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Loneliness
The Important Difference Between Loneliness and Depression
When feeling alone and isolated is a sign of depression.
Updated August 31, 2024 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Key points
- The loneliness epidemic is affecting people of all ages. The risks are emotional and physical.
- People often don't realize that depression is at the core of their loneliness.
- Depression prevents people from taking steps to conquer their feelings of loneliness.
- Once depression is treated, loneliness can be addressed and overcome.
In the fall of 2023, New York State Governor Kathy Hochul appointed Dr. Ruth Westheimer, then 95, New York’s Loneliness Ambassador. Long recognized as America’s most famous sex therapist (she published 45 books and hosted TV and radio shows on sex and sexuality), Dr. Westheimer turned her attention in her last years to the epidemic of loneliness. As an elderly widow, she felt the effects of loneliness firsthand, especially during the pandemic when lockdowns and social distancing became a way of life.
Dr. Westheimer, who died on July 12 of this year, had one last message to the public. Her final book, The Joy of Connections, has just been published. It was written to help people beat loneliness and live a happier and more meaningful life. We imagine it will have many readers. A poll released in January 2024 by the American Psychiatric Association showed that 1 in 3 people in America feel lonely every week and 10% feel lonely every day. The New York Times just published an article "Why is the Loneliness Epidemic so Hard to Cure? which cited research about how the pandemic accentuated the loneliness problem that had already existed.
Concern about chronic loneliness and social isolation led The Foundation for Art & Healing to launch, in 2016, Project UnLonely, an initiative to create programming that destigmatizes and raises awarenes about loneliness and its negative physical and mental health effects. Actor and director Steve Buscemi, known for Boardwalk Empire and Fargo and director of a film called The Listener, about a helpline volunteer who takes calls from people across the country who are lonely, signed on this year to be the project’s newest ambassador. The foundation’s website offers a host of free short films to watch, each telling stories of loneliness, isolation, and resilience.
The Many Shades of Loneliness
Loneliness touches people in so many ways. Aging, disabilities, illness, divorce, bereavement, work pressures, lack of social connections, hearing loss…all of these can lead to loneliness. The impact of loneliness is not just emotional. People who are lonely are less likely to be physically active and more likely to smoke cigarettes. According to the Centers for Disease Control, social isolation significantly increases a person’s risk of heart disease, stroke, premature death, and Alzheimer's and related dementias. A study published in 2023 suggested that loneliness is associated with Parkinson's Disease. The World Health Organization declared loneliness a “pressing health threat” with risks as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
While many people who lack social relationships feel lonely, being alone does not necessarily cause loneliness. In fact, many great thinkers and artists believe that it is only in solitude that they can create significant work. Pablo Picasso said, “Without great solitude no serious work is possible.” The correlary is also true: one may know a lot of people but feel disconnected from them and wretchedly lonely.
Neither age nor one’s life situation is a determinant of loneliness. A young person who has never had a romantic relationship may feel lonely but so, too, may a married person feel lonely in their relationship. As Terri Laxton Brooks writes in her book On Loneliness, “I couldn’t wait to get out of the farm town where I was reared… I was very surprised when the isolation I felt in that town followed me to Chicago and New York, surprised to find out that we carry our boredom and our loneliness with us wherever we go.”
In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General Released an Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. It includes strategies to advance social connections. And there have certainly been creative initiatives introduced to combat loneliess, especially among seniors, like Elli-Q, a senior assistant social robot.
But what if you find yourself unable to do the “right” things to cure loneliness? What if you can’t muster up the energy to make lunch or dinner dates with friends, join a book club, work on better communication with your partner, volunteer, or take any of the steps that experts advise to help conquer loneliness?
Chances are there may be another dynamic at work.
When Loneliness Is a Sign of Depression
There are always reasons one can point to in order to explain feelings of loneliness. At some time in our lives, each of us experiences loss—whether it is the loss of a loved one, freinds, a job, one’s health, or even the community from which one has moved. But how can you distinguish between "normal" loneliness and when it's rooted in or accompanies a depression that should be treated?
Feeling sadness from loss is natural and inevitable. But if, after two weeks or three weeks, you are not sleeping or eating, act more irritable than usual, don’t want to get out of bed, can’t find pleasure in things you previously enjoyed, and/or are avoiding friends, family or colleagues, it is likely that you are suffering not just from loneliness, but also depression. If you are flooded by negative thoughts and anxiety, depression is also likely to be at play.
Depressive symptoms manifest in numerous and different ways, depending on the individual. They involve some constellation of physical, cognitive, and mood symptoms. Typically, someone who is depressed believes that nothing and nobody will be able to help them. My advice: get thee to a healer. Seek a consultation. You may want to start by seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and will focus on addressing negative attitudes and thought patterns. If that doesn’t seem to be working, consult with a psychopharmacologist, as the medications available to treat symptoms of depression can be remarkably effective, often without experiencing any side effects.
The telltale sign of depression is the intensity and frequency of depressive symptoms and one’s inability to “snap out of it.” If the symptoms I’ve described are ruling your life, you are experiencing signs of a biological depression. While it may have been sparked by loss, and loneliness is a part of it, depression can and should be addressed.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
