Philosophical Humor Quotes

“If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. ”
― Yogi Berra

“Not evil. Moronic, which isn't quite the same thing. Evil presupposes a moral decision, intention, and some forethought. A moron or a lout, however, doesn't stop to think or reason. He acts on instinct, like a stable animal, convinced he's doing good, that he's always right, and sanctimoniously proud to go around f***ing up ... anyone he perceives to be different from himself, be it because of skin color, creed, language, nationality, or ... leisure habits. What the world needs is more thoroughly evil people and fewer borderline pigheads.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

“I like people too much or not at all.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

“To be, or not to be: what a question!”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Faust: My Soul Be Damned for the World

“... the vintage of history is forever repeating ~ same old vines, same old wines!”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Faust: My Soul be Damned for the World, Vol. 2

“Silence does not always imply consent. Sometimes it simply means that the silent one has opted out of a discussion with idiots.”
― Lex Allen, No Heaven

“Earlier on I said something so lucidly philosophical that my oratory rambled non-stop right into expressing amazement I had just said that.”
― Beth Myrle Rice, Clips & Consequences: a memoir

“To really know a person criticize his god. And he'll show you who he is not.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Oh hell, yeah! It is rather good to be un-dead. You my dear friend, are welcome to be otherwise instead.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I am really, truly dead serious when I am just joking. But only if you're a joke would you mind my poking.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“People who say they do not regret anything in their life, for the next birth too should get the very same wife.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“If you have the time to give time some time, won't be a time that you will curse the time.”
― Soman Gouda, YOGI IN SUITS: Christopher Nolan and Vedanta

“If you and your fancied god bay for the blood of another human, an imagined infidel, then, both of you must be examined to determine if you're not a poodle, and your master a doodle.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Our evolutionary history ensures that we think in stories. Stories are so central to our thinking that it is hard to think about them. An old fish said to a couple of young fish, "Morning, boys! The water's fine today!" and swam off. One young fish turned to the other young fish and asked, "What's water?”
― Sarah Perry, Every Cradle is a Grave: Rethinking the Ethics of Birth and Suicide

“Please respect my ism, though I have none. I too will stay away from your crap. Surely it's fair play. Both of us should be okay with this. Or are you not?”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Religious nuts believe the 'others', that is you and I, are but dogs. That we infidels do not bow to their diotic god. What if one says the dog is one's god? And all must prostrate before it. Wouldn't one be mad to so insist? So too is a fellow who says another must bow to his god.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Evolution could be true. Apes lick their nuts. Religious nuts do too.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Frankly, and factually - people are just screwed up. Am I? Perhaps as much as you, more or less. But not that much as religious nuts. Thank God, I am just nuts.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Stop cribbing! Go, get a life. But then, perhaps you hate life. In that case, get a wife.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“If I were not a Punjabi, I'd be a candy or jalebi.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I'd have kicked your ass as too your head were both not full of shit, butthead.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Oh yeah, I love jokes. And oh! I love you. ~_~”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Like your fancied god up there, my pal up nowhere, Mr. NOT, says if you do not prostrate and accept me as your latest and newest messiah, he will so kick your butt that you will neither be in hell nor in heaven but nowhere, like your fancied pal up there.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“My pal up there nowhere, Mr. NOT, is really pissed with you. How dare you worship false gods, and not the one and only Mr. NOT?”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Know! I am the new age prophet of my pal up there, Mr. NOT. If you do not draw my picture my Mr. NOT shall butt-kick you nuts, as too your fancied bot up there nowhere, that silly naught!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Happy New Year! May we all stop being the assholes we were the past year.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“All nuts sit on their butts - do you?”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Faith is a fact.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“ప్రధానమైన కామక్రోధాదులు, మదమాత్సర్యాదులు పైవారికే ఎక్కువ. ఏలననగా అవి ధనాదులవలన సమకూరిన శక్తినిబట్టి వృద్ధి పొందును కనుక. ఎక్కువ దుష్టుడు తక్కువ దుష్టుని మీద కసిదీర్చుకొనుట వంటిది ఈ వ్యవహారము.”
― Vishwanatha Satyannarayana

“she told me not to worry so much - I was dead now and all the worrying had to stop at some point.”
― Sven Axelrad, Buried Treasure