Nora Sakavic Quotes

“Now that number was gone, covered up by the jet-black image of a chess piece. Neil's knowledge of chess was hazy at best, but he knew for sure that wasn't a king. "You did it," Neil said, too stunned to manage anything else. "Let Riko be King," Kevin said, with the exaggerated enunciation of the thoroughly sloshed. "Most coveted, most protected. He'll sacrifice every piece he has to protect his throne. Whatever. Me?" Kevin gestured again, meaning to indicate himself but too drunk to get his hand higher than his waist. "I'm going to be the deadliest piece on the board." "Queen," Andrew said somewhere behind Neil.”
― Nora Sakavic, The King's Men

“It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Why don't you like girls?"
Nicky looked startled by the interruption, but he rallied quickly and made a face. "They're so soft."
Neil thought about Renee's bruised knuckles, Dan's fierce spirit, and Allison holding her ground on the court a week after Seth's death. He thought about his mother standing unflinching in the face of his father's violent anger and her ruthlessly leaving bodies in their wake. He felt compelled to say, "Some of the strongest people I've known are women."
"What? Oh, no," Nicky hurried to say. "I mean literally soft. Too many curves, see? I feel like my hands would slide right off. It's totally not my thing. I like…" He drew a box with his fingers as he searched for words. "Erik. Erik's perfect. He's a total outdoors junkie, rock climbing and hiking and mountain biking, all that awful bug-infested fresh-air stuff. But oh my god, you should see what it does to his body. He's like this, all hard edges." He drew another box. "He's stronger than I am, and I like that. I feel like I could lean on him all day and he wouldn't break a sweat.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Raven King

“What would it take to make you stay?"
The question was so unexpected Neil had to turn back. "What?"
Andrew laughed quietly at his shock and leaned forward. "Name it and it's yours. It doesn't matter what it is so long as you stand your ground here with us.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have none to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things."
"Oh, Coach. [...] If he [Neil] was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin was more demanding of himself than he was of anyone around him. He set his standards impossibly high and tried for them with everything he had, and he didn't understand why others wouldn't do the same.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Andrew put a thumb to the corner of his mouth and dragged it along his lips to erase his smile.
"That sounds like an accusation, but I didn't lie to you."
"Omission is the easiest way to lie," Neil said. "You could have corrected me."
"Could have, didn't," Andrew said. "Figure it out for yourself."
"I did," Neil said. He tapped two fingers to his temple, copying Andrew's mocking salute from their first meeting. "Better luck next time."
"Oh," Andrew said. "Oh, you might actually turn out to be interesting. For a little while, at least. I don't think the amusement will last. It never does.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“We're not all bad, just so you know," Matt said [...]. "Dan hated that your first impression of us would be the do-nothings [Andrew, Aaron, Nikcy and Kevin]. She was pretty sure you wouldn't stick around long enough to meet the rest of us. [...]"
"They're interesting," Neil said.
"Interesting," Matt repeated. "That's the tamest description of them I've ever heard.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“[...] It's a cruel world, right Neil? You wouldn't be here if it wasn't."
"It's not the world that's cruel," Neil said. "It's the people in it.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin's expression was indecipherable. Whatever it was, it didn't look particularly happy.
"This is going to be a very long season."
"I told you I wasn't ready."
"You also said you wouldn't play with me, but here you are. [...] If you won't play with me, you'll play for me," Kevin said. "You're never going to get there on your own, so give your game to me."
"Where is there?" Neil asked.
[...] Kevin reached up and covered Neil's eyes with his free hand.
"Forget the stadium," Kevin said. "Forget the Foxes and your useless high school team and your family. See it the only way it really matters, where Exy is the only road to take. What do you see?"
[...] That thought was sombering, as it put him right back to square one and the fact that Neil Josten was a fleeting existence. It was cruel to even dream he could stay like this, but Kevin had escaped, hadn't he? Somehow he'd left that bloody room behind at Edgar Allan and become this, and Neil wanted the same so bad he could taste it.
"You," Neil said at last.
[...] "Tell me I can have your game."
[...] "Take it."
"Neil understands," Kevin said, dropping his hand and sending Andrew a pointed look.
"Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have non to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately." Andrew pushed himself to his feet and swallowed more whiskey on the way up. "[...] As it is, I might puke from all the fanaticism going around.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Why do you hate this game so much?"
Andrew sighed as if Neil was being purposefully obtuse.
"I don't care enough about Exy to hate it. It's just slightly less boring than living is, so I put up with it for now."
"I don't understand."
"That's not my problem."
"Isn't it fun?" Neil asked.
"Someone else asked me that same thing two years ago. Should I tell you what I told him? I said no. Something as pointless as this game is can never be fun."
"Pointless," Neil echoed. "But you have real talent."
"Flattery is uninteresting and gets you nowhere."
"I'm just stating facts. You're selling yourself short. You could be something if only you'd try."
Andrew's smile was small and cold.
"You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you. [...] Then Kevin finally got the okay to sign you and you hit the ground running," Andrew said. "Curious that a man with so much potential, who has so much fun, who could be something wouldn't want any of it. Why is that?" [...]
