“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series for
“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series forever and ever. friends, this just really worked for me. maybe the best romance i’ve read all year. this is a story involving a lot of rich people in new york and an arranged marriage, which is a setting and set up i feel like all romance readers have read in bulk at this point, but this really felt different and felt like it was done a lot better. also, this story has a constant theme of jealousy, but the author didn’t need a love triangle or miscommunication for this, and that felt so good to read. and the first sex scene in this book? the best i’ve read in a long, long while. i read it twice it was so good hahaha!
but i really am a simple romance girl, and if a guy gave me dumplings from 34 different restaurants, so that i could find a new favorite, that would be it for me. But also, him giving her these star gazing dates? like, dante is just built a little different, i fear. i ate this romance up with a spoon and i am happily begging for seconds.
have any of you tried soy sauce on vanilla ice cream? i am going to - and then i will report back.
trigger + content warnings: anxiety, blackmail, panic attacks, not great parents, abandonment, loss of a loved one in the past (grandpa), mention of heart attack in past, blood, assault, armed robbery, unwanted photos being taken without consent, stalking, and talk of trauma.
“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series forever and ever. friends, this just really worked for me. maybe the best romance i’ve read all year. this is a story involving a lot of rich people in new york and an arranged marriage, which is a setting and set up i feel like all romance readers have read in bulk at this point, but this really felt different and felt like it was done a lot better. also, this story has a constant theme of jealousy, but the author didn’t need a love triangle or miscommunication for this, and that felt so good to read. and the first sex scene in this book? the best i’ve read in a long, long while. i read it twice it was so good hahaha!
but i really am a simple romance girl, and if a guy gave me dumplings from 34 different restaurants, so that i could find a new favorite, that would be it for me. But also, him giving her these star gazing dates? like, dante is just built a little different, i fear. i ate this romance up with a spoon and i am happily begging for seconds.
have any of you tried soy sauce on vanilla ice cream? i am going to - and then i will report back.
trigger + content warnings: anxiety, blackmail, panic attacks, not great parents, abandonment, loss of a loved one in the past (grandpa), mention of heart attack in past, blood, assault, armed robbery, unwanted photos being taken without consent, stalking, and talk of trauma.
“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series forever and ever. friends, this just really worked for me. maybe the best romance i’ve read all year. this is a story involving a lot of rich people in new york and an arranged marriage, which is a setting and set up i feel like all romance readers have read in bulk at this point, but this really felt different and felt like it was done a lot better. also, this story has a constant theme of jealousy, but the author didn’t need a love triangle or miscommunication for this, and that felt so good to read. and the first sex scene in this book? the best i’ve read in a long, long while. i read it twice it was so good hahaha!
but i really am a simple romance girl, and if a guy gave me dumplings from 34 different restaurants, so that i could find a new favorite, that would be it for me. But also, him giving her these star gazing dates? like, dante is just built a little different, i fear. i ate this romance up with a spoon and i am happily begging for seconds.
have any of you tried soy sauce on vanilla ice cream? i am going to - and then i will report back.
trigger + content warnings: anxiety, blackmail, panic attacks, not great parents, abandonment, loss of a loved one in the past (grandpa), mention of heart attack in past, blood, assault, armed robbery, unwanted photos being taken without consent, stalking, and talk of trauma.
“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series forever and ever. friends, this just really worked for me. maybe the best romance i’ve read all year. this is a story involving a lot of rich people in new york and an arranged marriage, which is a setting and set up i feel like all romance readers have read in bulk at this point, but this really felt different and felt like it was done a lot better. also, this story has a constant theme of jealousy, but the author didn’t need a love triangle or miscommunication for this, and that felt so good to read. and the first sex scene in this book? the best i’ve read in a long, long while. i read it twice it was so good hahaha!
but i really am a simple romance girl, and if a guy gave me dumplings from 34 different restaurants, so that i could find a new favorite, that would be it for me. But also, him giving her these star gazing dates? like, dante is just built a little different, i fear. i ate this romance up with a spoon and i am happily begging for seconds.
have any of you tried soy sauce on vanilla ice cream? i am going to - and then i will report back.
trigger + content warnings: anxiety, blackmail, panic attacks, not great parents, abandonment, loss of a loved one in the past (grandpa), mention of heart attack in past, blood, assault, armed robbery, unwanted photos being taken without consent, stalking, and talk of trauma.
