Stepheny's Reviews > The Magicians
The Magicians
by
Prepare yourselves for a rant-filled scathing review. So. Much. Hate.
When I read the Martian I really never thought there would be a book I would hate more. But boy am I putting my foot in my mouth on that one! The Magicians was the winner by a landslide for The Most Obnoxious Book of the Year Award!
Congratulations, Lev Grossman! Your book fucking sucks.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801300.gif)
This book was said to be the “adult version of Harry Potter.” Those are some big balls you have making that claim. Especially to someone like me. This is NOT anywhere near as good as Harry Potter. In fact, you may as well compare hippogriffs to flobberworms! I mean, seriously. The two aren't even in the same realm, let alone the same fucking genre. Everything that Harry Potter is is exactly what the Magicians isn’t.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1380222758ra/281747.gif)
Now, I can forgive the idiot who decided to use the slogan “the adult version of Harry Potter” to help sell the Magicians. Clearly that person is a fucking moron who never read either book. It’s ok, I’ve forgiven him/her. What I can’t forgive is Lev Grossman creating the most obnoxious character I have ever encountered. That’s right! Step aside, Bella! Quentin has taken your place atop the list of Most Useless Main Character!
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801301.gif)
Quentin is…oh dear. I am not even sure where to start. Quentin is just awful. He’s plagued with self-loathing and yet so incredibly full of himself that he he’s blinded by his own shit because his head is crammed up his own ass. The dumbass actually has the audacity to demean his girlfriend for cheating on him after he cheated on her. He acts as if he is completely innocent and then rips her to pieces verbally. That’s just one example but my god, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Great storytelling, Lev!
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801302.gif)
The only memorable moment for me throughout this heaping pile of shit book was that they got turned into geese where they flew to the south pole…or was it the north? Ah, fuck it. It doesn't matter anyway because the whole storyline was pointless. Anyway, they later get turned into arctic foxes and then they fuck. The single most exciting moment in the whole entire book.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1444760453ra/16548514.gif)
But listen, this book has absolutely no point. None. Quentin figures out he is a special snowflake- shocker. And then goes to school at the Special Snowflake Academy where he learns some magic tricks. But no one knows where the magic comes from you know. Like it’s apart of your being, ya know. And it’s all like hipster meets grunge mentality there. Everyone is so fucking privileged but they do nothing but bitch about their parents and life. Oh. And the school? Well, that could have been interesting. But instead we get barely half of the book worth of schooling before they are all graduated and find out that their lives don’t matter. They can do everything. But…DUN DUN DUN! They can also do nothing! Fascinating. No?
No. I suppose you’re right.
I almost never tell people not to read books. But if you value your sanity I would stay far, far away from this book. What a disappointment. I will not be continuing the series. I do not care what happens to anyone in it. I don’t care to see how the story progresses. I do not care one bit. So please, do not tell me how awesome the rest of them are. I willkill you lock you up in my basement and feed you to Jeff and Mr. KIng.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453232205ra/17801338.gif)
by
![7091879](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p2/7091879.jpg)
Prepare yourselves for a rant-filled scathing review. So. Much. Hate.
When I read the Martian I really never thought there would be a book I would hate more. But boy am I putting my foot in my mouth on that one! The Magicians was the winner by a landslide for The Most Obnoxious Book of the Year Award!
Congratulations, Lev Grossman! Your book fucking sucks.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801300.gif)
This book was said to be the “adult version of Harry Potter.” Those are some big balls you have making that claim. Especially to someone like me. This is NOT anywhere near as good as Harry Potter. In fact, you may as well compare hippogriffs to flobberworms! I mean, seriously. The two aren't even in the same realm, let alone the same fucking genre. Everything that Harry Potter is is exactly what the Magicians isn’t.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1380222758ra/281747.gif)
Now, I can forgive the idiot who decided to use the slogan “the adult version of Harry Potter” to help sell the Magicians. Clearly that person is a fucking moron who never read either book. It’s ok, I’ve forgiven him/her. What I can’t forgive is Lev Grossman creating the most obnoxious character I have ever encountered. That’s right! Step aside, Bella! Quentin has taken your place atop the list of Most Useless Main Character!
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801301.gif)
Quentin is…oh dear. I am not even sure where to start. Quentin is just awful. He’s plagued with self-loathing and yet so incredibly full of himself that he he’s blinded by his own shit because his head is crammed up his own ass. The dumbass actually has the audacity to demean his girlfriend for cheating on him after he cheated on her. He acts as if he is completely innocent and then rips her to pieces verbally. That’s just one example but my god, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Great storytelling, Lev!
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801302.gif)
The only memorable moment for me throughout this heaping pile of shit book was that they got turned into geese where they flew to the south pole…or was it the north? Ah, fuck it. It doesn't matter anyway because the whole storyline was pointless. Anyway, they later get turned into arctic foxes and then they fuck. The single most exciting moment in the whole entire book.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1444760453ra/16548514.gif)
But listen, this book has absolutely no point. None. Quentin figures out he is a special snowflake- shocker. And then goes to school at the Special Snowflake Academy where he learns some magic tricks. But no one knows where the magic comes from you know. Like it’s apart of your being, ya know. And it’s all like hipster meets grunge mentality there. Everyone is so fucking privileged but they do nothing but bitch about their parents and life. Oh. And the school? Well, that could have been interesting. But instead we get barely half of the book worth of schooling before they are all graduated and find out that their lives don’t matter. They can do everything. But…DUN DUN DUN! They can also do nothing! Fascinating. No?
