Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies
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Books:
mythology
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1442477180
| 9781442477186
| 1442477180
| 3.69
| 980
| May 06, 2014
| May 06, 2014
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did not like it
| “Daddy, no!” I shouted.Meet Eros, the Greek Goddess of Love. She never stops f “Daddy, no!” I shouted.Meet Eros, the Greek Goddess of Love. She never stops fucking wailing. This is one of the worst books based on Greek mythology that I've ever read. To make matters worse, it's told from THREE POVs. People usually get wiser with age, for example, I used to be afraid that monsters would munch on my toes while I slept. That ended when I was 20, so clearly, I gained some wisdom over 10 years. One would think that after several fucking millennium, a fucking Greek goddess would have developed a few fucking brain cells in her dumb fucking head. One would think the goddess of love would know better than to fall into desperate, desperate love after knowing someone for all of six fucking months. In Greek mythology, Eros is supposed to be the Greek god of love (not to be confused with his mother, Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty). Like this. [image] You're welcome. Instead, we get THIS. [image] This is Eros, aka Cupid. Aka the little naked dude on cheesy Valentine's Day Cards that shoot arrows into people's hearts and make them fall in insta-love who is now turned into a stupid teenaged female. Needless to say, Eros has played an unseen and unnamed role in much of YA literature. In this book, Eros is the Greek goddess of love, and she shows no more intelligence than a particularly stupid 16-year old girl, and by saying that, I think I might be insulting all the 16-year old girls out there, because there's no denying the fact that Eros is a stupid fucking moron who's probably been indulging in too much Bacchanalia. The Summary: Orion was my soul mate. Orion, who had bedded Eos and dallied with Artemis and gotten himself killed by her and her awful brother, Apollo. Orion, the notorious egomaniac, the most reckless thrill seeker who’d ever lived, a mortal I was still getting to know. He was, in many ways, my polar opposite, but he was my one and only home.The Ancient Greek goddess of love, Eros, has fallen in love with Orion (as in the constellation dude) after a few months. He is her sooooooooul maaaaaate, man. No matter what anyone else says about him, dude, Eros knows that he is THE ONE, man! After several tremendously long months of courtship, Eros declares her undying love for Orion! “I’d rather die than live without you.”And BOOM! Daddy Ares (the god of war) appears. Orion shits his pants, because, well, hello? You don't fuck around with an angry father, and you particularly don't fuck around with an angry father who IS THE GOD OF WAR. A deafening crack of thunder shook the ground beneath our feet, sending us staggering together into the nearest tree trunk.(DADDY! NO!!!!!! Eros wails) [image] (DADDY! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Eros wails) DON'T MESS WITH ARES, MOTHERFUCKER. And since Eros is such a wonderful daughter, she tries to shoot her father in the back. With a bow in my hands I never failed. With a bow in my hands I was the purest version of myself. I pulled back and let fly. The hunting arrow zipped through the air, headed directly for its target. Headed for my father’s heart.She shoots her dad. To protect her boyfriend. Of six months. Such a filial thing to do. Long story short, Eros isn't supposed to be fucking around (literally) with a mortal. She's in deep deep shit. Zeus (here referred to as "The King," and "Your Grace," and "Your Majesty," like what the FUCK, man?!) sends Eros to Earth as punishment. Her mission to get back into grace and to save Orion's life? “You will be banished to Earth without your powers. You will be, essentially, a mortal. You will then prove your worth to me by forming true love between three couples with no godly tricks up your sleeve,” Zeus continued. “Only then will you be allowed to return to Mount Olympus.”Simple, right?! I mean, Eros has only been watching humans and making them fall in love for thousands of years. How hard can this be?! First: choose a name that blends in. At the very top of the page in front of me was a space for my name and my birth date, which had been left blank. At least the king had given me that, the chance to choose my own name.Um. Ok, True. Fine. It's fine. Really. It's just a name. We can deal with the name True. Ok, next, be subtle about it all. “Do any of you have girlfriends?” she asked.Ok, it's fine. It's her first day in school. Eros, aka True has been watching humans for thousands of years. Surely she can blend in with them, you know, dress like how they dress. She was wearing a white sweatshirt about ten sizes too big and pink shorts that showed almost every inch of perfect leg. But craziest were the brand-new, shiny, red-and-purple cowboy boots. Which I think she was wearing with no socks.Um, well. I'm sure that's fashionable in some parts of the world. It's fine, whatever her name, whatever she chooses to wear, as long as she's got her eyes on the prize. As long as she's got a subtle way of fulfilling her mission that's not going to draw any attention whatsoever. “I’m going to find you a girlfriend,” I repeated, taking another swig of iced tea. “I’m really good at matching up couples. It’s a special talent of mine.”Fine, that's just, like, the second day of school or whatever. Just give her some time! Eros is smart, she'll surely use her millenium of experience to match couples up. “Another setup?” I whispered.WHATEVER. Just as long as she blends in as a high schooler. She'll fulfil the mission eventually. “Who the hell do you think you are?” I shouted.Needless to say... This was a nightmare.-_- The Greek Gods: “Lmee ’lone,” she muttered. Her breath smelled like rotten grapes. I maneuvered her back onto the mattress and flung the covers over her legs. Her hair was matted in places, and puddles of drool marred one pillow.That...thing, ladies and gentleman, is Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. This book gives us the most one-dimensional portrayal of Greek gods and goddesses that I've ever encountered. Zeus is pockmarked. Ares is petty and only seeks to curry favor. Aphrodite is a drunken slop of a mess when she doesn't get what she wants. One of the most powerful goddessses in the Pantheon, and she's a wreck when she's on earth. Aphrodite does nothing but drink herself into oblivion. She sobs. She wails. She screeches. Artemis is..."the most vile. She has the bark, but not the bite.” Apollo is a nasty, childish idiot. Selene is "a bit of a dimwit." The Greek gods are rarely mentioned in this book, but when they are, they are stupid, foolish, flat characters. Eros AKA True: I leaned forward, horrified. Was that a pimple on my chin?*waaaaaaaaaaails Oh, for fuck's sakes. One would think that an immortal goddess who has been living for thousands and thousands of years would be less of a motherfucking dumbass. Wah I have a pimple. Wah I don't look perfect. Your motherfucking boyfriend of three motherfucking months is going to die, because you tried to fucking KILL YOUR DAD. ISN'T THAT CUTE? Despite watching humans for thousands of years, she hasn't a fucking clue how to blend in. She doesn't know how to dress normally. It was me on vomit day, wearing the band jacket over the long, gauzy dress and jeans Then me in my overalls on Wednesday, that itchy plaid vest I’d sported on Thursday, and finally the purple sweatpants and striped shirt I’d worn on Friday.Despite watching humans, she doesn't know how to blend in at all. She steals. Everything. A scarf. We passed by an open bag on a chair and I saw a pretty plaid scarf peeking out from inside. I grabbed it and tied my hair back from my cheeks.A pair of sunglasses. I looked her up and down through the silver-framed sunglasses I’d taken from an open locker.Other people's food. That iced tea looked good. Refreshing. I picked up the bottle and gulped down half of it. Charlie stared. I placed it down and sighed. My head throbbed a bit more dully.And she steals food from EVERYONE. This is the new girl in school we're talking about. She leaned away from me, sliding wary eyes in my direction. I picked up one of the doughy sticks, dipped it in the vat of maple syrup I’d been provided, and took a bite.Are you fucking telling me you don't know how people behave after watching them all this time? Are you fucking telling me that you don't know how to tell personalities despite having matched people up and observing them for thousands of years. Are you telling me you don't know how to blend in as a NORMAL person and keep attention from yourself? I reached past a tiny girl with blond curls and took a carton of milk and a brown roll.Are you telling me that a Greek goddess who's such a judgmental asshole who calls EVERY GIRL SHE DOESN'T LIKE A BITCH is such a terrible judge of character? After shadowing Veronica this morning, I was certain of one thing: The girl was a two-faced bitch.Are you telling me that a Greek goddess of love can be such a woman-hater? The honors English teacher looked like a Hun and had the personality to match. You’d think she’d be happier, considering she was sporting a gold wedding band and had a picture of herself and her handsome husband framed on her desk. People around here obviously took true love for granted. I would have liked to have seen how she would behave if she’d had that big hunk of masculinity ripped away from her for the gods knew how long. Maybe it would soften her a touch.The Romance: I have to stop. I have a headache. I can't even go on about the fucking mess that is the OTHER romance in this book. Hint: it's about a girl who is ...bogglingly beautiful. So clearly clueless to it. So obviously sweet and shy and vulnerable."...And... ..."Not-Justin-Bieber was standing there, holding my books out to me in a neat stack. Except up close he looked nothing like Justin Bieber. His cheeks were more square and his eyes very, very blue. He was hotter than Justin Bieber. By a lot."Die, book. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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May 15, 2014
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May 15, 2014
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Hardcover
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0985865318
| 9780985865313
| 0985865318
| 3.82
| 2,305
| Feb 04, 2014
| Feb 05, 2014
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it was amazing
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Actual rating: 4.5 The girl whose beauty was once fabled became a horrifying monster.Actual rating: 4.5 The girl whose beauty was once fabled became a horrifying monster.Percy Jackson's dad is not only guilty of being an absentee father, he is a rapist. The Gorgon Medusa knows it well; she is one of his victims. This book is just so fucking good. So fantastically amazing. I'm practically allergic to giving 5 stars, but I can pretty much guarantee you that this ranks among one of my favorite books this year. I have scarcely read a retelling of modern-day Greek gods and goddesses that is more faithful to the original. I have scarcely encountered a character who is more sympathetic, so loveable, whose story is as heartbreaking as Medusa's. Medusa's personality is amazing. She is so strong, yet so unsure of herself; so scared, so damaged from her past, so fearful to love, but never resistant to it. As a victim of rape, she hates herself, and she has to come to terms with the fact that she is a victim. Needless to say, I absolutely adored Medusa's character, and I'm not going to have a separate section on her character analysis or else this review will run the length of an entire book. The Greek Gods may be deities, but they are quite human in their imperfection. Many of them are benevolent. Some of them are, gently put, petulant, sulky, fantastically moronic motherfuckers. Humans throughout the ages have suffered grievously at their hands. These poor mortals have been cursed, some justly, most unfairly, and nobody is less deserving of their punishment than Medusa. [image] Summary: You might have heard of Medusa. A terrifying creature with snakes upon her head. So monstrous that anyone who gazes upon her turns into stone. She was raped by Poseidon while serving as a maid to the goddess Athena. Instead of pitying Medusa, Athena scorned her, cursed her, doomed her to an eternity of misery and solitude. So much for Athena's reputation as the Goddess of Wisdom. Medusa's skin is lizard-like, she has a tail. Her head teems with slithering snakes. She calls her snakes "The Girls." The Girls may be snakes, but they are sweet, gentle creatures. They are oftentimes her only companion. They are gentle creatures, individually named by me but normally referred to as a whole, since they intertwine together more often than not. More importantly, they abhor death just as avidly as I do.Medusa is monstrous in appearance, but she is not a monster. Medusa is all too human at heart, she is kind, compassionate, she is gentle, loving. She hates being a monster. And it sucks. It genuinely, truly, absolutely, unequivocally sucks. I hate stealing lives.Medusa is still broken and haunted by her rape, 2000 years afterwards. There are few who love her, looking like she does. Friendship is hard for one whose looks can kill. Even so, isolated on the Greek isle of Gorgona, Medusa leads a quiet life. She has two friends, a kindly, old, blind fisherman named Mikkos, and then there is the god Hermes. Hermes is her best friend. The golden, kind, gentle (Vans sneaker-wearing) god is the only one who has sought her company and friendship throughout her curse. Hermes is kind, persistent. He seeks her out, he has never abandoned her. I loathed and feared him at first, convinced he would abuse me like his relatives had, but he is a persistent thing. It took years—literally, hundreds of years—but he chipped away at my shell with acts of kindness small and large.Hermes has a knight-in-shining armor thing going on. He is always trying to right wrongs, save people, and make the world a better place, which is one of the things I love best about him.And his latest mission, in fact, a mission he has been trying to accomplish ever since Medusa has been cursed---is to free her from her monstrous existence; Hermes intends to right a wrong that has been allowed to fester for too long. “The simple fact is, my uncle raped you, and somehow my bat-shit insane sister blamed and cursed you for it happening in one of her temples. In no way did you deserve what happened to you.” He shakes his head slowly as he closes in on me. “You’ve born it better than any other person I could ever imagine. It’s time for it to end, though. I sorely regret not doing anything earlier.”Medusa is scared, terrified at the prospect. She has suffered this punishment too long, she is too resigned to her miserable existence. Medusa does not dare to hope that she might regain a normal life. But maybe...after all these millenias, it is time to allow herself a spark of optimism. Before—I had no say in my punishment. I’ve born it quietly....and off they go to Olympus. The Greek Pantheon is not altogether bad. They can be kind, and luckily for Medusa, they are reasonable. They realize that they're not perfect, and their sister, the goddess Athena...is kind of a bitch. How else do you explain the punishment, the shaming, the utter hatred of a girl who has been raped? Athena is sitting next to Poseidon. Her hair is in a tight bun, her expression sour as she peers down at me. There is disdain there, and something else—something I can’t quite pinpoint. But whatever it is, I am more than aware of her revulsion, and it saddens me. I worshipped her. Served her. “How many times do I need to say it? The little whore got what she deserved.”Luckily, Medusa has defenders. There are gods and goddesses who believe in her innocence. Like the fantastically awesome Hades, lord of the Underworld. “Niece,” he stresses, mimicking her formality, “this isn’t the first time you’ve overstepped your bounds by punishing innocents; this one just so happens to be the last remaining victim. If you even try to spew that victim blaming crap again, I’ll take you down to the Underworld with me for a spell. Maybe then you can understand what true justice entails.”That glorious motherfucker. LET ME LOVE YOU, HADES. *ahem* Medusa may be freed of her curse, but it's just the beginning. She has not been human in a long time. She has forgotten what it feels like to be freed. She has to learn to love again, to trust again, she has to undergo physical therapy...she needs to learn to be angry. “Anger is good. I can work with anger. She doesn’t need your coddling, Nymph-girl. She needs somebody to help her kick some ass.” His lips curl so high that I swear, the corner of one side of his mouth closes in on an ear. “And I can do that.”Enemies from her past resurfaces, and as good as her current life is in Olympus, peace doesn't come without a price. There are people who want their vengeance. But Medusa has allies now, she has friends, she is no longer alone. She has a lover who will not give up on her. Another kiss, a light brush across the center of my lips. “I will fight for us, Medusa. I will not give up. Please do not give up on yourself, either. Never forget that I love you. Never forget that you mean everything to me.”The Setting & The Writing: It is modern time, and the setting works perfectly. Medusa is isolated, but she knows about the modern world, she has technology, gifts from the outside world brought to her by her friend Hermes. He can travel the world outside, she cannot; he brings the world to her. The gods and goddesses of Greek mythology have grown, adapted to their time. They live in Mount Olympus, and they have modern technology (Hades uses an iPad). They have grown perfectly to fit the modern era. They are not so incongruous with the time at all. The setting is a modern-day imagining of Olympus, and it fits perfectly. Olympus is a city, beyond the reach of mortals. There is technology in it, there are modern shops and restaurants in it. It is populated by nymphs, gods and goddesses, satyrs and centaurs. Welcome to the 21st century. The writing flows perfectly. It is evocative, it reaches emotional depths. Medusa's narrative is in first-person, and it is modern enough, although rather formal, and it never feels inconsistent or out of place. The writing is absolutely spot-on. The Greek Pantheon: I found the portrayal of the Greek gods and goddesses very authentic to the originals. Let's get the big issue over with: the portrayal of Athena as an insane batshit. This is controversial, but I accept it. For one thing, it is true that in Greek mythology, Athena cursed poor Medusa to be monstrous, despite the fact that the girl did nothing wrong. Therefore, the portrayal of Athena as less-than-flattering in this book is completely acceptable to me. I agree with Hades' assessment of his sister. “For somebody who is supposedly the bastion of wisdom,” Hades continues darkly, “you do a piss-poor job of exhibiting it yourself.”As well as Hermes'. His voice matches mine. “No. It’s like I said—she’s insane. Her being named the purveyor of wisdom is one of the greatest of cosmic jokes.”The gods and goddesses are modernized, as fitting the time, but the main aspects of their personality remains very true. Zeus is pretty awesome. And totally chill. He is lounging in his throne, dressed in a t-shirt, torn shorts, and flip-flops. There is no beard, no mustache—just sandy hair and weathered, tan skin.The gods are reasonable. They squabble among themselves, like a big, boisterous Greek family. “Cease your frivolity, cow,” Athena hisses at her sister.We meet so many of the gods and goddesses. We get to know Persephone and Hades as Medusa lives with them for awhile. Hades likes coffee, Persephone hates it. Hades and Persephone loves each other, despite what Medusa knew of them from legends. It is obvious he and Persephone are deeply in love, which is yet another surprise. Like most everyone, I’ve read the stories of how he’d kidnapped her and held her against her will half the year in the Underworld. Only, Persephone doesn’t act like a kidnapped victim ought to act; that, or she’s an excellent actress who suffers heavily from Stockholm syndrome. She dotes on his words, as he does to hers.There is Aphrodite and her husband, Hephaestus. Aphrodite is wonderful, gorgeous; as kind as she is beautiful. I so loved the way the gods and goddesses are written in this book. The Romance: There is a romance in this book, and it is completely understandable. The love in this book comes pretty fast, but it develops from friendship, from a history of knowing each other for thousands of years. I understand it, I support it, and I completely adore the couple. And I want to give Medusa a hug for daring to love again, for finding the strength to look for love and to accept it after the traumatic events of her rape. He murmurs sweet words of comfort, ones that do not rush me to wrap up nor belittle me for my outburst. And I know, just know, in this moment that I love him. That I am in love with him.And he, in turns, is the best of lover, the most wonderful, compassionate, loving of friends. “You have a goodness in you others would have long let die away in such circumstances. This is what I fell in love with. Not your body—which, I won’t lie, I enjoy very much, or your beautiful hair (because you know I most certainly was fascinated with your snakes, too), or those eyes of yours I find myself so easily lost in on a regular basis. Dusa, I love you. Who you are."This is such a wonderful book. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 20, 2014
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Feb 21, 2014
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Feb 20, 2014
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Paperback
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4.31
| 3,122,830
| Jul 28, 2005
| Mar 01, 2006
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really liked it