“If I loved you as much as he claims to love you, nothing would’ve stopped me from keeping you.”
oh we love a seven deadly sins inspired series forever and ever. friends, this just really worked for me. maybe the best romance i’ve read all year. this is a story involving a lot of rich people in new york and an arranged marriage, which is a setting and set up i feel like all romance readers have read in bulk at this point, but this really felt different and felt like it was done a lot better. also, this story has a constant theme of jealousy, but the author didn’t need a love triangle or miscommunication for this, and that felt so good to read. and the first sex scene in this book? the best i’ve read in a long, long while. i read it twice it was so good hahaha!
but i really am a simple romance girl, and if a guy gave me dumplings from 34 different restaurants, so that i could find a new favorite, that would be it for me. But also, him giving her these star gazing dates? like, dante is just built a little different, i fear. i ate this romance up with a spoon and i am happily begging for seconds.
have any of you tried soy sauce on vanilla ice cream? i am going to - and then i will report back.
trigger + content warnings: anxiety, blackmail, panic attacks, not great parents, abandonment, loss of a loved one in the past (grandpa), mention of heart attack in past, blood, assault, armed robbery, unwanted photos being taken without consent, stalking, and talk of trauma.
“And when the Empire is weak, it is often because a powerful few have denied us the abundance of our people.”
if you’re looking for a fantasy murder mystery that has a sherlock and watson dynamic, with a setting that feels like you were dropping into attack on titans, with themes of systemic injustice, and discussions on classism, with a story that follows a queer mc with a learning disability… well, i am here to tell you to please look no further
in this world, the land is separated by rings, and those rings are walls that are constantly being reinforced to keep leviathans out and the people safe. especially the outermost wall, that is also constantly being manned by a military force. also in this world, people are able to get magical augmentations that enhance abilities - and there is a vast range of different augmentations from strength, to sight, or even memory. this land, these augmentations, and different sorts of technological advancements are constantly changing and evolving because of the flora and the importance of the array of plant life on this land. also, this story takes place right on the cusp of the wet season, where the land is less forgiving, alongside the leviathans trying to breach the walls. and if the leviathans do reach the shores, their blood and bodies have a very strange effect on the land and can make a place completely uninhabitable. and lastly, a murder rather unusual, involving the flora in this world, just happened and no one has any clues as to why or how, but the empire needs it solved before the wet season officially hits.
this story follows an assistant to a detective, named dim, who is an engraver, which means he has an enhancement that allows him to remember everything he is seeing, and relay it back to his detective with 100% accuracy and certainty. this is because of an augmentation that he has, and he is able to extra anchor the memories with a vial of a fragrance he is able to tie the experience to. and truly, him exploring all of these places, and manors, and crime scenes, and attaching all of these clues to scent, was one of my favorite parts of this book.
but the detective herself? oh, ana is the best character i’ve read in years! truly a new favorite for me! ana is a bit of a mystery herself throughout the book, so i don’t want to say too much, but she seems to be banished to the outer ring, but she needed a new assistant for a murder mystery in which she is very much needed to solve. and together we watch din and her work together and try to find the murderer(s), while more and more mystery ensues.
this was just a really fresh story, and something that really pushed the bounds of both fantasy and mystery genres. yet, also combining both and making a really beautiful and harmonious experience for readers. this felt different to read, and special to consume, and it really surpassed absolutely every expectation i had prior to purchasing this book at b&n because i love the trend of covers being printed directly on hardcovers with no dust jackets.
