Entitled, Rude Parents Ruin School Drop-Off For Everyone [Block Talk]

ACROSS AMERICA — “Does the school drop-off lane have to be torture?” we asked in an informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column.

No. No it doesn’t. But that’s only if parents ditch entitled behavior, grow up, develop patience and — we heard this several times — stop being such helicopter parents.

In the unwritten book of school pick-up and drop-off line behavior, extended goodbyes are the worst.

“Stay. In. The. Car. PLEASE,” Brick (New Jersey) Patch reader Suzi implored, using punctuation and capital letters to emphasize her point. “We beg you to tie shoes, zip zippers, pack the backpacks and kiss goodbye before you arrive at the drop-off point.”

“The worst is having to be dropped off at THE DOOR,” said California Patch reader Mr. K., who also “shouted” his reply in capital letters.

Al, a Middletown (Connecticut) Patch reader who is in his 12th year as a school crossing guard, said parents tend to cooperate when the focus is on the safety of the children. He calls the gig “the best ‘retired’ job.”

“Extended goodbyes that delay the drop-off, getting out of the car to finish dressing their child for school, speeding after dropping off that threatens walking students” all jeopardize that, he said.

It should be a given that the drop-off line moves quickly and efficiently, and when it doesn’t, it’s “entitlement” on display, Suzi, the Brick Patch reader, said.

“No one is more important than their child,” she said. “No one’s time is more valuable than their own. No one is due respect, except themselves.”

An Ardmore-Merion-Wynnewood (Pennsylvania) Patch reader has observed “behaviors based on entitlement and narcissism,” including parents who hold up the line by engaging in “lengthy conversations that should be conducted via cellphone or text messages.”

‘Challenges You Cannot See’

Pat, who reads Mokena Patch and Oak Lawn Patch, both in Illinois, said it’s important for parents to make sure their kids are “departure ready.”

“Sometimes,” Pat said, “a last-minute need causes the driver to delay movement in order to handle an ‘I suddenly remembered’ situation.”

Eme, who reads Manchester (New Jersey) Patch and Bedford-Katonah (New York) Patch, said she has experienced “someone behind me gesturing and yelling when it’s obvious I am getting a preschooler out of the car seat, which does require getting out of the car.”

Eme sees the behavior as a symptom of “over-stressed, over - scheduled, and exhausted parents who have terrible bosses.”

A Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader and parent whose child has autism, said things aren’t always as they appear.

“Please remember there are families who would LOVE to pull up and have their child ‘just get out,’ ” the reader said. “There are kids who experience profound anxiety and/or rely on specific routines before they are able to get out. School drop-off is incredibly stressful. Every. Single. Day. of the school year for parents of kids like mine.”

The reader continued, “Autism can be difficult. And, yes, sometimes my child’s difficulties DO impact others around us. I desperately try to minimize this but am not always successful. So, yes, sometimes it’s poor adult behavior, but please also remember there are challenges you cannot see and are not privy to sometimes that LOOK rude or not thoughtful. It’s not always how it seems from the car behind you.”

Drop-Off Lanes ‘A Policy Failure’?

Some readers avoid the drop-off lane entirely and walk their kids to school.

“We are fortunate enough to walk, as school is close enough and the size of the drop-off line gives us motivation to walk even more,” said a Patch reader who goes by Patterson Dad. “As walkers, we see parents drop off their kids in all places around the school to escape the line. It’s a bit selfish and, more importantly, a safety issue for the kids and school. Why have the line if you can just drop the kid off at the stop sign?”

Francis, who reads Orange County (California) Patch and no longer has children in school, recalled arriving early and parking on the street, avoiding the lane entirely after “numerous cars actually blocked the traffic lanes so other vehicles cannot get by.”

“Now that I no longer have kids at the school, I look at the school schedule to see when I can drive through the area,” Francis said. “Otherwise, I have to drive about 3–5 miles around that area just to do my errands or to get home,” Francis said. “And now, being a retired health care worker, I get concerned about the two streets, both ending in a cul-de-sac, that are completely blocked to emergency vehicles for about half a mile or more.”

Branford (Connecticut) Patch reader Catherine said that if every school system ran their drop-off and pick-up systems the way North Branford schools do, there wouldn’t be any problems.

