- Rob Delaney, who is from the US, opened up on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs
- Read More: 'I'd like to buy the house where my Henry died', says Rob Delaney
Rob Delaney has revealed that he was worried he wouldn't be able to love his fourth son - because his heart was 'destroyed' after losing his two-year-old child Henry to cancer in 2018.
The comedy star, 47, who is from Massachusetts but lives in north London, opened up about losing his little boy, depression, alcoholism and working alongside Carrie Fisher on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs with host Lauren Laverne.
In the candid interview Rob admitted he worried that he wouldn't be able to love Henry's younger brother after his death, saying his heart was 'torn to pieces'.
He said: 'I remember thinking, when he was about to be born, ''well my heart has been destroyed, it has been torn into pieces and destroyed, and it's just garbage, so I will take care of this kid, I will feed him, I will put him in clothing that fits, am I going to be able to love him? I don't know if I can do that anymore.''
'But the nanosecond he exited my wife's body, I looked at him and started weeping, and I was so in love with him...I love him desperately. But you have to feel and honour your pain. When the feelings come it's best to let them.'
Rob Delaney revealed he worried he wouldn't be able to love his fourth son because his heart was 'destroyed' after losing his two-year-old child Henry (pictured) to cancer
Eight years ago, Rob's one-year-old son Henry was diagnosed with a brain tumour and after undergoing surgery and intense treatment Henry died in 2018.
Before Henry died, his parents told him they were expecting another child.
He said: 'He had to know that this family that loved him was alive and was growing and that there was somebody that we were going to tell about him.
'We knew that they would not overlap corporally on this Earth, even though Henry's younger brother was born in the same room that Henry died in, our living room.'
Rob said he would like to spend his own last moments in that living room were he said goodbye to his child in 2018 and welcomed his fourth son later that year, but they no longer live in the home.
Rob, whose credits include Catastrophe and Deadpool 2, said: 'We don't live there anymore but when we moved out I asked the landlord, "Listen, if you are ever going to sell this place will you let me know first because I would like to buy it", so when I'm 81 I can crawl in here and die, in the same room that my son died in, that my other son was born in.'
In the emotional interview, the American-born star spoke about Henry's last few months.
He said: 'He did have a good death. His final months – we had four-and-a-half of them where we knew he was going to die – his brothers were just so into him.
The comedy star, 47, who is from Massachusetts but lives in north London , opened up about losing his little boy, depression, alcoholism and working alongside Carrie Fisher on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs with host Lauren Laverne. Pictured with his late son Henry
Rob previously shared on Instagram a photograph of his late son Henry sleeping, taken when he was only 15 months old and had just started chemotherapy
'They all loved each other so much… I watched a four and a six-year-old hold their brother's dead body, I watched them take unbelievable care of him and learn difficult things because he required really intense things to take care of him.
'I just hate thinking about them not having him. I really hate it.
'They talk about him all the time and they love him, and they smile when they talk about him and they love to look at pictures of him and he is very much part of our lives.'
Rob also revealed he still spoke to his 'funny and clever' son.
He said: 'I don't know what words to use, don't care. I talk to him. I don't know if he hears me. It doesn't matter... He is my son, I am his dad and I love him.'
Delaney said he and his wife Leah had been unable to leave London 'for so many reasons... one of which is I like to go put my hands on the slide at the playground that Henry slid down'.
'I like to see [the] nurses, periodically bump into them, that took care of him. So London is very important to me and London took very good care of him,' he added.
Elsewhere Rob opened up about his struggles with alcoholism, saying he had his first drink at just 12 years old.
Rob revealed his other sons still speak about their 'funny and clever' late brother (Henry as a baby)
Rob said 'London is very important to me and London took very good care of him', referencing the nurses who looked after Henry in his last months
In December 2018 Rob revealed his wife Leah had given birth to their 'magical' fourth son that August, seven months after Henry passed away
He said: 'Drinking made me feel better, happier, complete, relaxed, anytime I took a drink I thought "this is it". I first got drunk at 12, and then began to drink more regularly at 14. I had alcoholism on both sides of my family so then I got it too.'
The actor has had more than two decades of sobriety following a car crash in 2002 that prompted him to give up drinking.
Speaking about the accident, he said: 'It really got scary, at this point I'm drinking to alleviate the previous nights hangover and becoming more of a maintenance drinker.
'One night I passed out on a friends floor after a party and then in the middle of the night, I have no memory of this, I got up thought ''I should go for a drive'' and I did, and thank goodness nobody else was involved, but I did drive my car into a building, terrifying.
'I woke up being admitted to the hospital by multiple cops and there was an element of relief because I knew then I could no longer hide from people what my drinking resulted in.'
Rob was offered a stint in rehab instead of jail time and he has recently marked 22 years of sobriety.
The comedian admitted he suffered with depression after he stopped drinking which he sought treatment for.
He said: 'I started treatment for very serious depression. There was a very physical component to it, I would wake up, brush my teeth in the morning and when the toothbrush touched my tongue I would vomit, my libido disappeared, I can not sleep at all that was the worst part, my body really hurt and then mentally my brain was telling me to kill myself all the time.'
Rob described working with Carrie Fisher, when she played his mother in Catastrophe back in 2014, as 'beyond spectacular.'
He added: 'I remember being so nervous, like shaking with nerves when she first came on set, she did such a great job, she was the only person on the show that we let improvise and she done such a great job.
'We know she is funny and we know she is great but she was also so kind, she was a wonderful person to talk to about Henry and she knew all about him.
'She was very sensitive and thoughtful and she would hold my hand and ask me questions, and give me little presents for me and my kids.
'There is the Carrie Fisher that everyone knows from TV and movies that is incredibly funny, and in real life happy to report that she was such a beautiful presence and made everyone feel warm to be around.'
Desert Island Discs aired on BBC Radio 4 and is also available on BBC Sounds
