Spicy? No, it's a prize Christmas turkey: Quentin Letts gives his review of Viva Forever!
What a disappointment. The Spice Girls were fun, full of beans, a greater force for feminism than Harriet Harman or even Nick Clegg.
They were can-do, can-just-about-sing. What they lacked in the harmony department, they made up for with vim, va-voom and hip-clingy Union Jack frocks.
So how come this new musical featuring the group’s songs is so drudgy, so sour and focused on failure?
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![Hannah John-Kamen, centre, as Viva is 'an under-whelming heroine'. Pictured with (l-r) Lucy Phelps as Diamond, Dominique Provost-Chalkley as Holly and Siobhan Athwal as Luce](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1675F496000005DC-302_634x471.jpg)
Hannah John-Kamen, centre, as Viva is 'an under-whelming heroine'. Pictured with (l-r) Lucy Phelps as Diamond, Dominique Provost-Chalkley as Holly and Siobhan Athwal as Luce
![Iffy performances and gloomy backdrops give Viva Forever! the makings of a West End flop, says Quentin Letts](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1675EFE3000005DC-559_634x549.jpg)
Iffy performances and gloomy backdrops give Viva Forever! the makings of a West End flop, says Quentin Letts
![Sally Ann Triplett as Lauren and Hannah John-Kamen as Viva, right](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1675FE3C000005DC-578_306x423.jpg)
Sally Ann Triplett as Lauren and Hannah John-Kamen as Viva, right
Producer Judy ‘Mamma Mia’ Craymer’s mistake was to hire comedian Jennifer Saunders to write the story.
Miss Saunders is a wiseacre ironist, so default-sneery that she will not stoop to admitting the heart (sentimentalism if you must) which can make a musical sing.
Add to that some iffy performances, gloomy backdrops and a lamentably slow start, and you have the makings of a notable West End flop. It’s almost as if the thing has a death wish.
Do not go along hoping for a ‘how the Spice Girls became famous’ tale. Instead we are introduced to four (not five) teenage girls who have formed a group called Eternity.
The show opens with them having made it into a TV talent show which is probably meant to be the X Factor.
There is some clumpy satire with Bill Ward playing a Simon Cowell figure who wears a corset.
The villain of the plot is a Cruella de Vil judge called Simone (Sally Dexter, gurning gamely) who may or may not be modelled on Sharon Osborne.
She becomes ‘mentor’ to the little girl band and decides, not without reason, that they cannot sing. Some of their high notes are worthy of mating foxes.
Instead of resisting Simone’s thumbs-down and sticking together, as the real Spice Girls might have done, they accept it.
One of the girls, Viva (Hannah John-Kamen, an underwhelming heroine), is peeled away from her comrades and becomes famous. So much for Girl Power.
!['Disappointing': A performer struts her stuff on stage in a familiar costume during the musical](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1677DF6B000005DC-385_634x413.jpg)
'Disappointing': A performer struts her stuff on stage in a familiar costume during the musical
![The musical tells the story of four girls who form a group called Eternity](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1675F093000005DC-425_634x410.jpg)
The musical tells the story of four girls who form a group called Eternity
Adopted Viva has a barfly mother (Sally Ann Triplett) with a blonde, badly-behaved friend (Lucy Montgomery).
Miss Triplett’s character whisks Viva off to Spain (cue lots of palm trees, spiralling absurdity and a group ‘song’ to which many of the people on stage did not even seem to be miming).
Miss Triplett’s unlovely character falls in love with an English chauffeur (Simon Slater, no Caruso). Middle-aged bedroom scene segues into the song 2 Become 1.
Fans looking for a good bop may be frustrated by the brevity (and at times sparsity) of the musical interludes. The thing only really starts to boil in the finale’s medley of Spice Girl hits.
Given that thousands of people have reportedly already bought tickets, I feel a cur for being so down on this show. Perhaps they should just relish it for what it is: a prize Christmas turkey.
![Mamma Mia and Viva Forever! producer Judy Craymer, second from left, made a mistake hiring Jennifer Saunders, centre](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-167736E8000005DC-995_634x396.jpg)
Mamma Mia and Viva Forever! producer Judy Craymer, second from left, made a mistake hiring Jennifer Saunders, centre, says Quentin Letts. Pair pictured with (l-r) Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell and Melanie Brown
![The musical lacked the 'vim and va-voom' of the Spice Girls, pictured on stage with some of the cast](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/11/article-2246712-1677BEC5000005DC-341_634x412.jpg)
The musical lacked the 'vim and va-voom' of the Spice Girls, pictured on stage with some of the cast
What the other critics thought...
'There is more female empowerment at a Taliban finishing school than in this show... It’s a shame a talented cast, especially Hannah John-Kamen’s Viva and the rest of Eternity, are let down by a cliched plot and leaden dialogue.' Daily Mirror
'This musical is tawdry, lazy and unedifying, and one could sense a miasma of disappointment emanating from an audience of up-for-it Spice Girls fans slowly realising that they had paid top whack to see a clunker.' Daily Telegraph
'(It) makes you wonder why the producers didn't just hire a nightclub and make it a Viva Forever!-themed night, instead of all this hand-wringing nonsense about friendship never ending, and being true to yourself. These are songs for dance floors, not the aircraft hanger space of what amounted to a big-budget school production, without a hairbrush to sing into in sight.' Huffington Post UK
'A rousing celebration of individuality and rebellion feels a tad unearned as the climax to a show that’s so so lacking in any truly original or challenging spark of its own. Viva Forever! forever? I rather think not.' The Independent
'There's nothing really wrong with Jennifer Saunders' script... But the real problem is the songs. For one thing, there aren't enough memorable hits in a career that lasted for three albums to support two hours of theatre.' The Guardian
'One of the biggest disappointments is Jennifer Saunders’ rather trite book which is symbolic of what is sadly a lazily put-together show. Occasionally, taking a whole different take on a familiar Spice Girls number to fulfil a dramatic purpose pays off... However, it soon becomes clear that the Spice Girls’ back catalogue is not generally of a high enough standard to be reinterpreted in this way.' The Stage
VIDEO: Turkey or triumph? Decide for yourself...
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