| Chiron looked surprised. “I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.”As someone who has worked in L Chiron looked surprised. “I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.”As someone who has worked in Los Angeles, I can tell you that this is completely accurate. While Harry Potter was spending his summers at the Dursleys, Percy Jackson attended Camp Half-Blood. This book has done the impossible: it has redeemed the name of Percy. Yes, that's right, that snot-faced, lily-livered waste of air of the very same name from the Harry Potter universe. That name is now relegated to the ranks of "acceptable," because of my love for this book. Perseus (Percy) Jackson is the kind of kid with whom you can't help sympathizing. He is the type that's born under a dark star, because inevitably, wherever he goes, whatever he does, however good his intentions, he can't help but fuck everything up. Everything that can, does and will go wrong. A simple field trip can turn into a disaster in seconds. Jay-Z's got 99 problems, Percy might have more. He nearly flunks all his classes, he's got dyslexia, he's got ADHD, and then there's Nancy Bobofit. Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends—I guess she’d gotten tired of stealing from the tourists—and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover’s lap.Nancy Bobofit is not a major character in the book. I have to mention her because her character resounded with me. I had my own Nancy Bobofit back in grade school, only her name is Mimi. Nearly 2 decades later, the memory of her horrible face still makes me shudder. But I digress. As if the bullies aren't bad enough, his dad is a no-show, his stepfather is LITERALLY named Ugli, and there are crones foretelling Percy's death as well as a minotaur chasing his ass around. AND NOBODY'S TELLING HIM A SINGLE FUCKING THING. What's with all the secrecy, man? As it turned out, Percy is *whispers* special. He is a half-blood, meaning one of his parents is a Greek deity. He gets sent to Camp Half-Blood, with roughly 100 other kids like him. It's a freaky place for a kid who's known nothing but relative normalcy his entire life. All of a sudden, he's playing Pinochle with a Greek God (Dionysus---what a drunk), his best friend Grover turns out to be a satyr, and the gorgeous blond girl who rescues him thinks he's a doofus and she keeps calling him "seaweed brain." To be fair, Percy had it coming. He is kind of a seaweed brain. "Another time, Athena and Poseidon competed to be the patron god for the city of Athens. Your dad created some stupid saltwater spring for his gift. My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her.”Not your best moment, Percy. As it turned out, Percy IS special. His dad is one of the Big Three gods. Which kind of sucks, because that's not supposed to happen. “About sixty years ago, after World War II, the Big Three agreed they wouldn’t sire any more heroes. Their children were just too powerful."A lot of people would think it was pretty cool to have such a powerful dad...not really. Now that I was declared a son of one of the Big Three gods who weren’t supposed to have kids, I figured it was a crime for me just to be alive.Not only does Percy have to struggle to fit in at Camp Half-Blood, but there's some shit going on in Mount Olympus. The gods are fighting again (when are they not)... "During the winter solstice, at the last council of the gods, Zeus and Poseidon had an argument. The usual nonsense: ‘Mother Rhea always liked you best,’ ‘Air disasters are more spectacular than sea disasters,’ et cetera."...and consequently, like a brother playing a prank on his younger siblings, someone's stuff was stolen. And Zeus thinks that his bro, Poseidon, put Percy up to it. Of course, blame the poor kid. Now Percy is shit out of luck YET AGAIN, and he's got no choice but to go on this huge stupid quest into the underworld (Los Angeles, ha!) to clear his name. He's not alone, he's accompanied by the snarky, gorgeous, fiercely competent Annabeth (she of the seaweed brain name-calling), as well as the most incompetent satyr that ever lived. In his pocket was a set of reed pipes his daddy goat had carved for him, even though he only knew two songs: Mozart’s Piano Concerto no. 12 and Hilary Duff’s “So Yesterday,” both of which sounded pretty bad on reed pipes.It's going to be a loooooooong trip to the Underworld. The Setting: THIS. THIS IS HOW YOU DO GREEK MYTHOLOGY. I am a Greek mythology buff. I FUCKING LOVED THIS BOOK. This book is just absolutely fucking perfect in every way when it comes to rewriting and reinterpreting the Greek pantheon. It is so hilariously, awesomely irreverent, but completely fitting. The gods are reimagined, but they stay true to their true nature, and the myths are retold in a cheeky, flippant manner that had me giggling my ass off. This book is so fantastically snarky to the Greek gods. Everything is incredibly well-explained to a lay audience, like how the Greek gods can't seem to keep it in their pants. Annabeth nodded. “Your father isn’t dead, Percy. He’s one of the Olympians.”And apparently, the habit runs true for both male and female goddesses. “What? You assume it has to be a male god who finds a human female attractive? How sexist is that?”The existence of Greek gods and goddesses themselves are well explained, and believable. “Come now, Percy. What you call ‘Western civilization.’ Do you think it’s just an abstract concept? No, it’s a living force. A collective consciousness that has burned bright for thousands of years. The gods are part of it."I had my doubts about the execution of the premise of Greek mythology, and all my doubts have been destroyed. his book does great justice to the Greek gods, it is the most faithful rendition than I have ever read. The Characters: Yes, Percy is a special snowflake, but HELL, I LOVED THE LITTLE SHIT. He's got a special destiny. He is a special child. I DON'T CARE. Percy is such a sympathetic character, and although he won't be replacing Harry Potter in my heart any time soon, there is a special spot for him. He can give up pretty fast. He's kind of a wimp, but you know, finding out that you're a hald-blooded demigod is kind of a big deal, and I understand his attitude of "GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." I didn’t know what else to do. I waved back.He doesn't really want to do anything big. He's pretty stupid sometimes (Auntie Em, geez), he's not exactly heroic. He only does the heroic shit when there are no other options. “All right,” I said. “It’s better than being turned into a dolphin.”I loved Annabeth, she is all I could want from a female supporting character. I can't say that I'm fond of Grover...but I can't help feeling that we'll be seeing more of him in the future. “But a quest to . . .” Grover swallowed. “I mean, couldn’t the master bolt be in some place like Maine? Maine’s very nice this time of year.”Overall: a fantastic book. A good middle grade book makes you feel like a child again, and this book did just the trick. I found myself giggling throughout the book, and an hour after reading it, there's still a smile on my face that can't be wiped off. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 15, 2014
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Feb 15, 2014
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Feb 15, 2014
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Paperback
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0385742827
| 9780385742825
| 0385742827
| 3.26
| 1,702
| Feb 11, 2014
| Feb 11, 2014
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did not like it
| A knife flashed in her hand and she lunged at him. A knife flashed in her hand and she lunged at him.[image] You had one job. One fucking job. “You must kill the boy.”One. Fucking. Job. This is not a story about redemption, this is the love story of the most bungling, bumbling, incompetent Fate in the entire fucking universe and the most starry-eyed boy who ever lived. This is the kind of mess of a story that results when you throw a element of Greek mythology into a blender with parallel worlds and alternate universes. While you're at it, toss in some Blood Nymphs, chaos theory, and, oh, why not, throw a gnome in there, too. Yes, a gnome. Yes, Fate, as in the Greek Fates. At least this book tries to be. But it's not. It's true, there are figures in Greek mythology called the Fates, but they're only similar to the Fates in this book if you looked at them through a magnifiying glass that's sprinkled with glitter, unicorn horn fragments, fairy dust, and a good deal of rancid, putrid fecal matter. God fucking save us if this incompetent piece of shit were in charge of our fucking destiny. This was her fault. She had disturbed the balance of the universe.You had one job. The Summary: Corinthe is one of the Fates on Pyralis. At least, she was. Corinthe was exiled ten years ago when she, like Eve in the garden of Eden, started asking too many questions and was punished for her insubordinance. As punishment, she was cast out into the world of Humana, or as we know it, Earth. Since then, she has been casting marbles (apparently human destinies are encased in marbles, who knew? Maybe we're just merely pawns in the gigantic Marble game of the Gods, but I digress) and trying to fulfil her mission of fucking with human destinies in order to return to Pyralis. And oh, how she longs for Pyralis. She ached to return to Pyralis, to the twilight and the scent of flowers layered through the air, to the vast horizon of stars and the trees that whispered songs to her in the half darkness, and to her sisters, singing to the sky, running through the forests.In order to return to Pyralis, she has to fulfil one final mission: Kill a boy. There's just a problem, she doesn't want to do it. Her fate depended on his.Lucas is a boy. A special boy. A different boy. A special boy who has always known he was different. He never exactly felt like an outsider, but the thought was always there, in the back of his mind: Different.He has had a rough life, his sister is a 15-year old slut (but he adores her deeply anyway). Poor little sister, she with her bellyy-button-baring shirts. She of the chain smoking habit. She's a bad one. She's going to turn out just like his no-good mother who left her children. But Lucas is such a fucking saint, he adores his little bitch of a sister, Jasmine, anyway. Lucas has a girlfriend, a wonderful, brilliant, beautiful girl named Karen. She is a bright star, a student who has won early admission to Stanford. He feels indifferent towards her. Because there's just something about this girl, Corinthe, that catches his eyes. Maybe it's her eyes. Her silvery-purple eyes. She had the craziest eyes he’d ever seen. … Gray, but tinged almost with purple, like the bay reflecting the sunset.Silvery purple?! That's just a new level of Mary Sue-ism right there. Oh yeah, it's definitely her eyes that Lucas loves. The soft grayish-purple color of her eyes was unlike anything he’d ever seen, and he couldn’t keep from staring. Her pupils dilated and the color changed, deepening to a wild violet hue that reminded him of dark storm clouds in a summer sky.The guy can definitely wax poetic about a girl's features, let me tell you that. The fire lit up crazy colors in her eyes—threads of silver and gold, that wild violet color—and for a second, he felt as if he was consumed by her eyes, lost in them.Or maybe it's her scent. Her intoxicating scent! *sigh* She smelled like flowers—lilac. The word popped into his head. It was intoxicating. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and breathe her in. Do more than just breathe her in.That scent. Man, it's like...orgasmic. The space between them grew smaller; the smell of her, that insane smell of flowers, intensified.Lucas just came a little. For a second, her head lolled heavily against his, and he could smell her breath. Flowers.The feeling is rather mutual. Corinthe needs to kill him. She just can't do it. Mostly because she doesn't want to. Because she is fucking incompetent, and partially because she keeps fainting. And then her lovely eyes rolled backward, her body relaxed, and she lost consciousness.Because it's so important to note that her eyes are "lovely" when the girl fucking faints. There are greater stakes at play than the fate of a single human boy. One boy's life can change the fate of Pyralis. “You will destroy Pyralis, Corinthe. You will destroy everything you love. Is that what you want? The only way to stop it is to kill him.”As their "destines are intertwined" *insert eye-rolling here*, will Corinthe fulfill her mission? Will she kill the boy? But she didn’t know whether she could kill him.I'll give you one fucking guess. [image] The Setting: Ridiculous. I wasn't kidding around when I said the version of the Fates in this book is fucked beyond all recognition. This book takes the name of the Fates from Greek mythology...but there is absolutely no resemblance to the original myth. The Fates in this book live on Pyralis, which is a twinkly, warm, fluffy, frilly sort of paradise. The sort of place with eternal twilight and fairies sing on pretty flowers and everyone is happy and nobody is ever hurt and there are no emotions but that of contentment! Yeah, that sort of bullshit. In Greek Mythology, the Fates are represented by a the spinner, the weaver, the cutter of the threads of life...not so in this book. The Fates in this book don't exactly have Greek names. Her sister Fates: Alexia, Alessandra, Beatrice, Brienne, Calyssa...And they wear dresses made out of fucking flower petals like a fucking Disney fairy. In Pyralis, the Fates all looked the same. They wove white dresses out of flower petals.And you don't just have one setting because there is a fucking mess of alternate parallel universes as well, in which one is immersed without warning. The setting in this book is disjointed, nonsensical, uncompelling, and it contributes almost nothing to the plot. KILL HIM! FUCKING KILL HIM ALREADY: THIS BOOK COULD HAVE ENDED SO MUCH SOONER THAN IT DID. All she had to do was kill him. Kill the motherfucking boy. Just one boy. One soul in 6 (soon to be 7) billion people on earth. Corinthe has been responsible for other deaths before. She is a Fate. She is used to dishing out destiny. SO JUST FUCKING KILL THE BOY ALREADY. From the very beginning of the book, she tries to fucking kill him. Only...only... The way he had looked at her, the hunger in his eyes, made something ache deep inside of her.NO. NOT KISS HIM. KILL HIM. Enough, she told herself. Wherever he was, she would find him and kill him. There was no choice, only destiny.Right. Stop saying it. Do it. There was no way she could kill him, even if she wanted to.Jesus fucking Christ. You had ONE job. SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME. I LOVE HER!: Lucas, you stupid piece of shit. Lucas's brain is so firmly entrenched in his penis, it's a wonder he doesn't lose it every time he takes a piss because it seems like that's the rate at w hich he loses his abilities to think. She's trying to kill him. But he just wants to kiss her! He pulled her hips forward instinctively, molding them against his body.Over and over and over. Don't make excuses for her. THE GIRL JUST CAME AT YOU WITH A KNIFE. Was she a runaway? Maybe he had startled her and she had come after him in self-defense. Assumed he was going to turn her in.She tries (very halfheartedly) to kill him, and Lucas is like, well, ok, I shouldn't trust her. BUT SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL ;_; I can't help myself. Luc turned back toward Corinthe. She paused, and a gust of wind lifted strands of her hair, making it dance around her head chaotically. For a second, insanely, he wondered how it would feel to have her body pressed up against him one more time.OH FOR FUCK'S SAKES. SHE HAS A KNIFE AT YOUR THROAT. Stop trusting her! Beautiful girls can be crazy, too, especially when this one HAS A HISTORY OF WANTING YOU DEAD. Girl or not, injured or not, she was still trying to kill him. He was on her in an instant, straddling her waist, the knife pulled quickly from his belt and pressed against her throat.THAT'S RIGHT! GET HER! Or not. Corinthe grabbed his hand, forced the knife against the pulse that beat wildly in her neck. Her eyes glistened in the suns, turning a haunting shade of purple. She arched her back, lifting her chin so she was even more exposed to him.I can't think of two creatures more suited to one another because clearly both are fucking morons who don't deserve to live. Which serves just as well since neither can ever be persuaded to kill one another even if the fate of the universe hinged on it. The Romance: The only thing that this book has in terms of plot is a romance, and it is the most unconvincing thing I've ever read. The romance comes out of nowhere. It is insta-love like you have never known insta-love before. Lucas does not feel like an authentically male voice because all he blabbers about is how pretty Corinthe is, how lovely she is, how beautiful her eyes are, how good she smells, how beautiful her body looks...most of it while she's making an attempt at killing him. Idiot boy. There is zero connection between them except that of "I FEEL S/HE IS DIFFERENT," and "I HAVE AN INEXPLICABLE ATTRACTION TO HIM/HER." Truly. He is fascinated about every detail about Corinthe. The fact that she has unpainted nails (god forbid) turns him on like nothing else. Everything she does is magic. The silk wraparound skirt she had on billowed around her legs. She smoothed it down over her hips and he forgot everything—what to think, what to say, how to breathe.The entire fucking book is an exercise in madness on the part of the reader because Lucas can't be fucked to think of much else besides how beautiful Corinthe is interspersed partially by his worry about his missing sister. Corinthe, in her own way, is completely obsessed with Lucas, as well. She feels inexplicably that he is DIFFERENT. For ten years she’d been dwelling in this world, executing fates as the Unseen Ones willed, but none of the humans had made her feel this way before. What was different this time?There is no relationship building, no earning of trust, nothing to their relationship besides that of star-crossed lovers designated by fate. This was such a frustratingly stupid book. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 12, 2014
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Feb 13, 2014
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Feb 12, 2014
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Hardcover
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1622661583
| 9781622661589
| 1622661583
| 3.36
| 320
| Feb 04, 2014
| Feb 04, 2014
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it was ok
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[image] There is so much going on in this book. You have your main cast of leading Shakespearean characters (Hamlet, Juliet, Romeo to name a few), thro [image] There is so much going on in this book. You have your main cast of leading Shakespearean characters (Hamlet, Juliet, Romeo to name a few), throw them into a bizarre underworld filled with Norse mythology, Greek mythology, and elements of Celtic mythology and Jewish mythology and what you have is a mess. But it's a really interesting mess. Valkyries, Frost Giants, Fire Giants, the Washerwoman, the Norns, Fenrir, the Sirens, berserkers, shades. You name it, you've got it. This book also takes a liberal interpretation with its Shakespearean characters, too. This is not to say that the characters were horrible, they're not: but neither do they feel authentic. It takes Romeo's worst qualities and amplifies them, his anger, his impetuousness are amped up to the nth degree. I absolutely loved the character of Juliet in this book...the problem is that she's not Juliet. She is a Shakespearean heroine who all of a sudden becomes a sword-wielding, kick-assing character out of fucking nowhere. Juliet's got spunk. I loved her character in this book, but she is just not William Shakespeare's Juliet! This was truly not a terrible book by any means. It doesn't have a single one of the tropes that I hate so much in YA fiction, and it is light on the romance. Hell, despite my fear at some points that there would be a little hmm-hmm going on between Juliet and Hamlet, there was no love triangle at all. So why did I give it a 2? Simple. The book itself was just way, way too ambitious. It is a very, very interesting premise---but it ultimately lost its focus on the main plot. This book far overreached itself. The Summary: It is days after Juliet's death. Romeo is sick, ill from the poison he has ingested. Furthermore, he is sick in spirit. He is heartbroken. His beloved wife, Juliet, is dead, and he will do nothing to get her back. Romeo consults a witch, a Strega. She tells him that Juliet is stuck in hell. Her soul is in torment. His Juliet stood before him, or at least, the shape of her, frozen in blood, monochromatic crimson, but unmistakably her. Thick chains bound her across neck and waist; manacles clasped her wrists. Her eyes were the worst of all, open, bloody, blank and unseeing, yet somehow still accusing.Romeo is desperate to rescue her. The witch tells him that the person he seeks is in the North. She gives him a cryptic clue: “You must go north. You will find the man who can help you there.”The man Romeo seeks is Hamlet. Hamlet sits in a pub in Denmark. He is drowning his sorrows the best way he knows how: by drinking himself silly. His mother is getting married to his uncle the day after tomorrow, and he knows that his father has been murdered. His father's ghost has come back to talk to him, the late King Hamlet warned his son of his uncle's treachery, and tasks Hamlet with the charge of protecting the corpseway. What is the corpseway? It is a passage into the underworld. ...the unearthly portal that divided the realm of the living and the dead.Against all odds, Romeo finds Hamlet. They don't exactly get along at first. Romeo is distrustful of this drunken prince. Hamlet suspects Romeo of being in league with his uncle---who else knows that his father has been murdered. Finally, they overcome their differences: together, Hamlet and Romeo descend into the corpseway, down into the Underworld. What they find there isn't exactly Hell. It is the Underworld, only not the Underworld they imagined. It is Valhalla. It is Sheol, it is Hades, among others. There, they find lost souls, creatures from many mythologies, bizarre monsters---and Juliet. And this is where the book lost me. I wish I could tell you that there was a point to this book that I could put together to tell you in one sentence to end my "summary" section. I can't. It is just a journey through the underworld. It is action-filled, it is pretty interesting at times, but it was just completely pointless; the point is to rescue Juliet...but this book seems to be an exercise of in aimless extravagance because there is so much going on without a visible purpose. The Plot: Filled with holes. There are so many unanswered questions. For example, just from the beginning of the book... - How the FUCK did Romeo and Friar Laurence travel all the way from Verona to Denmark? - How in all the living hell did Romeo find out about Hamlet in the first place? Verona is a long fucking way from Denmark. - How the fuck do they communicate so well? Romeo only speaks Italian. Hamlet learned Italian at University, but as I very well know, it is one thing to learn a language, it is an entirely different thing to SPEAK it. They communicate flawlessly. I don't believe it. [image] Deus ex fucking machina : There is so much of this going on in this book. Whenever something inconvenient happens that places them in danger, they get through it just by sheer fucking luck. Romeo about to die? OH NO PROBLEM, THE MONSTERS ABOUT TO KILL HIM WAS JUST AN ILLUSION! But they were gone, the hillside, too. Romeo found himself in a strange, barren wasteland.HAMLET'S ABOUT TO DIE! LET'S END THE CLAPTER ON A CLIFFHANGER. He plunged into the spectral river on the maggot’s back, and when it surfaced, screaming its rage from its horrible, rotting mouth, he saw through the portal.A chapter later, oh, why there he is, reappearing out of thin air. “It’s me.”All safe and sound with no explanation whatsoever. HOW THE FUCK?! The three of them get separated. Despite the vastness of the multi-tiered Underworld, they always manage to find each other again. They go from one version of an Underworld to the next, from Valhalla to Sheol to Hades, with pretty much the snap of a finger. There is no transition, there is no subtlety. Romeo: This book utilizes Romeo's worst qualities: his grand, romantic gestures, his impetuousness, his youth, his anger. Romeo is SO angry throughout the book. Despite his need for Hamlet's aid, he keeps snapping at him. He keeps blaming him for dragging Hamlet into the mess that Romeo wanted to go into in the first place. “I don’t care!” Romeo could not hold back his anger any longer. “You’re mad, and I’m a fool for letting you lead me here.”Romeo is bitter, he is self-pitying, he is a whiny git, and I wanted to punch his lights out. Hamlet feels much the same way. Hamlet groaned. “Oh, stop pitying yourself. You were desperate and unhappy at home, you’re desperate and unhappy now. Nothing has changed, except that now we’re closer to your goal.”He never, ever stops fucking whining. Hamlet isn't my favorite character in the world, but he has my compassion, because he actually tells Romeo to, well, shut the fuck up and grow some balls. “Have you listened to a word you’ve said? You’re miserable without your true love, and you’ve come here to find her. You are closer to rescuing a loved one from death than any man has ever been, and now all you’re doing is complaining.”Hamlet: Well, to be fair, Hamlet is kind of intolerable sometimes. He is by far the most level-headed of the two, but he has a few inappropriately snarky moments where he could be a leeeeeeeettle more sensitive to poor Romeo. They're plunged from the normal world into Valhalla, they're about to get stabbed by a Frost Giant. Naturally, it's neither a good place nor time to make light of things. “I thought you said it wasn’t terrifying!” Romeo shouted, his eyes wide with fear.Yeah, I'd say so! Hamlet is rather nonchalant about things. He is TOO chill sometimes. Like stepping through a portal to the world of the dead is nothing at all. It's just the Underworld, maaaaaaan. “I don’t know. I never stepped completely through the corpseway.” Hamlet’s thought trailed off as he moved through the light, sliding his feet cautiously along the floor. “Seems safe enough. Come on.”Oh, it SEEMS safe enough. Well, that's just fucking dandy now. Oh, and HOW do you know that the corpseway is safe for humans to travel through, Hamlet? “I stuck my head in,” Hamlet argued. “It came out again. And my father’s ghost was able to traverse the corpseway. I see no reason that it might not work exactly as I’ve described.”That makes perfect sense. [image] Juliet: My favorite character in the book---and the most inconsistently portrayed. This Juliet is NOTHING like Shakespeare's Juliet. Somehow...this: [image] Turned into...well...this: [image] Don't get me wrong, Juliet is pretty kick-ass. She confronts Hamlet and Romeo with the cold, hard fafcts of their idocy in their knight-who-say-NI quest to rescue her. “Was there no way to find out, before you did this to me?” Juliet asked, her large brown eyes full of hurt. “The two of you never thought that a bit more preparation might have been required before tampering with the forces of life and death?”She can wield a sword, but HOW THE FUCK? Juliet proved tireless with her blade, to Hamlet’s surprise and delight. He could not imagine the ladies of his uncle’s court taking such bloodthirsty delight in defeating monsters.Well, that's just awesome, but HOW?! How the fuck did Juliet learn to wield a sword so capably? She has not been fighting in the underworld, she has been a prisoner, chained, suffering from partial amnesia. In life, she was a pampered, loved noblewoman. How the FUCK did she get so competent? But Romeo had seen this fire in her from the very instant they’d met, though it had been only a small spark then. Set among the tinder of conflict, she was now ablaze.I love Juliet in this book, I really do, but this is not Juliet! The Setting: [image] Well, not really. Cause we're in Valhalla. We go into the Afterjord. We meet the Valkyries. We meet Berserkers, Frost Giants, Lava Giants. Fenrir, Odin's ravens (who are really cute). There are the Nordic Norns (the Fates). And then we meet the Irish Washerwoman, who launders the clothes of the people who died. And then we're in Sheol, with the Shades. And then we're in some Greek mythology, with pretty pretty sirens. Then we're in some hall with maggot men. Some of the monsters are pretty gruesome, and awesomely so. The cloth fell away from the thing’s face, revealing no eyes, no nose, just the sightless, round countenance of a maggot and a circular mouth full of teeth in endless rings.But it's just way, way too fucking much because as entertaining as it is, the plot is completely lost in it. The Romance: No love triangle, thankfully. I found the romance to be completely acceptable here, although I did disagree with the portrayal of Ophelia (a character who barely appears) as a marriage-mad chick. I was afraid that there would be a love triangle... Something in Juliet’s voice bothered Romeo. There was a smirk to her tone that was too comfortable with the prince. She spoke the way she had spoken to Romeo that night at her father’s party.But thankfully, this book was without. Overall: a solid, entertaining book that just completely fell short on the plot. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 22, 2014
