Brendan (History Nerds United)'s Reviews > A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy

I am torn on this one, dear reader. Tia Levings' A Well-Trained Wife is deeply moving. It also contains a fair amount deficiencies which keep it from being a must read without any reservation. As with any memoir, I am not reviewing Levings' life experience as whether it is worth a book because that question is immaterial. Everyone's life story deserves respect, especially when someone like Levings courageously opens up the wounds of a horribly abusive marriage. My review is concerned with how effectively she conveys her experiences to the reader. Let's dive in. Let's start with the bad, but please stick around for the good/great.

The beginning of Levings story is her childhood leading up to her marriage. The final portion of the book is Levings post-divorce and how she connects her experiences to religion and other social movements. In these sections, you can feel that Levings does not have the control over the material that she does in the "marriage" portion of the book. Her childhood seems rushed, and I felt there was a lot glossed over about her family experience growing up. Later, when she tries to speak to the larger Evangelical movement, her observations start to strain past her own personal experience. This leads Levings to flowery word choices and imperfect metaphors/similes that sound like an author trying too hard to paint a picture. She is trying to tell, not show. To be clear, we are talking about 30% of the book taken up by these weaker sections. Now, let's talk about the other 70%.

When Levings writes about her marriage (and the dating phase right before), she displays her talent by showing, not telling. The story of her abusive husband is visceral, compelling, and horrifying. She will still try a little too hard at times with her word choices, but her personal experiences and her ability to present her emotions to the reader left me unable to put the book down. It takes real courage to return to past trauma and admit how hard you were trying to please a terrible human because that's what you have been told is your sole reason for living.

So, do I recommend it? I think this very much depends on whether you feel the deficiencies I described will be too distracting for you to focus on the story.

I'm glad I read it, warts and all.

(This book was provided as an advance copy by Netgalley and St. Martin's Press.)