This was my 1st Jackie Collins. And it was everything I thought it would be and more. It was horrible. Horrible to the point that it seemed like I was This was my 1st Jackie Collins. And it was everything I thought it would be and more. It was horrible. Horrible to the point that it seemed like I was reading a parody. Except parodies are usually funny and this one just made me kinda sick.
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The characters in this thing. Everyone was this Carrington Dynasty level of faux glamorous that I thought went out in the 80s. The dialogue was...I have no words for what I endured. Well, one word springs to mind. Torture. You don't need thumbscrews or bamboo under the fingernails. You could just play this audiobook and break someone's mind. There's a Madonna/Cheresque character who unironically refers to herself in the 3rd person. YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY.
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You know what? No. Just...no. I don't want to talk about this anymore with anyone but my therapist. However. This isn't my kind of book. And it wasn't something that I ever would have willingly picked out on my own, so take my opinions with a grain of salt if this genre is your jam.
Just kidding. If I had the option to give this less than one star, I would!
Buddy read with Alexander of the Peterhans. I will never forgive you for this....more
What a shitshow. And the more I think about it the more I dislike this one.
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I loved the premise, and I'm also a huge fan of these elderly detectiWhat a shitshow. And the more I think about it the more I dislike this one.
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I loved the premise, and I'm also a huge fan of these elderly detective stories. And this seemingly ticked off all the right boxes when I read the blurb. 77 year old Judith is living her best life in an inherited mansion, has a job she loves, and drinks like a fish. In fact, the opening sequence where she takes her evening skinny dip (also how she hears the murder taking place) was awesome. I loved that she was a loner who finds a group of women who are completely different from each other, and how they all learn how important it is to have girlfriends. And I loved that it was hinted at that she had some sort of delicious secret in her past that has something to do with a locked room and a dead husband.
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However, the murder mystery was utter shit. Judith is convinced she knows who the murderer was from the get-go because she thought they seemed shady, and then spends the rest of the book trying to prove they did it. (view spoiler)[Yup. They did it. What? Shouldn't there be a twist? Somewhere? And no, the fact that there were 3 of them was not a twist. That was just dumb. (hide spoiler)] I should probably mention that Judith designs crosswords. Why? Because it will be shoved down your throat throughout the book over and over as though it somehow means she's able to solve murders. It's ridiculous.
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And as much as I love books that promote healthy relationships between women, I equally despise books that think in order to do that you have to portray every man as a douchebag. Judith's husband was an abusive cheater. Beck's husband ignores her as a person and he and her children just expect her to do everything for them. (view spoiler)[At the end, when she is helping the police and her husband grabs her in the middle of it (even though they are in a hurry b/c Judith might be getting murdered at any moment) and declares that she's AMAZING, I thew up in my mouth at how cheesy that whole scene was. (hide spoiler)] Suzy's husband left her and she had to raise her children as a single mother. Judith's murdered neighbor turns out to be a thief and a cheat. Liz's husband is the only guy who seems nice (view spoiler)[ but he turns out to be one of the three killers. Obviously, Suzy misjudged Liz by thinking she was a bitch who killed her dog. It was her terrible husband who killed the dog and poor Liz was framed. (hide spoiler)] Suzy's friend the cab driver was a pretty nice guy, but he gets killed in the first few chapters. The policewoman's husband is a loser who spends his time trying to make it as DJ, hasn't made any money at it in a decade or so, and expects her to take care of the children. Her father is elderly and he and her brothers expect her to be the one to take care of him, including doing all of the repairs on his house. The lawyer they think is mixed up in everything is a sexist scuzzball that harasses Becks when she goes to his office. It's fucking overkill.
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The clues to the mystery make no sense. (view spoiler)[Why would Liz have written Rowing Dinner in her calendar? If that was the ONLY entry in her entire calendar, then she quite obviously didn't use her calendar at all. The only reason it was in there was PLOT. Supposedly she wrote her husband's rowing reunion dinner in her calendar because she was a good wife - once again men suck and women are so thoughtful, just in case you missed it - and that way she wouldn't book anything else for him for that night. What? IT IS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING IN THE CALENDAR. For that clue to make sense, there would have had to have been a calendar jam-packed full of things she didn't want to be mixed up with his rowing dinner! (hide spoiler)] There are so many things that didn't make sense in this book. (view spoiler)[At the end, Judith plans this (incredibly flawed) trap for one of the murderers because she knows he's going to come to her house to kill her. When he does, she tries to get him to monologue by confronting him with her knowledge of how the 3 of them committed the crimes. Each of them basically killed one person they had no reason to kill that the other wanted dead, while the other 2 get rock-solid alibis. Liz's husband is the one that comes to kill Judith. And even though he is standing in her living room pointing a gun at her he keeps acting confused and denying that he and the other 2 guys were part of a murder plot. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Dude, you are aiming a gun at a little old lady. Why are you getting all mad and trying to defend yourself from her accusations? (hide spoiler)] So. fucking. stupid.