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Feb 22, 2014
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Jan 16, 2014
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Paperback
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1477847014
| 9781477847015
| 1477847014
| 3.50
| 4,421
| Mar 01, 2014
| Mar 01, 2014
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did not like it
| My face feels as if it’s turning as red as kimchi.What. The. Fuck. Just because a character is As My face feels as if it’s turning as red as kimchi.What. The. Fuck. Just because a character is Asian, it doesn't mean she thinks like that. Never once in my life have I ever had a thought along the line of "Man, I feel as limp as a bowl of Pho noodles." No. Just NO. This review will be sprinkled with profanity, rage, and random insertions of hot Korean men gifs that serve no purpose whatsoever. Why? Because I can. [image] It's going to be fucking long because I have a lot to say, there will be 3 parts: I: WHERE ARE THE HOT KOREAN MEN?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT?! II: Summary & character analysis III: deus ex fucking machina AKA I DON'T WANT NO FUCKING GROUP OF WHITE MEN SOLVING ALL THE FUCKING PROBLEMS IN A BOOK ABOUT KOREAN MYTHOLOGY, OK?! [image] Part I: Y U NO LIKE ASIAN GUYS?! What kind of The Last Samurai bullshit is this? THERE IS NOT A SINGLE KOREAN MALE TEEN IN THIS BOOK. There is something wrong about this, considering THIS BOOK TAKES PLACE IN SOUTH KOREA. This is not a good book. It had some excellent parts; the setting is wonderful, the mythology is beautiful, the Korean culture is excellent. But they didn't save the book. I wanted to love the book. I wanted to love the main (Asian, whoo!) main character, but every time I feel myself warming to her, she does something so incredibly, unbelievably stupid that completely erases any such sympathy I might have had. I feel like this book owes Asian guys an apology. Why the fuck would you give a Korean-American girl living in Seoul, South Korea---a WHITE love interest?! There is ONE. ONE Asian guy of her age in the book. And he's an asshat. WHY?! WHY?! Let's get one thing straight: I do not have a problem with interracial dating. This is not what it's about. I am not racist. I simply wanted an underrepresented group of people to---finally---get a chance to shine. This book failed in so many ways, this is simply one of them. You know how in the movies, like The Last Samurai, the white guy comes into Japan, out-fucking samurais the fucking samurais, takes over their culture, does their culture better than the Japanese natives, and end up winning the heart of the beautiful Japanese woman in the fucking village because somehow, the Asian guys there just ain't good enough? Yeah. Look at this book. Fuck this book. This book takes place in Korea. There are cool name-dropping of places, the book counts out one-two-three for you as hana-dul-set. We get to see the shopping district of Myeongdong. We get to learn a hell of a lot of Tae Kwon Do terminology, but for all intents and purposes, this book could have taken place in the Korean District in Garden Grove instead of South Korea and you wouldn't fucking know the difference. You know how I know? Because I live right next to one in real life. Garden Grove, California. Literally one mile away from my house. Fucking everyone speaks English within the book. The main character goes to a fucking international school. The students, the few students there are, are named Michelle, Lily (a blonde), Marc, Kumar, Tyler. There is not a single Korean boy in the book besides for the one-time mention of the motherfucking douche who spars with her in Tae Kwon Do class. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS. Asian guys get a bad rap in the media. They're portrayed as spineless. Nerdy. Weak. Geeky. They are portrayed as either too possessive and violent, or completely useless with women and romance in general. Can you think of the last time an Asian guy actually gets a girl in a movie? I am well aware that there are stereotypes to every race. I am well aware of the fact that South Korea is not populated with guys who look like fucking k-pop idol. Give me some fucking credit, I am realistic here. That's not my point. I just want a fair representation of some decent Korean teens. This book didn't provide it. Stereotypes are offensive, they are ignorant, and I believe a good book should seek to dispel them. I am perfectly well aware that it is entirely possible for a Korean girl to fall in love with a white guy, but it's like...relocating to Wichita, Kansas, the whitest place you can imagine in the United States...and falling for a guy named Sateesh. It ain't fucking probable. This is fiction. I wanted a cute Korean guy, ok? I wanted this: [image] And this: [image] And this: [image] Ok, I'm just being gratuitous now. But can you blame me? (The guy on the right is not available because he's in my dreams.) This is ok. This is cute. [image] This is what we got in this book. I DON'T WANT IT, OK? Part II: The actual analysis. This book had a lot of good things going on for it that ultimately didn't deliver. For one thing, the heroine was so infuriatingly stupid at times. Throughout the book, I can't even count the times she goes "Oh, no!" "oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Oh, crap, I fucked up!" etc. She doesn't fucking learn. I love a heroine who makes mistakes. I cannot tolerate one who does not learn from them. The good: The culture feels authentic. The mythology is well-crafted. The atmosphere of Seoul feels real, but you don't get much of it at all because this book takes place in an international school where everyone might as well be white. It does not feel like a book that takes place in Seoul, S. Korea because of this fact. The Summary: “In ancient times there was a daughter of the spirit of the river.”Her name is Princess Yuhwa. Her beauty was legendary, all who saw her fell in love with her at first sight. Unfortunately for Princess Yuhwa, she caught the attention of a rather unsavory suitor: the demigod Haemosu. Yuhwa doesn't want none of that shit. “Why don’t princesses ever do something in all these old stories?” I interrupt. “Like try to escape or get someone to help them?”A ha! She does! She gets the help of her father, only it wasn't enough. Still, she escaped. Princess Yuhwa fled the country. Haemosy's powers are limited to Korea, so he could not pursue her. Like a jilted suitor, Haemosu waits, angry. To this day, the descendants of Princess Yuhwa are doomed to be captured and enslaved into an unwanted wedding with Haemosu. And thus, Jae Hwa's story begins. Jae Hwa is sixteen, a Korean-American now forced to live in Seoul, Korea. Her father has relocated, thanks to his job, and she is now attending an international school in Seoul, where she is a fish out of water. She is an expert at Tae Kwon Do and archery, everything else is...not so great. She acts like a dork in front of the guy she likes (Marc). She misses her mother, dead of cancer, her father barely has any time for her, and her formal, disapproving grandfather just wants her out of the country. Why? For her safety. Right. “You misunderstand me, Jae Hwa. It is not because I do not want you here. It is for your safety.” Then he shoots Dad a tight-lipped look. “You must take her back to America.”At an archery exhibition, she sees something, a strange vision of a man nobody seems to be able to see. He catches her arrow. “I knew you would come back, my princess,” he says.Weird, right? Jae Hwa starts to think she's losing her mind because more and more and more strange things just appear fuck out of nowhere. A growl rumbles. I look up and freeze. A massive, lionlike creature, eyes glowing yellow, stands in my path.Strange figures appear, claiming to be her guardian. “I am the Guardian of Seoul. Some call me Haechi. I have been sent by Palk to warn you and offer my protection.”The everyday world disappears, only to reappear as if nothing had ever transpired. It’s as if a switch has been flicked. Honking cars, the pound of construction, the roar of the buses replace the creature’s breathing. I swivel in a circle. Everything is back in place as if nothing happened.Apparently, Jae Hwa isn't crazy, and neither is her grandfather. He told her the story of her past, of their family line. He knows what's in store for her in the future...All female descendants of her line have been captured by Haemosu to be his bride, Jae Hwa is in danger unless she leaves South Korea. Jae Hwa doesn't have a whole lot of options. “You can leave the country, although I doubt Haemosu would ever let you on that plane. Find someone to marry you and hope he does not die before you make it down the aisle. Haemosu gets terribly jealous of suitors.”Do. Not. Let. Him. Touch. You. Remember, Haemosu's strength is superior in sunlight. Simple enough, right? Well, easier said than done. Obey your family. Listen to them. Keep a low profile. Stay indoors. Whatever you do, do not: a) Climb down the outside of your 9th story apartment to go to a party in the middle of the night. It isn’t the first time I’ve dangled over the edge, streetcars zipping below me, to swing into our neighbors’ balconies.[image] b) Go shopping with your pals I should go and not let crazy mythical creatures control my life.[image] c) Go on a ski trip Then I think about my aunt. She’s totally against the ski trip, especially since it’s outside of Seoul in the mountains. I thumb through the edges of my notebook. What should I do?[image] d) GO INTO THE SUNLIGHT WHERE HAEMOSU IS THE STRONGEST [My aunt] would flip if she knew I was out here on such a clear, sunny day. But all that seems so far away. I suck in a gulp of mountain air and feel as if I’ve finally escaped it all.[image] e) TOUCH THE GUY AFTER BEING TOLD NOT TO “So you will come, then. To the land of the wonderful dream.” He extends his hand, and I take it without thinking. The instant we touch, it’s as if a small electrical shock surges into my fingertips.[image] f) TOUCH HIM AGAIN. Oh, but it's ok, because it's to save fucking lover boy, Marc. No! I leap on Haemosu’s back and wrap my arm around his neck, choking him.CHOKING COUNTS AS TOUCHING. IT AIN'T HEROIC IF IT'S STUPID. Jae Hwa discovers a secret that brings in a completely stupid fucking The Last Samurai shit that I will go over later. Until then, will she be able to stop Haemosu from taking everyone she loves? Will Jae Hwa be able to discover the one, stupid, simple solution to all of this that's right in front of her face? How do I stop him?Let's see: Haemosu's powers are limited to South Korea. She could get deported if she got into trouble. Hmm. HMMMM. Man, Jae Hwa. You stupid. Jae Hwa-t the FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?: Jae Hwa is a sympathetic character. A second-generation immigrant who is out of touch with her ancestral culture, in a country she should---but doesn't quite fit in. I know how this feels, because I live in a culture of Asian immigrants myself. I was born in Vietnam, but my sister was born here, as are many of my friends. Cultural dissonance exists, and the lack of communication between different generations...parents, child, grandparents...can be jarring. I liked this part of her. I didn't like how fucking dumb she acted. Jae Hwa was warned, time, after time, of what would happen if she disobeyed the rules. She is not to touch Haemosu. She is not to go into the sunlight. She is not to be pulled into his world. Jae Hwa disregards everything, every time. "When he touches you, he will leave his mark… and your courting begins. Each time you meet, he will pull a little piece of your soul into his realm. Until you are no longer with us."She keeps fucking up. Haemosu left his mark. My stomach rolls, remembering my stupidity.Again. But I let him into my head. I’ve fallen into his freaking trap. So stupid!She keeps realizing her errors. She does nothing to rectify them. She repeatedly makes the same fucking mistakes. “It would have helped if you had stayed out of the sunlight. Or fought him in our world.” Komo is all brisk-like again. “If you had not let him touch you and pull you into his lands. If you had listened to me.”She gets angry when confronted with her mistakes. She gets defensive, instead of being sorry. She scowls, her eyebrows knitting close together. “I told you not to let him touch you.”THAT'S JUST IT, JAE HWA DID DO SOMETHING WRONG. Did she want a fucking cookie because she made a mistake? No. It's a matter of fucking life or death here. PART III: LAST SAMURAI BULLSHITTERY The Romance: “I speak and write six languages fluently, been on the honor roll practically my entire life, and even know some judo moves."The love interest in this book's name is Marc. Marc, spelled d-e-u-s-e-x-m-a-c-h-i-n-a. For those unfamiliar with the term, it's a plot device I fucking hate in which an improbable person or situation comes in to save the fucking day. That is Marc. Yeah, there's a lot of romance in this book, but the romance isn't so much a romance as it is a tool to save Jae Hwa's ass almost every fucking time. Marc is the name. Green-eyed Marc. Not Korean Marc. Whiter than white, green-eyed Marc. Marc is perfect. He is completely, fucking bloody perfect. The sun god Haemosu doesn't shine anywhere so brightly as our beloved Marc. The stars never twinkle as bright as the stars in his eyes. You can see all of eternity if you happened to look up his ass. Marc is Caucasian. He out-Asians Jae-Hwa. [image] “I’m fluent in Chinese!” he yells over the rush of everyone dashing into class.He speaks better Korean than Jae Hwa herself. Marc and Grandfather chat in Korean for the rest of the taxi ride. Marc is more fluent than I am.Jae Hwa needs someone who understands what she's going through? Marc's here! Marc slides his hand in mine. I don’t pull away. “I’m saying I can see things. You know, supernatural stuff."Need to break into a super-high security place? MARC TO THE RESCUE. He isn’t laughing. “I know where they keep their keys. I know where the back door is. And I know where the power box is.”Need someone to save the awesome, Tae Kwon Do practicing, archery mistress Jae Hwa's life? MARC TO THE FUCKING RESCUE! All I can think about is how Marc saved me and I did nothing. There must have been something I could’ve done.LAST SAMURAI BULLSHITTERY: I fucking hate this. I'm not racist! I really am not! I just do not like the idea that a stranger can come into a land of culture and tradition and somehow find the fucking solution that's somehow unseen by the native experts themselves. It's a matter of cultural respect. It is a matter of decency. You do not come into a culture and expect to appropriate it. It is just rude, and that's what this book does. Not only does it have a foreigner out-Asian the main character AND HER FAMILY, it has other Causasians who somehow infiltrate a Korean mystical order because the knowledge they contribute is so fucking amazing. They somehow manage to upstage the original culture themselves?! "Your dad isn’t Korean; and if it’s all so secret, then why do you know all this?”Well, isn't that fucking terrific. Tell me something, would the Illuminati be so open the the idea of a foreigner entering their society? Would such a very insular community allow in foreigners JUST LIKE THAT? If I know something about Asians, it's that Asians trust their own culture ONLY. You would be hard-pressed to find an extremely traditional Korean talking well about a Japanese, for instance. I don't buy this. Oh, and just because I can. [image] You're welcome. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Mar 13, 2014
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Mar 14, 2014
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Jan 14, 2014
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Hardcover
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1908844965
| 9781908844965
| 1908844965
| 3.89
| 29,944
| Apr 01, 2014
| Apr 01, 2014
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really liked it
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Actual rating: 3.5 “Hmmm,” the King said, making a face. “I’m not sure this is what we bargained for, boy. We expected the girl to be attractive.”Actual rating: 3.5 “Hmmm,” the King said, making a face. “I’m not sure this is what we bargained for, boy. We expected the girl to be attractive.”Mother of God. A YA fantasy without insta-love. Without a love triangle. Without a Mary Sue who constantly complains about different she looks and how different she is from everyone else?! It does exist. The premise is pretty terrible, because it screams SPECIAL DESTINED GIRL. It's not. Trust me, have patience with this book. Ignore the ugly cover. Ignore the Mary Sue blurb. Summary: Cécile de Troyes is a poor girl from a small village in the Hollows who has aspirations of being a singer. She's very, very good, but she's not exceptional. Cécile is returning to her village from a performance when she gets kidnapped and dragged underground. Literally. There was a bounty put on her head for a girl fitting her description. "She foretold that when a prince of night bonded a daughter of the sun, the curse would be broken.”Her bounty is her weight in gold. Trolls do exist. They have a kingdom under the mountain, in a cave. For some reason they want Cécile. Why? Why the fuck do they want her in particular? What purpose do they have for her? “She meets the criteria given to us by the foretelling. You do sing, don’t you?” the troll woman asked.Fuck that shit. Cécile has her own life. She loves her family. She wants nothing but to escape. Fuck being a princess in an underground city. THESE ARE TROLLS. They want to fucking MARRY her to a troll?! Not all of them were deformed, but they were monsters still, every one of them. And I was to wed one. To be bedded by one. To bear its children. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be on my way to Trianon to get everything I had ever wanted. Now, not only had I lost everything – my family, my friends, my dreams – I had just been informed that what life I had left would be spent in an endless nightmare.The Prince Charming isn't exactly charming. He is rude, he is completely uninterested in her, and he thinks Cécile is an idiot. “Ha ha,” Tristan snorted. “How dreadfully clever. And speaking of clever, is this to be your bid for escape?” He contemplated my clothing. “In a dressing gown and bare feet? Now tell me, if I go put on nightclothes and slippers, might I join you, or is this a solo adventure?”He doesn't want her any more than she wants him. Tristan and Cécile are literally forced together for the sake of fulfilling a prophecy that is supposed to save the people of Trollus. “You are the last person in the world I’d choose to marry,” I hissed.Cécile is supposed to be the chosen one. The prophesied one whose marriage to Tristan will be the salvation of the people of Trollus. She fails. We waited for what seemed like an eternity, then, abruptly, a collective groan of disappointment passed through the throng of trolls.Cécile is now a prisoner. A princess of the Trollus, but a prisoner just the same. She is a human, hated and reviled as an inferior creature among the trolls. Her story doesn't end there, because there are so many undercurrents lying beneath the mountain. An uprising is taking place. The prophecy might not be what it seems. There are traitors in the royal court, waiting for the chance to strike. Tristan himself is not the offhanded, ruthless prince he seems. He has secrets of his own. For their mutual survival, and for the cause, Cécile and Tristan must join forces, become reluctant allies, in order to free the people of Trollus. “I will ignore you. Be cruel to you. And you must play along. Act sad and unhappy. Never give anyone a reason to think I’ve shown you a moment’s kindness or that I’ve confided in you in any way. And above all, never let anyone suspect that I care one way or another whether you live or die, beyond how it might impact me.”The fate of many rests upon their mission. The Setting: An cave underneath a mountain, and it is GLORIOUS. Carved masonry. Fantastic, magical underground gardens. Phantom, fairy lights. It is tremendously opulent, a stunningly beautiful jail to Cécile. Fountains and statues graced every corner. In place of greenery stood gardens of glassworks sculpted into trees, bushes, and flowers. The delicate displays would not have lasted more than a month exposed to the elements above ground. Then again, hailstorms likely did not trouble Trollus.The history of the trolls were well explained, as was the myths surrounding the prophecy. Oh, and those legends about trolls? They're just not true. Almost too late did I see the beam of sunlight crossing his path.Cécile: The main character, one of the two narrators. Cécile is the kind of heroine that I like. She is NOT special. She never proclaims herself to be different. She is strong-willed, but never bitchy. She neither fall into insta-love or insta-lust nor does she allow her heart to overpower her sense of rationality. Cécile makes mistakes. She learns from them. She is not perfect. She admits her wrongs. Cécile is almost completely alone in a foreign land where she is reviled for the fact that she is an inferior human among trolls, and her persistance and attitude is just what I hope to see. She is strong, compassionate. She admits her faults, she recognizes when she fucks up. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. But what good were my regrets? I’d ruined everything and still he’d come for me when I’d needed him the most. I’d told myself to make the most of my life in Trollus, but instead I’d made the least of it. The worst of it! Because of me, the only other person fighting for my freedom was dying.Cécile is properly angry at being kidnapped, but she does not waste her time moping. She puts her time to good use, she devotes her time to a better purpose, and she overcomes her own prejudices of the trolls, as she comes to know them. “Trolls,” I finally said, “are supposed to be ugly.”Other Characters: Very well done. I love the depiction of other females in the books. There is no slut shaming, there is no debasement of other women. There is bravery and sacrifice in other women's duties. *cheers* And let's just say there is a troll in the book named Marc, who won over my heart. He was perhaps my brother’s age, and particularly handsome. The light of the orb reflected in his silvery grey eye as though the glow came from within. I’d never met anyone in my life with eyes like his.Be not fooled by his appearance. Marc has a heart of gold. The Romance: AWESOME. AWESOME. No insta-love?! FUCK YEAH! YEAAAAAAH! Sorry, I get a little overexcited. Cécile and Tristan's relationship is so well-built. Mistrust into alliance into friendship into love. Tristan is such a complicated character, his mission and purpose unwavering. He is prepared to make sacrifices of his life, his heart, for his people. He is a man on a mission, and I love it. Almost every action I took or decision I made was designed to affect circumstances months, years, even decades down the road. I’d always thought it was the prudent way to live, but now I feared I would wake up one day an old man, with my past wasted and no future left to live.I absolutely adored how Tristan and Cécile come to trust and rely on one another. Their romance is one of sacrifice, because they are devoted to a cause higher than their own. If you love someone, you have to let them go. “Under the sun, with your family. That’s where you belong.”It was beautiful seeing them love one another while knowing they come from two different worlds. Trolls cannot lie by nature. They are bound to their words. Humans are not so. “Why?” I slammed my fists down on the table. “Why can’t you believe me? Why don’t you trust me?”They have a lot of miscommunication, a lot of mistrust. There is a lot of difficulty in their relationship, because there are people who will use their love for each other against them. Danger and sacrifice fills their romance. “Tell me you’ll grow strong again. That you’ll gallop on horseback through summer meadows. Dance in spring rains and let snowflakes melt on your tongue in winter. That you’ll travel wherever the wind takes you. Promise me."This book's major fault is that it is far too long. Much like my review ^_^ Quotes taken from an uncorrected galley subject to change in the final edition. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 06, 2014
