frustrate your plans and devices.' And then she added, with feeling, 'Idiot.”
― Stardust
― Stardust
![Brandon Sanderson](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1721927489i/38550._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“Good night, sweet prince,” M-Bot whispered as the junk crashed to the ground. “Or princess. Or, most likely, genderless piece of inanimate space junk.”
― Skyward
― Skyward
![Merlin Franco](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1697989619i/18122100._UX200_CR0,50,200,200_.jpg)
“I meditate fourteen hours a day—two hours out of bed and twelve hours in bed. The mortals call it sleeping, but the enlightened are awake. It’s just the body that sleeps.”
― Saint Richard Parker
― Saint Richard Parker
![Merlin Franco](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1697989619i/18122100._UX200_CR0,50,200,200_.jpg)
“Rule number one on a dance floor: if you see that girl who smiles for no reason, gives you boobs-pressing hugs, compliments you, and encourages you to keep on dancing, then she is an event promoter or a multilevel marketing agent”
― Saint Richard Parker
― Saint Richard Parker
![Oliver Markus](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1400172173i/7736866._UX200_CR0,50,200,200_.jpg)
“If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.”
―
―
![Richelle E. Goodrich](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1714753927i/5082833._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“Don't ignore me. I only get more annoying.”
― Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, and Grumblings for Every Day of the Year
― Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, and Grumblings for Every Day of the Year
![Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1264002881i/113328._UX200_CR0,38,200,200_.jpg)
“A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you're the star. And you don't miss anything by falling asleep!”
― Mr. Wrong
― Mr. Wrong
![Dennis Miller](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1226633348i/136924._UY200_CR20,0,200,200_.jpg)
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”
―
―
![Hieronymus Hawkes](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1636570567i/20291140._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg)
“Kasia grinned in her particularly diabolical way, as if she knew something juicy and world shattering, but you didn’t quite measure up enough to deserve knowing.”
― Effacement
― Effacement
![Lisa Kleypas](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1288899037i/27847._UX200_CR0,28,200,200_.jpg)
“Sam was waiting for her,his gaze sweeping over her. "Looks great."
"I look like a geek," Lucy said. "I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra."
"My dream date.”
― Rainshadow Road
"I look like a geek," Lucy said. "I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra."
"My dream date.”
― Rainshadow Road
![Hieronymus Hawkes](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1636570567i/20291140._UX200_CR0,49,200,200_.jpg)
“What do you read, Westbay? Romance novels?” She said it like reading romance was on par with chronic farting.”
― Effacement
― Effacement
![Matthew Bracey](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1593380941i/20155604._UX200_CR0,2,200,200_.jpg)
“He had the gift of the gab and could sell sand to Arabs. Hell, he could sell a bag of dildos to a nun – no joke”
― Steel Dogs
― Steel Dogs
![Scott Westerfeld](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1616769389i/13957._UX200_CR0,44,200,200_.jpg)
“Assisted him? Dylan made the repairs. I only fell and hit my head, from what I can recall. Yes, I make excellent deadweight.”
― Goliath
― Goliath
![James Dashner](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1473791260i/348878._UX200_CR0,52,200,200_.jpg)
“if any of your body parts become detached due to an unfortunate encounter with a crank, I highly advise you leave said body part behind and run like hell. Unless it's a leg, of course.”
― The Death Cure
― The Death Cure
“I have noticed that the majority of people procrastinate. In fact, it’s way more common than the common cold itself.”
― Procrasdemon - The Artist's Guide to Liberation from Procrastination
― Procrasdemon - The Artist's Guide to Liberation from Procrastination
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