Fat Vampire Quotes

“Can I see some ID?"

"WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN."

Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“What part of Canada are you from, honey?"

"THE LEFT PART," said Jay.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Sejal had not thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts—the sticker bindis on club kids, sindoor in the hair of an unmarried pop star, Hindi characters inked carelessly on tight tank tops and pale flesh. She knew Americans liked to flash a little Indian or Japanese or African. They were always looking for a little pepper to put in their dish.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Why would a vampire create a younger vampire if there was a possibility the young one might end up destroying the old one?'

Stephin stared. 'If you can explain to me how this is different from parenting in general I might know how to answer that.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Ohh,' said the girl with a sad tilt of her head.

It was a response Sejal would hear a lot in the following weeks and which she would eventully come to understand meant, 'Ohh, India, that must be so hard for you, and I know because I read this book over the summer called The Fig Tree (which is actually set in Pakistan but I don't realize there's a difference) about a girl whose parents sell her to a sandal maker because everyone's poor and they don't care about girls there, and I bet that's why you're in our country even, and now everyone's probably being mean to you just because of 9/11, but not me although I'll still be watching you a little too closely on the bus later because what if you're just here to kill Americans?'

There was a lot of information encoded in that one vowel sound, so Sejal missed most of it at first.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda... I should be a video game.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“You can do terrible things when you don't know who you are...”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“you know what doesn’t work when people are tasering you? It’s shouting ‘Stop tasering me.’ If they’re tasering you already, they won’t stop because you ask them to.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you."
"Fight or flight."
"Yes."
"Only half of that is flight.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“...a row of tables manned by seated, serious women. Each woman looked like she could be someone's least-favourite aunt.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“it smelled the way a garage would smell if you left a bear inside it for too long.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Control was the basis of all humor. Even at its most innocent, what was a joke or a clever comment if not a way to take control? To become King of the Moment.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Sejal had not often thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts—the sticker bindis on club kids, sindoor in the hair of an unmarried pop star, Hindi characters inked carelessly on tight tank tops and pale flesh. She knew Americans liked to flash a little Indian or Japanese or African. They were always looking for a little pepper to put in their dish.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story