“Born into systems beyond our control, into relationships and organizations that obligate us to change, all so our families may prosper… That’s what the empire is, isn’t it?”
to me, this story really also discusses themes of classism and social injustice, where the rich colonizers get to live in safety in the most inner walls, while also having the money to protect themselves from any and all things. while the essential workers who are trying to make all the walls and land a safer and better place are forced to work and live in unsafe conditions. and while people from impoverished communities are forced to give everything they have, in hopes that something will make it back to their families so they will be able to live a tiny bit of a better life. (please know, there is a lot more i want to say, but i won’t because of spoilers - but i really loved some of the themes and thoughts that i felt like were presented within this story!!)
“If you want to figure out where everyone got fleas, look no further than the biggest pack of wild cats. Even if they do prowl behind high walls and fancy gates.”
this book also, to me, has some good representations that i loved reading. both of our main characters have disabilities and they are shown and felt throughout, especially din’s reading disability. but also the message of learning and having to do things differently does not mean it is lesser, it’s just a different way and there is a lot of beauty and strength in that. din is also queer, even though no words are used on page, but he was for sure giving me pan or bi vibes. and there is a very sweet m/m romance that really did have me kicking my feet.
overall, this is the first 2024 published novel that i am giving five stars to this year! you know, i have tried to read so many horrors and thrillers, but maybe the secret sauce was just me picking up a murder mystery. i just fell so in love with our two main characters, and seeing their adventures unfold was a joy and highlight of my 2024 reading. also the amount of tabs i used because the descriptions were so lush and vivid and the quotes so powerful and beautiful? very wild, i promise. even more wild than me being so very alert and looking out for any and all cups because of the title and the cover lol. but i just loved this and i think it really reminded me how much i love murder mysteries, especially with a fantasy back drop. if you have any recommendations, please let me know! and i hope you all have even half as good of a time with this story as i did, because i still believe that will be a five star!
trigger + content warnings: murder, death, blood, vomit, talk of poverty, bullying, abuse, anxiety, smoking, violence, medical testing (involving humans and animals), magical compilation, body horror, contagion, and a lot of talk and imagery of fungus and spores
I think reading this back to back to back just made them feel too formulaic, but I still enjoyed t1.) Only for a Night ★★★★★ 2.) Only For Your Touch ★★
I think reading this back to back to back just made them feel too formulaic, but I still enjoyed this series! <3
i have been very vocal about my new found love of the r/fantasy bingo , and one of the challenges (with hard mode activated) is to read a self pubbed i have been very vocal about my new found love of the r/fantasy bingo , and one of the challenges (with hard mode activated) is to read a self pubbed or indie book with less than 100 ratings on goodreads. And as of typing this review, i am number 43! but also, i really love Mark Lawrence's spfbo awards that he (and a team of so many cool sff bloggers) holds every year, really honoring and uplifting indie and self published authors and their stories! So this very long preamble is to inform you that i knew i had to pick a crossover book for this challenge and this one was on the list of spfbo x books and was free on kindle unlimited!
this was a really charming story about a girl named rose, who very unexpectedly gets a message from her aunt lily, asking her to come take care of her flower nursery for her, because she has to leave immediately. and basically, once rose arrives she thinks everything is normal and what she has always known to be true, but a magical elf inspector comes and shows her a secret magical greenhouse and teaches her about a whole new world filled with magic. but together, they also need to figure out where lily went and how to get her safely back asap!
this was really cute and i easily fell in love with both characters. rose is also an artist, and i really loved that about her, and just her finding happiness and being able to navigate the new and old world a little less lonely. i liked the small town, i liked meeting all the side characters (i loved* a faun in a blazer), and i really liked learning about all the magical plants and potions that can be made with them.
