Millie Mackintosh makes difficult decision to take medication to battle her anxiety which left her in 'constant fear' and caused panic attacks 'every few days'
- If you are struggling with your mental health, please visit www.mind.org.uk
- If you have a story for MailOnline, please email [email protected]
Millie Mackintosh has made the decision to once again take medication to battle her anxiety after it left her in 'constant fear' and caused panic attacks 'every few days'.
The reality star, 34, first opened up about her struggles with anxiety in 2018, and her symptoms came to a head when she was pregnant with her first child, daughter Sienna, now four.
She revealed on Saturday that she had been back on medication for six months and her husband Hugo Taylor, 38, even remarked that he feels he has the old Millie back.
Despite suffering with severe anxiety and depression for several years, Millie took medication for the first time in 2022, and stopped six months later.
Millie, who also shares second daughter Aurelia, two, with Hugo, wrote on Instagram: 'I've been thinking about this for a while, but wanted to wait until I felt ready to talk about it.
Millie Mackintosh has made the decision to once again take medication to battle her anxiety after it left her in 'constant fear' and caused panic attacks 'every few days'
The reality star first opened up about her struggles with anxiety in 2018, and her symptoms came to a head when she was pregnant with her first child (Millie pictured in April)
Millie revealed on Saturday that she had been back on medication for six months now and her husband Hugo Taylor, 38, even remarked that he feels he has the old Millie back
'The start of a new year, we are told, should be met with enthusiasm and excitement of what the next 12 months shall bring.
'For me, 2024 started with my anxiety at an all-time high, panic attacks every few days, living in constant fear, not being able to stop the daily tears and feeling unsafe in my own body.
'Being on high alert all the time, not only affected my sleep, from wanting to sleep all day (knowing I couldn't) to being over exhausted at night and riddled with insomnia but meal times became an unwanted trigger which affected my ability to eat and I drastically lost weight over a very short period of time, all of which led to a burnout physically, mentally and emotionally.
'My usual go to tools just didn't work and although I knew that going back into therapy with my Psychiatrist could possibly lead me down a path that I had tried to avoid for the last two years, I knew I needed help and had to put my trust with a professional who would have a clearer idea of how to get me back on track.
'As I suspected and to be honest feared, the suggestion of medication, along with regular ongoing therapy incorporating a combined CBT and EMDR approach, were the first protocols put in place. The second was to downtool immediately and take time off so I could reset and rebuild some solid foundations for when I started to ease myself back into life and work.
'Although I knew this was the right decision, returning to medication caused even more anxiety as my experience previously had not been great, so I had written off this option years ago and even spoke about it on my Podcast.
'I had a narrative in my mind that all medication would make me feel the same. Of course, in reality that isn't true, when you have the right support and guidance, which is essential especially when adjusting and dealing with side effects, the outcome can be a positive one.'
She finished: 'Caption continued in the carousel.'
Millie, previously married to English rapper Professor Green, has two children, both with Hugo. Daughters Sienna, four, and Aurelia, who will be three in November (both pictured in June)
Millie explained the scary symptoms that led to her accepting medication again, including insomnia and a severe lack of appetite
Since her six-month stint with medication in 2022 and before, Millie had been using natural remedies such as meditation to try to lessen her symptoms
Millie explained how difficult it was to make the decision to return to medication, though she believed it was the right one, as she didn't have a positive experience with it previously
She told her 1.3M followers that she does not aim to be on medication forever, and she is continuing therapy
Millie revealed she'd been living with high-functioning depression and anxiety for years and healing began when she went teetotal. She admitted feeling shame about being on medication
She acknowledged how far society has come in removing stigma from mental illness but said it's not there yet, and she still finds herself downplaying her medication
Millie ended the emotional post with support for any followers going through similar things, urging them to reach out to the mental health charity Mind
The carousel began with a photo of a smiling Millie, before the caption continued: 'I now understand after consistent therapy that I had been pretending to be ok for a long time.
'Not just to the outside world but also to myself - denial is a wonderful thing, until you can't pretend anymore!
'I had been living with high functioning depression and anxiety for years, removing alcohol from my life two years ago was the first step in truly looking at myself and nurturing the parts that needed healing.
'I realised some of my resistance around taking medication was shame and what people would think as I had previously been vocal that it didn't work for me and by prioritising wellness practices I felt much better, which I did for a time.
Although stigma around mental health and medication has come a long way over the past few years, there is still an edge to it.
'I find myself happy to share that I'm on medication, but it's always quickly followed by 'but it's only a low dose and I'm not planning to take it for long' as that somehow makes me less of a target for people's comments.
'All I know is, that I'm 6 months into my journey and slowly but surely I'm starting to see myself again in the mirror and feel more like myself than I have in years, even Hugo feels like he's got the old me back.
'Everyone's journey is different and medication is not for everyone. I would love to be medication-free in the future, but l'm not putting a hard line on that.
'Right now, I'm focused on therapy, getting to truly know myself and understand what causes the anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
The family took a group photo for Instagram on the steps of their home for the weekend with Aurelia standing between her parents and Sienna sitting behind
'At least now I can offset that with being able to feel joy, the ability to actually laugh and mean it, and the energy to do the things that I know are essential for my body and mind (biohacking, breathwork, supplements, exercise, meditation).
'Medication is just another part of my selfcare routine that helps me feel - truly well! Your journey is unique, and it's okay to get help in whatever form works best for you Just know you are not alone. There's strength in seeking help.
Millie ended her post with the powerful words: 'If you're struggling, @Mind Charity has great resources. Please don't close yourself off. There are people who care, will listen and help!
If you are struggling with your mental health, please visit www.mind.org.uk