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Feb 06, 2014
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Jan 13, 2014
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Paperback
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0751537284
| 9780751537284
| 0751537284
| 3.80
| 268,270
| Jun 14, 2005
| 2005
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did not like it
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January 3, 2014 Dear Khanh of 2006, I am your older, wiser self. Many things will happen in the years that have elapsed before you become the me of toda January 3, 2014 Dear Khanh of 2006, I am your older, wiser self. Many things will happen in the years that have elapsed before you become the me of today. You will fall in love. You will break hearts. You will get your heart broken (karma's a bitch). You will change jobs. You will graduate from college. Most importantly, you will become more intelligent, you will learn the art of advanced thinking because really, all college teaches you is how to get good grades by regurgitating textbooks. When you are older, as you begin to read critically, you will learn to appreciate a good book, and you will be able to identify literary bullshit when you see it. That's all this book is. Literary bullshit. This book is dramatic rubbish, artistic gibberish. It is nothing more than a glorified travel brochure. Seriously, younger Khanh, what the fuck were you thinking when you enjoyed this book? You thought it was sweet, you thought it was romantic, you thought the writing was beautiful. Really? Really? Between 2006 and 2014, you will be able to identify purple prose when you see it. You will realize that flowery prose is not good writing. Correlation does not imply causation, and good writing does not necessarily encompass a good plot. You will be able to recognize a deus ex fucking machina when you see it. Oh, I know that you learned about deus ex machina in AP English. You learned a lot of things in English class. You learned about symbolism, foreshadowing, all that good shit, but really, it does you no fucking good unless you are able to identify it when you see it. And clearly, you did not see the tremendous, horrifying, abominable (that's a hyperbole) overuse of deus ex fucking machina upon your first perusal of this book. You will realize that a good epistolary book involving several different characters should have the characters be actually fucking distinct. Did you seriously think this book was realistic in any way, when you cannot distinguish between the narrative of an old man, an older man, and that of a girl as she grows from her early teens? Did you ever for a moment think upon the complete absurdity of the letters and the storytelling, particularly when said letters and spoken stories were told in excruciating minutiae. Is that realistic in any way? In your letters, have you ever once mentioned the trivialities of your evening routine, particularly when it made absolutely no relevance whatsoever to whatever point you were trying to make? While I waited I poked up the fire, added another log, set out two glasses, and surveyed my desk. My study also served me for a sitting room, and I made sure it was kept as orderly and comfortable as the solidity of its nineteenth-century furnishings demanded. I had completed a great deal of work that afternoon, supped off a plate brought up to me at six o’clock, and then cleared the last of my papers.When you tell a story to your friends, have you ever once mentioned the drumming of your fingertips when you're trying to tell a story of---supposedly---the utmost importance? I drummed my fingers on the desktop. The clock in my study seemed to be ticking unusually loudly tonight, and the urban half darkness seemed too still behind my venetian blinds.I know you are young and stupid, but you are not that stupid. Please don't tell me that this book fooled you in any way. Did you seriously buy into the letters and the "stories?" Fucking letters. Fucking stories. Bullshit attempts at letters and storytelling and an epistolary timeline that is everything overwrought, all that is overdramatic and completely devoid of sense and rationality. I would beg for a little bit of sensationalism over sense, because overall, the plot of this story is entirely lacking in anything remotely resembling fascination, anything that would captivate and hold the imagination rather than lulls it to sleep. You endured over 700 pages of this balderdash for a story that doesn't even bring any sense of excitement. Vlad Tepes holds no danger. He is the equivalent of a grown-up high school bully. Once powerful, he no longer holds any amount of thrall. The only remnants of his power are the few close hangers on, the few douchebags foolish enough to cling onto the remains of a long-diminished power. That high school bully might scare a few odd child here and there, with his posturing, with his scowls. You, as an adult, are no longer afraid. You, as an adult, should know better than to buy into this book's aesthetically pleasing, inconsequential claptrap. Reluctantly yours, An older, a more erudite, a considerably more critical - Khanh ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jan 03, 2014
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Jan 03, 2014
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Jan 03, 2014
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Paperback
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0062187414
| 9780062187413
| 0062187414
| 3.46
| 1,813
| Feb 11, 2014
| Feb 11, 2014
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did not like it
| Even though I knew there were assassins on the loose, I’d let myself get caught up in Richard, in these ...feelings I can’t seem to shake. I i Even though I knew there were assassins on the loose, I’d let myself get caught up in Richard, in these ...feelings I can’t seem to shake. I ignored my duties, skipped protocol. Richard almost ended up dead for it.You know how when you're 12 years old sometimes you have these silly daydreams you're secretly a stunningly beautiful fairy princess who meets a hot prince who's such a playboy and everyone thinks he's such an asshole but secretly he's really really smart and deep and meaningful but only you know about his hidden self but then you guys fall in love! only to find out that your romance is doomed in the Arwen-Aragorn kind of way because hello! elf + human = interspecies breeding (ohmigod breeding! that means sex!!!! *blushhhhh* (you're 12 years old, remember?)) but whatever, TWOO WUV wins in the end!11!11! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!11 Well, this is the book for you. This is, more or less, Prince Harry fanfiction. It comes complete with a fucking stupid little fairy ass princess who can't see beyond her tits...I mean heart. Who places love. LOOOOOOOOVE. Fucking LOOOOOOOOOOVE over everything. Rationality. Loyalty. Secrecy. Duty. Life. All for the love of someone she barely fucking knows. Fuck that shit. Seriously. Fuck that shit. [image] I've read a fair share of idiotic YA fiction in which the heroine does dumb shit for love. Rarely have I encountered someone with this amount of incomprehensible romantic stupidity. Emrys shouldn't be Prince Richard's bodyguard. She should be Prince Richard's chambermaid so that she can secretly sniff his used boxers and clean his shit (which smells like English Leather combined with the the scent of a square kilometer of French tea roses in full bloom during the springtime) and scratch at his cum-stiffened sheets and be fucking deliriously happy that she has been granted the privilege to do so. Not since the days of Romeo and Juliet have there been two dumber idiots in love. Did I miss something? Was this book intended to be a parody? I like Faeries. I like female bodyguards. I surely must like this book? Wrong. Here we fucking go again. - We have SEVERE insta-love and a declaration of love without any sort of relationship building - We have a fairy bodyguard who does fucking jack shit, her job seems to be: 1) Watching (but mostly drooling) over the prince she's supposed to guard while he sleeps (when she's not IN BED together with him) **If Emrys were a guy, we'd be calling him a stalker by now 2) Being his eye candy when he's partying with his friends - We have a fucking TSTL Mary Sue fairy bogyguard who does a fucking horrible job at being a protector of any kind, since she can't fucking handle anything in the fucking modern world when her compatriots seem to be handling it just fine The Writing: Before I get into the summary, I have to tell you guys about the writing in this book: to put it gently, it's as horrible as a drought in Somalia. Uncomfortable like a baby with a wet, soggy diaper. I felt as trapped as a kitten on a box on a plane without temperature control. You think my metaphors are bad? Wait til you read this book. The writing stinks like the farting of a particularly flatulent warthog. The flatulence that comes from dining on rotten liver and kidney pie with raw garlic, garnished with a side of beans and broccoli. My brain was rendered into mushiness, akin to mashed potatoes whipped with an ample amount of butter and cream, with a dash of salt and pepper just to spice it up. I wouldn't claim that the writing is horrible without any evidence, so without further ado: I present you some of the fabulous examples of writing within this book. Richard’s only response a long, leaden sigh. Like the sound of a sleeping bear poked into drowsiness. “I think I can handle him,” I say in a voice even tarter than lemons. The veiling spell is still fighting, wriggling out of my control like an eel caught by its tail. Those lips are quirked into a permanent coy grin as she goes down the line, eyeing men like baskets of fish and chips. The acid behind my tongue only grows, rises like a beast coming out of a long winter sleep. I’m like a hare, frozen by the headlamps of an approaching vehicle. His face is pale, whited out like a window looking into a blizzard. His jacket crumples like a dead animal on the rug. Breena approaches with selective steps, the same way a cat uses grass and slowness to snag a songbird. I’m a glacier, plunging, falling apart against the sea. My heart becomes a lion, roaring and beating against its fibrous, fleshy cage. Yearning to be free. I watch as the window to his pain flicks past, like the light of a train car at full speed. There and gone. This question feels rambling, desperate. Like a grappling hook violently flung by some plummeting climber. [image] The Summary: Emrys is a Fae. She is a Faery Guardian. She is ancient, around 1000 years old. She has seen the rise and fall of many an empires. Which only goes to tell you that age does not necessarily equal wisdom. Emrys is a Frithemaeg, a Faery Guardian. She has been assigned to protect Prince Richard. She hasn't seen him since he was a baby, but man, the teenaged Richard sure is fucking hot. Richard is sleeping. Emrys is invisible. She watches him sleep, and talks to him, because that's not creepy at all. “Why are you sleeping?” I slip into the room and approach the bed.Richard blinks in his sleep---and cue insta-love. Jesus Fucking Christ, the man isn't even awake and she's feeling shit for him already. His eyes open, and for the briefest second I feel their hazel irises on me. Something inside me clenches.Emrys is supposed to protect Richard's life. Her powers are failing. She is no longer able to do her job. She cannot protect him. Richard sees Emrys, even though she is supposed to be invisible. “Who—who are you?” he asks, his stare vague. “How’d you get in here?”So naturally, the thing to do is NOT to tell your queen (Mab) that you can't do your fucking job and because of that, your Prince's life is in danger. It just makes so much more sense to tell the prince about the secret Faery world that's been existing aside his own that your people have kept secret for thousands of years. I revealed myself to a mortal—to Britain’s prince—and instead of wiping his memory, I ran. I broke the barrier between magic and mortal. And I didn’t fix it.Brilliant. Such wisdom as the ancients have never seen. *wipes away tear* Richard's father, the King, dies. The human world thinks he suffered from a heart attack, but the Faery Guard knows better. He has been killed by a malevolent, evil force bent on destroying the world. In order to protect Prince Richard against the evil that killed his father, Emrys will: 1. Have romantic meals with Richard on a sunlit balcony. A petite, linen-cloaked table waits for us on the lawn, covered with plates of freshly sliced fruits, eggs, sausage, and toast. An elegant china teapot sits to one side, steam rising from its spout like the breath of a sleeping dragon. Hundreds of roses, in every hue, seduce me with their scent.2. Be his arm candy at a pub “Damn, Rich. When you said you were bringing a friend, I thought...” He doesn’t bother finishing his sentence. “What runway did you get her off of? And where can I get one?”3. Practice dancing with him in his room We move together as one being, in sweet unison to the lingering guitar solo. We dance even after the last notes die, moving about in each other’s arms to some unheard song. We dance until nothing is left.4. Go swimming with him, complete with acrobatics I lunge into the air, taking advantage of my magic to perform a string of elaborate acrobatics before I sink into the pool’s embrace.5. Give Richard fashion advice “Nothing too nice,” I tell him. “Try jeans and a T-shirt.”6. Go on a date to a romantic location so that Richard can look over his kingdom over which he is such a benevolent ruler!! “No.” I smile coyly, satisfied he hasn’t guessed. “We’re going to look at your kingdom.”And naturally, since Emrys is such a powerful Fae, she will use her power, her GLAMOUR to fulfil the tremendous, important, riveting task of... “I could magic us to the front.” I frown. Are there always so many mortals clamoring for a taste of flight? The queue is so sluggish it makes my skin itch....skipping the tourist lines. Christ in heaven. Royally Fucked: Emrys is supposed to be bad-ass Fae Bodyguard, bestowed with the powers of the Faery Court, designated to protect the future Heir to the Throne of England. Emrys is supposed to be strong, fierce, powerful! Not exactly. Faeries don't do well with modern technology, but somehow everyone else on her team seems to be doing just fucking fine in the technology-filled world of modern-day England EXCEPT FOR EMRYS. Breena’s energy seems boundless as she strides ahead. There’s no rust or corrosion in her aura. No weariness to her magic. As if all these modern metals and electric currents swirling around us don’t exist.Emrys can't hold it together. Everything makes her sick. The smell of food and drink, the smell of anything at this point is enough to wake the deeper sickness in my bowels.Everything makes her want to vomit. I lunge to the top of the table in a single movement, ignoring the stress on my humanoid muscles and how much I want to vomit.Scarcely does a moment go by when Emrys doesn't feel faint. Although the pain has been latent over the past few weeks, its return is fiery and lancing. My knees nearly buckle under it.Protector of None: Despite the fact that she's Richard's bodyguard...a useless, helpless human, no less, Emrys allows him to come to her rescue way too fucking often.He saves her from a leering, lecherous man. The prince came to my rescue. He protected me. This is so shocking, so unprecedented, that I can’t think of anything to say.And yet again when they're ambushed. Richard has her pinned to the ground, his face a war mask. The prince just saved our lives.What the fuck kind of a bodyguard is that? Do you expect us to believe that Emrys is a bad-ass bodyguard when she constantly fucking gets sick to her stomach, constantly gets ill from modern technology, constantly gets her ass saved...if not by Richard, then by a human princess---Richard's little sister? I can’t move. I can’t think of any spells to protect us.The Princess Diaries: Dear Diary, Today I wore a really really pretty dress to protect my Prince! ... Why the FUCK are you so fucking concerned with clothes, Emrys? You know, if I were a bodyguard, I'd be wearing all black spandex with many concealed pockets in which I can carry my knives. Emrys wears..."piles of skirts" ...Which constantly gets in the way. BECAUSE SKIRTS. NO SHIT. YOU DO NOT WEAR FUCKING SKIRTS IN A FIGHT. The Black Dog’s aged-yellow canines snag my many layers of skirts—it ends up with only a mouthful of taffeta and cotton.And a tulle dress? No. Just NO. I look down at my outfit. Layer after layer of colors. Sea-foam tulle peeking out from aqua and daffodil cotton. Silver-threaded plum fabric mixes steadily with champagne silk.And not only that, she has terrible tastes in clothes. Romance Uber Alles: This book has something even worse than insta-love: a girl who would sacrifice everything for love, a girl who believes that love in the most important thing in the world, more than loyalty, more than her own existence Without him, I would be nothing now. Unraveled into ether and air.It sickens me. This is an OLD Fae. She is supposed to be wise. I see no evidence of it. From the very first fucking moment she lays eyes on Richard, she falls in love with him. Her heart beats unceasingly. Her stomach clenches endlessly. She feels currents, jolts, bolts of electricity in the air whenever she is around him. That's pretty standard in YA fiction. Something about Richard is different from the others I’ve guarded. Something connects us: something dangerous and electric.But what sickens me is that she holds her love for Richard over everything else. Over all the danger she faces. I love him.Yeah, because telling someone you LOVE THEM is more important than fucking putting your damned life on the line. Than hunting with your age-old companion. Than the triumph of battle. I’m at the height of my bound, incarnate power, ready to take on an army of soul feeders.To put your own existence on the line, because human and fae cannot be together. To betray your own line and endanger all the secrets that have been kept throughout the eons. What the fuck kind of betraying, faithless, stupid fucking bitch would do that to her own kind? Dropping the veiling spell, showing and telling who I am, reaching out my hand . . . Had I done all of those things because I wanted to? Because I knew, in some unreached part of myself, that there was this—spark, flame, inferno—between us?And to DIE for him. You’ll die for him either way. Breena’s words are haunting, inescapable here.TO DIE for someone you barely fucking know. How can I explain to her that none of this was for the Guard or the crown? That it was all for Richard? For a life and a future with him?Fuck this book. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 26, 2014
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Feb 27, 2014
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Jan 02, 2014
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Paperback
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0385341652
| 9780385341653
| 0385341652
| 4.38
| 103,419
| Aug 18, 2009
| Aug 18, 2009
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liked it
|
In my experience, sensory discordance has almost always been limited to audio/visual. For example, seeing Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen (Legolas a