this story also just reminded me how much fun it can be to pick up a book not really knowing anything about it and just being able to have a good time with it, without any expectations. yes, the writing and banter was a little cheesy at times, but sometimes cheesy isn’t bad. and i hope this just really helps me reach for more unrated indie stories, because this really was a fun and cozy reading experience!
trigger + content warnings: mention of loss of grandparents and parents in past (illness and car accident), brief talk of addiction, brief mention of bullying in past, talk of drugs, magical compulsion / slavery / captivity, gun violence, drinking, grief, vomiting, unexpected loss of consciousness, magical overdose
i feel like i really can’t talk about this book without getting into a little spoilery territory, so please skip over this review if you wish to know i feel like i really can’t talk about this book without getting into a little spoilery territory, so please skip over this review if you wish to know nothing about this thriller! (and i do say thriller and not thriller mystery because there really isn’t much mystery to this story whatsoever, which is also probably a reason i didn’t enjoy it as much!) but i picked this up because 1) i have enjoyed ruth ware in the past and 2) the girls were saying survivor meets love island and i will always be here for that set up! But instead of love island and survivor, we get lord of the flies and men's rights activists.
our main character, lyla, reluctantly agrees to go on a reality tv dating show, set on a secluded island, because her boyfriend is an actor and really begs her to do it because it could be very good for his career. lyla’s lab contract is up next month, and the funding renewal isn’t looking too good, so she also agrees under the condition that she can work on her paper and that she can only be on the island for two weeks. but after filming for only 24 hours, a big storm comes that is not only deadly but has completely made the people on the island not be able to contact anyone to come save them. And then she and the rest of the people are trying to survive while… red pill lord of the flies ensues.
i really do respect making the villain who it was, and i respect the talk of the manosphere and the following these mens right activities accumulate on youtube and other platforms that also leads to the perpetuation of violence against women. but oh my god, i just hated reading about this man with all the sum of hate i have in my body. after that storm, that man would have been GONE by me and me alone and i would not have… done what they did at the end (even though that's an important discussion too, and it does make sense, but again - i just hated reading about it!) i hope if you pick this one up, you have more fun reading it than i did, friends!
trigger + content warnings (these will content some plot spoilers so please use caution or do not read if you do not need to know any tw/cws): extremely bad storms, talk of fear of water, extremely abusive relationships, blood, death, drowning, talk of loss of parent in past (one sentence), suicide mentions, not having the insulin that you need, grief, depression, loss of partner, grooming in past, and discussion of men's rights activists throughout (always in a negative light but it is a lot)
maybe cowboys were the secret sauce all along because... yikes at this new spin off series without them. i havent given a book a one star in a very lomaybe cowboys were the secret sauce all along because... yikes at this new spin off series without them. i havent given a book a one star in a very long time...
i dont really want to give this book too much more energy, but this will probably end up being my biggest disappointing read in 2024. the very basic premise is that this is a new series, and a new town, that is one province over from chestnut springs. this stars willa’s, from heartless, older brother, ford, and his best friend’s little sister, rosie, who was also his childhood friend. and let preface this with the fact that willa is my favorite heroine of the chestnut springs series, so this just really feels extra bad to me.
at the very start of the book, ford realizes that he has a twelve year old daughter who is going through a very difficult time currently and has no one else to turn to. cora (the daughter) really pulled at my heart and i really did enjoy reading about her finding this family and feeling loved and safe and accepted. i will say that her story might be a little emotionally manipulative, to make the reader feel something big considering the rest of this book is not so great, but for the sake of saying at least one nice thing - i really did like cora. but she doesn’t talk like a twelve year old, her actions are really not that of a twelve year old (even one who had to grow up extremely quickly), and some of the conversations she has with the adults do feel really weird. (i really recommend this review!)
