Stepheny's Reviews > The Magicians

Prepare yourselves for a rant-filled scathing review. So. Much. Hate.

When I read the Martian I really never thought there would be a book I would hate more. But boy am I putting my foot in my mouth on that one! The Magicians was the winner by a landslide for The Most Obnoxious Book of the Year Award!

Congratulations, Lev Grossman! Your book fucking sucks.



This book was said to be the “adult version of Harry Potter.” Those are some big balls you have making that claim. Especially to someone like me. This is NOT anywhere near as good as Harry Potter. In fact, you may as well compare hippogriffs to flobberworms! I mean, seriously. The two aren't even in the same realm, let alone the same fucking genre. Everything that Harry Potter is is exactly what the Magicians isn’t.



Now, I can forgive the idiot who decided to use the slogan “the adult version of Harry Potter” to help sell the Magicians. Clearly that person is a fucking moron who never read either book. It’s ok, I’ve forgiven him/her. What I can’t forgive is Lev Grossman creating the most obnoxious character I have ever encountered. That’s right! Step aside, Bella! Quentin has taken your place atop the list of Most Useless Main Character!



Quentin is…oh dear. I am not even sure where to start. Quentin is just awful. He’s plagued with self-loathing and yet so incredibly full of himself that he he’s blinded by his own shit because his head is crammed up his own ass. The dumbass actually has the audacity to demean his girlfriend for cheating on him after he cheated on her. He acts as if he is completely innocent and then rips her to pieces verbally. That’s just one example but my god, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Great storytelling, Lev!



The only memorable moment for me throughout this heaping pile of shit book was that they got turned into geese where they flew to the south pole…or was it the north? Ah, fuck it. It doesn't matter anyway because the whole storyline was pointless. Anyway, they later get turned into arctic foxes and then they fuck. The single most exciting moment in the whole entire book.



But listen, this book has absolutely no point. None. Quentin figures out he is a special snowflake- shocker. And then goes to school at the Special Snowflake Academy where he learns some magic tricks. But no one knows where the magic comes from you know. Like it’s apart of your being, ya know. And it’s all like hipster meets grunge mentality there. Everyone is so fucking privileged but they do nothing but bitch about their parents and life. Oh. And the school? Well, that could have been interesting. But instead we get barely half of the book worth of schooling before they are all graduated and find out that their lives don’t matter. They can do everything. But…DUN DUN DUN! They can also do nothing! Fascinating. No?



No. I suppose you’re right.

I almost never tell people not to read books. But if you value your sanity I would stay far, far away from this book. What a disappointment. I will not be continuing the series. I do not care what happens to anyone in it. I don’t care to see how the story progresses. I do not care one bit. So please, do not tell me how awesome the rest of them are. I will kill you lock you up in my basement and feed you to Jeff and Mr. KIng.