All For The Game Quotes

“It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil apart. Neil finally understood why his mother thought this was so dangerous.”
― Nora Sakavic, The King's Men

“I have a bit of an attitude problem.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths.”
― Nora Sakavic, The King's Men

“Why don't you like girls?"
Nicky looked startled by the interruption, but he rallied quickly and made a face. "They're so soft."
Neil thought about Renee's bruised knuckles, Dan's fierce spirit, and Allison holding her ground on the court a week after Seth's death. He thought about his mother standing unflinching in the face of his father's violent anger and her ruthlessly leaving bodies in their wake. He felt compelled to say, "Some of the strongest people I've known are women."
"What? Oh, no," Nicky hurried to say. "I mean literally soft. Too many curves, see? I feel like my hands would slide right off. It's totally not my thing. I like…" He drew a box with his fingers as he searched for words. "Erik. Erik's perfect. He's a total outdoors junkie, rock climbing and hiking and mountain biking, all that awful bug-infested fresh-air stuff. But oh my god, you should see what it does to his body. He's like this, all hard edges." He drew another box. "He's stronger than I am, and I like that. I feel like I could lean on him all day and he wouldn't break a sweat.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Raven King

“Such an unexpected will to survive from someone who has nothing to live for.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“What would it take to make you stay?"
The question was so unexpected Neil had to turn back. "What?"
Andrew laughed quietly at his shock and leaned forward. "Name it and it's yours. It doesn't matter what it is so long as you stand your ground here with us.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Are you stupid?” Seth asked.
“Yeah,” Neil said.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Now it seemed he'd been wrong all along; Kevin hadn't escaped either.

No matter what they did or who they became, maybe they never would.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“I don’t understand suicide,” Neil said. “Staying alive has always been so important I can’t imagine actively trying to die.”
“He wasn’t,” Andrew said, like Neil was being stupid. […] “He wanted a way out for a little while, a few hours where he didn’t have to think or feel. Problem was he picked an out that’s easy to die on. That’s his fault.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“We're all going to die," Kevin said at last.”
― Nora Sakavic, The King's Men