In my experience, sensory discordance has almost always been limited to audio/visual. For example, seeing Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen (Legolas and Aragorn, to the uninformed---I weep for you) standing next to Peter Jackson. Or maybe drifting off to sleep to the soothing sound of a solo violin, only to be blasted awake by the some angry riffs of Japanese hair metal that for some fucking reason I idiotically decided I want included in my "sleepytime" playlist a few days back. I didn't know that I could be so rudely jolted out of a reverie while reading a book until I read the opening chapters of Dreamfever. We start with Mac, who is not Mac, who is Pri-ya, and being raped by the Four Unseelie Princes. She is incoherent with unwanted lust, her mind wrestling with the horrifying effects of fae glamour. Her mind, her body is being violated, she can barely remember who she is. Who the fuck are you?The situation is appalling, and I an rather outraged at myself for loving her inner monologue in this moment, but it can't be helped. Mac's voice, her inner thoughts, are so beautifully written that I am at doubts with myself. And then---like a hopelessly lost marching band that has somehow wandered into a Rachmaninoff concerto, Dani appears. Well, feck me! How diddly ho, dudes! We're gonna fecking hunt us some fecking fey right fecking NOW with my supercool supersword!! As I said. Discordance. 10 pages later, I'd had it. It was only after a friend told me that Dani was only the narrator for the first few chapters that I picked it up again. My god, Ms. Moning, I don't know whether to hate you or to congratulate you on the fact that you wrote a character so convincingly annoying that I wanted to strangle her on the spot. Did I ever hate Mac for using petunias and daisies as swear words? I take it back. Fecking this and fecking that takes the fucking cake for pissing me off every time. I question the presence and the age of Dani in the novel, I really do. Was it so necessary to make her 13 years old? Was it so necessary to insert a girl who is little more than a child into a book that is so utterly adult in its darkness, in its intensity, in its sexuality? Was it so necessary to make her so utterly immature and at the same time, so completely competent in her capabilities and super(ha!)natural abilities? I understand that Mac needs someone to care for, that she needs someone relatively uncomplicated (because Barrons and V'lane is more than any woman can simultaneously handle) to look after, to be an alternate sibling. I understand that Dani's shell is a cover, in parts, for her dark past, for being forced to grow old before her time. But 13 year old Dani, really? I would raise an eyebrow at the insertion of a 16-year old companion to Mac. But a 13 years old...and such a caricature of an annoying, overly sexual teenager. It is just too much, and I don't know if I can handle the next book if there is more of Dani, in the role of narrator, in it. I really don't know how to feel about this book, and maybe that is part of the series' charms. I absolutely loved the first 50% of the book, I absolutely hated the utter pointlessness of the Silver in the last 25%. I loved Mac and her bravery, I was there with her as she struggles with herself, her distant, vague recollections, her struggles with memory, her amnesia, her inexplicable distress at hearing the word "sister." I was intrigued when observing black Mac, Mac 4.0. I enjoyed seeing her wrestle, often with futility, verbally and physically (and sexually) with Barrons. I cheered when Mac returned to us. I always love it when I see my heroine snap out of a "state," be it comatose, be it grieef, be it amnesia. That moment when she wakes up, and gets ready to kick some fucking ass is a thing of beauty. With an explosive inhalation, I snap upright in bed, and my eyes fly open—like coming alive after being dead and interred in a coffin.And she is pissed. Understandably so. Fucking Barrons. Fucking V'lane. Fucking useless, the lot of them. One of the rare moments in which I actually agreed with Dani is her observation of how completely fucking useless Barrons had been in protecting Mac. And Barrons—what’s his deal? Doesn’t he want her alive? Why have they all abandoned her when she needs ‘em the most?[image] I had hoped that this would be the book that settled it once and for all: is Khanh on Team Barrons? Nope, he's still a complex douchebag to me. If anything I'm even MORE confused on how I feel towards him. On the one hand, he did something pretty despicable in my eyes: he sleeps with Mac, without her consent. It was Mac, but it was not Mac. Mac was under a spell, she was Pri-ya, driven almost insane by the fae, and is now in a desperate state of lust. Mac has amnesia, she does not remember anything. It took Barrons weeks to reteach her English. Yet he has sex with her anyway. “I was out of my mind. I’d never have done it otherwise.”I agree with her. One may argue that it's pretty hard to resist a naked girl who's crawling around begging to be fucked, but this is Jericho fucking Barrons; I expect better of him, I have higher expectations of him. He had never crossed that line with Mac before, and he let me down by doing so now, and I think I hate him more as a result. Yes, what he did to help Mac recover her memories was pretty sweet, he painted her nails, he replicated her room, etc. It's not enough. He didn't have to screw Mac without her conscious consent. The last half of this book was a letdown. It felt random as hell, and I felt there was no point to plopping Mac smack in the middle of another realm. She also made a pretty dumb decision that I thought was more Mac 1.0 than Mac 4.0, she knows how valuable she is, she knows the Lord Master is baiting her, and she decides to take the bait because of her chivalrous need to save her parents. I want Mac 3.0 back. Is it wrong of me to want more destruction? The world is in pieces, but it never felt like it. I wanted more descriptions of the horror. I wanted more blood, more death. Instead, I got a freaking World After scenario in the Aerie with freaking human girl groupies waiting to pleasure the fucking (I keep wanting to say fecking now, thanks a lot, Dani) Fae. The destruction of the world never felt enough, it never felt completely urgent, it never felt horrifying to me. Maybe I'm just immune to violence now, but I wanted more of it. It was still a good book, but I feel very let down by the actions of the characters of whom I had grown fond. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Nov 30, 2013
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Dec 2013
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Nov 30, 2013
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Hardcover
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1442444649
| 9781442444645
| 1442444649
| 3.59
| 1,646
| Mar 11, 2014
| Mar 11, 2014
|
really liked it
| The darkness agrees with me. It asks me to release it, as loud as a roar and as quiet as a whisper. I remember what my sister said long ago: You mu The darkness agrees with me. It asks me to release it, as loud as a roar and as quiet as a whisper. I remember what my sister said long ago: You must control the darkness. You can’t ever give in to it. But the shadows want to make me happy, and I deserve a little happiness.This book is fantastic. It has the misfortune of having one of the worst summary opening lines I have ever read. I mean, come on "She’d rather watch reality TV than learn forty-seven ways to kill a man?" SERIOUSLY? After reading that line, my expectations for the book just dropped. I expected a stupid, brainless girl, the sort who spends her days watching TLC's Hoarders or Toddlers and Tiaras. I was so blessedly wrong. Ignore the summary. This book is fantastic. The main character is flawed, she is hurt, she is vulnerable. But she is intelligent, she is rational, she can use her brains. She is depressed, but fuck, wouldn't you be, too, if you were sentenced to hard labor in Tartarus after seeing your sister's corpse flayed open like a wild animal? Zephyr is not strong, but she grows. She is in pain, suffering from the murder of her beloved sister, Zephyr. Yes, this book has the standard YA elements of a special destiny, but what differentiates it from other YA books of its ilk is that the main character is fanstastically built, the mythology is wonderfully wrought (and the Greek gods and goddesses well represented), the romance is light, the emotions there, but believable. And really, there's better things to think about when the gods are out for your blood---than love. I just don’t need the distraction. I need to focus on not failing. That’s going to be hard enough for me to do without getting all twitterpated about a boy.YES! That's the fucking attitude I want! My point is that the main character does not feel like a Mary Sue. There is a supporting cast of character that actually does stuff. There are relationships and friendships. There are questions as to whom one can trust. The main character is a Harpy with *gasp* dark skin. Thank you, book! My one complaint in the book is that it's slow, and in the middle, the plot kind of fell into the yawn category. I wanted more action, I wanted more excitement, and this book didn't deliver what I wanted for the middle half of the book. The Summary: Zephyr Mourning is a Harpy, and she is in Hell. Actually, she's in Tartatus, same thing, you know. And man, it fucking sucks. For one thing, it sometimes rains excrement in Tartarus. Rain in Tartarus means a lot of different things. Today it’s a fine mist of excrement falling from the sky. It’s like having an outhouse upended over your head.It wasn't always like this. Life wasn't always so miserable. There was a time before, when Zephyr was happy. She wasn't the best Harpy in the world---she fails at magic, but she doesn't fail at ALL magic. It's just that the magic she can wield---Erebos---is the forbidden sort. Harpies are supposed to use light magic---Aether, and Zephyr is incapable of that. Since Erebos is forbidden, Zephyr is the most useless Harpy ever, failing her Trials, but nevertheless, she had a future. That promise of a future ended with her sister's murder. I can’t think of my sister without remembering the last time I saw her, her chest a gaping wound, her blood soaking into the concrete of the patio. She was my best friend and now she’s gone.Zephyr is in Tartarus because she somehow managed to kill the minor god who murdered her sister. That isn't supposed to happen, literally. Harpies---lowly warriors in the scheme of things, aren't supposed to be able to kill any type of god, and the Gods, the Exalted, wants to know how she did it. They captured her, they ripped out her wings, and now they want to make her pay. Zephyr doesn't care anymore, she's so tired, so lost, so desperately sad. I’m finally realizing that my imprisonment is permanent. I’m not going to go to high school, or college, or anywhere else in the Mortal Realm. I’m going to be forever stuck here in Tartarus, covered in sludge and pretending to be brave. A year has passed, and I feel just like I did the last time I saw Hermes. Desperate, confused, and incredibly lost.As lost as she is, as hopeless as she feels, her life will not end in the pits of Tartarus. Her friends Cass is with her, and she has bigger plans. She doesn't want to remain in Tartarus for a moment longer, and she is taking Zephyr with her as they escape to the Mortal Realm. Zephyr has another motive for escaping to the Mortal Realm. Her sister's soul is not in the Elysian Fields, it's just gone. There is a mysterious being, the Nyx, who can find lost souls, and Zephyr is desperate to locate him...it...her. The Nyx. A legend, like the Easter Bunny. Like the Boogeyman. “He’s dead. He was betrayed long ago by his beloved, and killed by a sword made of bright. But as he lay dying, he swore he would return, that not only would he avenge his murder, but that he would slay the bright Exalteds who killed him.”Luckily, Cass and Zephyr are not alone. As awesome as both of them are, it takes more than a little luck to escape a fucking drakan. Zephyr is terrified, she's ready to give up. Really, what's the use? Her sister is gone, she is on the run from a mess of gods and goddesses (Hera, that bitch) who wants her ass on a platter. What's the use? Might as well end it all by being eaten. Dying is easier than this. I’m suddenly just so exhausted.But fate---or rather, a childhood friend, has bigger plans for her. “Are you seriously going to sit there and wait for it to eat you, or are you going to cross the chasm?”She is not alone. She has friends. But who is her friend? Who can she trust? Is it Cass? The legendary liar? The one whose Pellacis family line is known to be betrayers? Her one true friend in Tartarus? Nanda’s expression turns stormy. “A Pellacis?”Is it Blue? The charming boy with a smile that could be deceptive? I like Blue and his playful attitude.Is it her childhood friend, Tallon? He may have rescued her from Tartarus, but what's his true incentive? “I would guess that the kid you knew has changed some.”It is not by accident that Zephyr came to be rescued. Zephyr is a pawn, she is a plan, she is a hope to her people, the downtrodden Vaettir. And she fears that she may fail them all. Not even the frowns of the few skeptics in the crowd can remove the hope of all those people looking at me, wanting me to be the answer to all their problems.The Setting: This is an altered version of Greek mythology, with some of its main players, like Hermes, Hera, and Hades (I stuck to the H's), and as a mythology Nazi, I have to say that this book worked just fine. I have no problems with how the gods and goddesses were portrayed, such as the fucking awesome Hades. As cuddly... Hades suddenly opens his arms, and before I can retreat out of his reach, I am wrapped up in a hug. It’s a strange sensation, and his darkness wraps around me in a comforting embrace. I want to stiffen, to resist even this small measure of affection. But the darkness is calming. Reassuring.As he is terrifying. ... the whole of his darkness draws back from him, so that for one shining moment his form is revealed. The inky aura looms over him like a snake about to strike.These gods are not the focus of the book, but the brief glimpses we get of them are glorious. The book centers around Greek mythology, building around the myths of the Titans, Cronus. The book has its own system of immortals, with definite ranks. From the lowly Vaettir, with partially human blood, downtrodden and used by the Gods. The gods tell us the vættir are the ones who are flawed, our human blood compromising us. But it’s the gods who betray the ones they love without remorse.To the Exalted, gods like Hades and Hera, all-powerful beings, to lesser gods of the Acolyte order, who use and abuse the lower classes at will. This book focuses on the tension between the ranks, and it does so very well. The descriptions of various places are awesome. We see Tartarus, the river Styx (which smells just fucking horrible). I smell the river long before I see it, the stench of rotting flesh and dead fish wafting across the plain toward us. It smells like hatred and lies, and I wonder if that’s why some vættir refer to the Styx as the River of Deceit.Zephyr: Love! Love! Love~ Zephyr is the kind of character I have always wanted in an YA book. A heroine who is angry, sad, flawed. She sometimes gives up, but the thing is that we don't blame her for wanting to give up. Initially, Zephyr is so angry that I completely understand her attitude of "Why bother? Why bother when I have no future." Because really, can you feel otherwise when you're in a place that rains crap. But what I love about Zephyr is her rationality in the face of chaos. I take a deep breath and fight back the hysteria. I have to try to think about this rationally.It's her realism, she's not some starry-eyed girl who takes unnecessary risks. I already know that I stand absolutely no chance against a cerberus. No need to tempt the Fates.It's her self-realization. She knows when she's behaving badly. The physical contact combined with the childhood nickname is enough to break through the haze of rage. I look down at him, and I suddenly feel very guilty.It's the fact that she's so human, she's not a prophetic heroine, she's scared. She's not ready. But I’m not brave. Never have been, never will be.That's what makes Zephyr a character I like. She is a girl who is forced to grow up. The Romance: No insta-love. No heart that goes pitter fucking patter every 5 seconds. Don't worry, her friend is totally hot, and she does feel things for him, but really, THERE'S BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT HERE. Not to mention she's a Harpy. Love is an emotion that good Harpies do not feel. Breeding is the game for the survival of the species. Love is out of the question. Whoever my father was, I know I was the result of a breeding contract, not some torrid affair. Love just isn’t in the cards for Harpies.When Zephyr catches herself noticing something about the guy she loves---his eyes, his muscles, she tells herself to snap out of it. Harpies do not have crushes, especially on their childhood best friends.She hates herself sometimes, for feeling such things, for being so weak as to fall for someone. No wonder I failed my Trials. I’m not even a Harpy. Feeling this turmoil and sick excitement over the mere thought of kissing Tallon proves what a failure I am. Harpies never fall for anyone. They definitely never fall in love.Zephyr isn't a pretty pretty princess, and Tallon doesn't treat her like one. They argue, they clash, he pushes her beyond her limits when he sees that she's going nowhere with her apathy. “Apologize for what? Trying to keep us from waking up to a battalion of Acolytes on the doorstep? If anything, you owe everyone an apology for putting them in danger and for being a brat.”They have a great relationship, trust is built, friendship regrows from lost time, and I completely ship the two of them. He laughs. “If anyone is strong enough to stand with me, it’s you. You can handle my darkness.”...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Mar 19, 2014
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Mar 21, 2014
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Oct 18, 2013
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Hardcover
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0670784761
| 9780670784769
| 0670784761
| 3.86
| 3,915
| Oct 08, 2013
| Oct 08, 2013
|
it was ok
|
[image] I appreciate the use of imagery, but the key to using it as a literary device is subtlety. In this book, imagery doesn't gently tap you on the [image] I appreciate the use of imagery, but the key to using it as a literary device is subtlety. In this book, imagery doesn't gently tap you on the shoulders from behind, it doesn't touch you with a gentle lover's caress. The imagery within this book comes running at you in a Pennywise mask wielding a chainsaw while screaming bloody murder. The writing is overwrought, leaning heavily towards purple prose. It tries too hard to be "gothic." It has all the subtlety of a purple plaid-patterned penguin. You could play a drinking game while reading this book. Take two imagery. Bells. Birds. You could take a sip---not a shot, mind you, just a sip---of a low alcohol-by-volume wine with every instance of those imageries and still end up dead by alcohol poisoning before you reach the 50% mark of this book. There is an emphasis on collective nouns in this book, because it's one of the things a girl entering Blythewood must know. You have to know terms like a teal of magpies. A murder of crows. An exaltation of larks. A cete of badgers. I would like to take this opportunity to create my own collective noun to describe the writing in this book: a fuckload of frivolity. (Yes, I deliberately used some terribly imagery and alliteration myself in describing the terribleness of this book. It's fine, I'm not an author, and the readers of this review are only subject to my atrocious writing for the length of an overly verbose review, not for all 400-something freaking pages of a book.) This is one of those times when I reflect back to 11th grade AP English Literature and mentally shake my fist at my old teacher. Thanks to that damned class, I can pick out and analyze every single terrible use of metaphor, imagery, symbolism in this book. This book wasn't terrible, but it was generic. The characters are recycled, the romance is chock full of tropes (and comes complete with insta-love and a love triangle), the atmosphere and paranormal premise is interesting, but it doesn't make up for the fact that I cannot get over the writing. This is, of course, my opinion. I understand perfectly if some people reading this book find the writing beautiful, evocative. Not me. Again, I blame the many analytical essays I had to write in high school for my aggravating reading experience. Summary: Avaline Hall is a seamstress at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory in 1911 New York. That is a bad thing, and a real thing that actually happened. I won't go into the details because it is largely irrelevant to the story, but in short, nearly 150 people died, and Avaline was almost one of them, but she was one of the lucky ones who were rescued. It is a tragedy, yes, but in the middle of a fire, I would be screaming my ass off and running around like a chicken with its neck cut off (and probably die a horrible, fiery death), but I sure as fucking hell would not be having thoughts along these lines, looking at girls who are jumping out of a building to their deaths because there is literally no other way of escape. “I thought the same thing,” I said softly, my voice quavering, “when I saw the girls jumping...that they were like butterflies trapped between panes of glass.”Get your head on straight. Avaline's backstory is kind of a mess. Within the first 5% of the book, we learn a multitude of things about Avaline that makes her just about the most unrealistic heroine ever, even for an YA PNR. We learn that she's the daughter of a woman who was formerly wealthy but who ran away from home and works as a hat trimmer instead. Contrary to popular beliefs, the most dangerous occupation isn't that of a bomb squad technician, a soldier, a police officer, a firemen. Nope. The most dangerous occupation in the world is being the mother (or a close blood relative) of an YA heroine. Her mother commits suicide due to laudanum poisoning, and Avaline is forced to work for her own support. She ends up at the Factory as a curiously incompetent seamstress, despite her skills at making hats. She keeps hearing weird bells inside her head that warns her of imminent danger. She keeps seeing the same strange man in an Inverness cape everywhere. She falls into insta-love with some idiot boy (who is *GASP* not who he seems!!1!1!) shortly before the fire occurs. My whole body shuddered like a bell that had been struck. My hand, which looked small in his, was trembling. For a moment the din of the factory—the whirr of the sewing machines, the shouts of the foreman to hurry up, the street noise from the open windows—all receded. I felt as though the two of us were standing alone in a green glade starred with wildflowers, the only sound the wind soughing through the encircling forest...After being involved in the fire, Ava rants and raves like a lunatic because a weird boy with wings rescued her, and surprise, surprise, is actually committed to a mental hospital for 5 months. She is then rescued by her grandmother, and sent on an interview to Blythewood. Blythewood is the very prestigious girl's finishing school that her mother attended before her disgrace. Ava has harbored hopes of attending it, due to her mother's stories, and true to the tradition of cutting off your nose to spite your face, Ava acts like an absolute contrary bitch when she actually gets the chance to attend the school of her dreams. Wah wah wah. Boo fucking hoo. No, I don't want to attend a private school where my mother and I have always wanted me to attend. No, I don't want the protection of my wealthy grandmother. I just want to be a seamstress again so I can toil away my life without prospects. Shut the fuck up and enjoy your good fortune. Blythewood is...weird. Really, really weird. The interview itself was freaky enough, the people are strange, and curiously, nobody questions anything until they're confronted with the truth of the place. There is one eligible boy in residence. One. Boy. In an all-girls' school. Nathan is the bad boy. Enter the love triangle. Nathan is an asshat, a spoiled, carefree boy who scrapes along in life due to his money, good looks, and influential family. Naturally, in a school full of accomplished girls, beautiful girls, wealthy girls, Nathan would totally go for the one girl who's so *sigh* special. Yep. Avaline. The romance is dumb. The love interests are clichéd. The mysterious, ethereal boy is as generic as they come. He's apparently ebony and ivory. A marbled, chiseled Adonis... ...he possessed the finely carved features of a Greek statue, his skin pale as marble, his eyes the weathered gray of worn granite. And a heart as hard as stone...with wings so black you'd have to actually look close to see that his wings are actually all the colors of the fucking rainbow. Those wings weren’t entirely black—they held the iridescent colors of the sunset in them.WHAT THE FUCK? He's dangerous. The boy's name is Raven. He is a Darkling, but don't be fooled, this ain't Shadow and Bone's Darkling. There is no complexity here, and there is no questionable line of good versus evil. There's just a line between dullness and boredom. This book's Darkling doesn't hold a candle to the original. The characters are generic as all gets out. I don't have anything to say about Ava because she puts me to sleep more effectively than an