Well, I had no idea there was such a thing as a late Ming Dynasty erotic novel, but having read one I can report that they are surprisingly entertainiWell, I had no idea there was such a thing as a late Ming Dynasty erotic novel, but having read one I can report that they are surprisingly entertaining. In French (alas, I only know a few words of Chinese), Zhaoyang qushi often reminded me of Richard Burton's Thousand and One Nights, with Buddhism and Taoism replacing Islam and less violence towards women. Christine Kontler isn't as gifted a stylist as Burton, but she does a fine job of rendering early seventeen century Chinese as pleasantly fake old-fashioned French and provides you with copious footnotes so that you can enjoy the many flowery expressions that have been literally translated. The story is supposed to be loosely based on real events that happened in the first century A.D., as far as I can gather about as loosely as Dumas treats the story of Henri IV in La Reine Margot. The translator informs us there really was a pair of beautiful twins that became the Empress and the First Concubine of the unfortunate Emperor Cheng, who died under highly suspicious circumstances in the early years of the first century A.D., but it seems that the characters of the two girls have been changed a good deal.
There is no shortage of explicit sex, which as usual in erotic novels is described in a terribly stereotypical way, but since all the stereotypes were new to me it was more entertaining than usual. In particular, women's breasts are never mentioned, but their orgasms always soak the mats; the guys are virtually without exception tantric supermen who think nothing of carrying on for hours at a time. I am not convinced that the currently popular stereotypes have improved on this formula. Towards the end of the book it did all start getting a bit samey, but there's an enjoyable Buddhist-supernatural ending which wraps it up well. The best erotic novel I've read in quite a while....more
Be it enacted by the Queen’s most Excellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, in this presBe it enacted by the Queen’s most Excellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, in this present Parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, as follows:—
1 Polling days for parliamentary general elections
(1) This section applies for the purposes of the Timetable in rule 1 in Schedule 1 to the Representation of the People Act 1983 and is subject to section 2.
(2) The polling day for the next parliamentary general election after the passing of this Act is to be 7 May 2015.
(3) The polling day for each subsequent parliamentary general election is to be the first Thursday in May in the fifth calendar year following that in which the polling day for the previous parliamentary general election fell.
(4) But, if the polling day for the previous parliamentary general election— (a) was appointed under section 2(7), and (b) in the calendar year in which it fell, fell before the first Thursday in May,subsection (3) has effect as if for “fifth” there were substituted “fourth”.
(5) The Prime Minister may by order made by statutory instrument provide that the polling day for a parliamentary general election in a specified calendar year is to be later than the day determined under subsection (2) or (3), but not more than two months later.
(6) A statutory instrument containing an order under subsection (5) may not be made unless a draft has been laid before and approved by a resolution of each House of Parliament.
(7) The draft laid before Parliament must be accompanied by a statement setting out the Prime Minister’s reasons for proposing the change in the polling day.
2 Early parliamentary general elections
(1) An early parliamentary general election is to take place if— (a) the House of Commons passes a motion in the form set out in subsection (2), and (b) if the motion is passed on a division, the number of members who vote in favour of the motion is a number equal to or greater than two thirds of the number of seats in the House (including vacant seats).
(2) The form of motion for the purposes of subsection (1)(a) is— “That there shall be an early parliamentary general election.”
(3) An early parliamentary general election is also to take place if— (a) the House of Commons passes a motion in the form set out in subsection (4), and (b) the period of 14 days after the day on which that motion is passed ends without the House passing a motion in the form set out in subsection (5).
(4) The form of motion for the purposes of subsection (3)(a) is— “That this House has no confidence in Her Majesty’s Government.”
(5) The form of motion for the purposes of subsection (3)(b) is— “That this House has confidence in Her Majesty’s Government.”
(6) Subsection (7) applies for the purposes of the Timetable in rule 1 in Schedule 1 to the Representation of the People Act 1983.
(7) If a parliamentary general election is to take place as provided for by subsection (1) or (3), the polling day for the election is to be the day appointed by Her Majesty by proclamation on the recommendation of the Prime Minister (and, accordingly, the appointed day replaces the day which would otherwise have been the polling day for the next election determined under section 1).