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When the (female) dog saves someone's life at the end? NO. That whole sequence of events was impossible. (view spoiler)[ Suzy can't swim. But she jumps into a raging river during a terrible storm and tries to get to Judith. Naturally, she doesn't die like a normal human. Why? Because her Doberman Pinscher drags her to shore like a dolphin. Oh, and the dog also somehow understands her and goes to save Juith when she gets to the other side. (hide spoiler)] *head explodes*
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Oh, and remember that delicious secret about Judith? She wears a key around her neck that goes to a locked room in her mansion! (view spoiler)[Surprise! The room is full of newspapers. She has collected every newspaper and pamphlet and periodical and apparently anything else made of paper since her husband died a million years ago. Wow. The big reveal is that she's a hoarder. (hide spoiler)] But there's more! Supposedly her abusive husband fell off a boat by himself during a storm. But it's hinted at for the entire book that he died under more mysterious circumstances and Judith killed him. (view spoiler)[She did. Yes. At the end, she basically tells the girls that she shoved his ass off of that boat. Wait. What? So the thing you were hinting at WAS actually the thing that she did? Like...no twist to it at all? (hide spoiler)]
I was listening to the audiobook, so I didn't have the satisfaction of throwing the book across the room. This could have been such a cool book but it wasn't. Oh, and why does she wear that stupid cape everywhere? It's this little cloak that she loves, and she tosses it on and bikes around everywhere feeling like a superhero with this thing flapping behind her. I need more of a story behind this thing because, to be honest, it sounds like she looks ridiculous.
And why can't she drive a car? You can't say she's ballsy and cool but also that she never learned how to drive! It's fuckin weird. And I'm not reading any more of this damn series, that's for sure....more
Terrible nonsense plot that never got any better. And the dialogue is on par with something thaEasily the worst thing I've read in a long time.
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Terrible nonsense plot that never got any better. And the dialogue is on par with something that I would have expected to have come from a middle school creative writing project. The art worked, but only in the sense that it completely sold the gibberish angle of this thing. Blech. I expected a lot more from Cullen Bunn than whateverthehell this was....more
It seems as though most people thought this was an incredible story. I just thought it was a Mad Max story with superheroes. And to be very honest, I'It seems as though most people thought this was an incredible story. I just thought it was a Mad Max story with superheroes. And to be very honest, I've never really liked Mad Max. No offense to fans of it, but I don't tend to like post-apocalyptic stories that have a bunch of grubby people with weird haircuts fighting over resources. I do realize that there are a lot of folks out there that really dig this setting, and this comic will probably be spot-on for them.
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Right off the bat, I thought the art was off-putting. I was hoping (for once) that the cover art would be different from the stuff inside because scratchy little lines all over shit just aren't my visual jam. It wasn't so bad that it ruined my reading experience, though.
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The reading experience did that all by itself. Sorry, but I just thought the story was incredibly meh. I didn't hate-hate it, but I'm sure as shit not reading any more of it. To be very honest, I just didn't like this incarnation of Wonder Woman at all. The explanation for the state of the world was weird, and several things seemed completely out of character for Diana. The humans huddled together were (to me) a very throwaway group that I didn't care about at all. And the battle at the end wasn't very gripping. It felt like every other story I've ever read about how our warmongering and pollution will eventually end us. Which I totally agree with, but I think I've just read this same story too many times for it to be compelling.
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Now, the lettering? That was cool. The way the letters bled and blended into each other to make a word was awesome. Loved it. Loved. it.
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I guess this just wasn't for me, but it has a lot of glowing reviews so it may be for you....more
I didn't like it at all, but I'm in the minority so check out all of the glowing reviews.
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This one was just really weird and hard for me to geI didn't like it at all, but I'm in the minority so check out all of the glowing reviews.
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This one was just really weird and hard for me to get through. It may be because I'm not an angry youth anymore, and (with the exception of Samantha) a lot of their problems seemed like shit everyone goes through in one way or another. Ranty teenage angst. Blech Samantha and Vern were likable, though.
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My biggest problem was that the plot was just so out there. Some reality-warping alien baby attaches itself to 3 random kids in the woods because this is how they do the 'growing up' thing on planet Noneeverfindsout. What? This is a terrible idea, sir. And this can't be the only time where the alien baby got used for bad things and then the life form it attached itself to wouldn't let it go.
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Anyway. I didn't find this enjoyable. BUT! All of my friends loved this one, so there's a good chance I'm just an old fart....more
China Rich Girlfriend should have been 100 pages long.
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No lie, this is basically a short story that has almost 300 pages of filler. NONSENSE FILChina Rich Girlfriend should have been 100 pages long.
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No lie, this is basically a short story that has almost 300 pages of filler. NONSENSE FILLER. For example, no one can enter a room without Kwan describing in agonizing detail everything about what they are wearing. And not just a normal description of their clothes, oh no. The color and texture of the fabric, where the fabric was bought by the designer, where the designer grew up, and what the designer's nana fed them for breakfast when they were 3! And speaking of what they ate? Ohmyfuckinggod. With as much and as often as they ate? In real life, these characters would be unable to leave their homes without the help of firefighters and a crane. Every day, all day long, it seems as though they are stuffing their faces with the most delicious{insert random food here} before jetting off on a plane to shovel MORE food into their mouths. Hand on a Bible, I gained 5 lbs just listening to what they ate! Possibly the only other times I've read more about cuisine was when I opened a mother. fucking. cookbook.
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Now, there were several interesting stories happening among the characters - really! Although, I found the (view spoiler)[ poisoning (hide spoiler)] thing at the end to be unbelievably ridiculous and completely out of the blue. But the problem is that you have to wade through an assload of bullshit to get to any of the actual plots. It's as though Robin Leach decided to write a book.
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Come on, I can't be the only one who remembers that pompous show, can I? It was complete grandma porn. A closet that rotates & a gold plated toilet?! And every blue-haired lady across the nation with a television would cream their pants. Ugh.
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I'm genuinely interested in seeing how it all pans out in the third installment, but if I weren't using an audiobook, I would have DNF'd this thing just due to how incredibly tedious it was to slog through. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to scan this nonsense with my eyeballs, because it's hard enough to listen to the narrator drone on and on and on and on with all the footnotes about different places to eat, who's ancestor bought what property, the value of rare gemstones & art, and what famous seamstress sewed crystalized caviar onto a vintage 1920's dress. I'm not a strong person and Kwan almost broke me this time around. I am going to finish this trilogy out, though.
Recommended if you like to read about art, cars, watches, jewelry, real estate, couture, banking, purses, tea, hotels, and of course, food. ...more
This is basically masturbatory fanfiction in all its cringy glory. Not that there's anything wrong with that... But it isn't what I expected when I borThis is basically masturbatory fanfiction in all its cringy glory. Not that there's anything wrong with that... But it isn't what I expected when I borrowed this one from my library. However, if you are aware of it going in, you may fare better than I did with this one.
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Now, I knew there were going to be parallels. Because...duh! I mean, I was reading this specifically for that reason. The idea that there could be another Sherlock Holmesesque character really appealed to me. A daughter? Whooo-hoo! And not only Sherly's offspring but Irene Adler's as well?
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Warning: don't go into it expecting a steamy Holmes/Adler secret love story.
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You will be SORELY disappointed.
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Of course, Dr. Watson has a son - Dr. John Watson Jr. And he and Joanna make moon eyes at each other because we've needed a Holmes/Watson love affair since Doyle wrote the original stories. <--I heartily approved of this.
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However. The problems stemmed from the daunting amount of overkill that came along with too much of a good thing. Sherlock & Irene had a secret daughter who has the combined intelligence and craftiness of her biological parents, making her a better detective than her father.
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And (thanks to the infusion of Adler's genes) she is without Holmes grating lack of social graces. Plus, she's beautiful. Oh, and her (super intelligent) son looks exactly like a young Sherlock Holmes.
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Remember the bloodhound, Toby? Well, he's dead. <--because dogs die eventually But the offspring of Toby (Toby 2.0!) is even better.
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Everyone - everyone - in the story is the child of one of Doyle's original characters. In fact, I'm pretty sure the guy delivering the packages in this book to 221B Baker Street is the son of the guy who delivered packages to Sherlock when he and Watson were roommates, and the woman selling flowers on the corner was probably the daughter of the woman selling flowers when Dr. John Watson Sr was courting Dr. John Watson Jr's mother.
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This means that not so shockingly even the bad guy is the descendant of one of Holmes' bad guys.
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The plot was even too much like a Sherlock plot if that makes sense? I mean, back in the day, you could get away with the whole people are born bad because their ancestor was evil, but that sort of thing just sounds stupid now. Yes, it is a Sherlockish theory - but not EVERYTHING in the whole damn book needed to match up to the old stuff. I could only (personally) take so much before the story felt like fanfic written by an obsessed 12 year old.