“I don't swing either way," Neil said. "Let's go in."
"Bullshit," Nicky said.
"I don't," Neil said, and impatience put an edge in his voice. It wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have none to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Shirt off.”
Neil stared at her. “Why?”
“I can’t check track marks through cotton, Neil.”
“I don’t do drugs.”
“Good on you,” Abby said. “Keep it that way. Now take it off.”
[…] “I want to make this as painless as possible, but I can’t help you if you can’t help me. Tell me why you won’t take off your shirt.”
Neil looked for a delicate way to say it. The best he managed was, “I’m not okay.”
She put a finger to his chin and turned his face back toward her. “Neil, I work for the Foxes. None of you are okay. Chances are I’ve seen a lot worse than whatever it is you’re trying to hide from me.”
Neil’s smile was humorless. “I hope not.
“Trust me,” Abby said. “I’m not going to judge you. I’m here to help, remember? I’m your nurse now. That door is closed, and it comes with a lock. What happens in here stays in here.”
[…] “You can’t ask me about them,” he said at last. “I won’t talk to you about it. Okay?”
“Okay,” Abby agreed easily. “But know that when you want to, I’m here, and so is Betsy.”
Neil wasn’t going to tell that psychiatrist a thing, but he nodded. Abby dropped her hand and Neil pulled his shirt over his head before he could lose his nerve.
Abby thought she was ready. Neil knew she wouldn’t be, and he was right. Her mouth parted on a silent breath and her expression went blank. She wasn’t fast enough to hide her flinch, and Neil saw her shoulders go rigid with tension. He stared at her face as she stared at him, watching her gaze sweep over the brutal marks of a hideous childhood.
It started at the base of his throat, a looping scar curving down over his collarbone. A pucker with jagged edges was a finger-width away, courtesy of a bullet that hit him right on the edge of his Kevlar vest. A shapeless patch of pale skin from his left shoulder to his navel marked where he’d jumped out of a moving car and torn himself raw on the asphalt. Faded scars crisscrossed here and there from his life on the run, either from stupid accidents, desperate escapes, or conflicts with local lowlifes. Along his abdomen were larger overlapping lines from confrontations with his father’s people while on the run. His father wasn’t called the butcher for nothing; his weapon of choice was a cleaver. All of his men were well-versed in knife-fighting, and more than one of them had tried to stick Neil like a pig.
And there on his right shoulder was the perfect outline of half a hot iron. Neil didn’t remember what he’s said or done to irritate his father so much.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things."
"Oh, Coach. [...] If he [Neil] was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin was more demanding of himself than he was of anyone around him. He set his standards impossibly high and tried for them with everything he had, and he didn't understand why others wouldn't do the same.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Neil watched Kevin wilt beneath the weight of his brother’s – no, owner’s – fury and kissed his survival instincts goodbye. He grabbed Riko’s shirt and hauled him back.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Andrew put a thumb to the corner of his mouth and dragged it along his lips to erase his smile.
"That sounds like an accusation, but I didn't lie to you."
"Omission is the easiest way to lie," Neil said. "You could have corrected me."
"Could have, didn't," Andrew said. "Figure it out for yourself."
"I did," Neil said. He tapped two fingers to his temple, copying Andrew's mocking salute from their first meeting. "Better luck next time."
"Oh," Andrew said. "Oh, you might actually turn out to be interesting. For a little while, at least. I don't think the amusement will last. It never does.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“We're not all bad, just so you know," Matt said [...]. "Dan hated that your first impression of us would be the do-nothings [Andrew, Aaron, Nikcy and Kevin]. She was pretty sure you wouldn't stick around long enough to meet the rest of us. [...]"
"They're interesting," Neil said.
"Interesting," Matt repeated. "That's the tamest description of them I've ever heard.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“[…] “If I can’t get an answer from you, I’ll get it wherever I can. How about I start with your parents?”
“Good luck,” Neil said, feeling cold all over. “They’re dead.”
“Did you kill them?”
He [Andrew] said it so casually, like he was asking for the time, that Neil could only stare at him for a minute. It was such an unreasonable leap of logic Neil didn’t understand how he even thought to ask it. Then he remembered who he was talking to and asked, “Did you kill yours?”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“[...] It's a cruel world, right Neil? You wouldn't be here if it wasn't."
"It's not the world that's cruel," Neil said. "It's the people in it.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin's expression was indecipherable. Whatever it was, it didn't look particularly happy.
"This is going to be a very long season."
"I told you I wasn't ready."
"You also said you wouldn't play with me, but here you are. [...] If you won't play with me, you'll play for me," Kevin said. "You're never going to get there on your own, so give your game to me."
"Where is there?" Neil asked.
[...] Kevin reached up and covered Neil's eyes with his free hand.
"Forget the stadium," Kevin said. "Forget the Foxes and your useless high school team and your family. See it the only way it really matters, where Exy is the only road to take. What do you see?"
[...] That thought was sombering, as it put him right back to square one and the fact that Neil Josten was a fleeting existence. It was cruel to even dream he could stay like this, but Kevin had escaped, hadn't he? Somehow he'd left that bloody room behind at Edgar Allan and become this, and Neil wanted the same so bad he could taste it.
"You," Neil said at last.
[...] "Tell me I can have your game."
[...] "Take it."
"Neil understands," Kevin said, dropping his hand and sending Andrew a pointed look.
"Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have non to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately." Andrew pushed himself to his feet and swallowed more whiskey on the way up. "[...] As it is, I might puke from all the fanaticism going around.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Why do you hate this game so much?"
Andrew sighed as if Neil was being purposefully obtuse.
"I don't care enough about Exy to hate it. It's just slightly less boring than living is, so I put up with it for now."
"I don't understand."
"That's not my problem."
"Isn't it fun?" Neil asked.
"Someone else asked me that same thing two years ago. Should I tell you what I told him? I said no. Something as pointless as this game is can never be fun."
