Humour Quotes
Quotes tagged as "humour"
Showing 61-90 of 7,729
![Friedrich Nietzsche](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1651474065i/1938._UX200_CR0,35,200,200_.jpg)
“Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar.”
―
―
![Oscar Wilde](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1673611182i/3565._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.”
― The Artist as Critic: Critical Writings of Oscar Wilde
― The Artist as Critic: Critical Writings of Oscar Wilde
![Mindy Kaling](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1440718587i/194416._UX200_CR0,43,200,200_.jpg)
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
― Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
― Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
![Douglas Adams](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1616277702i/4._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.”
― The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
― The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
![Douglas Adams](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1616277702i/4._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
![Oscar Wilde](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1673611182i/3565._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”
― The Critic As Artist: With Some Remarks on the Importance of Doing Nothing and Discussing Everything
― The Critic As Artist: With Some Remarks on the Importance of Doing Nothing and Discussing Everything
![Orson Scott Card](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1294099952i/589._UX200_CR0,39,200,200_.jpg)
“Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
―
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
―
![Bertrand Russell](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1457021442i/17854._UX200_CR0,27,200,200_.jpg)
“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.”
― New Hopes for a Changing World
― New Hopes for a Changing World
![Ilona Andrews](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1588103544i/21748._UX200_CR0,50,200,200_.jpg)
“Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'"
I stared at him, shocked.
The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after."
Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks.”
― Magic Burns
I stared at him, shocked.
The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after."
Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks.”
― Magic Burns
![Douglas Adams](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1616277702i/4._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
![George Orwell](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1588856560i/3706._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.”
― All Art is Propaganda: Critical Essays
― All Art is Propaganda: Critical Essays
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.”
―
―
![George Carlin](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1664917557i/22782._UY200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”
―
―
![Cassandra Clare](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1689347318i/150038._UX200_CR0,33,200,200_.jpg)
“While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way.”
― Clockwork Angel
― Clockwork Angel
![Douglas Adams](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1616277702i/4._UX200_CR0,15,200,200_.jpg)
“But the plans were on display…”
“On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.”
“That’s the display department.”
“With a flashlight.”
“Ah, well, the lights had probably gone.”
“So had the stairs.”
“But look, you found the notice, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” said Arthur, “yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.”
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.”
“That’s the display department.”
“With a flashlight.”
“Ah, well, the lights had probably gone.”
“So had the stairs.”
“But look, you found the notice, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” said Arthur, “yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.”
― The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
![Becca Fitzpatrick](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1390505291i/2876763._UX200_CR0,50,200,200_.jpg)
“What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.”
― Hush, Hush
― Hush, Hush
![Terry Pratchett](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1235562205i/1654._UX200_CR0,38,200,200_.jpg)
“Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...”
―
―
![Jess C. Scott](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1603737393i/2980674._UY200_CR1,0,200,200_.jpg)
“V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.”
― EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
― EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
![Simone Elkeles](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1350327003i/274533._UX200_CR0,33,200,200_.jpg)
“This is a team of gay dudes, isn't it?"
What gave it away? The pink shirts, or half our team drooling over you?”
― Rules of Attraction
What gave it away? The pink shirts, or half our team drooling over you?”
― Rules of Attraction
![Scott Lynch](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1332432746i/73149._UX200_CR0,40,200,200_.jpg)
“... It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it."
"Bug," Calo said, "Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.'"
"Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,'" added Galo.
"The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ..."
"... is Locke ..."
"... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ..."
"... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”
― The Lies of Locke Lamora
"Bug," Calo said, "Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.'"
"Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,'" added Galo.
"The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ..."
"... is Locke ..."
"... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ..."
"... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”
― The Lies of Locke Lamora
![Sophie Kinsella](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1245821549i/6160._UX200_CR0,37,200,200_.jpg)
“Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...”
―
―
![Ally Carter](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/authors/1421526957i/56224._UX200_CR0,23,200,200_.jpg)
“You really saw some?" Liz said an hour later. Sure, we had the stereo blaring and the shower running, but Liz still whispered, "They really...exist?"
"Liz," I whispered back, "they're not unicorns."
"No," Bex said flatly, "they're boys. And they're...good.”
― Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy
"Liz," I whispered back, "they're not unicorns."
"No," Bex said flatly, "they're boys. And they're...good.”
― Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy
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