Artemis Fowl Quotes

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I don't like lollipops.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.”
― Eion Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Thankfully the rest of the world assumed that the Irish were crazy, a theory that the Irish themselves did nothing to debunk. They had somehow got it into their heads that each fairy lugged around a pot of gold with him wherever he went. While it was true that LEP had a ransom fund, because of its officers' high-risk occupation, no human had ever taken a chunk of it yet. This didn't stop the Irish population in general from skulking around rainbows, hoping to win the supernatural lottery.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“My bugs don't have bugs.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
Foaly's head poked through the doorway.
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Don't worry chief,"said foaly,"It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“this was business.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl