Do Not Be a Quitter

Nobody likes a quitter. Especially the quitter himself. We develop disdain for ourselves if we give up or give in too readily. Eventually we will realize the cost of our cowardice: potentials not fully developed, opportunities lost, underachievement in work—and likely in love.

There is a time to give up and a time to buckle down. How can we tell when it’s time to do which? While this question rarely can be answered with any degree of certainty, due to the unpredictability of daily life and other persons, I offer some guidelines.

Don’t make any major decisions while you’re discouraged. Your negative emotions will cloud your vision of the truth. Test out your feelings with a trusted friend—and it is better to talk with someone who has no investment in the outcome. Otherwise they might lead you to what might be right for them, but not for you.

Plan for periods of discouragement. Discouragement visits us all, just like fatigue. Do not confuse the two; get some rest of soul and body, and see if you are still discouraged. A fresh start can include a fresh perspective.

Check your level of commitment. If you are still attached, still involved, even if you walk away, you will not really be walking away, for you will take the relationship or work with you. In this case, it is much better to stay put and resolve things. Indifference is the opposite not only of love, but also of commitment. Where there is passion, albeit it negative passion, there is still commitment, there is still the desire to make things right. Stay with it and do so.

We get discouraged when we are not seeing the results we expected. We need to determine just what our expectations are, and whether they are realistic. Maybe you need to try a different approach, or assume a different attitude. You can change objectives, without giving up on a relationship or task. Just because someone cannot be the friend you hoped they would be, does not mean you have to give up on the relationship entirely. I have relationships which neither really took off, nor died, but still amble along peaceably. Accept that that is enough, for now.

Things usually take more time than we think they are going to take. This includes relationships which can move only at their own organic pace, not necessarily yours. Perseverance usually pays off. If nothing else, perseverance strengthens character, something we really need to develop anyway.

Success is follow-through. If you quit now, you will likely not be able to pick up where you left off later. If you are going to make a mistake, think conservatively: it is usually better to stay too long than to leave too early. The true mistake is the one from which you learn nothing – and quitting usually means not learning all you could have learned.

Hitting bottom can be a good thing, rather than bad. It may be like reaching the bottom of a swimming pool: the bottom affords you something to push against to gain speed, power and momentum to resurface. So don’t fear hitting bottom; that is when you’ll begin ascending.

Never to burn your bridges behind you. My mother taught me that, and it has proven itself many a time. Life is full of retreats as well as advances. If you leave a person or job, let it be on terms which would permit you to return, should you realize you were wrong in leaving.