So the Vatican is having a holy tantrum – unofficially, of course – about Caroline Kennedy being considered as a potential nominee as US ambassador to the Holy See: "Conservative Catholic groups called the potential nomination of John Kennedy's daughter, who is a prominent Obama supporter, 'inappropriate' and 'a calculated insult to the Holy See' because of her outspoken support for abortion rights."
"A calculated insult"? Awww. It's positively adorable that the Vatican imagines President Obama carving out time in his busy schedule of managing two wars, trying to rescue a tanking economy, instituting a sweeping reform agenda, and playing with the Most Important Dog in the Universe, to scheme about how he can best offend the Holy See. And it's just precious that the Vatican imagines Caroline Kennedy to be the crazy insult he designed to send their way.
If Obama really wanted to offend the Pope, he could have done a lot better than Caroline Kennedy. Like me, for instance. Not only am I patently unqualified, but I'm a renowned Catholic-hater.
Kennedy, on the other hand, is not. In fact, the only reason she's "a calculated insult" is because of her views on abortion, and possibly stem cell research: "Some Catholic bishops swiftly challenged the president over his lifting of the ban on stem cell research and restrictions on the funding of overseas family planning groups that perform abortions."
It's an interesting position, really, given the Bush nominee Francis Rooney, who served as ambassador to the Holy See for three years amid absolutely no controversy, despite his position as chief executive of an investment company and majority owner of a construction company which won an estimated $100m in Pentagon contracts in 2003 alone.
Now, I admit, I am a soulless heathen who relies on my silly girl-brain to figure out right and wrong instead of letting a god-sanctioned man tell me what to think, but in my various strolls through Christian theology, including a four-year stint studying under pot-smoking Jesuits – some of whom I suspect may have been gay, several of whom I caught looking at my boobs (though in a very spiritual way), and one of whom smacked me in the head for sitting on a concrete step lest my "ass become riddled with piles" – I recall Jesus speaking at great length about poverty and the problems inherent to riches, but not so much about abortion or stem-cell research.
From somewhere knocking around in the back of my resin-clogged head, I even recall the line: "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven," which I suppose means, given Rooney's tenure, that being heaven-bound isn't even a prerequisite to be an ambassador to the Holy See.
Obama's insult thus seems to be rooted in having failed to realize that while a heavenly destiny isn't a requirement for the job, subjugating women on this mortal coil is.