overdose of Lunesta. The other characters in the book are cookie cutter. The silly, frivolous, but kind-hearted rich girl, Helen. The eager-to-please, naive, bumbling small-town girl, Daisy (from Kansas City, Kansas). Sarah, the intelligent, competent, poor scholarship girl who hates the status quo and is eager to prove herself. The bitchy "mean girls," clique of George, Fred, and Wallie (all girls, who are nicknamed after their enormously wealthy fathers). The fat, incompetent, bitchtastic Etiquette mistress. The ice-cold, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth headmistress. The names are Dickensian, in that the characters' name are a reflection of their work, of their character. Cute, but if I wanted Dickens, I'D READ DICKENS. Matilda Swift, the bow mistress. Euphorbia Frost, the bitchy etiquette instructor. The kind, motherly cluck of a secretary, Miss Moorhen. Martin Peale, the Bell Master. Mrs. Calendar, the Latin teacher. Vionetta Sharp, with her violet eyes and violet-growing spinster aunts. Enough is enough. As I said. The characters are generic, through and through. The plot is decent, the use of the bells is unique, and the mystery---well, let's just say at least there are no vampires or werewolves. You can throw just about every single otherworldly creature into the mix, though. This was a really, really long book, and it got pretty boring before the pacing picked up. The worst part about this book was the writing. I just could not overlook all the terrible use of imagery, strange and stupid metaphors, and tendency towards purple prose. Allow me to present some examples. "It was like striking a match to kindling. What had seemed cold was now warm—or perhaps the warmth had been kindled in me at the thought that he’d lit up at the sight of me." "It spread like cracks in an old China teacup when you pour hot water into it, only these cracks were made of fire and burned away flesh, changing him before my eyes from the beautiful boy of my dreams into a horrid monster." "So that’s where he goes, I thought...he has a forest inside him." A blond head is a "golden waterfall, an "angel's halo". And the bells. THE BIRDS. SO MUCH BIRD IMAGERY. I feel like I'm in a Hitchcock film. [image] Here are a couple of examples. Or 10. "The names fluttered through the air like brightly colored birds." "You look as comfortable as an eaglet in its cliff-side aerie.” "She said something and Miss Sharp tossed her head back and laughed, the sound like the nightingale’s song." "In the firelight her pale gray eyes shone yellow, like the eyes of an owl sweeping the forest floor for prey." "...she moved around the room like a trapped bird in a cage." "He had taken himself off to a window seat overlooking the river and made a nest of books like a peregrine on a cliff." "I’ve seen you hunched over them like a hawk mantling its prey.” "I noticed how small my hands looked in his, like doves cupped in a nest. They fluttered like doves, too..." "Cam, her hair sticking up in spikes, looked like a newly hatched chick eager for her first flight." "...setting Miss Corey fluttering over the books like a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wing." "He lifted his head away from Miss Frost’s ear and swiveled his neck like Blodeuwedd when she heard a mouse squeak—only his eyes were colder than any owl’s." “And pale,” Miss Fisk added, tilting her head at me like a robin listening for worms in the ground. "Gillie scowled, his dark eyebrows swooping together like two hawks fighting over a morsel." ...you get the point. I believe you would be better off reading Libba Bray. It may be clichéd, but at least the writing doesn't stand out for the worse. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Oct 29, 2013
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Oct 30, 2013
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Oct 13, 2013
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Hardcover
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B00DSX0OAW
| 3.63
| 769
| Oct 29, 2013
| Oct 29, 2013
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it was ok
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[image] This book almost became one of those rarest of rare objects: it could have been a really good book about sea creatures. It came so frustratingl [image] This book almost became one of those rarest of rare objects: it could have been a really good book about sea creatures. It came so frustratingly, heartbreakingly close. I love mermaids. I love sirens. I am always on the lookout for a really good book based on those creatures. To this day, I have yet to come across any such novels, and this book came so close to being one I enjoyed. It had a lot of the elements I search for in a novel: an enjoyably flawed heroine, a compelling plot line, a new spin on a classic mythology. So what ruined it? The romance. Always the fucking romance. My awesome heroine had to fall in love with an idiot boy with a constant smart-ass smirk on his face. The foolish romance utterly obliterated this book for me. The insta-love and the needless love triangle knocked it from a 4 star book to a 2 star book. In a good book, the romance should play a role the plot, but it turned this book from an potentially intriguing YA political fantasy/thriller into a typical teenaged romantic melodrama and all the jealousy and mind games that entails. I liked Nerissa so much, she's not perfect, but she's enjoyably so. She may be the heir to a kingdom, but she's in danger, and like a scared teenager, her first instinct is to run away. I do not judge her for it. I like her for it. She admits her flaws, and I admire her for it. But here's what turned her into Ariel for me. You remember Ariel, right? The cool Disney mermaid princess who's got the sweetest fucking life in the world as a pampered princess frolicking around under the sea chilling with the fishes, and then chooses to give it all up (not to mention the voice, and the tail, and possibly her life) for the sake of a human guy? Yeah, Nerissa went from a potentially kick-ass heroine into that kind of stupid. Into Ariel stupid. From the book's blurb: Amid danger and the heartbreak of her missing mother, falling for a human boy is the last thing Nerissa should do.Aaaaaaaaaaand...what does she do? *cues "Kiss the Girl"* You guessed it. The Summary: Nerissa is an Aquarathi Queen, but an exiled one. Her father has died from a tragic accident some years ago---some say murdered. A rival queen, Ehmora, from the Ruby Court has usurped Nerissa's throne. Before her father died, he warned her of danger, and since then, Nerissa has been living in San Diego in disguise as a normal high school student. Nerissa is completely focused on her studies, she is a brilliant student, she is an amazing athlete; she is, in fact, completely focused on being the perfect student until a human boy (Lo, short for Lotharius Seavon. SEAvon, get it?) catches her eyes. At the same time, there is imminent danger to her life from the usurper queen, and there are traitors and spies in their midst. Will Nerissa be able to stop gazing lovingly into Lo's amazing bottomless-blue eyes for long enough to avoid the danger to herself and to the entire race of the Aquarathi? The Mythology: The Aquarathi are a new twist on the age-old mermaid myth. I really like the interesting spin the author puts on the mythology of these creatures. You might think they're mermaids, and you would be wrong. They are a whole new type of sea-dwelling creatures, but they are not what you would typically expect. I made a joke earlier about Nerissa and Ariel. Nerissa is not Ariel. In her real form, she is a sea serpent the size of a small whale. I’m what most humans would call a sea monster. I’m the sea serpent that historians have written about for years, the fiend that has capsized whole ships and devoured sailors by the mouthful.Nerissa does not have pretty pretty perfect hair and adorable little cute fishy tails. In her true form, Nerissa is not remotely anything resembling human, she is truly a sea monster, and it is wicked awesome. I loved the myth of the Aquarathi. I enjoyed the tale of how they came to this planet, how they adapted, and their history as they evolved. I like the fact that they are not lovely, wondrous sea creatures, I like the fact that they are different, and I so wish the book would have dwelt more on that instead of the utterly insipid romance between Nerissa and Lo. The Plot: The plot is interesting enough, but it is pretty predictable. There are some twists that were completely unexpected, but there were so many hints given regarding who the traitors would be that I saw that coming from a mile away. The mystery had a lot of potential to be really twisted, the evil queen is capable of doing some horrifying acts... The scales are a pale bluish-purple color, oozing iridescent fluid along their edges. I recognize them [...] immediately. But it isn’t just her scales in the box, it’s her crown...the same elegant ridge of spikes and fins on her forehead that mark mine—the mark of an Aquarathi queen.The plot had a lot of promise...but again, it was overshadowed by the idiocy of the romance between Nerissa and Lo. Nerissa: It makes me a little upset to write about Nerissa because I liked her so much. Here's my problem with YA fiction: strong, independent, perfectly flawed heroines are rare enough, but when they appear, inevitably, they fall for someone who is completely unworthy of them. This book falls prey to that same failure. Nerissa is really cool. She is an amazing student, and her athletic skills are second to none because of her heritage as an Aquarathi. She is a hockey player (!), she is an awesome swimmer, but she chooses not to participate in water sports because it would be cheating, given who she is. Nerissa is not perfect by any means, and I liked her all the more for it. She is scared, she is running away from her destiny. Nerissa sticks her head into the sand until her best friend confronts her with the truth. “But we’ve stayed here and done nothing while so many died, and all you want to do is forget about who you are, to become like these insipid humans. You’re stupid and blind. And selfish.”Nerissa is a wimp, but she admits her faults, and she wants to be better---she wants to be the sort of Queen her people deserves. Nerissa understands her failings. She knows she has been a spoiled princess, she understands her people's lack of trust in her and her ability to assume the throne. Looking back, I was far more trouble than I was worth. Our people faulted him for being so indulgent and not taking a firmer hand with me, saying that if he couldn’t control his own child, how could he control his people? Put it this way—when I left, no one missed me. After all, as the humans say, no one mourns the wicked.Nerissa is a complex, imperfect heroine that I could relate to. Until she falls in love with Stupid. The Romance: [image] Lotharius Seavon is an asshole. He is the kind of smug, self-assured son of a bitch any thinking girl would avoid at all cost when they see him across the hall. He's handsome, of course. He's got eyes like the bottomless sea. It's blue, but it's not just blue. It's blue. Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue. ...the oddest-colored eyes I’ve ever seen—a bottomless blue, as if he’d leached the color straight from the depths of the ocean.And Lotharius's hair. It's...I don't even know what color it is. Every color but blue, it seems. ...the fading sunlight makes his wet hair look like burnished metal. His hair is such an odd color. It’s not reddish-blond like mine, but it’s not gold or silver, either. It’s more of a mix of the two. The only thing I can think of to describe it is wet sand.Lo is wealthy. His parents are dead. What did I say before? It's so fucking dangerous to be a parent in YA literature because the chances that you would die is roughly 90%. He's a teenaged deliquent. Lo ditches class to surf. He makes fun of the principal's accent. He calls the poor man "Borat" because of his misfortune of having an Eastern European accent. He gets Nerissa's phone number from nowhere. He practically stalks Nerissa. Even Nerissa can recognize an asshole and a loser when she sees one. She clearly sees his potential for douchery, given his stupid teenage dirtbag antics. “Jenna, you can’t even imagine how bad,” I seethe. “He honestly thinks he is God’s gift or something. I mean, I swear he has rocks for brains. First of all, who would cut their first day to go surfing and show up not in uniform and make fun of Cano almost to his face? An idiot, that’s who.”OK. SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU FALL FOR HIM? Jesus Christ, Nerissa SEES Lo's faults, and throughout the book, there is little about Lo that redeems him in my eyes. And so it is with the utmost frustration that I watch my wonderful heroine fall for someone not worthy to lick the bottom of her aquarium clean. It is their romance that kills the story. It is Nerissa's foolish decision to turn to him for help when she has a host of competent people to help her in the forms of her guardian. She is, after all, still a queen, despite one in exile. I just could not tolerate Nerissa and the multitude of her fallacious love for Lo and her concentration of love games when there is so much more at stake. It’s not Ehmora that will be the death of me.NO. NO. NO. AN EVIL CRAZY SCALPING BLOODTHIRSTY QUEEN IS OUT TO GET YOU. FOCUS ON HER. NOT ON THE BOY. Get your head on straight, girl. So much potential, wasted by a foolish romance. I am so disappointed by this book's potential and eventual letdown of my expectations. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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Nov 04, 2013
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Oct 06, 2013
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Kindle Edition
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3.88
| 9,572
| Sep 17, 2013
| Sep 17, 2013
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it was ok
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The premise doesn't break any grounds: it's your traditional Urban Fantasy involving Angels and their line of mythology, with a rampant amount of sex-
The premise doesn't break any grounds: it's your traditional Urban Fantasy involving Angels and their line of mythology, with a rampant amount of sex---that's not actual penetration sex (more on that later). It was a very fast read; whatever problems I have with Jennifer Armentrout's books, it is never her writing. The writing is straightforward, the book is easy to read, and a fast, light one. It was not a terrible book by any means, but it was far from perfect. In a good urban fantasy, as in any book I read, I want a rational, compelling heroine who does not behave foolishly, and is strong-willed, rather than bitchy and contrary. I also want compelling side characters, and an excellent plot. My problem is that this book: 1. Has a difficult, annoying, and contrary heroine, added to the fact that she is the only female in the story 2. Has an alpha-male Fallen angel love interest who is---frankly, a stalker 3. Has an unbelievable romance 4. Makes the characters' personal problems (and often, the sex) a priority over that of the actual plot Summary: Lily Marks is a Nephilim working under a Contract for an agency known as the Sanctuary. The Sanctuary is composed of people like her---children of Fallen angels, who have heightened abilities, who have taken on an oath to hunt and destroy creatures such as demons and minions. The Sanctuary do not trust the Fallen angels at all, because they are evil and they are deceitful; some years back, one of the Fallen seduced and subsequently killed one of their own, a young woman named Anna. Her memory lives on still, and Anna's betrayal and murder by the Fallen is a lesson deeply ingrained within the minds of her fellow Nephilim as a symbol of the Fallen's capacity for treachery. Despite knowing that, Lily has been embroiled in a complicated relationship with Julian, a stalker angel who has been trailing her since he saved her life when she was 17. Lily is now 26, still working for the Agency, and still behaving with the immaturity of a teenager. During a routine kill, Lily gets trigger-happy and slugs a cop. Lily, as well as the other Nephilims can sense another Nephilim when they touch them, and it turns out that said knocked-out cop (Michael) is a Nephilim himself. The rest of the book is devoted to (in order of precedence): 1. Lily's sexual escapades with Julian 2. The mystery of the traitor within the Sanctuary 3. Michael's training and personal discovery 4. Some subplot involving the Fallen and an US Senator who can't keep his dick in his pants The Plot: I don't know if there was another series around the people of the Sanctuary, but for much of the book, I felt like I was a character looking in from a window. I feel like I was missing out on something, that I've suddenly jumped into the second book of a series without knowing it. The book and the premise of the Sanctuary was well-explained, but I never felt immersed in the plot. I felt like a stranger, if I may be so overdramatic. The problem with this book's plot is that the actual plot (finding out the true traitor within the Sanctuary) was so utterly eclipsed by Lily's escapades. It was Lily this. Lily that. Lily eats a hamburger, Lily gets a Happy Meal, Lily is unhappy about the Happy Meal. Lily sips a Coke. Lily gives a guy in a laundry room a hand job. Lily goes out to kick minion asses. Lily jumps from rooftop to rooftop in an effort to unleash her frustration. Lily freaks out at Julian's stalkerish behavior (while being inexplicably turned on by him). Lily batting her eyelashes at her guardian and mentor and getting away with doing stupid things. Lily gives Julian a blow job. Lily gets fingered by Julian. (Note that there's no actual sex yet because the girl will insist on retaining her virginity for no known reason.) There is just so much unnecessary sex, I would swear that 25% of the book is composed of sexual acts that doesn't involve Lily losing her virginity. Speaking of virginity, Lily does everything short of lose the actual V-card, and I'm pretty sick of it. I do not have a problem with sex. I do not have a problem with sleeping around. I do not have a problem with a heroine who is not a virgin, and the insistence that Lily remains a virgin despite all the sexual play she does with her lovers is confusing and utterly ludicrous to me. The entire book is just eclipsed by Lily, her overwhelmingly selfish behaviors, her attitude, and her self-centered egotism. I wanted the plot to be centered on the traitor, on the senator, or hell, more on Michael's mystery. It is a pretty complelling mystery, and it could have been delivered so much better: We have a traitor among us. Someone has been working with the Fallen to expose the names and locations of the vulnerable Nephilim.Instead, I got Lily. And not much else. The Premise: Simple enough, doesn't break any grounds where UF is concerned, and adequately explained. The Sanctuary is a place for Nephilim to train and fight against demons and minions, disguised as an actual security agency. They are powerful, they are incredibly rich, they have connections everywhere, including at the police department, to smooth over minor details like disappearing corpses and hundreds of mysterious deaths per week. The Nephilim are children of angels who become Fallen when they mate with the daughters of men (seriously, why are angels so attracted to daughters of men, I don't get it, I mean, I'm pretty cute, but if I were an angel, I'd take a female angel---who probably look like a Victoria's Secret Angel---over me any day. Personally, I think angels are just into slumming). Minions are normal humans who have had their minds possessed. They can survive a gunshot to the chest. They turn into mindless creatures, impervious to normal weaponry, and it takes skills and specially engineered weapons to kill them. It takes a Nephilim to destroy one. The Sanctuary, how it works, the Contract, the training, all were well-detailed and consistent. I had no problem with the very traditional angel-centered premise of this book. The Characters: Ugh. You know the thing about first impressions? They stick. And my first impression of Lily was not a good one. For the first few chapters of this book, I pretty much knew I wasn't going to like Lily. She flounces the rules, she is impractical (fights minions in a miniskirt, jumps from rooftop to rooftop for fun). I am not slut shaming. I wear miniskirts, I wear short shorts. I don't care what she wears, but it is a matter of professionalism, and Lily is terribly immature for a character who is supposed to be 26 years old. Lily is the only female in the book who has a major role. There is no supporting female character. The entire fucking Sanctuary is filled with hot, muscled, Nephilim men, and Lily is the only female (not to mention the best and youngest fighter). Lily is also tiny and stunningly gorgeous. Thank god not everyone falls in love with her, because I was this close to calling Lily out to be a Mary Sue. Lily is so terribly bitchy. She is a jerk to everyone, she has a powerful guardian in the leader of the group, and thus feels like she can pretty much bat her eyelash at him and get away with doing dumb things. Lily is incapable of holding a normal conversation without snapping at someone. “It wouldn’t hurt you to shut up.”...and she has a temper that is more grating than endearing. Lily also has a tendency to talk with her fist. Lily is also a dumbass. She puts herself on the line, and she puts the Sanctuary in danger for her knowing acts of defiance. Lily is involved in a very, very complex relationship with an asshole of a Fallen angel named Julian. He pretty much stalks her, and she is falling in love with him. She does this with the full knowledge that Julian is dangerous. That Julian may be betraying her. That Julian is not to be trusted. But no. "He is different." "Julian is different." Different. Different. Different. Lily trusts Julian for no fucking reason besides the fact that he claims to be different, and the fact that he professes to care for her, despite what happened with Anna. I just do not understand how her trust can be so easily won when Lily is so hardheaded otherwise. Anyone can claim to be different. Trust has to be earned, and I don't believe Julian earned it, and I look down upon Lily for going against her typically distrustful nature for the sake of someone whose entire Fallen race has been shown to be deceitful. Not to mention her involvement with Julian has caused her to become the suspect herself. Lily would risk her reputation, she would risk her friends, her comrades, fellows-in-arms at the Sanctuary, who took her in when her mother died, for a guy she barely knows? Lily knows what she's doing is wrong, and yet---does it anyway. She didn’t have Julian—she couldn’t have Julian. It wasn’t like he was another Nephilim or even a human—a human would have been better choice.To be fair, Lily does have her moments of awesomeness, such as this one particular scene: Lily sighed wearily. This wasn’t going as planned. “Michael, sit down. Luke, shut up.” It was a sad day for Nephilim around the world when she played mediator. “If you guys want to pull out your dicks and see whose is bigger, can you go ahead and do it so we can move on?”The Romance: Just unbelievable, we have a hundreds-of-year old ANGEL, for fuck's sake. A Fallen angel, but still, an Angel, and out of fucking nowhere he swoops in and saves Lily and then pretty much stalks her and teases her and taunts her like a sadist, and manipulates her sexual emotions for years, and then falls for the girl for no fucking reason? Well, color me incredulous. Overall: a fast read, but not a good one. It needs more plot, less Lily, and less sex. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Nov 22, 2013
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Nov 23, 2013
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Sep 19, 2013
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Kindle Edition
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0310742307
| 9780310742302
| 0310742307
| 3.89
| 7,554
| Aug 20, 2013
| Aug 20, 2013
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did not like it