ford has been a billionaire since birth, but he is more rich now, but he was kind of dorky in the past, and that’s his personality. rosie… i feel elsie read the words “bratty bottom” somewhere and was like “im gonna do that with rosie!” and truly failed miserably lol. i mean, she is bratty for sure, but just annoying and insufferable to read. especially when said brattyness shows up when he is literally taking his child to deal with some really sad and heavy shit. also, from talking about others' privilege when you have a family boat house to escape to when you have no income, from ruining macbooks during sex and ruining rooms with paint just for funsies, from calling others out but ignoring you have accepted a 100k signing bonus because you and your boss are starting a romance, like… it was just not fun to ever read about her or from her. there is a lot of bad in this book, but rosie was the worst for me to read.
also elsie silvers beta readers must hate her (view spoiler)[because what do you mean there is a mini discussion on privilege with apparently the billionaire/nepo baby learning it for the first time, and then the next chapter is him immediately proceeding to go to a police station where him and his white friend are all happy and friendly with the cops? like... actually speechless. (hide spoiler)]
but yeah, i think that’s everything. the romance was forced, the talk of privilege was literally grating, and i didn’t care about anyone except for the twelve year old who didn’t read like a child. she is setting up a tea shop owner who i was kind of intrigued by, but this book left such a bad taste in my mouth that i do not think i will be continuing. also, i hope when rosie’s brother gets a book that the author and publishing team will actually hire sensitivity readers for rosie’s nephew, especially after reading so much carelessness with this book.
trigger + content warnings: sexual assault at work place (unwanted touching), mention of loss of father (als), grief, depression, child neglect, blood mention, harry potter mention, power imbalances, talk of periods, talk of cheating in past (not mcs), mention of off page misogyny, talking about someone's sa without their permission, unwanted photographs being taken (paparazzi), police station scene, one sentence mention of a school shooting very lightly in the epilogue (like… what)
i have been loving this series so very much, and after finishing the ashes & the star-cursed king i immediately wanted more, therefore i picked this up also assuming it would be a banger like the rest of this series. oh friends, i am experiencing heartbreak as i type this mini review.
i believe that this in-between story, set in this world at a different time period, was to help us learn more about the goddesses, in particular nyaxia and (view spoiler)[her cousin (hide spoiler)] arachessen. yet, that’s all it really did for me because i just could not get into this story, these characters, their romance, their dynamics with other characters, or anything really. this was ultimately just such a let down for me, but i will still be picking up the songbird & the heart of stone come fall!
content warnings mentioned in author’s note at beginning of this book: violence, war, drug addiction. Violence against children, explicit sexual situations
additional trigger + content warnings i wrote down while reading: loss of a loved one, loss of a friend, cult depiction, colonization, drowning, grief, murder, death, a lot of blood depictions, captivity, body control powers, drugging, talk of the subject of rape, power imbalance dynamics / child abuse, slavery mention, extreme drug withdrawal, talk of animal death, graphic detailed mentions of eating animals
“I am glad, glad that you are alive. To see you take breath puts the breath back in my lungs. If there must be another my fate is twined around, I am glad it is you.”
this third and final book in fitz’s first trilogy was just everything to me. you all know i love a quest storyline, and as the title does hint at, there are a lot of quests for my favorite assassin in this concluding novel. truly, i could read another thousand pages of fitz on the road, picking up companions, finding out new information, and reading little story, after little story, to eventually lead up to one big masterpiece. i feel like robin hobb is so amazing at creating characters, because you not only love them, and love reading about them, but you get so attached to them and their lives. i felt fitz’s heartbreak, his rage, his happiness, his contentment, all of them so viscerally.
royal asssassin's ending was very wild to say the least, so i knew the start of this book was going to be heart wrenching, and i was indeed crying seeing fitz learn to be human again (and to contemplate if it is worth it to be human again). but in this third novel, we see him on the road with nighteyes, and on a mission to get revenge, but also on a mission to find the ones he loves - even if they are in a very different location than the mission for revenge. we get to see fitz meet different people, different minstrels, and be in different inns, different towns, who are all trying to stay safe from the forged ones who are out attacking anyone and everyone. and truly there is not much more i can say without getting into major spoilers.