(8) Notwithstanding the provisions of (1)(b) above, an early parliamentary general election is to take place if— (a) The Leader of the Opposition is a big girl's blouse, or (b) A girly swot, or (c) Frit....more
I honestly do not think anyone will ever write a better piece of meta-fan-fiction about oral sex between trains. Cannot recommend too highly. You'll fI honestly do not think anyone will ever write a better piece of meta-fan-fiction about oral sex between trains. Cannot recommend too highly. You'll find it here. _________________________
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Goodreads Recommendation Engine, that's an ... uh ... interesting suggestion. I'll have to think about it.
No, no, please don't say that! It's not fair, I'm a very open-minded person! The fact that you're a piece of software isn't important to me at all. I'm just not sure we're right for each other. ...more
We were having lunch at L'ivresse, one of our favourite cafés here in Geneva. Not, whose nose for interesting books is extraordinarily sensitive, wentWe were having lunch at L'ivresse, one of our favourite cafés here in Geneva. Not, whose nose for interesting books is extraordinarily sensitive, went over to the used book shelf and immediately located this one, which cost us all of 4 Swiss francs. I started looking at it with our friend Y, and we could hardly believe our eyes.
Well, all I can say is, if you think dirty language is even a vaguely modern invention then think again. These epigrams - basically, short poems - were written about two thousand years ago, and the greater part look as though they'd be more at home on a toilet wall. They are startlingly filthy. I guess they are elegantly expressed (my Latin isn't really good enough to tell), but quite often you see things on toilet walls that are more elegant than you'd expect.
The poems are presented in bilingual form, with Latin on one side and French on the other. The French tends to be a bit obscure, and Not wanted to know what all the scandalised giggling was about; when we got home, I translated one, le voilà:
Quid me, Thai senem subinde dicis? Nemo est, Thai senex ad irremandum
Pourquoi, Thaïs, me traites-tu toujours de vieux? Personne, Thaïs, n'est trop vieux pour se faire sucer.
Thaïs, so I'm too old to fuck? No one's so old that you won't suck.
That is in no way unusually crude, in fact the reverse. I just picked it because it was easier than average to translate. Not pronounced herself disappointed; she'd expected something sexy and fun. Sorry. Don't blame me, blame Martial....more
Now let me start off by saying that I'm not a hardcore SF fan. In fact, since the late 70s, I haven't even been a softcore SF fan. But all the same, INow let me start off by saying that I'm not a hardcore SF fan. In fact, since the late 70s, I haven't even been a softcore SF fan. But all the same, I went though a phase when I was a teen of reading a lot of SF, and I just have a kind of deep, unreflecting respect for the Hugo Awards. Intellectually, I know that some of the books that have won Hugos aren't very good - The Wanderer, anyone? - but it doesn't matter. If you've won a Hugo, my teen self says you're up there with Robert Heinlein, Frank Herbert, Isaac Asimov, Ursula K. LeGuin and the other members of my teen pantheon. That's all there is to it.
So, my teen self is pretty shocked to hear that Chuck Tingle's Space Raptor Butt Invasion is a finalist for the 2016 Best Short Story Award. He wants to know how this is even possible. I explain to him about the Sad Puppies and the Rabid Puppies, and he stares at me for a while, and then he looks very, very sad.
"So," says my teen self, "the Hugo Awards are now just a heap of shit because some crazy fans figured out how to game the system?"
"Well, yeah," I say. "But look, it's not really very important."
"NOT IMPORTANT??!!" asks my teen self. (I must apologize; he talks this way). "You know, if Chuck Tingle wins then he'll be in the same category as Roger -- fucking -- Zelazny, and you say it's NOT IMPORTANT????!!!!"
"Well," I say "it's just a meaningless fan honor. So what if someone's managed to bend the rules to give it to a totally unqualified person who's a disgrace to the whole community? And anyway, he hasn't even got it yet. You watch, it won't happen. The fans won't allow it."
"You're sure?" asks my teen self uncertainly.
"Sure I'm sure," I say. "Hundred percent impossible. I promise."
"Right," says my teen self. "Sorry. I didn't mean to get so excited."
"It's okay," I say.
I'm glad I managed to calm him down. In a way, I can see he has a point -- like, suppose someone managed to pull the same stunt with something that actually mattered? -- but it could obviously never happen. He doesn't understand that people have too much sense. I guess that's the difference between adults and crazy kids. ...more
I've hardly read any BDSM erotica; maybe if I were more familiar with the genre I'd have found this book easier to understand, but as things were it jI've hardly read any BDSM erotica; maybe if I were more familiar with the genre I'd have found this book easier to understand, but as things were it just came across as a mess. The author seems to be trying to write three books at once. First, there's a sort of version of Beauty and the Beast. Leah/Belle is kidnapped by Dominik/Beast and has to stay at his castle in order to save her father, where she and the Beast gradually fall in love with each other, ultimately also saving him from himself. Second, there's a great deal of rather repetitious BDSM sex. And third, there's a psycho killer mystery, where you have to figure out whether the psycho who killed Dominik's ex in the prelude was him or his sister.
To me, this seemed unreasonable. The first two themes work quite well together (it's easy to see BDSM themes in La Belle et la Bête), but the psycho killer thread just seemed stupidly tacked on; even by the standards of this kind of novel I couldn't manage the necessary suspension of disbelief when the author threw out the requisite red herrings. There was in particular one scene near the end which I found utterly creepy. The Beast has summoned Belle to attend the S&M orgy at his court, and to her dismay hands her over to one of the other Doms to ravage in front of a large audience. The ravaging has reached an advanced stage when the Beast is overcome with jealousy and snatches her from the other Dom's hands. He drags her outside, hangs her up from a hook, and sexily menaces her at knife-point until some other people turn up and he lets her get down. It turns out (spoiler!) that he's not the psycho killer after all, but this was getting a bit technical for me. I'd advise Belle to make a run for it while she still can.
Oh well, I guess I'm just not in the target demographic. What do I know? At least I improved my German vocabulary... ...more
2015 wasn't a very good reading year (too much software development), but I did finally manage to achieve one of my long-term goals and do something a2015 wasn't a very good reading year (too much software development), but I did finally manage to achieve one of my long-term goals and do something about improving my German. It's still pretty basic, but I've now reached the point of being able to appreciate books for younger teens. Hopefully I'll progress to grown-up literature during 2016! But even at the level I'm at now, I found things to read which were worth all the trouble. Krabat, Das doppelte Lottchen and Momo were all fantastic novels that I'd barely even heard of before, and I discovered to my delight that Swedish children's books are nearly as good in German; I particularly loved Madita and Karlsson vom Dach. A huge thank you to all my German Goodreads friends, particularly Matt, for being so kind and patient about explaining things to someone who a few months ago was still thinking of their language as an odd dialect of Swedish!
If you still haven't got round to reading Houellebecq's Soumission, it's a lot of fun. And, last but definitely not least, Pettersson's Ut og stjæle hester is an extraordinary novel which somehow hasn't had time to become famous yet. Trust me, it will.
I found this trashy erotic novel when we were browsing the other day in a second-hand bookshop, and since it only cost two francs I decided to buy it.I found this trashy erotic novel when we were browsing the other day in a second-hand bookshop, and since it only cost two francs I decided to buy it. Not told me I was wasting my money, but I assured her it wasn't just any old piece of trash. The book purported to be an intimate memoir written by the retired proprietor of a Montréal antique shop specializing in African and Oriental art. In this universe, the ultimate turn-on is an antique shop; any attractive woman who strays into its back room and starts running her fingers over a Cameroonian statue or leafing through a book of Japanese prints soon feels so hot and bothered that she just has to start taking her clothes off, after which one thing invariably leads to another. In between the sexy passages, there was a great deal about antiques, which all seemed remarkably knowledgeable.