| "Who was the real Jamie MacCrae? A ruthless ruler or a puckish prince?"[image] I started reading this book because the premise promised originality "Who was the real Jamie MacCrae? A ruthless ruler or a puckish prince?"[image] I started reading this book because the premise promised originality. A Scotland-based setting with time travel and fantasy elements? Are you kidding me? Gimme that shit, y'all. Well, you know what they say about things being too good to be true: they usually are. The premise is original...but as we all know, originality alone doesn't mean it'll be good. In the context of this book, it doesn't approach good. It wouldn't be able to touch good with a 30-yard pole. This is going to be a long criticism, however much I try to restrain myself, because I have a lot to say about this book, and not much (almost none, really) that is positive. The setting is new and interesting, but it doesn't make any fucking sense. The characters---all 4 of them---are each a cliché. The entire book was altogether insufferably stupid and nonsensical. Not recommended at all. The settings Present day Scotland: The modern day Scotland in the book, what little of it there is, is beautifully described, but it is---as the book describes it...reminiscent of the Shire, and not in a good way. It is too picture-perfect. It is pretty, in an utterly touristy way. It is lovely and well-described, but completely lacking in life, in anything that would make it feel realistic. It is a Thomas Kinkade painting, utterly idealized and empty of spirit. Doon: Doon is not Scotland of the past, as I was led to believe when I first started reading the book. It is a version of it, which would not have been a bad thing, if not for its utter absurdity as a setting. If you come into the book expecting a facscimile of sense in the land of “If I may, signori? It is a gigante mystery.” He illustrated his point by holding his hands wide apart and giving them a shake for emphasis. “As a young man, I was called to Doon from Napoli in 1915, during the last Centennial. I met la mia moglie---my future wife. Since then, I marry, make seven bambinis---babies..."However modern it is, whatever magic the people of Doon have seen, they are still firmly ingrained in the mindset of the past, despite everything they have seen and known. They believe that magic is witchcraft, they believe in predestination, a soulmate, a Calling. They are still willing to burn witches at stakes. The setting is a mess. The people portrayed are a fuck-filled mess of contradictory behaviors, and there is severe lack of sense and rationality. Doon is not quaint, it is not charming. It was not what I expected to read, because while I am prepared for an alternate setting, I like that setting to make sense and for its people to follow certain guidelines of reasonable behaviors. It is like watching The O.C. only to have the entire series be set in Little Saigon instead of Newport Beach. It may be technically accurate, but it's not what I fucking signed up for. The Characters: the main characters within the book perfect the art of contradiction. As I said above, every single one falls into an YA trope. They do not act consistently, they say and think one thing, and they do another. Veronica: aka Verranica as pronounced by our fucking James MacCrae. More on him later. She is the epitome of lovely innocent. She is beautiful, stunning, without knowing it. A daydreamer, a hopeless romantic. A believer in romance, despite being a wounded, broken girl. Despite suffering from a miserable past. Despite being unwanted by her alcoholic drug addict of a mother. Despite being leered upon by her soon-to-be-stepfather. Despite being abandoned by her biological father. Who is dead. Who was a drug addict. Despite having her best friend in the whole wide world move halfway across the country. Despite being publicly dumped and cheated on by her boyfriend in the school hallway not 5 seconds before she meets Jamie, kilted golden boy of Doon, in a vision, whom she then singlemindedly pursue all the way to Scotland. You name a tragedy, our Vee has seen it. Veronica is our first and main narrator, and I needed to rest my eyes after every 5 minutes of reading her parts because they were so tired from being rolled back into my head as I read her narration. She fucking swoons every 5 seconds over Jamie's chocolaty eyes, his locks of hair that falls over his eyes. His air of indifference. Despite his hostility, despite his professed ignorance of her and outright hostility upon meeting her, she cannot help but despair in her undeniable attraction to him, her soulmate! She's such a fucking martyr...despite KNOWING THAT THEY'RE MEANT TO BE, she so unselfishly gives him up, only to fucking moan and cry about it 2 seconds afterwards. She is a fucking TSTL Mary Sue of a moron. She would rather die as a possibly convicted witch in a foreign land than give up the chance at TWOO WUV. Of course, leaving [Doon] was preferable to death, but I wasn’t ready to give up on this place...or on him.ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? She is the most easily impressed character ever. "[Jamie] smiled a sad, sweet smile. “I said, [your father]’s an idiot and he has no idea what an amazing daughter he has.” He said the words simply and with such sincerity that they washed over me like absolution. I closed my eyes, but the tears flowed hot over my cheeks anyway. How was it possible he knew the exact right thing to say? The words I’d secretly longed to hear, but hadn’t realized it until they came out of his mouth?So Jamie tells her that her dad misunderstands her and Vee's like HE KNOWS MY SOUL. WELL ALRIGHTY THEN. Veronica can't see past the pert little cheerleader nose on her face. She doesn't know the meaning of forward thinking. She is completely devoted to the cold, angry, emo boy Jamie, regardless of how much he acts like an asshole and how much he professes to hate her (he doesn't mean it...he can't mean it!!!!!!). I wanted to vomit. Mackenna: Vee's best friend since infancy, it seems. They're attached at the hips. Naturally, they are polar opposites. Mackenna is the practical, tomboyish, drama-addicted (if you are into musicals and Broadway plays, you can do your own scavenger hunts as to how many of them she name-drops in this book). Mackenna is the tall, protective, Amazonian BFF who doesn't realize how stunning she is (do we see a theme here?!?!?1?!1). She is meant to be humorous and brash, a stark contrast to Vee's dreamy impracticality...it didn't work for me. Mackenna's snark comes off as more annoying than humorous, more foot-in-mouth disease, more unintentionally stupid than anything. Really, is joking around when you're about to be killed for being a witch a wise idea? If she's meant to be practical, her character did not work in the least, because she is so insufferably idiotic. However, reading her narrative after Vee's makes Mackenna seem infinitely more tolerable and an Einstein in comparison. Regardless, I found her terribly brash, annoying, and not altogether likeable. James MacCrae: Lord, where do I start? So he's got an "incredible face," he is a "beautiful golden boy with the dark, wounded eyes." From the second Veronica and Mackenna enters his foreign land, where he is the crown prince, he has acted like "an arrogant boy who treated [them] worse than an ant he found crawling over his boot." Despite this being Scotland, he still looks like an emo boy, or more specifically... a boy wearing "dark pants and a black cloak with the hood pulled over his head, casting his entire face in shadow. He looked like a goth kid with a Jedi complex." Despite knowing that he is Veronica's intended (it is called a Calling, and commonly acknowledged in Doon to mean you've met your soulmate), Jamie denies it, and continue treating Vee crappily like the asshole son of a bitch that he is. He tells her one thing, says another. He says things intended to turn her away, and is absolutely infuriated (and blames HER) when she does run away. Jamie’s hot and cold act was draining. Every time he started to warm, to let me in the tiniest bit, he’d turn around and shut me out even harder. And why? What had I done? Except be nice to him and adore his kingdom.Doormat: meet Veronica. Veronica: meet doormat. You guys are twins, separated at birth. Fucking really, Veronica? The more I read about Jamie and Veronica's actions, the less respect I have for either of them. Duncan MacCrae: The handsome, perfect, golden, charming prince, who is utterly guileless, full of helpfulness and humor. I actually liked him a lot out of all the characters. He may be a trope, but he's so nice and inoffensive compared to the rest of the fucking idiots in this book that I really have no complaints about him at all, besides the fact that he lacked the common sense to not fall in love with Mackenna. The side characters: completely unoriginal, absolutely lacking in dimension and complexity. The villains, the good guys, the wise woman, the love rivals. None are remotely believable as real. Everyone is black or white. There is no complexity within any of the main characters, much less the secondary ones. The Romance: inconsistent. In the case of Mackenna and Duncan, it is somewhat understandable. Their characters interact well together, and so I can see them falling for each other eventually. In the case of the main characters, however, it is completely incredible. It is predestination, and we are told to buy it, hook, line, and sinker, without any explanation whatsoever. Jamie and Veronica are soul mates, they have visions of each other...and that alone is the sole basis for their relationship. We are expected to believe that they are Meant. To. Be. Without any proof. And when I say without any proof, I mean it. Jamie is a fucking idiot. He is constantly angry, always hostile towards Veronica, and their interactions are so limited that except for the fact that we are TOLD, again, not SHOWN, that they are supposed to be in love, we would not have known. Their relationship does not grow, it does not develop. Jamie is so outwardly against the idea of them that when he finally accepts it, their love is just not believable at all. This is not a romance. The Plot: this book should have a subtitle, as in Doon: a study in the art of being completely fucking dependent on Deus ex Machina as a plot device . Something unexplained happens? It's magic. Something doesn't make sense at all? It's magic. The main villain wants to conquer the world for no reason at all. OH, IT'S BECAUSE OF MAGIC, SOMEHOW. AAAAAAAAAAARGSKJGKJSGLGJLJSGFKLJADFK. IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING. The reasoning behind the evil wicked so very very very very bad (actual) witch that causes all the trouble in this book but doesn't really because the plot is actually a thinly contrived excuse for the romance between Vee and Jamie and Mackenna and Duncan and it's just an afterthought and it makes no fucking sense and there is no fucking urgency and there is so little fucking plot behind it that it's just extremely frustrating and so much so that I can't be fucked to formulate it into a fucking sentence that makes any reason or contains any punctuation because why should I fucking bother to make sense when the authors themselves don't even want to try?! Seriously, the plot is so utterly secondary to the romance. There is no sense of urgency to the imminent danger that the land of Doon is in. Yeah, there are villager disappearances, a few dead bodies thrown in here and there, but there is no intrigue, no exigency, no feeling that something bad is going to happen. There is a lot of telling, not a lot of showing. The mystery behind the journal and the rings were not compelling at all. It is never well-developed enough to be credible, and magic is used to explain anything that doesn't make sense, without making sense itself. Situations and their development reeked of irrationality and lacked any reasonable plot development. There is no character development, the characters just surrender to their emotions and fall into love without any character complexity that is supposed to have developed in between. The writing: full of grandiose statements that are just repeated clichéd sayings throughout the book, like “pure, unselfish love can break any spell" and "I just followed my heart" and "the heart calls to its soul mate." FOLLOW YOUR HEART, Y'ALL. IT WILL NEVER LEAD YOU WRONG. Besides that, the writing is juvenile. The speech is sprinkled with "ta's" for "to's," "fer's" for "for's," as well as "dinnas" and "kennas," which seems to be a prerequisite whenever any attempt at a Scottish dialect is made. The speech is inconsistent, gladly free of a try-hard attempt at really heavily accented brogue, but it is too modern, too inconsistent, and lacking in authenticity to feel like it's anything but a fake setting. I was not sold on anything in this book, so really, the dialogue and the dialect is the least of my complaints compared to everything else that went horribly wrong. The headache caused by this book, combined with my mind's constant incredulous monologue (shouted, not spoken) throughout the act of reading this book prevents me from recommending it to anyone but my most hated enemies. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Sep 05, 2013
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Sep 07, 2013
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Sep 05, 2013
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Hardcover
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1401305016
| 9781401305017
| 3.61
| 5,007
| Aug 13, 2013
| Aug 13, 2013
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did not like it
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I have certain expectations for my mythological gods. I expect them to be larger than life, I expect them to be have complex characters; I expect them
I have certain expectations for my mythological gods. I expect them to be larger than life, I expect them to be have complex characters; I expect them to behave with the grand wisdom acquired over the eons over which they have lived. I do not expect this: "[Freddie] had made a mental note, of course, to do some laundry and throw some in there, but it had slipped his mind when he put on Warhammer and just had to get to the next level." In the context of this scene, he's left his apartment a mess, strewn with dirty laundry, fast food remnants, old magazines, and a pet pig (Buster) running amok. His wife is upset because she's busy studying for her exams, and Freddie has done jack shit. So who is this...Freddie? Is he a frat boy forced to be married at gunpoint? A middle-aged, balding 4-chan addict? Actually, Freddie is the reincarnation of the Norse god, Freyr. He is supposed to be one of the most powerful gods in the Norse Vanir. And Buster the pet pig? Oh, that's just the powerful, prized golden boar, Gullinbursti. Details, details. Whatever. It says volumes about this book that the fact that it seriously fucks with Norse mythology is the least of its problems. Let's put aside the multitudes of erroneous portrayal of Norse mythology, and just focus on the story and the characters. Just on that basis: this book is bloody horrible. The writing is not difficult to read: it is extremely YA. There is no complexity here, there is no poetry in the language. The writing is purely telling, and not showing. It is easy to read at best, and poorly, horribly contrived at worse. A 5th grader would have no problem understanding the writing within this book, and would probably take a great deal of amusement at the utterly non-steamy sex scenes. I became more aroused browsing through the clearance rack at Saks than I did reading the love scenes within this book. The dialogue is painfully forced, particularly those of the Salem Witch Trial era. One of the dumb-as-dirt goddess characters, Freya, somehow got her ass stuck back in time. With the time period comes the torturous attempts at making era-appropriate dialogue. It was truly agonizing to read. The characters' speech from this era read simultaneously too modern and excruciatingly artificial. It is, in short, a middle schooler's version of 17th century American speech. So, to continue on about Freya. Granted, hindsight is 20/20, and Freya is stuck in the past without her memories, so you can't really tell her that the Salem Witch Hunt is going to happen. But here's the thing: it's called common sense, and Freya lacks every vestige of it. It is only rational to assume, when you are living in an ultra-religious Puritan society, when neighbors turn against neighbors and go to court over a bad basket of fruit, it's probably not a good fucking idea to tell people that you're a witch and you have powers. Particularly when those powers aren't just limited to subtle things, like herbal healing. No, Freya's displays of powers are ridiculous, extravagant, showy, leaving no doubts whatsoever as to what she is. "Without her having to use her hands, the cows began to splash steamy streams of milk inside the buckets she had placed beneath their teats.In the middle of the day. With a witness. Fucking brilliant, Freya. This book also makes an absolutely mockery of the Salem Witch Trials. The only credit I can give it on that point is that the character of the slave Tituba is not portrayed with a mockery of a modern Jamaican accent. This is not a book or a series about Norse gods and goddesses. Take away the labels, the names, and what you've got is Passions . It is a fucking multigenerational soap opera. The characters are artificial, they get themselves into dumb situations, they act like teenagers when really, they should know better, given their age and supposed sagacity. Keep in mind, these are supposed to be gods and goddesses, people. No, with few exceptions, they all know who they are. There is no memory loss to justify idiotic behavior. If you set out to read a book about gods and goddesses in modern times, you will be disappointed. Just go watch a soap opera, go watch a reality show; it's more amusing and enjoyable in the long run. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo might be a better choice over this book. At least the characters feel real, and the main character is actually a child, instead of adults behaving like children. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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not set
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Aug 25, 2013
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Aug 25, 2013
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ebook
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4.29
| 104,720
| Sep 16, 2008
| Jul 28, 2009
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it was amazing
| “Who the fuck are you, Ms. Lane?” “Who the fuck are you, Ms. Lane?”There are certain things in my life that remains comfortingly constant despite the chaos that sometimes peppers my life. For instance, the sky is blue. 70% dark chocolate is delicious. I look really good in dark green. Jericho Barrons is an asshat. Well, fuck. That last fact might no longer be true. I don't know how this happened, honestly. I don't think I'm a sheep. The majority of my friends have long professed their love for Barrons...and honestly, I just didn't get it. I still don't. Jericho is still not my type of guy, but upon the second time reading this book...I think he's finally growing on me. I turned around slowly, and looked up at him. He stiffened and sucked in a shallow breath. After a moment, he touched my cheek.I started the Fever series with a horrible impression of Jericho that never really left. To me, he was an overbearing, patronizing, violent asshole. I have to admit that the first time around, I largely skimmed book 2 and 3, and my first, overwhelmingly terrible impression of Jericho never really changed. Upon a second reading: a more careful, critical reading, I admit I might have been wrong the first time. The contrast and complexities in his character is particularly more notable for me today, coming off the recent reading of a particularly forgettable UF/PNR book, with forgettable characters. I still don't like Jericho that much, but I love his character. I've come to see that while he is a jerk, he never goes over-the-line-violent. He stops just short of it, and he has his moments that just makes you wonder---maybe there's something there, worth investigating, under the surface. And then the next moment, it's gone. Leaving you to wonder if that spark of humanity was ever there in the first place. That's the thing that attracts me about Jericho's character...that's what FINALLY grew on me in this book. After so many books with lackluster characters, with predictable behaviors, this is one that keeps me guessing, who runs hot and cold...but just hot enough to keep me intrigued. That's why he evokes such strong emotions within me, and that's what keeps me hooked. It is easy to hate a character. Anyone can make a character merely...loathsome. It is quite another to have a character that keeps you on your toes, not knowing what he is, who he is, how he will react. It's exhausting at times, but ultimately, I am never bored, and that is what I seek within a book and its characters. Some escapism...and it doesn't get any better than the amazing world and setting in this series. Mac's character is also improving by leaps and bounds. She's still a girly-girl. She still enjoys dressing up, but reality is smacking her in the face, and she is dealing with it and adapting to the situation just beautifully. She takes action, she learns to be manipulative. She takes initiative. She is not content to remain a passive, weak damsel in distress; she is willing to seek help from the devil---or Barrons---same thing, really, if that's what it takes. Her character develops beautifully in this book. The first time around, despite my contempt for the characters, I absolutely loved the setting, the writing, the darkness of it all. This has not changed. The writing and scenery is spectacular. The portrayal of Dublin rips away the happy, safe, warm environment that I loved from reading Maeve Binchy's books---and being the creepy, strange woman I am, I think I might prefer the darkness. The writing is lovely, the insights into the nature of darkness, particularly from Mac's viewpoint, is remarkable, and is a better portrayal of Mac's inner nature and intelligence than I would have thought. She still has hope, she still has brightness within her, but Mac's understanding of evil makes me sympathize with her more than her natural effervescence and vivacity ever could. I still think I like V'lane more than Jericho, though. He began bringing me gifts. One day he brought me chocolate that wouldn’t make me gain weight, no matter how much I ate.COME ON NOW. CHOCOLATE THAT WOULDN'T MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT? Gimme that shit. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Aug 21, 2013
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Aug 24, 2013
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Aug 21, 2013
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Mass Market Paperback
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0525953043
| 9780525953043
| 0525953043
| 4.07
| 21,474
| Aug 20, 2013
| Aug 20, 2013
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liked it
