Autoboyography Quotes

“This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“A God worthy of your eternal love wouldn’t judge you for who you love while you’re here.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“I don’t actually care if you break my heart, Sebastian. I went into this knowing it could happen and I gave it to you anyway. But I don’t want you to break your own. You have so much space in your heart for your church, but does it have space for you?”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“But this is your life, and it will stretch out before you, and you are the only person who can make it whatever you want it to be.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Love fails for a million reasons - distance, infidelity, pride, religion, money, illness. Why is this story any more worthy?
It felt like it was. It felt important. Living in this town is suffocating in so many ways.
But if a tree falls in the woods, maybe it makes no sound.
And if a boy falls for the bishop's closeted son, maybe it makes no story.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“To think that God loves the trees, but condemns that blossoming thing they do in the spring.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“The things that I love about you aren't going to go away when you go on your book tour, and they're not going to go away when you go on your mission. I'll still be here, and I'll still be thinking about all those things. I'll still be working on being a better person, a better friend, a better son. I'll still be wondering what it would be like to be a better boyfriend for you. And you will be on your mission, thinking about how much you wish your weren't gay.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“My brain is such a traitorous beast.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“He pauses, and I know what’s coming before he even says it, and it’s like the sun chose this moment to press through the dense branches of the tree. “I’m totally gay.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“He is never going to be here, I thought. He is never coming back.
Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a box every morning and tuck that box inside his heart and pray that his heart kept beating around the obstacle. Every day I could go to class as exactly the person I am, and meet new people, and come outside later for some fresh air and Frisbee. Every day I would be grateful that no one who matters to me questions whether I am too masculine, too feminine, too open, too closed.
Every day I would be grateful for what I have, and that I can be who I am without judgment.
So every day I would fight for Sebastian, and people in the same boat, who don’t have what I do, who struggle to find themselves in a world that tells them white and straight and narrow gets first pick in the schoolyard game of life.
My chest was congested with regret, and relief, and resolve. Give me more of those, I thought to whoever was listening—whether it was God, or Oz, or the three sisters of Fate. Give me those moments where I think he’s coming back. I can take the hurt. The reminder that he’s not coming back—and why—will keep me fighting.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Light bursts behind my closed eyes, so intensely I nearly hear the popping sound. It's my brain melting, or my world ending, or maybe we've just been hit by a meteor and this is the rapture and I'm given one last perfect moment before I'm sent to purgatory and he;s sent somewhere much, much better.
It isn't his first kiss - I know that - but it's his first real one.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Everything feels yes.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“This feels like a big deal.'

This makes me laugh. 'It is a big deal. I'm describing how my heart beats.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Our eyes snag, and hold. His are green and yellow, with these razor-sharp flecks of brown. I feel like I've taken a running leap off a cliff and have no idea how deep the water is.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“It isn't his first kiss - I know that - but it's his first real one.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“He shakes his head, and I think this moment, right here, is when it really hits me that Sebastian's identity isn't queer. It's not gay. It's not even soccer player or boyfriend or son. It’s Mormon.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“It still irks me that I'll probably spend most of my life dividing the people I know into two groups: the people who support me without question and the ones who should.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“I am a monster beneath him, with arching hips, an octopus with hands everywhere at once. I don't think anything in the history of time has felt this good.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Inside my chest, my lungs are wild animals, clawing at the cage.
"Oh, man," Autumn mumbles from beside me. "His smile makes me stupid."
Her words are a dim echo of my own thoughts: His smile ruins me. The feeling makes me uneasy, a dramatic lurch that tells me I need to have him or I won't be okay.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“High school is such an incestuous little pool.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“We don't rehash the question of my sexuality, but I feel its presence like a third person in the room, sitting in the dark corner, eavesdropping on our conversation.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“But how can I send my heart to him when he’s just said, in no uncertain terms, that he doesn’t speak its language?”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“I don't even know you.
So why do I feel like I might love you?
(But only a little).”
― Christina Lauren (author), Autoboyography

“Mom can’t help herself. “Does he know about you?” “About how I turn into a troll at sunset?” I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“WE SPENT THE AFTERNOON BUILDING
"FOR SERVICE," HE SAID.
NEW PIECES, NEW PLACES, NEW PARTS
TO BE PUT HERE AND THERE AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
BUT IT FELT GOOD, AND I TOLD HIM THAT.
HE RESTED A PLANK ON HIS SHOULDER
LIKE A BAYONET.
AND I NEARLY LAUGHED, THINKING,
IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE
WITH A SOLDIER ON THE OTHER SIDE?”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“He's so far buried in his own dogma and his own world of shoulds that he can't admit to himself that he's into dudes, that it's a piece of him, a perfect part of him, and it deserves admiration and respect and space the same way anything else about him does.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Maybe I'm crying because I'm terrified that he's come here to do more damage, to reactivate what I feel only to let me down easy again, missionary style.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Oh my God, Tanner! Do you really care what kind of underwear he’s got on? Let’s talk about your goddamn outline!”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“I’m open to falling in love with anyone. I’m happy to commit, but the specific parts don’t matter as much as the person.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“His voice is both low and quiet, and it has this hypnotic rhythm to it. I wonder whether someday he'll give sermons with that voice, whether he'll throw down judgement with that voice.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography