(1) Pretty good as far as self-help books go, and very resonant as a compulsive gotta-have-it-all type. Quick, readable, non-preachy. I definitely buy(1) Pretty good as far as self-help books go, and very resonant as a compulsive gotta-have-it-all type. Quick, readable, non-preachy. I definitely buy the core argument that we're always making choices/tradeoffs, so the most important thing is choosing our priorities consciously.
(2) Still, there's something ironic about the "self-help for corporate burnouts" genre. Like, this is the kind of book I'd only imagine you'd pick up if you were already addicted to optimization. I assume that most people reading this *are* still framing the lessons in terms of net productivity gains—e.g. that focusing on fewer things helps you do better in the areas you do prioritize.
(3) Something else that bothers me—and why I don't read much of this kind of self-help in general—is that there's an implicit assumption that all productivity/culture is bad, we are all victims to capitalism, Shadowy Corporate Forces are pressuring us to try to do more, etc. And while this is sometimes true, lots of people want to get more done for reasons that have nothing to do with our bosses. A lot of laborious activities *are* authentic and pro-social and impactful. I think it's good to look for strategies to squeeze these in, and the world would be worse if everyone believed their life was meaningless and they should spend all their energy on leisure. (Especially true in light of #2; I'd bet the people reading this are disproportionately likely to have the privilege/power to do things.)...more
1) I don't think Berg & Wiseman are nearly as "ambivalent" as the title seems. Reading as someone who probably wants children, this book has a pretty 1) I don't think Berg & Wiseman are nearly as "ambivalent" as the title seems. Reading as someone who probably wants children, this book has a pretty transparent tilt—to rebut common arguments against having children. I don't think they're secret pronatalists in disguise, but the book feels driven by the authors' frustration with the contemporary antinatalist turn. (Fine, but readers will be happier adjusting their expectations.)
2) Still, I was compelled by some of their arguments—in particular, that a hyper-individualistic, self-conscious society takes a stressful and unhelpful approach to the "motherhood decision." I was reminded of Agnes Callard's Aspiration, where she explains motherhood not as making a rational decision under one's current values framework, but deciding to pursue a new identity and value-set altogether, even if that experience remains unavoidably opaque to the present self.
3) I really loved the sections analyzing motherhood literature as a genre (especially Chapter 3), e.g. from 19th-century comedies of manners to 21st century "motherhood ambivalence" autofiction (which I was glad to see them critique). From Ferrante's "The Lost Daughter" to Heti's "Motherhood" to Peters's "Detransition, Baby," Berg & Wiseman track literary representations of ambivalent mothers alongside shifts in the status of women broadly. You can really drive yourself crazy ruminating over artistic identity in a room of one's own.
4) Chapters 1 and 2 felt less novel. Their survey work seemed to bias heavily toward highly educated, "professional class" women, and the "feminism through the ages" review was pretty basic. I also didn't especially understand their handling of climate doomers (which I find silly as a reason against kids anyway)—the value of everyday activities like activism, art appreciation, and friendship somehow requires the continuation of future generations?
5) The book ends on a personal note rather than a philosophical one. Berg's concluding essay on her own motherhood experience is heartfelt, witty, loving, and real—her sudden, welcome shift in tone completely supplanted the impression of everything before it. Ah, so this is what you really wanted to say all along! I remember thinking. Never mind the theory: faith and feeling is where these decisions lie....more
emma cline is fighting an uphill battle: there are few genres as saturated as new york sad girl age gap lit fic (luster, a very nice girl) & thrilleryemma cline is fighting an uphill battle: there are few genres as saturated as new york sad girl age gap lit fic (luster, a very nice girl) & thrillery eat-the-rich satires (parasite, menu, white lotus) — not to mention a meandering plot and very hateable main character.
yet i ended up surprisingly invested in this story. cline is a precise documenter of social minutiae & drives the narrative forward with a strong sense of tv-drama pacing. she’s a minimalist — e.g. each character gets just enough backstory and not a drop more — which is unsatisfying at times, but also prevents the book from dragging. a real feat!...more
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