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Actual rating: 2.5 [image] Missed the mark. Completely missed it. Recommended for lovers of detective novels, because that's all this book is. I feel misl Actual rating: 2.5 [image] Missed the mark. Completely missed it. Recommended for lovers of detective novels, because that's all this book is. I feel misled---specifically by the genres under which this book is categorized. I was led into reading this book under false pretenses. It is a far, far stretch to shelve this book as Urban Fantasy or Paranormal when it is more of a mystery with some very forced and frankly, nonsensical attempts at incorporating extremely, extremely minute elements of fantasy that ultimately didn't make a dent of a difference in the overall plot. This book started off wonderfully, then it just fizzled off into a completely different direction from what had initially attracted me towards it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, this was not a bad book by any means. The writing, as per Ms. Armstrong's usual style, is great. Succinct, to the point, never overly verbose, never confusing. The characters were well-done, not always likeable, but well-portrayed enough, and it helps that our main character is a highly likeable character. My problem is with this book's promise of an urban fantasy. Of the paranormal. In the author's introduction of the book, she tells us that there are hints scattered throughout the book, and that we're free to do our own investigation as we go along. I didn't need to, the terms sprinkled throughout are common enough so that any average reader of fantasy would know what a piskie, goblin, hobgoblin, bogeyman are. There are Welsh terms sprinkled throughout the book, also of that nature, and easy enough to understand...the problem with the supposed hints is that they go nowhere towards explaining the ultimate mystery of Olivia and what's behind the strange little town of Cainsville. The book centers around a very privileged young woman, Olivia, who has recently discovered that she is adopted. To make it worse, her biological parents are convicted serial killers. With all the media frenzy surrounding her, and a broken engagement to a very eligible and privileged political scion of an old money family, Olivia picks herself up and runs away from it all. She eventually ends up in the towns of Cainsville, where she meets ambulance-chaser lawyer Gabriel Walsh. The two of them then set out to solve the mystery of her biological parents, and set out to prove their supposed innocence. A privileged young woman gets uprooted from everything she knows and encounters an asshole in a new city. Sounds like the Fever series, doesn't it? That's where the comparison ends. The world of Fever is filled with dislikeable but highly complex characters within richly imagined, well-built world, fraught with utterly frightening underlying darkness, this book just falls flat in comparison. The characters are likeable, but dull. The ones who aren't likeable, are also dull. We do not get as much of a sense of character development, and there is no world building of the paranormal or the fantasy sort that would keep me mesmerized. Cainsville is, in short, Dullsville. I really liked Olivia's character. She is privileged, but she is not a bitch. She is a little sorry for herself and the mold of a the privileged life into which she has been forced to conform, but I never got much of the poor-little-rich-girl-woe-is-me vibe from her. She is an utterly likeable character. Olivia realizes that she is fortunate to live in such a privileged world, with her work helping the addict, she understands how good she's got it, even if she wishes things were different. I live with my mother in a house bigger than the entire shelter. I have a master’s degree from Yale. I work as a volunteer, and I don’t even need to do that. Do I appreciate it? No. On good days, it chafes, like a dress with a scratchy tag. On bad ones, I feel like a bobcat caught in a trap, ready to gnaw my foot off to escape. Then I look at someone like Cathy, and a wave of guilt and shame stifles the restlessness.Out of nowhere, Olivia is slammed with the news that she is not who she thinks she is. The media, the paparazzi, have a field day. Her face is plastered all over the news: it's big news, a socialite turns out to be the child of serial killers? That's the stuff that makes the media cream their pants. Her family and her fiancée...pretty much all the people she knows, really, prove themselves to be more or less fair-weather people, and Olivia does a pretty reasonable thing in my opinion. She runs away, she disguises herself; she wants to escape from it all, just for the moment. As a privileged woman, Olivia has a hard time slumming it, but she struggles through it well enough, she is not a whiner. I really liked that about her. She may not have known what she was getting herself into, but she manages her new situation with gritted teeth, and is even brave enough to confront her nightmares...namely, her parents and their past. Naturally, her mother claims to be innocent, and seeks Olivia's help in proving it. "Prove us innocent of this crime and the other evidence will be called into question. A house of cards. Pull out one and the rest topples.” She leaned forward. “Can you do that for me, Olivia?"The rest of the book comprises Olivia and Gabriel working together in the course of their quest to prove her parents' supposed innocense. I enjoyed the way Olivia went through her investigation. She never acts so foolish as to make me cringe, she never deliberately places herself in the line of danger needlessly, and I feel that her behavior was rational, and within the limits of reason. I also liked the fact that there is no attempts at a grand romance to overwhelm this book. Olivia still has to deal with her fiancée on top of her reluctant involvement with the jackass lawyer, the town swindler, the lawyer-with-a-shady-reputation jackass of an alpha-male that is Gabriel Walsh. But he's no Jericho Barrons. And dare I say it, I think I might prefer Jericho Barrons, the lord who reigns over my list of douchebags. “I wouldn’t call Gabriel Walsh if I was on fire.” She pursed her lips. “No, I might. To sue everyone responsible---from the person who lit the match to those who made my clothes. But I’d wait until the fire was out. Otherwise, he’d just stand there until I was burned enough for a sizable settlement.”It is a good book...for a mystery. Because an investigative mystery is all that it is. The investigation is well-portrayed but it feels like the paranormal hype surrounding this book is just hype. There was almost nothing of the paranormal about it. If this book was a mystery, I would have liked it just fine. It promised to be what is was not, and that's ultimately what upsets me most. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Aug 21, 2013
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Aug 23, 2013
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Aug 18, 2013
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Hardcover
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1250005671
| 9781250005670
| 1250005671
| 4.00
| 8,490
| Jan 01, 2013
| Aug 06, 2013
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it was ok
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Actual rating: 1.5 Rounded up to 2 because THIS BOOK MEANS THE SERIES IS OVER. I have this beautiful nail polish with an interesting texture. It looks Actual rating: 1.5 Rounded up to 2 because THIS BOOK MEANS THE SERIES IS OVER. I have this beautiful nail polish with an interesting texture. It looks really cool, but wearing it is a different story. I have contact lenses, you see, and while an awesome sandy texture may LOOK good, if you've ever had sand in your eyes, you know it's fucking painful. Such is my experience every time I remove my contacts, it's like sand rubbing against my eyeballs, and yet I keep on using that damn polish anyway, and will probably finish the bottle at the expense of scarring my corneas. [image] Such has been my experience with the Watersong series; it looks attractive, but the experience has been all sorts of terrible, and for some damn reason I am compelled to finish this series despite knowing better. I can't guarantee that it won't damage my eyes, either...it IS over 500 pages. Good god. And that's not to mention the painful experience of actually reading it. I can hear some of the complaints now. "Khanh...you fucking idiot, if you hate the series so much, why are you reading it? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HATER?!" Simple. I am always drawn to siren/mermaid type stories, especially with the lure of combined mythology. This is also an YA series, so it's easier to finish, unlike some of a much grander scale on my To-Be-Read pile *cough*GameofThrones/Outlander/Fever*cough*. Considering how long this book was, though, I can't say the experience of reading it has been particularly easy, much less so given the poor quality of writing, the completely senseless plot, and the utter mess that comprises the book and series overall. And that's not to mention what a mockery the book made of siren mythology and Greek/Romance mythology in general. Within this series, some books have been better than others, but that's not saying much. It's like eating maggoty bread, some pieces of bread may have a few less maggots in it, but that's not to say eating it is a more enjoyable experience. Enough with the overextended metaphors, I should probably give a few reasons to justify my disdain and hatred for this series. To keep it short (ha!), I will limit it to a top 10. In no particular order of perceived pain: 1. The Roman goddess Diana: also known as Demeter!: Lest we forget who Diana is: "Diana is a Roman goddess of hunting and the moon and werewolves or something. She’s this strong feminist, and certain Wiccans worship her.”ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Btw: Horace = the Egyptian god Horus [image] For those who missed the joke: Diana and Demeter are two completely unrelated goddesses... 2. The sirens: “You little bitch,” Penn said, smiling wider. “Bring it.” I referred to them in my last review as The Real Housewives of Orange County. This has not changed. Cattiness, bitchiness, hair-pulling, all still there. I am still amazed at the fact that they've managed to live all these millennium and only managed to kill each other a few times. I would have guessed the murderous turnover ratio within the sirens, at the rate in which they were going in these books, to be at least 100% (death ratio) every 3 weeks or so. I was so sick of the name-calling, the pure hatred between them. It's just common sense...if you're going to be spending a long, long time with someone, be it a friend, a life partner...you find someone you can fucking TRUST. Thea, Penn, & co. just seem to pick and choose who to become the next siren without reason at all. They end up hating each others' guts...I just can't understand it. 3. Liv: "Penn told you that we wanted you to keep an eye on Harper. But instead of doing that, you attacked her, then went on a spree and killed three people, including a psych teacher." Ah, Liv, a.k.a. the worst little siren that ever lived. The sirens aren't exactly the most inconspicuous characters...which is pretty stupid. I mean, if you're trying to survive, it's best to blend in. The original sirens don't exactly do the best job of that, but man, Liv is just something else. She makes the other sirens look like quiet, well-behaved chameleons. She just kills/seduces whomever she feels like it. There's even less subtlety with this one. 4. Gemma & Harper: Dull as dishwater. I'll give the sirens some credit...they have personality. Gemma and Harper, the two biological sisters, and the two main characters in the book, have no personality, none. I can tell you that Gemma likes swimming, and Alex, she loves her family, and she hates being a siren. But all that you can learn from the first book, because there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can glean from her character and her mind and her thoughts besides for her single-minded purpose of finding the key to breaking her curse of being a siren, and meanwhile, HOW TO DENY HER CARNAL SIREN URGES *clutches pearls*. Oh, my goodness goshness. I stand corrected, Harper does have a personality: that of a middle-aged suburbian housewife in Kansas. But I really shouldn't say that; it's a discourtesy to housewives everywhere to be compared to someone so dull. 5. Alex: I should rename my doormat to "Alex." Yes, Gemma manipulated you and your mind, she almost made you go permanently Lady-Gaga with her siren song. But oh well, time to forgive at the drop of a hat! Oh, and you should probably apologize to her, anyway, because---um. Because... Whatever, just apologize. 6. Nathalie: I fucking hate it when brain damage = CHILDLIKE BEHAVIOR. It's fucking dumb, it's fucking ignorant, and it is fucking offensive. 7. Daniel: OH NOES I HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE SAKE OF MY BELOVED GIRLFRIEND. It's all for your own good, baby, really! I'm not even gonna tell you that a manipulate bitch of a siren has her claws into me and is using me because then you'll just make me stop listening to her and put myself at risk. And I really love you, so I have to do this. FOR US! I'm thinking of you as she's straddling me, really. 8. Professor Kipling Pine: looking past the absolutely Gary Stu name, he's also a young stud. A full professor at an university by his early 30s who looks like a young Indiana Jones. "A history teacher who used to be an archaeologist," who happens to know archaic languages, can identify Aramaic from Phoenician, etc. Man, where was he when I went to college? Most of my professors were in their 40s, at least, and none of them were into steampunk. So sad. 9. Red Bull: a crucial plot device 10. Plot & writing: nonsensical, full of holes. The book was also completely plot-driven, leaving no room for character holes, and I ended up being absolutely bored with the entire book, despite all that was taking place. There was no dull moment, but there was plenty of dullness. I read it, but it did not grip me at all. The writing is purely YA, there's nothing beautiful about it, it's easy to read, and that is the best I can say for the writing. 11. Deus ex machi ---oh, wait, I promised to limit it to a list of 10. Thank the gods, it's over. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Aug 16, 2013
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Aug 17, 2013
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Aug 16, 2013
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Hardcover
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B00F8EYFHW
| 3.86
| 4,218
| Mar 11, 2014
| Mar 11, 2014
|
it was ok
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You are Haden. An out-of-favor prince of the Underrealm. You are---by miracle to end all miracles, The One. “I am the infallible voice of the univerYou are Haden. An out-of-favor prince of the Underrealm. You are---by miracle to end all miracles, The One. “I am the infallible voice of the universe,” the priest says, his voice echoing as the Oracle speaks through him once again. “I have chosen my Champion. The boy is the one who can save you.”You are the savior of your people. You alone are chosen to bring the Cypher back, to restore what the Skylords have taken from the Underrealm. So, uh, how exactly are you going to do that, young Haden? “You’re going to have to get her to fall in love with you.”[image] The powers of Zeus compels thee to go fuck thyself. This book had a lot of potential that completely and utterly failed when the girl in question appeared on the scene. To give it some credit, it was pretty interesting---at first. This book worked with the myths of Persephone and the Underworld, with quite few liberties taken on the myths of Hades. That much of the book was enjoyable, which is to say, roughly 100 pages of the actual 512 page length of the book was actually devoted to the plot itself. The rest of the book was filler fluff. The love story between a Garu Stu and a Mary Sue. Summary: Meet Haden. The prince of darkness. He is The One (as he loves to remind us every few pages). Fallen out of favor with his father as a young child (apparently showing emotion when your beloved mother dies is a big no-no in the Underworld), he has fought against the odds. His people have been awaiting this day for years. Meticulous amounts of planning has been put forth for this day. For today! TODAY! The Champion of the people, the savior of the Underrealm, shall be chosen! There are no shortage of well-trained warriors, including is astounding, annoyingly perfect twin, Rowan. These hardened young warriors have all been trained within an inch of their lives in hopes of being selected for this favor. Haden hasn't been so fortunate. He is shit out of luck. His dad (King Ren) hates him, the court thinks he is a simpering coward (who can blame them, really), his twin despises him. Against all these well-trained warriors, Haden is kind of underwhelming. He is considered a "nursling," he has not had the appropriate training, he is completely ill-prepared for anything thrown at him. But Haden is chosen by the Oracle, anyway. "You are the Champion that fate has chosen to bring her to us. This quest is your destiny. The fate of the Underrealm lies on your shoulders, young Haden."...aaaaaaaaand off Haden goes onto Earth. Meanwhile, on Earth, specifically, Ellis Fields (Elysian Fields, get it?! Ha ha ha!), Daphne Raines lives with her mother, Demi Raines (Demi => DEMETER! SO BRILLIANT!). Her mother is overprotective...and you can't really blame her. Her daughter is the kind of girl who actually considered walking off with a stranger who showed up in the middle of her hospital room in the middle of the night (no joke, I swear). So mommy's a little overprotective, and seriously, if you know about the myth of Persephone and Demeter, who can blame her, right? Daphne is 17. Daphne is so loyal to her mother. So loyal to her mom that it took a whole lot of convincing to get her to leave her mom to live with her rich rock-star dad who abandoned both Daphne and her mom when she was just a baby. And by a lot of convincing, I mean, like, 2 words. “I’m going,” I say as definitively as I can. “I want to go. This school Joe is offering is everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m going.”WAY TO ABANDON YOUR MOM, DAPHNE. [image] Daphne is now enrolled in the super prestigious Olympus Hills High (Olympus! Like Mount Olynpus! So clever!) in Apollo Canyon (BRILLIANT!). She has an audition for this performing arts high school. She needs to practice. Her dad is a musician. The whole house is a fucking mansion. Daphne feels the urge to go practice her audition in a grove. Why the grove? ...the grove’s song is calling to me.Oh. I see. Wait, what? I am always following some sound or song, trying to find the source. That time I crashed my bike on Canyon Road and ended up in the hospital in Saint George.[image] ...and that's where she meets Haden. Haden, who has never heard music in his life. “Singing.” I know that word; I have just never heard the sound that it applies to. It has always been an abstract concept to me until now. “Is that what you call that?”/facepalm Daphne. She is his quest. She is the Cypher. According to the legend, she is supposed to come with him willingly. So, naturally, if she says "I'll come with you willingly," that works, right? “Say you’ll come with me.” She has to say it. I advance toward her. “You have to say you’ll come.”Because approaching a strange girl and dragging her away always works. And if that fails, stalk her! I need to study Daphne’s movements, just like I would with that hydra I hunted down last year for the Feast of Return. I stalked its movements for days. I knew its favorite places to go. Where it ate and slept. Where it was most vulnerable...before I made my move.Totally not creepy at all. But Haden is not helpless in his quest! He is a Prince of the Underrealm, after all! He has powerful tools at his disposal, tools like...the iPhone! “It’s an iPhone,” he says. “And it’s the most important tool you’ll need in the mortal world.”Not only that! Haden has the use of the amazing, the astounding...Youtube! “However, this next feature is the most important.” He clicks on an icon that says YouTube and holds the phone up in front of me.Now, if only Googling actually worked the way he intended. My online research into “how to get a girl to like me” had suggested, time and time again, that to win a human girl over, I had to be mean to her. I’d spent the bulk of class either ignoring her, contradicting her, or acting like a “bad boy,” which I gather meant showing off my muscles and leaning back in my chair after saying something sexually derogatory.[image] Meanwhile, girls have been mysteriously disappearing in and around Olympus High. The Mysterious Haden might be in on it, after all, Haden is the creeper who tried to grab Daphne in the grove. Daphne knows NOTHING about Haden, as evident by her list of Things I Know About Haden Lord: Name: Haden Lord.(I'm not kidding, this is a list in the book) He may be creepy. But he's so sexy in a vampire-pirate kind of way (her words, not mine). Haden may be responsible for the murder and/or kidnap of several girls, but SO WHAT. He's a good person. She just knows it in her soooooooul. "How do you know he wasn’t the one who was trying to hurt her in the first place?” Oh, wait. Haden's supposed to save his people, something like that? I'm sorry, the plot GOT COMPLETELY LOST IN THE HIGH SCHOOL THEATRICS. Literal theatrics. This is a performing arts high school, after all. Sigh. The Mary Sue: Meet Daphne. She is gorgeous without knowing it. Daphne is Amazonian in stature, stunningly blonde and tan, which is somehow better than a bitchy mean girl who is blonde and tan, just like her. Daphne is just better. I realize then that her description would kind of match mine. Tall, tan, and blond. Though she is of the bleached variety and her tan probably comes from an airbrush—while mine is from living in the desert.Her voice is amazing. Like Adele. Only with a better range. My normal voice isn’t high-pitched, like most of the female singers’ on the radio. I have a lower, slightly gravelly quality. Like Adele’s. But I can also sing higher if I want.Other girls hate her for her perfection. They admit it to her face. They sing her praises while hating her. “You’re a natural blond, naturally fit— hello, all the mayonnaise on that sandwich—and most of all, you’re a natural singer. I, on the other hand, have to go to a stylist every six weeks to keep my hair color fabulous, do an hour of Pilates every morning to look this rocking, and I’ve had six different vocal coaches since I was five years old. I’ve had to work to get this voice. You just have it.”And speaking of other girls... Daphne: Better Than You: Daphne is better than everyone. She does not have a single rival in the book. [image] Her only passable female friend (who is inferior to her), is a scholarship girl. A dull, brown mouse, unremarkable in every way. All the other girls in the book are bitches. Mean Girls, who call their own clique "The Sopranos" (performing arts high school...Sopranos! Get it? Get it?! Lol!11!1). Eveyone hates her. Everyone envies her. Her mother is not to be trusted nor loved because she is overprotective. Her closest female friend from home conveniently disappears. The only good friend she has in the book is a guy. The Gary Stu: The One. The Special Guy (stop reminding us). He has a special destiny. He is a savior. OK ENOUGH ALREADY. So exactly what does he do in order to fulfil his mission? 1. Falls Into Insta-love. Energy pulses through my body, stronger than my heartbeat. The sunlight streaming through the canopy of the grove glints off her golden hair, and the curves of her body make my hands prickle with heat that is unlike what I normally experience before a surge of lightning. Her blue eyes, brighter than the mortal world’s sky, meet mine.2. WHAT MISSION? Her hair is so pretty ;_; A soft breeze catches her golden hair, blowing a few stray strands about her face. I feel the sudden urge to reach out and catch one in my fingers. A strange heat tingles through my body at the thought.[image] The Plot: Got completely lost in all the romance and all the drama of Daphne's life. She has to deal with a drunk rock star dad. She has to deal with her clingy BFF who wants to be her BF Tobin. She has to deal with all the jealousies of the girls at school. She has to prove that SHE HAZ TALENT. She has to give Haden music lessons. What plot? The Romance: “He’s crazy,” I mumble to myself as I lead Joe toward the house. “He’s daft,” Joe agrees.[image] That pretty much describes the romance in this book perfectly. If that's not enough, there's a love triangle between the crazy Haden and a nice guy who is so friend-zoned you wouldn't believe. Don't suffer through 512 pages of this. Quotes taken from an uncorrected proof subject to change in the final edition. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Feb 03, 2014
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Feb 09, 2014
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Aug 15, 2013
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Kindle Edition
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