"Pointless," Neil echoed. "But you have real talent."
"Flattery is uninteresting and gets you nowhere."
"I'm just stating facts. You're selling yourself short. You could be something if only you'd try."
Andrew's smile was small and cold.
"You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you. [...] Then Kevin finally got the okay to sign you and you hit the ground running," Andrew said. "Curious that a man with so much potential, who has so much fun, who could be something wouldn't want any of it. Why is that?" [...]
"You're lying," Neil said at last, because he needed that to be the truth. "Kevin hates me."
"Or you hate him," Andrew said. "I can't decide. Your loose ends aren't adding up."
"I'm not a math problem."
"But I'll still solve you.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“He is not a forgiving tutor, and he doesn't know how to be nice. Kevin can piss anyone off on an Exy court, up to and including a drugged Andrew. Well, anyone except Renee, but she's not human so she doesn't count."
Neil looked at Andrew again. "I thought his medicine made that impossible."
"Spring was a learning experience." Nicky propped his racquet against his shoulder and started for the door. "Wish you'd seen it. Andrew would've taken Kevin's head off if Kevin hadn't already thrown Andrew's racquet halfway across the court. I can't wait to see how you handle it.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“How does anyone lose against the Foxes with Andrew in your goal?"
"He's good, right? [...] Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."
"Bribed?" Neil echoed.
"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."
"He can't play like that and not care."
"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring [...]. Andrew walked off the court for an entire month. He said he'd break his own fingers if Coach made him play with Kevin again."
The thought of Andrew willingly destroying his talent made Neil's heart clench.
"But he's playing now." [...]
"Only because Kevin is. Kevin got back on the court with a racquet in his right hand, and Andrew wasn't far behind him. Up until then they were fighting like cats and dogs. Now look at them. They're practically trading friendship bracelets and I couldn't fit a crowbar between them if it'd save my life."
"But why?" Neil asked. "Andrew hates Kevin's obsession with Exy."
"The day they start making sense to you, let me know," Nicky said [...]. "I gave up trying to sort it all out weeks ago.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“It was too much to take a chance on, but too much to walk away from. It hurt when he [Neil] nodded, but it hurt more to see that tired look settle in Wymack's eyes. It wasn't the pity he thought he could see in Hernandez from time to time, but something familiar that said Wymack understood that it cost to be Neil. He knew what it was like to have to fight to wake up and keep moving every day.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Neil watched them [Kevin and Andrew] over his shoulder.
"I saw him first," Nicky said.
"I thought you had Erik," Neil said.
"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is number three.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Stop staring at Kevin so much. You're making me fear for your life over here."
"What do you mean?"
"Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I'd like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight." Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. "So yeah, I'm going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt's taken and I don't hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats."
"Can you take the creepy down a level?" Aaron asked.
"What?" Nikcy asked. "He said he doesn't swing, so obviously he needs a push."
"I don't need a push," Neil said. "I'm fine on my own."
"Seriously, how are you not bored of your hand by now?"
"I'm done with this conversation," Neil said. "This and every future variation of it. [...]"
The stadium door slammed open as Andrew showed up at last. He swept them with a wide-eyed look as if surprised to see them all there.
"Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"
"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said. "There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he'll get there sooner or later." [...]
"Wow, Nicky," Andrew said. "You start early."
"Can you really blame me?"
Nicky glanced back at Neil as he said it. He only took his eyes off Andrew for a second, but that was long enough for Andrew to lunge at him. Andrew caught Nicky's jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall. [...]
"Hey, Nicky," Andrew said in stage-whisper German. "Don't touch him, you understand?"
"You know I'd never hurt him. If he says yes-"
"I said no."
"Jesus, you're greedy," Nicky said. "You already have Kevin. Why does it-"
He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's Jersey. [...]
Neil was no stranger to violence. He'd heard every threat in the book, but never from a man who smiled as bright as Andrew did. Apathy, anger, madness, boredom: these motivators Neil knew and understood. But Andrew was grinning like he didn't have a knife point where it'd sleep perfectly between Nicky's ribs, and it wasn't because he was joking. Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned.
Neil wondered if Andrew's medicine would let him grieve, or if he'd laugh at Nicky's funeral too. Then he wondered if a sober Andrew would act any different. Was this Andrew psychosis or his medicine? Was he flying too high to understand what he was doing, or did his medicine only add a smile to Andrew's ingrained violence? [...]
Andrew let go of Nicky and spun away. [...] Aaron squized Nicky's shoulder on his way out. Nicky looked shaken as he stared after the twins, but when he realized Neil was watching him he rallied with a smile Neil didn't believe at all.
"On second thought, you're not my type after all,” Nicky said [...].
"Don't let him get away with things like that."
Nicky considered him for a moment, his smile fading into something small and tired.
"Oh, Neil. You're going to make this so hard on yourself. Look, [...] Andrew is a little crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."
"He's like this because you let him get away with it," Neil said. [...]
"That was my fault. [...] I said something I shouldn't have, and got what I deserved.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Don't be so afraid to die. [...] If you [Neil] are, you have no place on our court."
"We're talking about a sport, not a death match."
"Same difference," Aaron said. "You're playing for Class I team with Kevin on your line. People are always willing to bleed for him.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin had grown up playing left-handed.
Seeing him take on Andrew right-handed was ballsy enough, seeing him actually score was surreal.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court