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I listened to the audiobook version, and the plot worked as a decent time suck. So. It wasn't a total wash for me. And there were times that I thought something was cool. But none of it made up for the overall bombardment of old characters with slightly new DNA....more
I thought the 1st issue was a very cool start to some sort of an edgy Batman story. But I'm a big enough person to admit that I was way off base with I thought the 1st issue was a very cool start to some sort of an edgy Batman story. But I'm a big enough person to admit that I was way off base with that prediction.
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This was a nonsensical bullshit comic with (and I can't stress this enough) terrible lettering that made reading it next to impossible.
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Here's how little I understood/liked this: My son asked me what it was about and I ended up looking around online (Wikipedia mostly) for some help, reading that stuff, and then trying to explain the comic I'd just read. Or thought I'd read. I wasn't really sure. And it just made me feel like a dumbass. Ugh.
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Ok, so if you like those metaphorical, choose your own ending, trippy kind of comics that (to me) seemed aimed toward pretentious readers who like to think books should be studied and dissected, instead of enjoyed? Well. You know who you are, and this comic is for you.
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What the FUCK was Enchantress doing in this? And no, I'm not asking why was she in Batman's comic, because I like her and enjoy it when authors play mix and match with characters that don't normally seem to fit. I mean that I do not get what the hell she ACTUALLY did to Bruce. Was she even really there? Did any of this happen? I know it was some sort of Elseworlds story, but even so, it was too whacked out for me. I hate...hate...stories like this. I cannot. Between the oddball hallucinations, symbolism that I didn't understand, and straining to make out the letters because someone used a ghost pencil, I ended up with a scrunched up face that looked like a frustrated toddler. Which is probably what I sound like right now.
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Beautiful art, though. But ohmygod this story was garbage. Ok. No. That's maybe not fair. It's not garbage, it's just not something that I personally liked.
Also, (view spoiler)[fuck that psychotic clown. Batman should have let his pasty ass drown. Kick Joker in the face and toss him off the bridge and an angel gets his wings. But Bruce dying so that his soul wouldn't be burdened by murdering someone (who is going to kill lots and lots of innocent people as soon as they patch him up) is beyond ridiculous. The world is better off. (hide spoiler)]...more
This was recommended to me by a friend on Goodreads because we were having a conversation about horribly cringy comics that you can't believe ever madThis was recommended to me by a friend on Goodreads because we were having a conversation about horribly cringy comics that you can't believe ever made it to print. I thought Avengers #200 was the pinnacle of stupid. I may have been wrong...
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This? This was one of those attempts to be good that just went terribly awry. I mean, I get that they were trying to shine a light on racism, but...oof! You were black for a few hours, Lois! <--get the fuck out of here with your understanding. I honestly wouldn't know a thing about what it means to be non-white, so I won't bother to pretend I do. But even as a vanilla popsicle, I can see that not being able to get a cab or having a few people look at me funny isn't going to give me a massive insight into anyone else's life. And at the end? We all share the same blood! Yay! Do you laugh or cry that someone felt that needed to be pointed out?
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It's definitely a product of its time, and for that reason alone it's worth the read. Also, unintentionally hilarious!
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I think this could be a drinking game. Take a shot every time you read something that makes your face spasm into this:
What in the hell was this? I don't... It just... I'm at a loss for words as to exactly how awful this turd was on multiple levels.
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Ok, as an examplWhat in the hell was this? I don't... It just... I'm at a loss for words as to exactly how awful this turd was on multiple levels.
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Ok, as an example of how randomly horrible this thing was, one part of the story is that Damian Wayne has a fit and decides he's going to start going by Ian now. Why? Wah! I'm IAN now! *stomp stomp* What the shit am I even reading?
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And the random characters? Tilly? Who the fuck is Tilly?! Not to mention that neither Jon nor Ian Damian act even remotely like themselves. Ok, and yes, I did read the introduction where Pearson said that he kind of had no idea who these kids were but DC told him to just go for it and write the story he wanted to write. But I thought: Surely he's exaggerating, DC wouldn't be so stupid.
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Another example of weird and unnecessary changes? Damian's outfit. Holy hell, did this kid look ridiculous. Again, whyyyyyy would you change a cool outfit into a bike helmet and knee pads?! It makes no sense.
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I'll give Pearson this, it really was his take on these characters. This has nothing to do with anything remotely connected to Superboy or Robin, and certainly, nothing to do with the other (far superior) Super Sons comic.