let me do some other really fast, somewhat vague things that i really loved about this book: i loved all the discussions with the fool and with gender and how that can be something so fluid, and so changing, but also something others will prioritize over knowing way more than you could/ever will. i loved everything we learned about elderlings and dragons! and i really liked the first starting glimpses of a new generation being forged by war and hiding, but also by love and hope.
overall, i just can’t recommend this trilogy, and the start of this overarching series, enough. i loved this story, the heartbreak and the love that is so easily felt throughout every chapter. and i know i will carry so many of these characters with me forever. i also am so excited to finally start liveship traders because that is a brand new series for me, and i am so curious how a new cast of characters are going to maybe cross paths with fitz.
trigger + content warnings: blood, slavery, violence, death, murder, gore, seizures, mentions of animal death in past, mentions of suicidal thoughts, poison, drugging, insects, talk of abortion, talk of loss of a baby during child birth, death of a child, illness, physical assault, threat of rape, talk of rape in past, human trafficking, attempted suicide, loss of a loved one, animal abuse, ableism (in negative light), and maybe misgendering (also always in a negative light - i believe the character in this book is somewhere on the gender fluidity spectrum, and could possibly not care about any and all gender labeling, but just use care in case something like this could be triggering for you)
this is two stories… two parts of a story… maybe a bindup of two novellas… that i truly did not know existed, but i promise you this 150 page book was an easy and so heartfelt five star for me. you can totally read this before assassin's apprentice , but i do think you will get a little more out of it if you have read even a little bit of the first trilogy in the realm of the elderlings. but i will very much warn you: this is a tragedy to its core. this reads so very much like a fairytale, yet i was weeping over so many parts, but the ending healed it all and it felt like storytelling perfection.
to not give anything away, the barebones of this story is that we follow a little girl, named felicity, who grows up alongside princess caution farseer. we get to see their lives together and them becoming the people they want to be versus the people their families expect them to become. in the second part of this story, we follow their sons, both very different but their hearts also very intertwined like both of their mothers. and without saying anything else, this story helps put lineage and heritage a little more into perspective. and it also serves as a reason why many people in this world are scared of the magic called the witt.
this was one of the most beautifully written things ive ever read. the writing was so compelling that the story felt like it was being told to me by the most lulling bard to ever sing a tale. i know this is a short read, but from page one this truly put a spell on me and i was unable to put it down. i just loved this completely and highly recommend it to anyone who already loves fitz, but also to everyone who will eventually love fitz.
trigger + content warnings: drugging, a lot of talk of pregnancy and childbirth, loss of a parent, loss of a loved one, loss of a child, violence (a lot), blood, gore, bullying, animal abuse, animal death, scenes of childbirth and death in childbirth, grief, talk of illness, abusive parent, depression - this is actually a very dark story/stories, so please use caution and make sure you’re in a good headspace
when i heard sapphic medusa reimagining with a dark academia setting, i knew i couldn’t resist reading this for tosalted pasta water is still crazy...
when i heard sapphic medusa reimagining with a dark academia setting, i knew i couldn’t resist reading this for too long. and this book is that! and i really loved the romance! and i will always love seeing women getting revenge and healing the way they want to heal against horrible acts committed against them!! but this is a dark book that really centers on sexual assault at this college, so please use caution and take care of yourselves while reading. (i would say just skip chapter 2 when the on page rape happens, but different assaults happen and are discussed throughout this entire story.)
after chapter two, we get to see lex almost a year later, back at the university that did nothing to protect her and everything to protect her rapist, and she is ready to get that revenge that she deserves. she is also ready, with the help of her sister, to take revenge for people who feel voiceless and put fear in the men who walk around campus feeling untouchable after making people feel voiceless. but when a girl who is supposed to be part of lex’s personal revenge starts to feel like something she has always wanted, things get a little more complicated.