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453231963ra/17801303.gif)
No. I suppose you’re right.
I almost never tell people not to read books. But if you value your sanity I would stay far, far away from this book. What a disappointment. I will not be continuing the series. I do not care what happens to anyone in it. I don’t care to see how the story progresses. I do not care one bit. So please, do not tell me how awesome the rest of them are. I will
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1453232205ra/17801338.gif)
Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read
The Magicians.
Sign In »
Reading Progress
January 17, 2015
– Shelved
January 18, 2015
–
57.14%
"Had trouble even concentrating for these 8 pages. Don't know if it's because I was tired or if it's the book. I'll keep at it and see how it goes. Far too early to tell."
page
8
January 20, 2015
–
100%
"My mind is wandering a lot while reading this. Beginning to think it's the book and not me..."
page
64
January 22, 2015
–
100%
"Starting to get a little more into this now...curious where it's going. I really thought one thing before and now, I'm not so sure!"
page
95
January 26, 2015
–
100%
"Still struggling a bit with this one...going to read it when I can rather than having it be my primary book...it just hasn't really sucked me in..."
page
137
February 20, 2015
– Shelved as:
to-read
December 9, 2015
–
Started Reading
December 9, 2015
–
0.0%
"Attempting this one for the second time. Hoping the audio is worth it!! :D"
December 10, 2015
–
8.0%
December 11, 2015
–
15.0%
December 16, 2015
–
29.0%
December 18, 2015
–
36.0%
December 28, 2015
–
58.0%
December 28, 2015
–
58.0%
January 9, 2016
–
93.0%
"I don't think I've ever been more ready for a book to be over. But I'm a see-it-through-to-the-end type."
January 13, 2016
–
Finished Reading
January 19, 2016
– Shelved as:
gouge-out-my-eyes-with-a-spoon
Comments Showing 1-50 of 126 (126 new)
message 1:
by
Alissa
(new)
Jan 13, 2016 05:40AM
![Alissa Patrick](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1710091933p1/20229277.jpg)
reply
|
flag
![Randee](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1620779530p1/30521983.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Randee, no need to apologize!! We are all different readers. :) This was the first book in the great escape that I really disliked. But, it's ok. I do not hold you responsible. I gave it a shot, but it wasn't for me. I hope you don't feel bad about me not liking it! LOL
![Dan Schwent](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1717605951p1/870755.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Kelly (and the Book Boar)](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1530646317p1/11183856.jpg)
You could have stopped right there. Oh god snortlaughs extreme. And then????
Stepheny wrote: "You may as well compare hippogriffs to flobberworms!"
and
Stepheny wrote: "Anyway, they later get turned into arctic foxes and then they fuck. The single most exciting moment in the whole entire book."
*dies*
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Delee](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1552004622p1/6168268.jpg)
Were they on a break? ;)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
So sorry, Bill! I'm a lady only when I absolutely must be! ;) LOL Sarcasm and foul-language are two of my favorite things. :D
![Delee](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1552004622p1/6168268.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Yeh'll eat what I'm feeding' yehs or yeh won't eat t'all! How'd old Musty taste? *cackles*
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
I'm sure I could find a way....
![Andrea](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1403571052p1/11704733.jpg)
Putting this on the nope list...right next to the new Twilight one. haha!
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Putting..."
haha! Thanks, Andrea! But you should read it so we can bitch about it like we do the Maze Runner!!! LOL
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Thanks for sharing, Ms. M! And thank you kindly for your words! :) I had not planned on using HP gifs originally but they seemed to fit rather nicely! ;)
![Ginger](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1521822191p1/6523548.jpg)
This was on my TBR as well. Moved to the end or at least to the list of books to read out of curiosity.
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
This was on my TBR as well. Moved to the end or at least to the list of books to read out of curiosity."
Haha!! So glad to hear my protege approves of my review!! :D You should read it so we can bask in our mutual hatred together! ;) LOL Or you could read it and love it. haha!
![Mir](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1275489063p1/237469.jpg)
You know what I really wanted to read? Those fictional Fillory (or whatever they were called) books that the characters really liked.
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Hahaha! No, ma'am!
At least at this point I am saying no. It's hard for me to not continue series...even when I dislike them I usually try to finish them to find out how the whole thing plays out. But....ugh! I'm going to say no! For now.. LOL
![Christopher](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1402231159p1/14386596.jpg)
Wait... do people in HP know where magic comes from? It's midi-chlorians, right?
My GR friends are all over the map on this one. I'm morbidly curious, but I suspect my 500+ tbr shelf will keep me from giving into that.
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
Anytime, Ashley! ;) LMAO!
![Jess ❈Harbinger of Blood-Soaked Rainbows❈](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1440512431p1/7125124.jpg)
^^^^^ BAHAHAHAHAHA This review is awesome as always:)
![Christopher](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1402231159p1/14386596.jpg)
![Christopher](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1402231159p1/14386596.jpg)
Ah, I see. That makes a lot of sense.
I will probably pass on this one even if the crazy variance in reviews has me interested. "He’s plagued with self-loathing and yet so incredibly full of himself that he he’s blinded by his own shit" is enough for me. That MC sounds like one that would drive me insane.
![Stepheny](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1696044387p1/7091879.jpg)
![Alexandra](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1488733935p1/21114908.jpg)
![Ɗẳɳ 2.☊](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1718649427p1/12058788.jpg)
![Becky](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1664467022p1/1376766.jpg)
![Amanda](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1515121227p1/5540285.jpg)