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But even as some sort of f-ed up Elseworlds tale, this wasn't a good story or fun to read. I'm not sure who I would recommend this to or what audience might enjoy it. My kids wouldn't touch it and it was too cheesy for me. I definitely wouldn't recommend it for kids who are wanting to get into comics - it might ruin it for them. Swerve to avoid!...more
Goofy plot, terrible puns, and far too much dialogue for something that boils down to the antidote for laughter. An issue or 2 in, I recognized the stoGoofy plot, terrible puns, and far too much dialogue for something that boils down to the antidote for laughter. An issue or 2 in, I recognized the story as something I'd DNF'd before but I figured I might as well be done with it or I'd probably grab it again on accident. shudder
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Archer & Armstrong team up with Quantum and Woody to go on an incredibly tedious Hobo Adventure. Armstrong (who is immortal, btw) was handed the keys to the Hobo kingdom many years prior, in the form of a map made of tattooed butt skin. Quantum and Woody are hired by an Organic Guru, whose corporation made a small army of thugs who are part cow and part plant, to find the Hobo Treasure. Hijinks ensue.
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Oh god. This was a complete slog. I just want to forget this cornball comic and move on with my day. Save yourself and skip this....more
This is the sequel to The Lost Boys that nobody asked for. Because I kind of doubt that anyone excitedly asked Tim Seeley to please take a piss on theiThis is the sequel to The Lost Boys that nobody asked for. Because I kind of doubt that anyone excitedly asked Tim Seeley to please take a piss on their favorite childhood memory.
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In truth, I almost DNF'd this about 1/3 of the way through but decided to plow on for reasons unknown. Probably due to my undying love of the movie.
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It's a Lost Boys graphic novel! How could something that sounds like such a good idea be so terrible? Well, you could start with terrible artwork and finish with a terrible storyline. Ta-da!
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How about we kill off grandpa, make Star a traitor, come up with some half-cocked vampire Illuminati storyline, and make the sax player an oiled-up vampire hunter with some weird religious mania?
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That sounds fabulous. Let's do that.
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Bad. This was bad. It was a free Hoopla Bonus Borrow and I still wish I could take it back....more
This was what I wanted to do every time Stanton opened his idiot mouth...
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Don't get me wrong, I normally love a snarky jackass (married one!), bThis was what I wanted to do every time Stanton opened his idiot mouth...
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Don't get me wrong, I normally love a snarky jackass (married one!), but this guy was not endearing in any way to me. He was horrible. HORRIBLE. I can't even...horrible! And maybe he didn't mean to be such a douchebag, but if that was the case then he's got to be one of the stupidest people on the face of the earth...and I still want to slap the shit out of him.
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So the gist is that when Stanton was in his senior year of high school he got his girlfriend, Jenny, pregnant. He loved her and was willing to stay in Mississippi and get married, but she sent him off to college to go after his dreams - while she raised their daughter. Now, it was her idea that they have an open relationship, but at the same time they decided that their hearts would always belong to each other, he would visit as often as he could, and they would eventually get married.
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Fast forward 10 years and Stanton is an attorney in DC, living the life of a wild bachelor and enjoying a steamy Friends With Benefits relationship with his hot co-worker, Sofia.
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But everyone, including Sofia, knows that Jenny is the love of his life. So when he learns that Jenny is planning to get married he hops in a car (with Sofia in tow as his advisor) and rushes off to stop the wedding. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Ok. Ok. Maybe that sounds like a man who is just confused by life or something, but it grated on my nerves that this fucktard thought Jenny was just going to forever be content to wait for him to get done with whatever he felt he needed to do! Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?! And Sofia was just as bad! Sweet baby Jesus, she was actually helping the man she loved try to win over the woman (he thought) he loved while...wait for it, wait for it...still sucking his dick! Ahhhhhhh!
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If he thought he loved Jenny then he would have immediately stopped trying to fuck Sofia. The End. There was honestly no justification for their sexcapades after he decided to go home and win his first love back. NONE. I could have forgiven him for all the screwing around he did before because they had agreed on that sort of relationship. But after? Go fuck yourself, you prick!
Emma Chase is a fantastic romance writer, and this was (while annoying) an easy book to fly through because of that incredible talent. Because of that I can't bring myself to one star this book. I'd say Chase's real forte is creating selfish/narcissistic a-holes that I can't help but fall in love with. Except Stanton. I hate Stanton. Oh. My. God. I hate Stanton!...more
What was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it harWhat was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it hard to imagine why. I just don't even...what was this?! There are so many cockamamie storylines going on in New Romancer that it felt like trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup. Except instead of letters, there's little noodles made of madness floating around! MADNESS, I SAY!
