I'm a baby name consultant and these are the biggest mistakes you can make when naming your child
Expecting a baby? These days, you can pay a concierge to source prams, an interior designer to style the nursery - and now an expert to help you choose the new arrival’s name.
You may scoff, but deciding what your little one is going to be called is the first big parenting decision you’ll make.
And the impact that a person’s name can have on their life is not to be underestimated; for example, research has shown that women with masculine or unisex names - such as Cameron or Leslie - tend to be more successful at work.
One high profile example is Taylor Swift, whose parents Andrea and Scott both worked in finance and thought giving their daughter a gender-neutral name would give her an edge in the business world later in life.
SJ with her husband Henrik, 45, who works in banking, and their three children Freddie, 14, Finn, ten, and Evelina, seven
Former advertising creative SJ Strum has blazed a trail as a baby name guru, operating a consultancy to help parents-to-be grapple with finding the perfect moniker.
‘Parents-to-be come to me with all sorts of name dilemmas which they’re clashing over,’ says SJ, 43, who lives in Surrey with husband Henrik, 45, who works in banking, and their three children Freddie, 14, Finn, ten, and Evelina, seven. All names carefully selected, of course.
‘One woman was desperate to give her baby the same name as her dog, Isla, which I advised against. Another was horrified that her husband, a big Winnie The Pooh fan, wanted to call their baby son Christopher Robin,’ says SJ.
‘I’ve met countless others whose mothers-in-law have left them in tears over their choice of an untraditional name - Olive was deemed “revolting” by one, while another announced that she was absolutely not having a grandchild called Bodhi.
‘Sisters have squabbled over who gets to use the name of a much-loved grandparent when they’ve been pregnant with the same sex child at the same time, while some couples are barely speaking because they can’t agree on a name.’
SJ started a YouTube channel about baby names ten years ago alongside her day job and soon realised she’d cottoned onto something.
‘I made a fun video called Baby Name Wars, based on my husband and me clashing when choosing our children’s names - he’s more traditional than me. I was deluged with messages from people wanting help. One of the first requests was for a list of vintage boys’ names making a comeback.’
SJ works by forming a brief from each client based on their lifestyle, experiences and taste in everything from interiors to holidays to fashion. All of these, she says, provide pointers - as well as clues as to how brave they may want to be with a name.
‘I’ll curate lists for parents that draw on their passions and interests, as well as themes, flowers, styles or languages that they love, experiences, special places and meanings that reflect their values.’
Names have fascinated SJ since she was a child, when she’d spend ages choosing monikers for her dolls. Further motivation was that she didn’t like her own name: Sarah-Jayne.
‘My parents tried to make it different by adding the hyphen and the letter y to Jayne but I was shy and hated having to spell it out all the time. Friends and family started calling me SJ as I got older.
‘I always stick with traditional spellings even of more unusual names - Winter, not Wynter, for example - because I believe it helps a child in life if they don’t have to constantly spell their own name or have it mispronounced!’
She’s been there with her own children’s names too. Henrik got his wish for a traditional name with their eldest, Freddie, so when baby number two arrived she campaigned for something more unusual.
Names have fascinated SJ since she was a child, when she’d spend ages choosing monikers for her dolls
Taylor Swift's parents Andrea and Scott both worked in finance and thought giving their daughter a gender-neutral name would give her an edge in the business world later in life
‘Finn wasn’t common at the time but then became really popular, so I was a bit gutted.’
Popularity is a common concern for her clients, who don’t want their child to be one of legions of other Emilys or Eleanors at school in the future.
‘By examining the trajectory of a name over the years I can establish which ones come in and out of popularity very quickly, such as Hunter and Jackson,’ explains SJ. ‘There’s more fast-fashion in names than ever before. If a name has been steadily rising in popularity for a few years, I’ll let parents know where I think it will be in the charts in five years’ time.’
Practising what she preaches, by the time her baby daughter was born in 2017, SJ had settled on Evelina, a name drawn from Henrik’s Swedish heritage, after a search for rarer ideas.
‘Your baby’s name brings them to life and will make your heart flutter when you see it on their school name tags or flashing up on the screen on your phone when they’re older, so it’s vital to get it right.’
SJ's top dos and don’ts for picking your child’s name...
DO:
• Make the process of picking out your child’s name a fun activity that you both look forward to. Sit down once a week together to brainstorm, and enjoy it!
• Consider a unisex name. The so-called Portia Effect - named after cross-dressing Portia in The Merchant of Venice - says that women with sexually-ambiguous names do better in the workplace, useful if you want your little girl to one day be a CEO.
• If you speak a language or have a love of a certain country, delve deeper. Let’s take Spain as an example. Ines (meaning ‘pure’) is a gorgeous alternative to the more popular Isla. Ariadne (meaning ‘most holy’) is a popular name for girls in Spain, and Mateo, the Spanish for of Matthew, is a trendier take on a classic.
• Spend time researching names drawn from themes, not just alphabetical letters. Do you love to travel, read or play music? These are all great subjects in which to find meaningful names that you’ll adore.
• Say the names out loud around the house - it can help you to decide which ones you really love.
• Be creative about tribute names. A recent client wanted to honour her grandfather, Ian, when she had her baby girl so we came up with names that include the letters I-A-N, such as Indiana and Eliana. Another lady wanted a tribute to her dad, Frank, so we listed names like Franklyn and Frankie.
• Remind any opinionated grandparents that just as you have different taste in décor and clothes to them, they have to understand that your baby’s name is a reflection of your style too.
• Remember that if you change your mind about your baby’s name after their birth, you can simply alter it by deed poll for £40.
DON’T
• Let other people’s opinions sway you. Share and discuss your name ideas with loved ones if you want to. But if you don’t, a great way to deflect questions and keep your thoughts secret is to say ‘We’re still deciding’.
• Feel pressure to announce the name as soon as your baby is here. Take your time until you’re certain.
• Fall into a veto trap! When couples are at loggerheads, I encourage them to explain why they don’t like a name or feel that it’s right, as opposed to ‘I just don’t like it’. Suggest a new name for each one you disregard.
• This is one for family and friends… if you don’t like a new baby’s name, don’t blurt it out to the parents. Instead, show interest by asking them how they came up with it.
• Get distracted by A to Z lists. Most parents want a name that has personal meaning, so think about places, people, memories and moments that are special to you, or a theme that brings to mind the life you want for your child. There’s a huge boom in nature names such as Willow and River, as increasingly we crave a ‘back to basics’ childhood for our children.
• Fall out with your partner over the names! If one of you likes vintage names and the other prefers modern monikers, it’s like shopping in two vastly different shops for one item! Instead, look at the sounds, letters, or ‘vibe’ of a name and see what you can come up with together. Could there be a playful nickname or a lovely vintage gem that you could pull out?
For more inspiration visit sjstrum.co.uk and @sj_strum
