Let’s Talk Weird Online Grocery Order Substitutions [Patch Survey]

ACROSS AMERICA — You can relate, right? Weird things have shown up in grocery orders since discovering during the pandemic the ease and time savings of having someone else shop and deliver it to your doorstep.

A recent case in point: four bags of 12-count boiled eggs instead of four individual scramble kits that would have required four raw cooked eggs. One of these is not like the other. What the heck, personal shopper? Did you fall on your head?

This substitution, somehow missed in the text message exchange, replaces the 2-foot-long, 6-inch-wide pork loin as the most surprising choice ever for an item that was out of stock (also missed that text saying the smaller, more manageable size was unavailable).

This thing was the size of a pool floatie. Getting it into the cross-top freezer required bending it at both ends into a big, fat U-shape. It finally found a good home with a friend grilling for a crowd.

The eggs went to the landfill because 1) this many boiled eggs seemed like a salmonella dare from the universe, although they probably would have been perfectly fine if consumed before the expiration date, and 2) no community refrigerator or food pantry would touch them, for the same reason.

The moral in all of this is to never abandon the phone, not even for a second, while the order is being filled. Or do a preemptive strike and allow no replacements.

We decided to have some fun by asking: What’s the weirdest substitution you ever received in an online grocery order — or any online order? We’re counting on some responses that will make as laugh and maybe facepalm. Just fill out the informal survey below. And don’t worry, we won’t ruin the fun by collecting your email address.

Editor’s note: This survey closed on Thursday, Aug. 8.