"You're lying," Neil said at last, because he needed that to be the truth. "Kevin hates me."
"Or you hate him," Andrew said. "I can't decide. Your loose ends aren't adding up."
"I'm not a math problem."
"But I'll still solve you.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Jeez, Coach, what kind of people do you think we are?" Nicky asked.
"Do you really want me to answer that?”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“How does anyone lose against the Foxes with Andrew in your goal?"
"He's good, right? [...] Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."
"Bribed?" Neil echoed.
"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."
"He can't play like that and not care."
"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring [...]. Andrew walked off the court for an entire month. He said he'd break his own fingers if Coach made him play with Kevin again."
The thought of Andrew willingly destroying his talent made Neil's heart clench.
"But he's playing now." [...]
"Only because Kevin is. Kevin got back on the court with a racquet in his right hand, and Andrew wasn't far behind him. Up until then they were fighting like cats and dogs. Now look at them. They're practically trading friendship bracelets and I couldn't fit a crowbar between them if it'd save my life."
"But why?" Neil asked. "Andrew hates Kevin's obsession with Exy."
"The day they start making sense to you, let me know," Nicky said [...]. "I gave up trying to sort it all out weeks ago.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“It was too much to take a chance on, but too much to walk away from. It hurt when he [Neil] nodded, but it hurt more to see that tired look settle in Wymack's eyes. It wasn't the pity he thought he could see in Hernandez from time to time, but something familiar that said Wymack understood that it cost to be Neil. He knew what it was like to have to fight to wake up and keep moving every day.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“[...] Neil snagged the keys tossed his way. There were two rings looped together, two keys on one and three on the other. [...]
"Thank you," Neil said, clenching his fingers tight enough around them he could feel the teeth digging into his palm. He felt steadier with them in his hand. [...]
"Blatant favoritism, Coach," Andrew said.
"If you ever went to the court of your own volition, maybe I'd give you a set too," Wymack said. "Since I don't see that happening anytime this lifetime or next, you can shut up and share with Kevin."
"Oh, joy, joy," Andrew said. "My excited face begins now.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Neil watched them [Kevin and Andrew] over his shoulder.
"I saw him first," Nicky said.
"I thought you had Erik," Neil said.
"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is number three.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Stop staring at Kevin so much. You're making me fear for your life over here."
"What do you mean?"
"Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I'd like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight." Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. "So yeah, I'm going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt's taken and I don't hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats."
"Can you take the creepy down a level?" Aaron asked.
"What?" Nikcy asked. "He said he doesn't swing, so obviously he needs a push."
"I don't need a push," Neil said. "I'm fine on my own."
"Seriously, how are you not bored of your hand by now?"
"I'm done with this conversation," Neil said. "This and every future variation of it. [...]"
The stadium door slammed open as Andrew showed up at last. He swept them with a wide-eyed look as if surprised to see them all there.
"Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"
"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said. "There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he'll get there sooner or later." [...]
"Wow, Nicky," Andrew said. "You start early."
"Can you really blame me?"
Nicky glanced back at Neil as he said it. He only took his eyes off Andrew for a second, but that was long enough for Andrew to lunge at him. Andrew caught Nicky's jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall. [...]
"Hey, Nicky," Andrew said in stage-whisper German. "Don't touch him, you understand?"
"You know I'd never hurt him. If he says yes-"
"I said no."
"Jesus, you're greedy," Nicky said. "You already have Kevin. Why does it-"
He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's Jersey. [...]
Neil was no stranger to violence. He'd heard every threat in the book, but never from a man who smiled as bright as Andrew did. Apathy, anger, madness, boredom: these motivators Neil knew and understood. But Andrew was grinning like he didn't have a knife point where it'd sleep perfectly between Nicky's ribs, and it wasn't because he was joking. Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned.
Neil wondered if Andrew's medicine would let him grieve, or if he'd laugh at Nicky's funeral too. Then he wondered if a sober Andrew would act any different. Was this Andrew psychosis or his medicine? Was he flying too high to understand what he was doing, or did his medicine only add a smile to Andrew's ingrained violence? [...]
Andrew let go of Nicky and spun away. [...] Aaron squized Nicky's shoulder on his way out. Nicky looked shaken as he stared after the twins, but when he realized Neil was watching him he rallied with a smile Neil didn't believe at all.
"On second thought, you're not my type after all,” Nicky said [...].
"Don't let him get away with things like that."
Nicky considered him for a moment, his smile fading into something small and tired.
"Oh, Neil. You're going to make this so hard on yourself. Look, [...] Andrew is a little crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."
"He's like this because you let him get away with it," Neil said. [...]
"That was my fault. [...] I said something I shouldn't have, and got what I deserved.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Retreating from a furious older man was so instinctive Neil didn't realize he'd flinched until Wymack froze. Wymack's face went almost dangerously blank and Neil dropped his gaze. [...]
"Look at me," Wymack said. "Right now."
Neil dragged his stare up from Wymack's chest to his face. [...]