i really liked the romance in this. going into this book, i was scared because i knew it had a revenge element, but i didn’t feel any weird power dynamics, there was no bullying towards one another, and i felt like both girls just truly liked each other from the very start. i also felt like luna’s journey in realizing she is bi was really thoughtfully done and realistic. and i also really respected and enjoyed lex’s portrayal for always knowing she is a lesbian. i know the salted pasta water is still crazy, but the sex scenes were actually extremely well done - maybe some of the best i've read. and i just really enjoyed watching this romance unfold.
i just really respected what this book and story is, and i wish we got more books like this. i wish we got more empowering books about women getting revenge on the people who have committed these acts that our broken systems don’t accurately punish them for. And i also wish we got more books of just girls falling in love, girls discovering their sexuality, and girls having all different kinds of relationships - some quiet, some loud, some slow, some fast, some light, some heavy. (i feel like some of the comments i am seeing about the romance/sex in this book… you all are not saying this to the 500 m/m romances we get every year. i really appreciate this story and what it is doing for so many reasons, but also the reason the baseline fact that we need more sapphic stories of all kinds.)
i also “enjoyed” (it feels weird to say that for this but…. i just think it's an important conversation) seeing the discussion on how men/society can treat lesbians because the world cannot fathom someone not being attracted to men in some shape or form or way. How people will say you're just confused, or you just haven't had a good experience with a man yet, because it is impossible for some people to wrap their minds around their own unimportance (and their misogyny). i am pan, but i really respected that being shown in this book, because i sadly do think that is a reality for so many people who aren’t interested in men romantically or sexually and it should be talked about (and unlearned) more.
overall, i just really am happy this book exists for many reasons. i loved the sapphic romance and seeing these two girls heal and realize that they deserve good and safe things, maybe even with the unconditional help and support from one another. and i also really respected what the author did with these darker themes and the helplessness people often feel. i'm not saying this was a perfect book by any means, but i am thankful for it and i really hope this author writes more sapphic romance in the future, because i will be preordering.
trigger + content warnings: rape and sexual assault (on page, many different depictions, and talked about through the entirety of this book), not being believed after sa, predatory behavior, drugging, vomit, misogyny, snakes, blood, bullying, child abuse mentions, abusive parents, graphic physical abuse, ptsd, nightmares, harry potter mentions, torture, gore, violence, homophobia (in a negative light always), use of slur for lesbians, suicidal thoughts in past, murder
“I love the world I hate simply because you live in it.”
this is truly the weirdest book i’ve ever read. i kind of thought i was going to like it,
“I love the world I hate simply because you live in it.”
this is truly the weirdest book i’ve ever read. i kind of thought i was going to like it, just from the title and premise alone, but i was a little apprehensive because so many of my goodreads friends did not vibe with this one. but from chapter one, and reading some of the most impressive writing ive ever read, let alone from a debut, i knew this was really going to work for me. i am a bit hesitant to recommend it, because i just know it is going to be too weird and too satirical, and the writing too purple prose and too stream of consciousness for a lot of readers. but if you’re looking for something very different, something that's really going to pull you out of your own comfortability, something unlike anything else you’ve read before, i would recommend that book wholeheartedly.
the very basic, surface level, premise of this story is that we follow a fanfiction writer (who goes by y/n of course) who become more and more obsessed with a kpop idol. there is a constant emphasis on the idol industry and how harsh it is - from eating disorders, to being overworked, to pushing your body beyond its limits, to also being stalked by people who call themselves fans. these are a constant throughline of obsessive fandom culture and how that enables capitalism even more, and how sometimes parasocial relationships can feel very manipulative and cult-like. and i feel like this is where the disconnect comes from (besides that insanity that is this book) because either people aren’t familiar with the kpop industry or they feel attacked because they do understand the kpop industry and they feel uncomfortable with their place in it. (and i say this as someone who has a youtube channel dedicated to park jimin and collecting his photocards lol)
“But his first-place ranking made the disturbing suggestion that my imagination, one of the few remaining places where I felt truly free, was actually the site of my dreariest conformity. I knew my feelings for Moon were neither unique nor all that extreme, and I even viewed mass popularity as his rightful due. But writing stories about him was supposed to have represented a higher level of devotion, an elitist kink in the plain template of fandom.”