I tried to imagine why anyone would write such a thing and was struck by a wild surmise. Could it be the case that the author actually was the retired proprietor of a Montréal antique shop? Not told me that I was letting my imagination run away with me, and I was inclined to agree. But, after half an hour of googling, we had to admit that it looked plausible. According to his home page, "Nicholas Marssac" is a pseudonym of Jean-Claude Mauléon, an antique dealer born in 1940 who also paints sexy nudes. (You will detect a common theme in his œuvre). He tells us that his wife is another erotic novelist, who publishes her material under the name of Marie Godard. I'm afraid that Jean-Claude has been out cradle-snatching, a theme which appears more than once in his book; Marie-Josée Mauléon is a young and tasty 62. They still run this shop together.
Despite the fact that La boutique des plaisirs is one long catalogue of fumbling and fingering, sucking and fucking, there is something bizarrely nice about it. M. Marssac ends up happily married to Ariane, the first woman who wanders into his back room; in the postscript, he says she is every bit as beautiful as she was the day they met, even if her hair is now gray and her eyes are surrounded by laugh lines. I can't prove it, but I kept imagining that Jean-Claude and Marie-Josée make up these stories for each other on days when business is slow, then lock the door when they've got excited enough and retire to the back room to discuss them properly. It's really pretty damn cute when you think about it. Awwwww! ...more
I am shocked, shocked, shocked that this play is officially attributed to Shakespeare. I suppose there is some tenuous evidence linking him to it, butI am shocked, shocked, shocked that this play is officially attributed to Shakespeare. I suppose there is some tenuous evidence linking him to it, but, come on guys, it would never stand up in court. And, in particular, it should never stand up on Goodreads, which has such inordinately high standards concerning questions of authorship.
Let's be reasonable: if the official policy is that the Quran is supposed to be listed as "by Anonymous", then surely the same label is appropriate here? Though I admit that I can't rule out God Almighty as a possible author. The story has a distinctly Old Testament ring to it... rape, violence against women, insane acts of vengeance, the odd bit of breathtaking poetry......more
Gideon ushered me into the elevator with a firm, masculine hand behind the small of my back, and as always I felt an electric shock go through me. As Gideon ushered me into the elevator with a firm, masculine hand behind the small of my back, and as always I felt an electric shock go through me. As soon as the doors had closed, I sank to my knees, hardly even noticing the teak interior with its antique silver accents, and began to pleasure him. He sighed and plunged his hands into my hair.
"Oh Eva!" he groaned.
The rest of this review is available elsewhere (the location cannot be given for Goodreads policy reasons)...more
This delirious short novel, which in places could easily have been written by the late, great John Sladek, ambitiously sets out to satirize everythingThis delirious short novel, which in places could easily have been written by the late, great John Sladek, ambitiously sets out to satirize everything. I must in all honesty warn that it only partially succeeds, though it does manage to hit targets as diverse as conspiracy theories, shlock erotica, the military-industrial complex, significance testing in academic papers, clowns, DARPA, novelty foods, social networks, the startup culture, sleeping with your boss and (view spoiler)[Karen Brissette's cleavage (hide spoiler)]. Oh, and there are some references to chess too. But it's definitely not everything. ...more
Manuela was so absorbed in the book that she didn't even hear her flat-mate enter the room. She looked up with a guilty start to find Céline right behManuela was so absorbed in the book that she didn't even hear her flat-mate enter the room. She looked up with a guilty start to find Céline right behind her.
"Oh là là!" The French girl leaned forward, allowing a strand of her luxuriant dark hair to fall on Manuela's bare shoulder. "Short Obsessions, by Jennifer Nolan. Saucy scenes to get you in ze mood! And do zey work?"
"But, we must find out! You will read to me from Mlle Nolan's book, and I will tell you my reactions. First, I shall just make myself more comfortable."