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Lord Byron's consciousness has somehow been downloaded into an A.I. body by a 20something named Lexi, who during her lonely teenage years fell in love with his poems. <--That does NOT even scratch the surface of the insanity that is New Romancer. But I can't really explain all the nonsense that happens without giving spoilers, so: SPOILERS AHEAD!
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I'm not a fan of poetry. <--shocking, I know! And I'm not a big history buff. I mean, I'm aware of the basics, but if you asked me who was a big deal in the early 1800's, I'd be really hard-pressed to give you anything other than a blank stare. All the space in my brain that would normally hold this sort of information has already been allocated for stories about people who get bit by radioactive spiders. Sorry, my kindhearted and intelligent friends, I got no room for shit that rhymes. What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to write a story about bringing a historical figure back from the dead, especially one who writes poetry? Well, let's just say it had better be hella good to keep my interest. This? Not good. Not good at all.
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Alright. So this girl works for a smalltime online dating site/app, and they've hired her to come up with a program that matches people up (somehow?) by using a bunch of dead romance/poetry writers...ideas? Or something. It's harebrained! She's stolen some sort of tech (not explained very well) from her ex-employer (they are EVIL, btw), and has used it to (again, not explained how) connect to/reanimate/clone the consciousness of her crush, Lord Byron. And for some reason, others, including Giacomo Casanova & Mati Hari. LIGHTNING STRIKES! And all these people come to life. Because? BECAUSE!
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Now, Casanova is evidently a Jokeresque serial killer who's out to get both Byron and Lexi. Oh, I forgot to mention that Casanova steals life forces like a vampire. Just...sucks it right out of your mouth! And he has darts (love darts) that make you his slave. Yup. His minions shoot people with f-ed up love darts.
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Mati Hari is a bit unhinged as well, and proceeds to kidnap Lexi's dad in order to force Lexi to bring her dead lover back to life. But then she falls for Daddy after she sucks cactus poison from his chubby titty. Whut?! They get married after her dad gets his prison sentence overturned with new evidence. Did I forget to mention her dad broke out of prison to tell Lexi that he and her mother had fucked with her in the embryonic stage so she'd be super smart? Well, he did. Plus, you know...her dad experimented on her. Like loving parents do. But, hey, it looks like everyone is getting a happy ending!
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Honestly, I can't for the life of me figure out why Lexi had a crush on this Byron guy. He was gross! And if she didn't know any of the gross stuff ahead of time, maybe I could see it, but she did! I thought it was bad enough when she was talking about how he abandoned his infant daughter. Like, that's a MASSIVE turnoff. Ew. You're scummy! You know that guy who never wrote anything legible in his life, but stuck around for his kid? <--he's worth 100 Byrons. Then she brings up how he fucked his sister. Dude fucked his sister? What the What?! And he's gimping around on a jacked-up foot! Are you seriously crushing on that?! OhMyFuckinGodDon'tBeRidiculous!
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Ok. Somewhere in the middle of all that bullshit, my head exploded. This story is held together with cheap masking tape and retarded nonsense. Ugh. Easily one of the stupidest things I've read this year....more
I really hated this, but it looks like I'm in the minority. I just...I don't get it. To me, this wasn't the least bit funny, wasn't the least bit entertI really hated this, but it looks like I'm in the minority. I just...I don't get it. To me, this wasn't the least bit funny, wasn't the least bit entertaining, and didn't have anything remotely resembling characters that I even gave a partial shit about. Corny as fuck.
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I had picked it up several times, tried to get into it, and ended up putting it down so that I could go do something more fun...like laundry. I finally decided to force my way through it after flipping toward the end and seeing a story and some art that looked interesting on the last few pages. Ehhhh. It wasn't (to me) worth it to read about the origins of the characters that (as I mentioned above) I couldn't give any shits about at this point.
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Here's the deal: Did you like the movie? Because, if so, then you'll be happy that Katana, Enchantress, and Rick Flag are all part of the Squad now. Yay.
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I'm not putting anyone down for liking it, but I'm not coming back for more of this....more
In theory I like Squirrel Girl. She's cute, spunky, unbeatable, etc.. The reality? I just don't think I'll ever be a huge fan of this title.
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I fIn theory I like Squirrel Girl. She's cute, spunky, unbeatable, etc.. The reality? I just don't think I'll ever be a huge fan of this title.
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I felt like maybe I was starting to really like this volume till I started hitting the halfway mark, and then something inside me snapped. One minute it seemed all quirky and fun, and the next it was just too much! Too much mind-numbing dialogue crammed everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Like, there is literally no where else to put any more words, because all of the blank spots are taken! Then, because evidently there needs to be more words, there's little inside jokes, puns, extra added sass, whatever...at the bottom of the page. It was felt (to me) almost like the writer was trying to be too clever? And, yes, 50% of it is soooo cute/funny/quirky/adorable/spunky. But sifting through all the nonsense wore me out. And the story was mainly nonsense. There's quite literally nothing about any of these stories that need to told.