“It is a single lane of cars that loop around the designated drop-off/pick-up area and the staff is there to receive or return your child,” Catherine said. “There is never an issue with frustration or bad behavior. This is for two separate schools encompassing grades K-5.”

However, Patch reader Sam said drop-off and pick-up lanes at schools are “a policy failure.”

“School car lines shouldn’t exist and it’s a systemic failure that they do,” said Sam. Instead of driving their children to school, they should walk, bike or take the bus, Sam said.

Eme, the Manchester Patch and Bedford-Katonah Patch reader, says cars exhausts expel a “disgraceful” amount of pollution while waiting in the drop-off and pick-up lane.

“I don't know what the solution is. Many have younger children in the car who need the heat or AC on, but we are trying to raise environmentally responsible children to become environmentally responsible adults. The pick-up/drop-off lane in front of a school should not be the most polluted air in town.”

“How about this: Have your kids take the school bus like we all did in the old days,” said Connecticut Patch reader Ernest. “The unsafe traffic conditions caused by these vehicles lined up on state routes or town roads needs the attention of the police. I have seen some pretty ignorant behavior from parents in the lines.”

Lay Off The Crossing Guard

Some readers reported behavior that crosses the line from annoying to dangerous. “Lawlessness,” said Patch reader Dee, assessing “parents who drive the wrong way up on the sidewalk, nearly hitting families.”

Al, a Middletown (Connecticut) Patch reader who is in his 12th year as a school crossing guard, said parents tend to cooperate when the focus is on the safety of the children. He calls the gig “the best ‘retired’ job.”

“Extended goodbyes that delay the drop-off, getting out of the car to finish dressing their child for school, speeding after dropping off that threatens walking students” all jeopardize that, he said.

Sometimes, though, it’s as if people like Al are invisible.

Burlington (Massachusetts) Patch reader Diana said some parents “insist upon stopping opposite the entrance, so their child won’t have to take a few steps, ignoring school staff who are giving instructions to pull up so the entire driveway can be used.”

A Salem (Massachusetts) Patch reader once saw another parent “pretending his car broke down when asked to move it by a teacher.”

“The moment his child was in school, he jumped in the car and sped away,” the reader said.

Another Patch reader saw a parent “straight up sitting and watching until the child was all the way in the door, hand gestures and evil looks included, even though there were teachers and safety patrol acting as escorts.”

Debby, an Across America Patch reader, said she’s observed “parents deliberately swerving at school personnel with their cars” because they didn’t like how a particular situation was handled. The people, often school personnel, who are directing traffic are “just trying to do the best job they can to keep everybody safe.”

“Once your car comes to a complete stop in the area that has been deemed safe to get out at, please make your child get out of the car. This allows all the cars to move out at the same time creating the biggest space for the next set of cars to move in,” Debby said in a tutorial on how to keep lines moving along efficiently. “Have your child ready to get out of the car as soon as you stop. If you run into a problem and your child is unable to get out of the car, pull forward and get back in the line. Rain or shine your child should get out of the car as soon as you stop ...”

Al, a Middletown (Connecticut) Patch reader who is in his 12th year as a school crossing guard, said parents tend to cooperate when the focus is on the safety of the children. He calls the gig “the best ‘retired’ job.”

“Extended goodbyes that delay the drop-off, getting out of the car to finish dressing their child for school, speeding after dropping off that threatens walking students” all jeopardize that, he said.

However, a Patch reader who goes by Big Momma said other parents aren’t the problem. She said she has encountered “rude administration handling the car loop and parent shaming for giving children a hug before entering the school.”

“The school creates such a rushed environment it caused a woman to crash into my car while I was at the school entrance stop sign,” Big Momma said.

Bottom line, parents who can’t manage common courtesies when taking their kids to and from school often pass their sense of entitlement on to their children, said Diana, the Burlington Patch reader.

“Parents who don’t follow basic traffic safety rules are not only teaching their children that the rules don’t apply to them, they create dangerous situations for students and staff,” Diana said. “Staff who are directing traffic aren’t doing it to make things difficult, they are keeping everyone safe.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you'd like for us to consider, email [email protected] with “Block Talk” as the subject line.

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