She sat down next to Manuela and slowly began to unbutton her [continued location 94] ...more
Acquired for 2 Swiss Francs yesterday at the flea market. Given the extremely variable quality of the series, I am trying a new approach: I looked forAcquired for 2 Swiss Francs yesterday at the flea market. Given the extremely variable quality of the series, I am trying a new approach: I looked for the book whose serial number was closest to one I knew to be good, hoping I'd catch the same author a second time. This one is only five places off the excellent Les Amants de Singapour. I will post in due course and say if it worked. ________________________________________
I think I did get the same author! This was another success, and she is a real sweetie. Given that she's been given the job of writing a tacky, exploitative erotic thriller, I was impressed how she managed to make it interesting, funny, and, dammit all, just plain nice. Well done!
In this one, Brigitte, Mémé's wild-child niece and god-daughter, whom we last met in Le Harem de Marrakesh, has resurfaced in San Francisco. She's working as a telephone sex operator and has acquired a crazed stalker who's just tried to kill her in an extremely unpleasant way. Scared out of her wits, she calls Uncle Mémé and his hunky partner Boris to come and rescue her, and within hours the two knights in shining armor are on the plane. She and Boris were romantically involved in the previous book, and they're only too happy to pick up where they left off.
There were many touches I approved of. The author deals sensitively with the fact that Brigitte has feelings for Boris; she suggests that they get more seriously involved, but Boris just isn't physically capable of fidelity, and he tells her so in a kind and caring manner. Brigitte asks him what he would do if she ever turned up in Paris unexpectedly. "I guess pretty much what we're doing now," he replies, without even thinking. As you can see, a principled polyamorist.
The author is clearly homophobic by nature and finds gays repugnant; but she is well aware that this is wrong, and does her level best to be as positive as she can. Hammer, the crooked SF police officer who's been put on the case, is gay and a regular sleazeball, but he's counterbalanced by Jean-Christophe, a tragic and rather sympathetic figure who's dying of AIDS and ends up sacrificing what's left of his life to try and save Brigitte from the killer. Hackneyed, yes, but the author's heart is in the right place.
My special prize went to the obligatory hard-core porn scene, a graphic double penetration which went on for several pages and was almost totally irrelevant to the plot. With considerable ingenuity, the author situated the action in the rare books section of the college library, with shocked asides about the damage they were causing to the musty volumes on the shelves around them. Kids, don't try this at home! I almost forgot who was doing what to whom, I was so worried about the library's priceless treasures.
Bravo, Mademoiselle Whoever-you-were! I hope your stay with La Brigade Mondaine was pleasant, and that you went on to better things. If only I knew what they were, I'd read your serious books. But meanwhile, I'll look out for further Brigade Mondaine volumes in the early to mid 50s....more
In response to innumerable queries from MJ and other people, this cheap, tacky PDF edition is now available to people who want to post sarcastic revieIn response to innumerable queries from MJ and other people, this cheap, tacky PDF edition is now available to people who want to post sarcastic reviews without substantially affecting their bank balance.
"...would make a great present for somebody who's never heard of GoodReads before, like maybe a caveman Praise for What Pooh Might Have Said To Dante:
"...would make a great present for somebody who's never heard of GoodReads before, like maybe a caveman recently unfrozen from an ancient glacier" - BirdBrian
"Having observed both Counsel extremely closely, I am compelled to find that the market value of Mr Rayner's efforts is precisely Nil" - Ian G
"... something rather amateurish that looked like it had been done in somebody's back room" - notgettingenough
"Manny doesn't like Harry Potter and sometimes I get mad at him and threaten to throw him into the ocean" - Mariel
"I bought this as a gift for my mum and there was rather more sex in it than I had expected." - Hamish
"... a waste of time... you can read all that stuff for free online" - Paul B
"The future is an endless oneupmanship to see who can write the wittiest, most popular 200-word capsule review on fuck-all. This is Manny’s fault." - MJ
"... call it Rue Vomitorium" - David C
"... good if you read it in the original failboatese" - Vote Whore
"... almost... funny" - Traveller
"... just ... some ... book" - Michael P
"Will you enjoy this? In a word, no, unless you are a masochist" - Sean D
"Never in my life I seen a more desperate attempt to get votes" - Alfonso
"... advertising..." - Esteban
"If I'd been drinking I think it could have made me seasick" - Tabitha
"The thing about Manny... he almost never throws feces at random strangers." - Kat
