Weeding Out the RiffRaff
By Leslie Green
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About this ebook
Life and critical times of Leslie Green, Playwright, Author and Minister. With
trials, tragedies and sexual abuse She almost lost her mind. Grace and the
mercy of God gave her a new found appreciation for life.
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Book preview
Weeding Out the RiffRaff - Leslie Green
CHAPTER 1
The Stage Is Set
Most people don’t realize that children can hear from inside the womb. The womb to me was dark and warm, and safe from external stimuli. As far as I remember, I heard a conversation between my biological parents, which I found to be a negative one. I can remember my father saying in a harsh voice: What are you talking about? You’re pregnant? You know I’m married.
They were arguing in loud voices. Immediately I thought to myself: I don’t like him.
I don’t know how many months old I was then, but I must have been developed enough to hear clearly. I decided that I was going to make his life a living hell. Huh, his life a living hell? Little did I know that when I came out, I’d embark on a journey that would make my life a living hell, until the spirit of the Living God would manifest himself in me.
That was the first thing I remember. The second thing I remember was being three years old, sitting on this huge, fluffy couch. That couch was so comfortable I still remember it today. It seemed like such a happy time. I cannot remember being one or two years old, but at three years of age, we had a lot of music, and family and friends came to visit often. Most of my family members were artistic. If they couldn’t sing (singing that sounded like angels from heaven to me), they played a musical instrument.
I remember getting goosebumps when I heard them sing or play music. They sang songs that were sung during the time when Billie Holiday was around. Billie Holiday: the songstress with the sultry voice that would make men melts in their seats. They used to say, Billie Holiday use to sing at the bar on Bedford Avenue and Dean Street at the corner of our block.
My mother and father would go down there to escape the realities of their world, just for a moment or two.
They knew this guy named Lewis who worked at the club. He would come back with them and a couple of the other musicians as well.
Then, we had what they called jam sessions
back then, in our huge living quarters. Our living room was so big that you could have turned it into a club. I don’t know what kind of apartments they’re making now, but our living room was humongous. That’s probably why I need to have a lot of space even today. This experience impacted my life. The most euphoric feelings I have, come from entertainment. From that time on, I enjoyed live shows. That was when the stage of my life was set.
Living in the late fifties and early sixties was confusing and scary but also involved happy times. Little did I know what had happened earlier would shape my life for the future and set the stage as well. As a young girl growing up in that era, I was trained to observe and not speak, to be seen and not heard—or if you want to put it bluntly, to shut my mouth and mind my own business. Keep what happens here; leave it here where it belongs. Therefore, later in life, my communication skills were poor, until… I’ll explain later. At times, my life seemed normal and happy, until the arguments and physical abuse began. I found out later that my father, although married to someone else, was abusive and a heroin addict. My father disappeared at times—where I don’t know. I found out later that he had gone to jail. Quiet as it was kept, I was glad. I felt more secure and stable when he wasn’t there. My mother decided to let some family members stay with us. At first, I did not mind, but when my aunt talked to me, she scared me. I felt neglected. Although I loved my aunt, she had two little babies and everyone catered to them. So I withdrew within myself. My mother had one boyfriend whom I really liked. His name was Lewis; he was six-feet tall, light-skinned, well fit and fine. He was the sweetest male figure I’d ever met. He was a service man, kind, gentle, and always willing to help. I don’t know what happened to him up until today. I think he was killed in the war, but it’s vague to me. All my life, I have wished my mother had married him, but guess what, she never married. She continued to have relationship after relationship with my father, the jailbird, and other men throughout her life.
My world felt like a rollercoaster ride. Even today, I don’t like those rides. My immediate family, my older sister, resented me. We were four years apart. I do not like to bring this up—but, you know the dark and light skin thing? Well, I am here to tell you it does exist. I was light, and she was dark. For some reason, she would pick on me until my little brother was born. Up until the day she left this earth, she held this resentment toward me. God rest her soul. Let me continue. She used to tell me to do things to my brother that would make him cry. I would, but I would be sad and scared because if I didn’t do it, she would hurt me. I finally got up the nerve one day, at the age of five, to tell her that I wasn’t going to hurt my little brother anymore because I liked him. She said: I like him too.
So we began taking good care of him. I was happy and felt good that I had stood up for myself. This too was a part of the stage that was set up for me.
All my life I would allow myself to do things that were uncomfortable to please others until it was unbearable. People pleasing is very unhealthy. At a very young age, I learned a lot of unhealthy and life-threatening behaviors that could have and would have taken me out of this earthly realm. But with the Grace and Mercy of God, I am still here and traveling on a road that has proven to become what you would call a spiritual journey.
Growing up for me became a chore and not a wonderful experience—so I thought. Although I had many trials and tribulations, and some tragedies, I continued to have faith and truly believed that there was a power greater than myself. I know now that all of those situations and experiences molded me into this wonderful, mature, and caring individual I am today. Don’t get me wrong; I still have work to do, people to see, places to go, and messages to be revealed. No, I have not arrived. When I get to that point, I guess I’ll be going home to be with the Father.
CHAPTER 2
The Shallow Road
The road