"I want you to understand something," Wymack said. "I am a loud, grouchy old man. I like to yell and throw things. But I don't throw punches unless some punk is dumb enough to try me first. I have never, ever hit someone without provocation, and I'm sure as hell not going to start with you. You hear me?”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Wymack dragged his thumb along the back of his hand, tracing the path of Kevin's injury.
"Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away. So much for family, hm?"
"I don't believe in family."
"Neither do I."
He meant it.
Neil finally understood that look Wymack sent him in Millport, that perfect understanding that undid Neil's defenses. Neil searched his face, looking for the story behind that exhaustion. Whatever broke Wymack happened so long ago he wasn't even bitter over it anymore, but he was definitely still cracked if he poured so much time into the Foxhole Court.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Neil almost learned to hate both Exy and Kevin. Kevin had gone from impossible to please to completely horrible to be around. [...]
Neil was much better at instigating fights than winning them, but it'd be worth losing if he could just put a fist through Kevin's face once.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Don't be so afraid to die. [...] If you [Neil] are, you have no place on our court."
"We're talking about a sport, not a death match."
"Same difference," Aaron said. "You're playing for Class I team with Kevin on your line. People are always willing to bleed for him.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin had grown up playing left-handed.
Seeing him take on Andrew right-handed was ballsy enough, seeing him actually score was surreal.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“We should have trown away your coach's letter the second we opened it," Kevin said. "Your file is deplorable and I don't want someone with your inexperience on our court. [...] Fortunately for you [Neil], your coach [...] sent us a tape so we could see you in action instead. You play like you have everything to lose. [...] That's the only kind of striker worth playing with.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“It'd been years since Neil stood in the same room as Kevin [...]. Everything about him was different. Everything was the same, from his dark hair and green eyes to the black number two tattooed onto his left cheekbone. Neil saw that number and wanted to retch.
Kevin had that number back then, too, but he'd been too young to have it done permanently. Instead he and his adopted brother Riko Moriyama wrote the numbers one and two on their faces with markers, tracing them over and over anytime they started to fade.
Neil didn't understand it then, but Kevin and Riko were aiming for the stars. They were going to be famous, they promised him.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Underneath the helmet was something neon orange [...], a windbreaker that was almost brighter than the stadium paint.
[...] "Dan commissioned them her first year here. She said she was tired of everyone trying to look past us. People want to pretend people like us don't exist, you know? Everyone hopes we're someone else's problem to solve." Nicky reached out and fingered the material. "They don't understand, so they don't know where to start. They feel overwhelmed and give up before they've taken the first step."
Nicky gave himself a small shake and smiled, melancholy instantly replaced by cheer. "You know we donate a portion of ticket sales to charity? Our tickets cost a little more than anyone else's because of it. [...]”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Neil had grown up wondering why Kevin and Riko were in that room eight years ago and how they'd overcome it. He'd wondered why their luck and circumstances were so different that they could become international stars while Neil's life spiraled so quickly out of control. He'd hated and worshipped them all his life, jealous of their successes and desperate for them to excel.
Now it seemed he'd been wrong all along. Kevin hadn't escaped either. No matter what they did or who they became, maybe they never would.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Kevin wouldn't really go back," Neil said, disbelieving. "Not after what Riko did."
Wymack gave him a pitying look.
"Tetsuji never former adopted Kevin. Do you know why? Moriyamas don't believe in outsiders or equals. Tetsuji took Kevin in and took over his training, but he also gave Kevin to Riko - literally. Kevin isn't human to them. He's a project. He's a pet, and it's Riko's name on his leash. The fact he ran away is a miracle. If Tetsuji called tomorrow and told him to come home, Kevin would. He knows what Tetsuji would do to him if he refused. He'd be too afraid to say no."
Neil thought he'd be sick. He didn't want to hear anymore of this, he'd already heard to much. He wanted to run until it all started making sense in his head, or at least until the ice left his veins. [...]
"What if Coach Moriyama told him to stop playing?"
Wymack was quiet for an endless minute, then said, "Kevin only had the strength to leave because Riko destroyed his hand. That was finally one injustice too many. Because of that I'd like to think Kevin would defy Tetsuji, but it's just as likely we'd never see him with a racquet again. But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."
"We can't win against them," Neil said. "We're the worst team in the nation."
"Then it's time to stop being the worst," Wymack said. "It's time to fly."
"You don't really think we can," Neil said.
"If you didn't think you could, what are you doing here? You wouldn't have signed the contract if you'd already given up on yourself.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“She [Abby] put a finger to his chin and turned his face back toward her.
"Neil, I work for the Foxes. None of you are okay. Chances are I've seen a lot worse than whatever it is you're trying to hide from me."
Neil's smile was humorless.
"I hope not.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court

“Wymack had heart Matt's arrival and he came out of his office to hurl a key ring at Matt's head. [...]
"Jesus, Coach, good to see you too. When did we move past a simple hello?"
"I could say the same for you, stomping past my open door like that without so much as a by-your-leave," Wymack said.
"You looked busy."
"I'm always busy. That's never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before.”
― Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court