"... explicit ... the author has failed ..." - Scribble
"... rattling a virtual tip jar at every opportunity ..." - Jason P
"Manny, you sure are fascinated with Stephenie Meyer" - Rowena M
"GoodReads in-jokes ... off-putting ..." - Cecily
"... book snob ... insecurity ... stupid ..." - midnightfaerie
"... sexist garbage ... if you ask me, he is off his onion ..." - Nandakishore
"... ridiculous ... dilettante ..." - Rlotz
"... a pain in the testicles ..." - Faek
"... pompous ..." - Heep
"... silly ..." - Stian
"... enough..." - Alan B __________________________________
Over the last couple of years, several kind people have asked whether I'd considered publishing a collection of my best reviews. I always replied that I appreciated the suggestion, but it didn't seem like a sensible thing to do. But, a few weeks ago, I started wondering whether I shouldn't give it a shot after all. If Goodreads unexpectedly folded up - these things happen - it would be so annoying to lose my writing. Self-publishing has become cheap and easy. And I've got a fair amount of experience with type-setting. How much work could it be to implement a few scripts to turn HTML into LaTeX and then upload a PDF file to Lulu?
Well, it's never quite as straightforward as you think, but here is the result. For the benefit of other people who may feel tempted to do the same thing, let me give you the key lessons I've learned from this little adventure:
1. Sign up an editor and some readers. No author can be objective about their own work; they need keen external eyes to tell them both what's good and what's bad about it. It was fortunate for me that notgettingenough, who has long-term experience with publishing, took an early interest in the project and was willing to act as editor. She ruthlessly corrected several of my dumber ideas, forced me to think about issues I'd happily have ignored, and made sure that the book was produced to professional standards. My advisory committee - BirdBrian, Mariel and Ian - read through the manuscript and gave me encouragement and helpful suggestions. They convinced me that it was worth continuing and taking the time required to make it look good. Thank you, guys! You have all been so thoughtful and patient, and I greatly appreciate it!
2. Think carefully about which reviews to include. Not groaned over my initial selection, which probably took an hour to do and had no structure whatsoever. She encouraged me to group the reviews by style and type of book, after which I saw that some things were grossly overrepresented. Even if bashing Twilight is the Goodreads national sport, I didn't need this many examples of the genre. And much as I love writing about Flaubert, Proust, Wittgenstein and Kasparov, it's likely that the average reader will not share my enthusiasms to the same degree.
3. Acquire at least a smattering of knowledge regarding copyright. As I now understand it, most quoted text that might appear in a Goodreads review should be covered by the rules on Fair Use. I found the following passage from this page helpful:
Section 107 contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Section 107 also sets out four factors to be considered in determining whether or not a particular use is fair:
- The purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes
- The nature of the copyrighted work
- The amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole
- The effect of the use upon the potential market for, or value of, the copyrighted work
The distinction between fair use and infringement may be unclear and not easily defined. There is no specific number of words, lines, or notes that may safely be taken without permission. Acknowledging the source of the copyrighted material does not substitute for obtaining permission.
The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: "quotation of excerpts in a review or criticism for purposes of illustration or comment; quotation of short passages in a scholarly or technical work, for illustration or clarification of the author's observations; use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied..."
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that copyrighted images are generally not easy to include: the problem is that you'll be using the whole image, rather than just an illustrative part of it. Martha, my talented cover artist, had put together the following very attractive cover:
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But, alas, the Estate of E.H. Shepherd thought this was an "inappropriate" use of Pooh Bear's image and politely but firmly refused to grant me permission. I didn't even get that far with Penguin (Jemima Puddle-Duck) or Gallimard (the Little Prince), who still haven't given me any clear answers. Not, in her capacity as excutive editor, made the sensible but painful decision to go for a simpler solution.
So there have been a few rough moments, but all in all I found this an interesting and rewarding experience. And now, I hardly need add, I'm curious to see if anyone is going to buy it! It's available from this Lulu page....more
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