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BUT. I fully understand that that's part of the reason this title has so many fans. It's just one of those things that you either enjoy...or don't. By the last few issues I was basically forcing my eyes across the page, and just skimming in earnest. I wanted it to be over with, but I'd come too far - sifted through too much shit, read too many goofy puns - just to give up. And goddamnit, I reached that finish line! The reward? The last issue in this volume was a crossover with Howard the Duck, which meant I didn't have to look at that fugly art anymore. Because even though the word-diarrhea hurt my brain, the art made me want to claw my eyes out.
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I wanted to like this. EVERYONE likes this! I don't know? Squirrel Girl, it's not you, it's me......more
2023 Like probably most of you, I hate to DNF a book. It kills something in a my soul a little. But I just really couldn't go on any further with this 2023 Like probably most of you, I hate to DNF a book. It kills something in a my soul a little. But I just really couldn't go on any further with this story back in 2017.
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Recently, I listened to a really interesting lecture, King Arthur: History and Legend, and the professor mentioned this and said how much she loved it. So, I decided I'd try it out as an audiobook and see if that made a difference. The short answer is YES and NO.
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Yes, I finished it this time around. No, I still did not enjoy this book. I guess I'll have to read something else by him in order to see if it's just this particular book, or if it's Twain's writing style that doesn't appeal to me. Because I was aware that there were clever jokes in this, but none of them made me laugh. But at least I can say I read the whole thing. And don't have to wonder whether or not the story came together in some amazing way that if I'd just hung in there till the end I would have seen why everyone else loved this one.
I just came to the realization a few minutes ago that I'm a grown-ass woman who doesn't have to read boring shit. And this? This was some boring shit. I'll be the first to admit that classics aren't always a hit with me, but A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court looked, on the surface, fun enough to be readable. BZZZZT!
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Ok, for example: This woman (whatshername) is reading a reallyreallyreally dull account of some fight between knights. But instead of just SAYING, "Whatshername reads a really dull account of some fight between knights.", Twain writes out PAGES and PAGES of a really fucking dull fight between knights and forces us to read the goddamn thing! Fuck you, Mark Twain! FUCK YOU!
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So what was this about? Fuck all if I know. All I got out of it (and I read over half) was that Twain hates the Catholic church, and thought people in the middle ages were stinky idiots.
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Oh, but Anne! What about Twain's trademark humor? Where was the funny?! Show it to me! Show me the funny! You can't, because it's NOT there! In fact, this book is like some weird black hole that literally sucks the happiness out of you. Have you been bitten by a good story lately? Well, here! This...this is the antidote to a good book.
I started this at the end of January and it's now April. I'm calling it. Time of death: 8:41 a.m. 4/5/17
HOLY FUCK THIS WAS BAD! I'm not even sure the word bad does it justice. I started reading this thinking it was a new comic, published in 2016, then aftHOLY FUCK THIS WAS BAD! I'm not even sure the word bad does it justice. I started reading this thinking it was a new comic, published in 2016, then after a few pages I assumed it was something from the 80's that was reprinted in 2016. So I read the whole fucking thing trying to keep in mind this was an older comic.
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BUT IT ISN'T! When I finished, I started poking around to see where the hell this particular story fit into Superman's timeline. That's when I realized this was actually written/published in 2016, and this was just an unbelievably ridiculous story!
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Not sure what the hell this was supposed to be, where this takes place, or why anyone thought it was a good idea to start with, but I'm sure there are people that will like it. Personally? I can't believe I wasted an hour of my day with this garbage. Dumb plot, corny dialogue, and weird art. PASS!
If I wanted to hear preachy shit, I'd find a church. This was horrible. Horrible. And the longer it went on, the more ridiculous it got. I'm actually If I wanted to hear preachy shit, I'd find a church. This was horrible. Horrible. And the longer it went on, the more ridiculous it got. I'm actually sorry that I finished this title out. You'd think it would have been enough to turn Ollie into a werewolf (I only wish I were kidding), but noooooo. Why not trot out every tired cliché in the book?
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Ok, when we first see Ollie, he's still tangled up in the sheets while Melanie (from the last volume) is pulling on her clothes & getting ready to leave.