but, to me, this is a book about depression - and it truly is one of the most powerful depictions of it that i have ever read. following y/n and seeing the way she justifies everything, and feeling so much disgust one page and then so much empathy the very next page, it is truly a roller coaster through a fever dream feeling reading this entire book. this is a story about consuming, yet wanting so badly to be consumed. Feeling so lonely, and hyperfocusing on the one light in your dark world so you can feel like you are somewhat living. this is a depiction of mental health for south koreans (and so many asian communities) where help can be nowhere to be found, both professionally and from your family. (and additionally, lack of resources, lack of empathy, and just lack of help everywhere to help people who need help be able to have access to help - from our young to our elderly!) and how industries, marketing, and capitalism will prey on individuals trying to live their lives escaping. and this is a story about giving yourself wholly to something so it’s all not for nothing.
“For the first time, I doubted the singularity of my love and thereby its truth. I glimpsed a future where I felt nothing for Moon, as one did, with both relief and melancholy, on the cusp of a breakup. I nearly fainted from disorientation. My love, which I'd considered, not without pride, a destabilizing force, was turning out to be exactly that which stabilized me.”
i also feel like this book is about identity and being a diaspora adult, going back to your home country, and experiencing a lot of feelings that you don’t really know what to do with. loving something that makes you feel more connected to your identity, but then seeing a lot of “fans” that you are supposed to relate to, appropriating and fetishizing your culture (and non koreans commenting on your fullent korean accent!!). and just seeing people view idols not as artists, but as perfect objects of their consumption and enjoyment. there are a lot of bold and important themes in these 200 pages, and i sadly do think a lot of readers are missing them.
again, this is a wild story. like, i really don’t want to give anything away - but there is a scene where y/n actually is able to give her idol her fanfic (which is very dark fanfic) and i was sliding off my bed reading it because i was feeling so uncomfortable. i really am tempted to give it five stars just because it really did make me feel so many emotions, while being unlike anything i’ve ever read before. but if you pick this up because of me and hate it, don’t blame me because i warned you 500 times this is a really weird book with a lot of uncomfortable and dark things! but this is a story i think that is really going to stick with me, and i absolutely cannot wait to see what esther yi writes next.
trigger + content warnings: depression, talk of body image, disordered eating, racism, fetishization, abusive relationships, a lot of talk of death, talk of suicide, suicide ideation, one sentence mention of school shootings, vomit, talk of disability, blood, accidental self harm, mention of death of pet in past (dog being poisoned by neighbors), and a big portion of this book discussed and shows dementia
“We’re meant to bring our stories together, to speak and listen and know that the stories are real and they matter.”
oh, this was so beautiful. if you're a content creator, this is truly a must read. so heartfelt, so profound, so emotional, and just truly so so so beautiful. this follows an artist visiting the home of one of her favorite artists on christmas eve. she sees a dragon, decides to create a new painting because of it, and her life (and perspective) quickly changes.
it is a brave act to put yourself out there, and it is even braver to continuously keep putting yourself out there again and again and again. from poems to paintings to book reviewing here on goodreads. humans can be so passionate, especially when inspiration is involved, and extra when we are trying to make connections to make the world and everything beautiful in it feel less lonely.
online spaces can be hard and scary, but they can also be so very rewarding. especially when you find people who find the similar magic of your heart. if you're reading this, please know i am so very proud of you, always, and all the magic you allow yourself to see and hear and feel.
trigger and content warnings: depression, anxiety, one sentence mention of loss of a loved one in past, online harassment and bullying.