Ollie:Stay the night Melanie. I'll make you waffles. I'll kiss you with my nasty morning breath. Melanie: That sounds like something two people would do if they're serious about each other, pretending to be married, seeing how it goes. Ollie:But...Waffles... Melanie:That was fun, Ollie, but let's face it: you're rich, you're hot, you're white, you're male. You've got a huge... Ollie: Apartment? Melanie: You're not real. You're not someone anyone can relate to.
Um. Yeah. So, basically what Melanie is saying is this: Due to your race, gender, outward appearance, and socioeconomic status...I'm outta here. But he doesn't call her out on that. Instead, he feels guilty over said things, and only starts to understand how it feels to be an outsider once he gets infected with the werewolf virus. Oh my god. Can't believe I just typed that sentence.
Alright. Ollie is privileged, and that's part of what makes Green Arrow a cool concept. How does someone who comes from wealth not only relate to, but become a social justice warrior? But the way to introduce those concepts isn't by randomly tossing out the words rich, white, hot, male. Because in this context, it simply doesn't make sense. He's offering to cuddle and make her waffles, he isn't telling her not to overreact to her handsy, racist boss. Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't discuss the differences between backgrounds, or how they shape individual worldview. It's important to shine a light in dark corners. But I think it's equally important to not run around annoyingly flashing random strangers in the eyes with that light. Because everyone likes the kind of light that illuminates, but nobody likes the bratty kid with a Maglite. And, to me, this book was that obnoxious kid.
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Want more? Guess who the bad guys are? Christian KKK members. Bahahahahahahaha! I'm an atheist (and I would hope it goes without saying, anti-KKK), so I should probably be excited by the choice of villains, right? No. Because, in all honesty, that's fucking laughable. At one of their meetings, they even have what looks to be someone nailed to a cross. WTF? Could that be more insulting to Jesbus crowd? Ok. Tolerance is a big deal. Probably now more than ever, amirite? So, would it be possible to extend that tolerance to people that we don't necessarily agree with? Like, say...conservative Christians? Or is tolerance just a word we like to spew while we tell people that their ideology is wrong? Although, mocking an entire chunk of the population, telling them that they're a bunch of hillbilly fucktards without any real intelligence, and marginalizing their concerns with sick Tweets and epic editorial burns...? Yeah. That's worked out great for everyone so far! Pfft. Whatever. *steps off of soapbox*
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Ok, as I mentioned, Ollie is a werewolf. Well, they call it Lukos, but that loosely translates into you're a fucking werewolf now. The infection served a dual purpose in the storyline. First, he's now part of a group of hated/feared/misunderstood individuals, so he gets some street cred for being part of a minority. Plus, he now understands the little person. You know, now that he's a WEREWOLF. *rolls eyes* Second, he decides not to seek treatment for the infection, because he likes being an unmediated Lukos...person. It's like a drug, and he loses himself to the feeling of heightened senses and general wolfyness. So, now he's an addict on top of everything else. OMG! #relatable
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The story gets more convoluted with a trip to Africa to find Doctor Miracle, a run in with Deathstroke (who's now a bit philosophical), a fight with some vampire dude? who wants to drain Doctor Miracle dry (for vampirey REASONS), and ending with a street fight between the evil werewolves and evil KKKers.
I was slightly underwhelmed. No, just kidding. I fucking hated it.
Like all the rest of these last/tie-up volumes, this one has the (surprisingly good) Green Arrow: Rebirth #1 issue included at the end. I wish I had just skipped this mess and only read Rebirth, because it's going to take a loooong time to get the bad taste of this pile of shit out my mouth....more
What the fuck even happened here? There was literally no coherent story. None. This was just gibberish and nonsense with gorgeous artwork!
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I don'What the fuck even happened here? There was literally no coherent story. None. This was just gibberish and nonsense with gorgeous artwork!
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I don't even know what to say about this one... Look! Pretty pictures! [image] Ok, to be fair, there was a story. But it never went anywhere sane. And the ending?
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The only reason to read this (if you aren't high) is to look at Darwyn Cooke's art. Seriously. [image]
If you really want to know what happens: (view spoiler)[Orbs show up, then disappear, then a woman shows up, then (maybe) FBI agents show up, a woman is cheating on her husband, then tries to cheat more, then the husband and boyfriend (sorta) team up to kill the new scientist guy she's cheating with, and maybe some of these people are aliens, and some kids go blind, then they can see, then they are blind, there is an old man on the beach who (maybe) saw something years ago but his family is dead so he's just nutty now, and the sheriff wanders around the town, and then the woman who showed up goes to the beach and stares at the orb, and then the orb blows up, and some of the people (maybe aliens?) disappear, and the cheating woman settles down with the sheriff. (hide spoiler)] Yeah....more
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